LongLostSoul Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Hi guys.. right so I am having to face MOW tomorrow. Days earlier than I expected. I have not seen her - face to face- since the night she told me she actually loved someone else. I have spoken to her a few times via IM online; always her appproaching me. But now a friend has organised a lunch for his birthday and me and her have both said we'd go. She has now also offered to come and pick me up, as otherwise it leaves me having to travel on the bus and then having to walk. suddenly I feel so much weaker than I did when she first told me all the things she said. I have managed with her chatting to me. I have not even wished to approach her myself. I am listening to positive songs like Jo Dee Messina and Taylor Swift. And now, tomorrow... I don't know if I can do it without hurting and wanting to just run away or stay with her and just blow everything to hell. My gf have had a beautiful weekend and for the first time in ages we had brilliant sex as well... God..I just want tomorrow to be over. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereToGoFromHere Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I think we all want tomorrow to be over. Hang in there, you'll get through it. Keep focusing on this weekend and maybe try and figure out what made it beautiful. Then see if there's a way to make more beautiful weekends in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I'm feeling just the same. I may have to face xMM tomorrow. The last I heard was from his W so don't even know what he feels, if anything. 17 days now NC and for the 1st time in 2yrs he's stuck to it. I'm shaking with nerves just thinking about it!! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
crystal_lostheart Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 At ALL costs, I will avoid seeing my xMM now. It's not worth the pain. I even left my 'hobbie' job I had at his company to stop seeing him. Now I just work my normal job (which I'm on holidays from at the moment - thank goodness b/c I have been going through hell trying to stay away from him - emotionally I am a wreck at the moment). My advice - to move on - stay right away. That's what I am trying to do anyway and I even told him that - 'stay away from me, so I can move on' Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 Wow....for whatever it is worth, my heart goes out to all of you guys....I remember when I worked with exMM...I would break it off and he would chase me down, professing undying love and I would hold off for awhile, although he knew what buttons to push and basically he had me well trained I guess you could say...always hoping he would make a real commitment. Now I am in NC again and he has been calling my phones relentlessly professing real commitment, but I don't believe him. He went to my daughters house and has everyone there feeling sorry for him. I don't trust him and have very good reason not to. Hang in there you guys and I for real will have you all in my thoughts.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LongLostSoul Posted January 4, 2010 Author Share Posted January 4, 2010 I am unable to go NC with my MOW as we work together, as duo in a team of 5 (the team consists of two duo's who mainly work together or with one of the others on some days and teamleader). Even if I'd ask to have myself transfered onto another team (which no one will understand and will only lead to uncomfortable questions) I still cannot avoid her as we also hang out in the same group of friends and still have events coming up where we both will be attending. I suppose I will have to be strong. An hour to go before she knocks on my door to pick me up.... Link to post Share on other sites
her_halo_slipped Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 LLS.....it's not good to wish your life away on this MOW. Cherish each day as it comes and focus on yourself and your own happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LongLostSoul Posted January 4, 2010 Author Share Posted January 4, 2010 Okay.... so this wasn't as bas as I had thought it to be. She turned up at my house ten minutes early so I let her in instead of getting in her car straight away. We walked up to the shops as she had forgot to buy something and the paths are still snowy and icy and ofcourse me - wearing my very cool black boots- slipped several times and she had to catch me. The last slip resulted in me landing on one knee... Great... On the way to the pub she was driving and called her husband every name under the sun. In the pub there were four of us and we just talked and laughed; me, her and 2 friends (whom we work with) I noticed how she never responded to the subject of my upcoming wedding and the arrangments for my party etc.. But she was happy to chat about gigs and bands me and her are going to see, with friends... Her foot was constantly tapping against table and constantly near mine.. I kept moving mine. We sat at a round table by the fire and as I was last to arrive at the table my other friends had left only the seat next to her... figures... She dropped me back home and we said goodbye. I'll see her again on Friday when the same group as today goes out together. I didn't feel bad being around her. But I did feel weak, strangely enough. I kept noticing little things about her.. things she did, said or how she looked. Now I am home. Alone. Listening to my music and getting on with day to day stuff. I put a load of washing in and am thinking about what to cook tonight. And now I am sitting down, writing this and I realize that I dont feel that different. She is on my mind but not as desperate as before. I am thinking about her but not as much as I used to. If she told me the truth and she is indeed in love with that other guy, it has certainly changed my way I look at her. And yet, the way she behaved today I can't help but question her statement. Especially because when she told me that night it was a drama and she felt terrible and now she suddenly says (yesterday, online) "not worth dwelling over it" and she acts like she never confessed to it at all. Ah well... I am pretty happy with how today turned out. It sounds bad but I wonder how long it will be before she pops up on the chat.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LongLostSoul Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 So she waited till last night to talk to me. (Its 5.10 am now and I am pulling a nightshift). Half an hour before I went to work. We talked about the snow. Friday night we are going out. I am gonna get drunk. I need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LongLostSoul Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 This is becoming more and more painful. I am at work, after having been called in. MOW is here, all night, for a nightshift. I will be going to bed in two hours, leaving her to wake me if something happens. Unforseen circumstances have brought us in each others company twice this week.. When I didnt want it. The silence is painful. Its so hard. Sitting here, together. Its confronting and neither of us says anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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