Jump to content

Seeing xMM face to face....


Recommended Posts

so its been 16 days of NC, the longest we've ever done.

 

If I'm honest I didn't think xMM could do it, he never has before but then again his W has never known before.

 

I'm not sure if I'm sad because he hasn't contacted me or sad because deep down I always knew if he had to make a choice I always knew I'd loose.

 

I do love him and always will and have always said I want him to be happy whether that happiness was with me or his W and I truly mean that, even though it breaks my heart he's not with me.

 

I do feel sorry for myself, (even though I'm trying not to) but I also know he has made a choice and I have to learn to live with that.

 

I know in my heart I could of made him so happy and could of given him the life he deserved. Maybe its the lies he's told me over the last 2yrs but I truly believe he's just 'doing the right thing' right now and he will never be truly happy and that breaks my heart even more.

 

I won't contact him because he needs to do this and I know he won't contact me because his W has told him I will tell her if he does (not sure I would) but it is driving me in sane not knowing how he is feeling.

 

I've read so many different things on here about WS doing 'the right thing' on DDay in panic and others that have said they truly realised how the A was a mistake, I just wish I knew which he had done.

 

I am so worried about going back to work.

 

If I knew he had decided the A was a mistake and he truly wanted to be with his W then I could put the walls up and just be hard and act like I don't care(I know that is what he'll expect me to do) but if I do that and he is just doing 'the right thing' then I know it will break his heart and I really can't do that to him.

 

This is so hard, I just want to do the right thing but i'm going through hell to know what that is.

Link to post
Share on other sites

the right things is to stay away from him... get to the point where you just don't care. seriously, that is a good neutral place to be.

 

he made the decision to stay - THAT tells you EVERYTHING you've been wondering about. his ACTIONS, the ones that show he's committed to his family and his priorities are there. how much more clear could he be?

 

ignore him when you go back to work, take your power back by being unaffected by him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
so its been 16 days of NC, the longest we've ever done.

 

If I'm honest I didn't think xMM could do it, he never has before but then again his W has never known before.

 

I'm not sure if I'm sad because he hasn't contacted me or sad because deep down I always knew if he had to make a choice I always knew I'd loose.

 

I do love him and always will and have always said I want him to be happy whether that happiness was with me or his W and I truly mean that, even though it breaks my heart he's not with me.

 

I do feel sorry for myself, (even though I'm trying not to) but I also know he has made a choice and I have to learn to live with that.

 

I know in my heart I could of made him so happy and could of given him the life he deserved. Maybe its the lies he's told me over the last 2yrs but I truly believe he's just 'doing the right thing' right now and he will never be truly happy and that breaks my heart even more.

 

I won't contact him because he needs to do this and I know he won't contact me because his W has told him I will tell her if he does (not sure I would) but it is driving me in sane not knowing how he is feeling.

 

I've read so many different things on here about WS doing 'the right thing' on DDay in panic and others that have said they truly realised how the A was a mistake, I just wish I knew which he had done.

 

I am so worried about going back to work.

 

If I knew he had decided the A was a mistake and he truly wanted to be with his W then I could put the walls up and just be hard and act like I don't care(I know that is what he'll expect me to do) but if I do that and he is just doing 'the right thing' then I know it will break his heart and I really can't do that to him.

 

This is so hard, I just want to do the right thing but i'm going through hell to know what that is.

 

Unfortunately, this is the downfall of affairs.

 

For you, the right thing, IMHO, is to move on. Whether he wants to make his marriage work or not, that is HIS business. You are not part of the marriage and are not part of what will heal his marriage.

 

His wife has told you she is going to basically fight for her marriage. He has instituted NC with you. He did choose his marriage.

 

What you can do for him is leave him be. Let him work on his marriage. As hard as it is, accept his ACTIONS -- which are him choosing his marriage.

 

You will heal, you will go on and if you allow yourself, you will love someone else. You may hold a small piece of your heart for him, but you have to let him go. Mourn it, cry and do your best to pick yourself up and move forward with your life. He made his choice. Respect it.

 

He didn't respect you by starting an affair with you. He didn't respect you by not properly ending it with you. He didn't show you any care or concern for how you are feeling.

 

You don't need to know how he is feeling, how he is dealing with it. It won't help YOU or him for you to get into what is going on in his marriage.

 

Remember, you wanted honesty and integrity for 2010. Sneaking around and talking to him or wanting to know how he is isn't following through with what you wanted. If you really need to know, call his wife and ask her. That would be the upfront and honest way. Or call his home and ask to speak to him. That would be the honest way.

 

I understand the hurt you are feeling. But it will pass, if you let it. You will survive, you will be stronger and you will care for someone again - if you let yourself. Not now, not next week - but in 6 months from now, you will be a 'different' person and you will more than likely be glad you didn't give into temptation and put yourself back at square one.

 

Good luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
the right things is to stay away from him... get to the point where you just don't care. seriously, that is a good neutral place to be.

 

he made the decision to stay - THAT tells you EVERYTHING you've been wondering about. his ACTIONS, the ones that show he's committed to his family and his priorities are there. how much more clear could he be?

 

ignore him when you go back to work, take your power back by being unaffected by him.

 

Thanks 2Sunny I will stay away from him. The one thing (which has surprised me)is that I have had no desire to contact him. I know this is it for us, this is either the end of his M or the end of us.

 

I will never go back to the A, that I am so sure of.

 

I guess I just need to know so I can handle things at work. The only reason he will be in my office is if he chooses to (which he has done in the past, even after DDay) and I need to know why he is choosing that. Is it because he is doing the right thing and cares or just getting his fix?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Unfortunately, this is the downfall of affairs.

 

For you, the right thing, IMHO, is to move on. Whether he wants to make his marriage work or not, that is HIS business. You are not part of the marriage and are not part of what will heal his marriage.

 

His wife has told you she is going to basically fight for her marriage. He has instituted NC with you. He did choose his marriage.

 

What you can do for him is leave him be. Let him work on his marriage. As hard as it is, accept his ACTIONS -- which are him choosing his marriage.

 

You will heal, you will go on and if you allow yourself, you will love someone else. You may hold a small piece of your heart for him, but you have to let him go. Mourn it, cry and do your best to pick yourself up and move forward with your life. He made his choice. Respect it.

 

He didn't respect you by starting an affair with you. He didn't respect you by not properly ending it with you. He didn't show you any care or concern for how you are feeling.

 

You don't need to know how he is feeling, how he is dealing with it. It won't help YOU or him for you to get into what is going on in his marriage.

 

Remember, you wanted honesty and integrity for 2010. Sneaking around and talking to him or wanting to know how he is isn't following through with what you wanted. If you really need to know, call his wife and ask her. That would be the upfront and honest way. Or call his home and ask to speak to him. That would be the honest way.

 

I understand the hurt you are feeling. But it will pass, if you let it. You will survive, you will be stronger and you will care for someone again - if you let yourself. Not now, not next week - but in 6 months from now, you will be a 'different' person and you will more than likely be glad you didn't give into temptation and put yourself back at square one.

 

Good luck!

 

I won't talk to him and I will not break my word to his W, I'm just worried about being at work and him turning up.

 

I know what you are saying and I agree (as hard as it is) and I will get there but I know how deep my feelings run and yes I am worried that when I see him face to face I will just fall apart.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I guess I just need to know so I can handle things at work. The only reason he will be in my office is if he chooses to (which he has done in the past, even after DDay) and I need to know why he is choosing that. Is it because he is doing the right thing and cares or just getting his fix?

 

no you don't need to know. all you need is a firm boundary that screams "STAY THE F AWAY!!!!!" then he won't try to be near... he only intends to be near to manipulate and use you again for his own selfish reasons... there - is THAT enough truth for you?

 

now you TOTALLY KNOW.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
no you don't need to know. all you need is a firm boundary that screams "STAY THE F AWAY!!!!!" then he won't try to be near... he only intends to be near to manipulate and use you again for his own selfish reasons... there - is THAT enough truth for you?

 

now you TOTALLY KNOW.

 

I think to be honest this is the only way I'll get through it, by thinking F**k YOU, this is how I got through NYE, well the part I remember but I had Mr Jack Daniels to help!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

any reaction you may give him would feed his big fat ego... so don't give him the satisfaction.

 

he wants you to hurt, wants you to want him, miss him, need him... don't - just don't. if HE initiates ANYTHING - text his W and tell her immediately, she deserves to know what manipulations he is capable of, and what he is up to - your truth to her will keep him away if he does try to contact you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with 2Sunny....

 

He wants a ego boost, he wants to see you hurting, he wants to know that you are right there, in case he gets lonely again.

 

STAY STRONG. Think of how he hasn't given a damn about how YOU are feeling and the ONLY reason he will seem to 'care' at work is because his wife isn't around.

 

He didn't care at Christmas, he didn't care on NYE.

Stay strong!!

 

((hugs))

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

That is what I will hold onto FO, he didn't give a flying F**k how I felt at Christmas or New Year, if he had he would of got in touch some how.

 

I know deep down he is a piece of sh*t I just need to tell my heart to believe it!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

It is up to you to keep NC,when you go back to work it will be hard,akward,nervous,scared.

 

You are right he did not care about you on Christmas or New Years,or any other day during this time,do not settle for less.

 

There is a possibility that when you return to work he may try and sweeten you up again and say I could not call because of my W yadayadayada,when truth is if he loved you and wanted to be with you he would not care what W thought or said he would leave her and be with you,he's trying to save his own ass right now and trying to assure his W right now,not you.

 

Be strong.

Link to post
Share on other sites
FO, where do you get everything from? :rolleyes:

 

I think you misread what she was saying.

 

I don't think FO was saying that he wants to see her hurting, and that's it.

 

Its an ego thing for them. They want to know that they are loved and missed, and after a d-day, the major way to know how much the OW cared is to know that she is broke up over the break-up (if there is one).

 

MM don't enjoy seeing *their* women hurt. That's more work than maintaining the separate Rs. But seeing the hurt in their W's eyes or in the OW's eyes, let's them know that they are loved by them. And its often the hurt in their W's eyes that matters more since they probably assumed that she didn't love them, but they know the OW loves them.

 

Sorry for rambling. I hope you get the gist of what I was saying.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jennie-jennie
I think you misread what she was saying.

 

I don't think FO was saying that he wants to see her hurting, and that's it.

 

Its an ego thing for them. They want to know that they are loved and missed, and after a d-day, the major way to know how much the OW cared is to know that she is broke up over the break-up (if there is one).

 

MM don't enjoy seeing *their* women hurt. That's more work than maintaining the separate Rs. But seeing the hurt in their W's eyes or in the OW's eyes, let's them know that they are loved by them. And its often the hurt in their W's eyes that matters more since they probably assumed that she didn't love them, but they know the OW loves them.

 

Sorry for rambling. I hope you get the gist of what I was saying.

 

I understand what you are saying, and I do hope that is what FO meant.

 

But I don't agree with a lot of the other stuff you are saying. I hurt like h.ll during NC. When MM told me he had as well, it told me that NC had been as hard for him as it was for me, that he loved me as much as I loved him. That is not an ego thing. That is needing to know that the person you love loves you.

 

And I don't know why the WS would think the BS does not love him. Where did you get that idea from? Isn't it exactly her loyalty and love which makes it so hard for the WS to leave her?

 

I don't understand the tendency to paint WS in a bad picture. Most of them are ordinary guys who are torn between two women. I guess if you think of them as crap it is easier to separate yourself from them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I understand what you are saying, and I do hope that is what FO meant.

 

But I don't agree with a lot of the other stuff you are saying. I hurt like h.ll during NC. When MM told me he had as well, it told me that NC had been as hard for him as it was for me, that he loved me as much as I loved him. That is not an ego thing. That is needing to know that the person you love loves you.

 

And I don't know why the WS would think the BS does not love him. Where did you get that idea from? Isn't it exactly her loyalty and love which makes it so hard for the WS to leave her?

 

I don't understand the tendency to paint WS in a bad picture. Most of them are ordinary guys who are torn between two women. I guess if you think of them as crap it is easier to separate yourself from them.

 

Believe me, I agree with you. I don't agree with the tendency to trash the MM. They usually are just regular guys that have gotten in over their heads. So know that I was just giving you what I felt FO was trying to say about him wanting to see her pain as validation of her feelings for him.

 

Where did I get the idea that the WS thinks the BS doesn't love them? From the many WSs that post here, and the previous one in my own life. A lot of time, they stray because they don't feel the deep love, emotional connection to the BS that they want and get it elsewhere. Its not a foreign concept. You speak of it often in your own posts, so I am not exactly sure why you are now responding with surprise. :confused:

 

And while you disagree with my reasoning about the WS wanting/needing to see the OP misses them or hurting in theory, you just typed words that agreed with me. "That is needing to know that the person you love loves you." That's because of our egos. Ego needn't be a bad word. Pride, ego, very similar. He needed your feelings to validate his. That validation is feeding your continued A. Which is the last thing that H4U needs right now. Him seeing her hurt is likely to make him want to rescue her again, and make her want to allow him. And it only restarts the affair. An affair that was already hurting her.

 

I know you love your MM and believe that your A is replacing his M (its not, IMPO), but your feelings and his aren't what I was talking about. The situations are different, so I wouldn't be able to say the exact same thing for your situation, KWIM? You want to continue your affair and you both willingly chose NC without a d-day. So its like comparing apples to table cloths.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't understand the tendency to paint WS in a bad picture. Most of them are ordinary guys who are torn between two women. I guess if you think of them as crap it is easier to separate yourself from them.

 

No.

 

Just... no. It's so seldom about the women.

 

What it reflects, more often than not, is something broken inside themselves, something so broken that they don't know how to fix it, so they do what feels right in the moment and to heck with who it hurts.

 

What it reflects is a lack of control that tears everyone it touches to pieces.

 

I am with a man who was once very torn, okay? In his case, there truly was a need to be with more than one woman, or at least to have the opportunity. He did right by the woman he is still with. They worked out how to handle that need. Now that I am with him (and, by extension, a part of her life), we do what we need to do in order to make sure nobody gets hurt. We are open. We are honest. We are not living in a world of lies and fog to get what we each want; we work TOGETHER to ensure that we are ALL OKAY.

 

That is what happens when you are truly in a place to have an open, ethically non-monogamous relationship.

 

But cheating is not it, and when you claim that it is, you make excuses for the pain of all of the women around you who are looking for support in a difficult time -- betrayed spouses and other women alike.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When are you going to stop worrying about him and start working on yourself? You need to heal. Please don't continue to sit in limbo just in case he decides later that he doesn't want his marriage anymore. Even if he does divorce, it is going to take a long time for him to heal. The sooner you start, the quicker it will be done. I would hate to see you here two years later still waiting for MM to divorce. Put yourself before him. He certainly seems to be able to do it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He didn't respect you by starting an affair with you. He didn't respect you by not properly ending it with you. He didn't show you any care or concern for how you are feeling.

 

H4U,

 

This said it all right here....RESPECT....this is what it is about. Chances are he will never truely respect you. I am not trying to be uncool, it is what I experienced with exMM/exBF.

 

I know you might be thinking deep down that the people on LS or your friends telling you to get out of the R that none of us really "know" all of the details and that you and exMM shared "special" things...that he shared stuff with you that he didn't with anyone else....and I'm sure this is true, BUT as God as my witness, exMM's main concern was mostlikely what was "right" for him....I would put money on this one that he doesn't care much about his W either....he cares about himself and that is it....it works better for him to stay with his W....I see Narcisist written all over this guy.

 

I hope you are done with this, although I am picking up that this guy had you hook, line and sinker, which could possibly mean this has not played itself out completely....meaning you are not completely convinced he is a $%$#@@#### and a **&&^%^&**(&^^ and then somemore.

 

You may not be totally convinced of his total and complete cruelty in this matter.....

 

Please stay strong and stay away from buses.....

Link to post
Share on other sites
jennie-jennie
No.

 

Just... no. It's so seldom about the women.

 

What it reflects, more often than not, is something broken inside themselves, something so broken that they don't know how to fix it, so they do what feels right in the moment and to heck with who it hurts.

 

What it reflects is a lack of control that tears everyone it touches to pieces.

 

I am with a man who was once very torn, okay? In his case, there truly was a need to be with more than one woman, or at least to have the opportunity. He did right by the woman he is still with. They worked out how to handle that need. Now that I am with him (and, by extension, a part of her life), we do what we need to do in order to make sure nobody gets hurt. We are open. We are honest. We are not living in a world of lies and fog to get what we each want; we work TOGETHER to ensure that we are ALL OKAY.

 

That is what happens when you are truly in a place to have an open, ethically non-monogamous relationship.

 

But cheating is not it, and when you claim that it is, you make excuses for the pain of all of the women around you who are looking for support in a difficult time -- betrayed spouses and other women alike.

 

This is another kind of WS. My exSO was like this. He was a serial cheater and an alcoholic and a compulsive gambler and a fanatic Christian. I was with him for 25 years. He went to AA. I don't know if that is what helped him with his serial cheating, but he stopped. The last 15 years he was only with me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jennie-jennie
Believe me, I agree with you. I don't agree with the tendency to trash the MM. They usually are just regular guys that have gotten in over their heads. So know that I was just giving you what I felt FO was trying to say about him wanting to see her pain as validation of her feelings for him.

 

Where did I get the idea that the WS thinks the BS doesn't love them? From the many WSs that post here, and the previous one in my own life. A lot of time, they stray because they don't feel the deep love, emotional connection to the BS that they want and get it elsewhere. Its not a foreign concept. You speak of it often in your own posts, so I am not exactly sure why you are now responding with surprise. :confused:

 

And while you disagree with my reasoning about the WS wanting/needing to see the OP misses them or hurting in theory, you just typed words that agreed with me. "That is needing to know that the person you love loves you." That's because of our egos. Ego needn't be a bad word. Pride, ego, very similar. He needed your feelings to validate his. That validation is feeding your continued A. Which is the last thing that H4U needs right now. Him seeing her hurt is likely to make him want to rescue her again, and make her want to allow him. And it only restarts the affair. An affair that was already hurting her.

 

I know you love your MM and believe that your A is replacing his M (its not, IMPO), but your feelings and his aren't what I was talking about. The situations are different, so I wouldn't be able to say the exact same thing for your situation, KWIM? You want to continue your affair and you both willingly chose NC without a d-day. So its like comparing apples to table cloths.

 

Glad you agree with me about not trashing MM.

 

I understand Hopeless' situation is different than mine, and I don't claim to know all about it. But I don't think it is ego or pride to want to know that the person you love and hurt for loves you back. That is just human. We want to be loved by those we love, especially when it is a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex if we are homosexuals).

 

I think you have misunderstood what I have said about the BS' emotions in my case. When I came into the picture, they loved each other the way you should in a marriage. But the MM was missing something, some needs of his were not being met, and because of that he was open to an EMR, since I met those needs.

 

Slowly I replaced his wife, well quickly in some ways, and slower in others. But I don't see why she would have stopped loving him. He still loves her although not as his primary love interest any longer. But I do wonder if she is not attracted to him sexually any longer, since that was one of his issues, her lack of lust.

 

What I have said is that the WS and I have a deeper emotional connection, and these are his words as well. If he is to stay with his wife, he wants this deep a connection with her and will work to get that. He did not know such a connection was possible before.

 

* * * * *

 

So back to hopeless. 16 days of NC must be horrible. If you truly want the EMR to end, you do have to watch your heart very closely when you meet him again. The forces will be very strong to bring you back into the affair.

 

There is no need for you to trash the MM however. Trash the element of an affair instead. That is what you don't want I presume. You don't want to share him. Put your anger where it belongs.

 

So what if he didn't call you for Christmas and New Year's. He's supposed to be working on his marriage, right? How can he do that if he is to contact you all the time? Give him space to work on his marriage. That is what he has chosen. That does not make him a bad person. That does not mean he does not love you. That means that he is finally trying to make a choice.

Edited by jennie-jennie
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Glad you agree with me about not trashing MM.

 

I understand Hopeless' situation is different than mine, and I don't claim to know all about it. But I don't think it is ego or pride to want to know that the person you love and hurt for loves you back. That is just human. We want to be loved by those we love, especially when it is a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex if we are homosexuals).

 

I think you have misunderstood what I have said about the BS' emotions in my case. When I came into the picture, they loved each other the way you should in a marriage. But the MM was missing something, some needs of his were not being met, and because of that he was open to an EMR, since I met those needs.

 

Slowly I replaced his wife, well quickly in some ways, and slower in others. But I don't see why she would have stopped loving him. He still loves her although not as his primary love interest any longer. But I do wonder if she is not attracted to him sexually any longer, since that was one of his issues, her lack of lust.

 

What I have said is that the WS and I have a deeper emotional connection, and these are his words as well. If he is to stay with his wife, he wants this deep a connection with her and will work to get that. He did not know such a connection was possible before.

 

* * * * *

 

So back to hopeless. 16 days of NC must be horrible. If you truly want the EMR to end, you do have to watch your heart very closely when you meet him again. The forces will be very strong to bring you back into the affair.

 

There is no need for you to trash the MM however. Trash the element of an affair instead. That is what you don't want I presume. You don't want to share him. Put your anger where it belongs.

 

So what if he didn't call you for Christmas and New Year's. He's supposed to be working on his marriage, right? How can he do that if he is to contact you all the time? Give him space to work on his marriage. That is what he has chosen. That does not make him a bad person. That does not mean he does not love you. That means that he is finally trying to make a choice.

 

 

My xMM sounds similar to JJ in what he says except the sex, this was the opposite, it was his W that had always complained all through their M that he didn't want enough.

 

He also said when we did NC before that he fell to pieces, could not function and from the reaction I got from his W when I told her this confirms that was true.

 

I will not take him back in an A, ever. He knows this and TBH I don't think he would go back to that either, it really was making him ill. Basically he was living 2 separate lives for 2 yrs and I mean that literally, he did everything for me a B/F should.

 

I think once I go back to work and get that over with I will feel better. I am worrying about seeing him, that is my biggest fear right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
H4U,

 

This said it all right here....RESPECT....this is what it is about. Chances are he will never truely respect you. I am not trying to be uncool, it is what I experienced with exMM/exBF.

 

I know you might be thinking deep down that the people on LS or your friends telling you to get out of the R that none of us really "know" all of the details and that you and exMM shared "special" things...that he shared stuff with you that he didn't with anyone else....and I'm sure this is true, BUT as God as my witness, exMM's main concern was mostlikely what was "right" for him....I would put money on this one that he doesn't care much about his W either....he cares about himself and that is it....it works better for him to stay with his W....I see Narcisist written all over this guy.

 

I hope you are done with this, although I am picking up that this guy had you hook, line and sinker, which could possibly mean this has not played itself out completely....meaning you are not completely convinced he is a $%$#@@#### and a **&&^%^&**(&^^ and then somemore.

 

You may not be totally convinced of his total and complete cruelty in this matter.....

 

Please stay strong and stay away from buses.....

 

Yes he did/does have me hook, line and sinker. I was/am totally in love with this man and I don't think that will ever go away, maybe just get easier to live with.

 

That said, I really do think that once I've got through seeing him for the 1st time at work I will begin to heal. Just thinking about it makes me shake and feel that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 

I will stay strong I promise and like I said before the 1 thing I am totally sure of is I won't get sucked back into an A, not with him or anyone else, EVER!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
When are you going to stop worrying about him and start working on yourself? You need to heal. Please don't continue to sit in limbo just in case he decides later that he doesn't want his marriage anymore. Even if he does divorce, it is going to take a long time for him to heal. The sooner you start, the quicker it will be done. I would hate to see you here two years later still waiting for MM to divorce. Put yourself before him. He certainly seems to be able to do it.

 

I understand you think this is about him but it really is about me. I am worried he will give me 'that look' and I will fall to pieces in front of everyone.

 

If I knew he'd gone back to his W because he realised he'd never loved me blah,blah then I could just shut him out, give him the finger and be strong but if he looks at me with pain in his eyes my heart will break. I know I shouldn't be like that but this is a man I have shared the last 2yrs of my life with, doesn't matter that it was wrong, It still hurts me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jennie-jennie

I will not take him back in an A, ever. He knows this and TBH I don't think he would go back to that either, it really was making him ill. Basically he was living 2 separate lives for 2 yrs and I mean that literally, he did everything for me a B/F should.

 

See this is the thing. These regular guys are not faring well of the affair either. They too are victims of the situation. That is why I don't like when they are being trashed. They are doing the best they can, although many of us wish they would handle their lives differently.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jennie-jennie

My MM said an interesting thing the other day. He said that for us to have an open relationship we would have to merge, not only two lives which is common for a new couple, but three lives - since he now is living two separate ones.

 

So, if the MM instead chooses the marriage, that would mean no merger necessary. Perhaps an easier way to go?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...