hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 WHY oh WHY can I not get my sh*t together?? Its driving me insane! I know he is working on his M, this was always the plan so why am I finding it so hard to move on? Ok, so it was meant to be on our terms but the end result would of been the same.....NC, me suffering and him getting his head together, so again I ask, WHY am I finding this so hard?? I'm an emotional wreck, I can't control my tears. The stupidest of things start me off when I least expect it and I can't do anything to stop them. I don't want to go out tomorrow night (NYE) because I know I'll end up making a fool of myself and although my friends have been fantastic I know I'll spoil their night because they will worry. I'm just a mess and I hate this place I'm in right now but I really don't know how to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 OK... so dont go out! Stay home and watch "When Harry Met Sally" or "An Affair to Remember", you know the endings, when the couples get together and kiss on New Years Eve.... Maybe over the weekend you can watch "Bridges of Madison County" or "The Note Book".. Or, wait, how about you LIVE YOUR LIFE..... Celebrate a NEW YEAR for YOU... The Dr. is in and he is about to presrcibe that you shut down your computer and stop torturing yourself here for a while... Don't make me do it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 OK... so dont go out! Stay home and watch "When Harry Met Sally" or "An Affair to Remember", you know the endings, when the couples get together and kiss on New Years Eve.... Maybe over the weekend you can watch "Bridges of Madison County" or "The Note Book".. Or, wait, how about you LIVE YOUR LIFE..... Celebrate a NEW YEAR for YOU... The Dr. is in and he is about to presrcibe that you shut down your computer and stop torturing yourself here for a while... Don't make me do it.... This is why I get SOOOO F***ING angry with myself!! I know what I need to do to move on and get over him but its so hard when I don't trust my own emotions. I'm a strong person, (xMM always said that was my downfall) I don't EVER feel sorry for myself, I just pick myself up, dust myself off and deal with sh*t. I'm just so out of my comfort zone its unreal. I never thought I would ever react like this. I guess I thought I would hurt for a while, be in control and deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 STOP focusing on HIM as the source.. Focus on something ELSE... get a puppy (I need to start a compant here at Love Shack - "rent a puppy" for instances like this.. I just hope you can do that, find ANOTHER focus Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 STOP focusing on HIM as the source.. Focus on something ELSE... get a puppy (I need to start a compant here at Love Shack - "rent a puppy" for instances like this.. I just hope you can do that, find ANOTHER focus I can now see why most OM/OW leave this forum after they've moved on. It's a twofold problem....you don't want to read about it so it reminds you of what you were in and at the same time it's also a reminder to never ever go there again with a married person. Listen to my friend SD....I don't think I know of anyone who's hit the bottom as much as him.... FOCUS is the key...we know it's hard but I did the isolation thing and trust me it doesn't work. Find something as a huge distraction. DATING. FAMILY, HOBBIES, WORK, Church, anything to take your mind off THEM. Time will always work if only you allow it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 STOP focusing on HIM as the source.. Focus on something ELSE... get a puppy (I need to start a compant here at Love Shack - "rent a puppy" for instances like this.. I just hope you can do that, find ANOTHER focus I think it the questions I need answering thats holding me back. Gonna start a thread on that I think. As for the puppy.....xMM and I used to take his neighbours dog out and talked about how we'd get a dog.......AHHHHHH!!.... like I said to many things remind me!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Maybe for one day - tomorrow - you 'fake it to make it'. You're sad and low today and these moments come, I know. Feel them and then let them go. Tomorrow though, deny them. It's great that you've got supportive friends and use tomorrow to really have a laugh with them - remember how you used to be. It'll come, but you have to let it. Tomorrow, I'm going to go out in the morning to shop a little, then visit the folks and before I have a chance to let that sadness get to me I'm going to pelt it round to my friend's to help her get the party ready. I'm going to keep myself really busy all day with people that I love and enjoy them. And I'm not going to think of him wistfully all day. Come on girl! May this current pain last as long as my new year's resolutions usually do. Hugs H4U. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 I can now see why most OM/OW leave this forum after they've moved on. It's a twofold problem....you don't want to read about it so it reminds you of what you were in and at the same time it's also a reminder to never ever go there again with a married person. Listen to my friend SD....I don't think I know of anyone who's hit the bottom as much as him.... FOCUS is the key...we know it's hard but I did the isolation thing and trust me it doesn't work. Find something as a huge distraction. DATING. FAMILY, HOBBIES, WORK, Church, anything to take your mind off THEM. Time will always work if only you allow it.... I have tried over the last couple of days not to come on here but its the only place I can truly put my feelings down. My friends really are fantastic but TBH they really don't want this sh*t from me every time they see me so the 'brave face' comes out and as soon as I'm alone I loose it again. I do listen to SD, he's my rock at the moment and I know I WILL be where he is now at some stage but in the meantime I guess I just need to grieve a 2yr R. I know at some stage I will need to be on my own but for now I really need LS and the people here that understand and give me that kick when I need it! Thank You Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 Maybe for one day - tomorrow - you 'fake it to make it'. You're sad and low today and these moments come, I know. Feel them and then let them go. Tomorrow though, deny them. It's great that you've got supportive friends and use tomorrow to really have a laugh with them - remember how you used to be. It'll come, but you have to let it. Tomorrow, I'm going to go out in the morning to shop a little, then visit the folks and before I have a chance to let that sadness get to me I'm going to pelt it round to my friend's to help her get the party ready. I'm going to keep myself really busy all day with people that I love and enjoy them. And I'm not going to think of him wistfully all day. Come on girl! May this current pain last as long as my new year's resolutions usually do. Hugs H4U. Thanks for the hugs, they are sooo needed right now. I really want to go out there and say F**K HIM and I know my friends will be there for me but I'm really worried that I'll loose it and just cry like a baby!! I just feel so pathetic its unreal. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I think it the questions I need answering thats holding me back. Gonna start a thread on that I think. As for the puppy.....xMM and I used to take his neighbours dog out and talked about how we'd get a dog.......AHHHHHH!!.... like I said to many things remind me!! OK, then we will get a puppy, and then kill it! aaah ha ha ha ha ha!!! (evil laugh) Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I have tried over the last couple of days not to come on here but its the only place I can truly put my feelings down. My friends really are fantastic but TBH they really don't want this sh*t from me every time they see me so the 'brave face' comes out and as soon as I'm alone I loose it again. I do listen to SD, he's my rock at the moment and I know I WILL be where he is now at some stage but in the meantime I guess I just need to grieve a 2yr R. I know at some stage I will need to be on my own but for now I really need LS and the people here that understand and give me that kick when I need it! Thank You you should come on here and let your feelings out. That's what it's for. God, i would have gone mad without it. Literally - crawling the streets, roaming round the bins mad! Do that (post on here not roam round the bins) and then let your friends see your brave face. And your sad one too if necessary. But go. Do not mope in because that will be too sad I feel. Dont worry about coming on here and projecting H4U. It's a good outlet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 OK, then we will get a puppy, and then kill it! aaah ha ha ha ha ha!!! (evil laugh) Again SD you made me smile, what am I going to do without you?...... Link to post Share on other sites
WhereToGoFromHere Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 H4U...((HUGS))...its a hard place to be, we all feel what you're going through. I read every word you post. I always want to know how you are doing. I've been thinking of finding a place to volunteer or do some kind charity work. Not just give money, but actually go and give time. Maybe something that gets me some exercise like warehouse work so I don't have to go to the gym any more. I consider myself a giving person, but I've never been like this. I don't know, just a suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 OK, then we will get a puppy, and then kill it! aaah ha ha ha ha ha!!! (evil laugh) You're right SD, you do need help;) Link to post Share on other sites
NEVERINTENDEDTHIS Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Thanks for the hugs, they are sooo needed right now. I really want to go out there and say F**K HIM and I know my friends will be there for me but I'm really worried that I'll loose it and just cry like a baby!! I just feel so pathetic its unreal. H4U I know how you feel! I've had many tears today for some reason and that is why I've been on today reading. I'm so hoping 2010 brings about many changes for the good in my life. I have friends I can talk to but then I think sometimes they get tired of hearing me say the same things over and over and over. I think one day we will be where SD is and I can't wait to be me again. I hope you go out tomorrow night and have the time of your life!! XOXO Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 H4U...((HUGS))...its a hard place to be, we all feel what you're going through. I read every word you post. I always want to know how you are doing. I've been thinking of finding a place to volunteer or do some kind charity work. Not just give money, but actually go and give time. Maybe something that gets me some exercise like warehouse work so I don't have to go to the gym any more. I consider myself a giving person, but I've never been like this. I don't know, just a suggestion. Hey WTGFH, ((HUGS)) right back at you, they are very warmly received. It was snowing really bad last night and I was so hoping it would still be there this morning as I'd said to my friends lets go out and play like kids(this I knew would not remind me of him). It was gone this morning (good old UK weather!) so I sat in 'thinking' again!! I just don't know who I am right now but I do know I'm not ME! Link to post Share on other sites
WhereToGoFromHere Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I just don't know who I am right now but I do know I'm not ME! I don't think any of us are really "ourselves" or we probably wouldn't be here at LS. At least we're all in the same boat. Yeah I just got done shoveling my driveway for the second time today. It's getting to the point that I might need to do it a third time soon. Its getting old! Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Tomorrow can be a brand new start to a great new year. Make yourself go and if you can't have fun, pretend like you are. Fake it til you make it type thing. Give yourself 30 minutes a day to cry over this failed relationship. Spend the rest of the day doing and thinking about other things. Each day, give yourself less and less time to wallow and hurt. Focus on you. You need to help yourself heal. He can't do that for you. He has a long way to go to heal himself ... he hasn't even gotten started on it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 H4U I know how you feel! I've had many tears today for some reason and that is why I've been on today reading. I'm so hoping 2010 brings about many changes for the good in my life. I have friends I can talk to but then I think sometimes they get tired of hearing me say the same things over and over and over. I think one day we will be where SD is and I can't wait to be me again. I hope you go out tomorrow night and have the time of your life!! XOXO I hope we all go out tomorrow and have at least 1 night without tears. I feel your pain, I really do. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 Thank you, all of you. I really need ALL of you right now. I know sometimes I sound like I've lost it and TBH sometimes I think I have but I am so thankful, I really am. I have just lost 'me' at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 We've probably all lost it at some point (me -doing it a lot right now too). That's what brings us here: to look for it. And we find it in each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 We've probably all lost it at some point (me -doing it a lot right now too). That's what brings us here: to look for it. And we find it in each other. I think TBH being able to put my thoughts and feelings on here when I need to has helped me so much. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 WHY oh WHY can I not get my sh*t together?? Its driving me insane! I know he is working on his M, this was always the plan so why am I finding it so hard to move on? Ok, so it was meant to be on our terms but the end result would of been the same.....NC, me suffering and him getting his head together, so again I ask, WHY am I finding this so hard?? I'm an emotional wreck, I can't control my tears. The stupidest of things start me off when I least expect it and I can't do anything to stop them. I don't want to go out tomorrow night (NYE) because I know I'll end up making a fool of myself and although my friends have been fantastic I know I'll spoil their night because they will worry. I'm just a mess and I hate this place I'm in right now but I really don't know how to get out. You get out by staying angry. Move out of the sadness mode and get into angry mode. Anger is much more productive. He is not 'working' on his M. He is kissing her Azz. Sorry, that is what most MM do. After her fears are allayed, he'll be back. Just don't take his sorry azz back because when there is another D-day, it won't be your azz he's kissing. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I think you DO need to come here - if only to get outside of yourself and HELP someone else. YOU know the problems/issues in an affair and being an OW. HELP those that need help. Focus on THEM and what they are going through. instead of wallowing in your own pity (and I don't mean that nasty); help someone else!! Some may say that those of us who haven't been in an affair in years should not be here, but I disagree. I think those of us who have been there, done that and MOVED on are some of the best examples of moving forward and a testament to the fact that LIFE GOES ON!!! Hopeless, I can tell you, when I was going through the Affair, I hurt JUST as bad as you. I cried for days. I have a young son to take care of, a job to go to yet all I wanted to do was sit in my bed with my house phone (cell phones had JUST started making an appearance and they were EXPENSIVE), getting up every 15 minutes to run to check to see if I had an email from him. I did this for days/weeks. I hated going to work, but knew I had to. I mean, what if he called me at WORK and I wasn't there to answer??? I know the hurt, as do so many who have gone through the misery. My best advice --- find a buddy on here to help you. Find a new member who is heading towards the cliff and try to help that person. Focus on someone else besides you and him. ((hug)) Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Some may say that those of us who haven't been in an affair in years should not be here, but I disagree. I think those of us who have been there, done that and MOVED on are some of the best examples of moving forward and a testament to the fact that LIFE GOES ON!!! Sorry for the threadjack, but: What I needed when I was the most confused and hurting during our EMR was a place where I could find support while still in the relationship. This is what I try to share, that there are ways we can find stability and happiness even if we choose to stay in the EMR. As OW we do not only need support once we are ready to move on. There is a long time period when we are in the EMR not ready or willing to let go. We need support then too. Who is better able to give that support but those who are themselves in an EMR? This subforum is for the OW/OM, whether they want to stay in the EMR or end it. It is true that you can be a Happy Other Woman! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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