Feeling overwhelmed

[kmm111]

I've been dealing so well with this, but recently it's taking a toll on me. I'm married and been involved emotionally with a married guy I work with. It's been about 6 months and I admit I have fallen in love with him and he has falled in love with me as well. We both have some problems in our marriages (well obviously, ha, but nothing major in terms of the other person wanting to end things).

 

So far we have managed to prevent anything physical from happening, but there is so much tension and I don't know how much longer we can hold off. He has been talking a lot more seriously about things lately, like how he can see himself leaving his wife and accepting joint custody of his son, if it means that he and I can be together.

 

I am just really confused and overwhelmed I guess. I can't believe I am even feeling this way about someone I am not married to and sometimes I wonder if it's really possible that I've fallen in love with another person. I feel bad for my husband and I don't think it's fair but I don't know what to do. I've been trying to just coast along and take things one day at a time, but my feelings for this guy are getting stronger and more real. It finally hit me on Christmas when I spent the day with my husband and his family, yet I spent the entire time thinking about the other guy. It was a miserable day. This just isn't fair to myself, my husband or his family.

 

I will see this guy tomorrow at work and I want to say something (maybe suggest some sort of plan?) , but I don't know what. I don't even know how I really WANT to proceed with this but I know things will need to change soon. Any advice would be appreciated..there's no one else I can go to.

[Hazyhead]

kmm, I think you will get a lot of responses here that warn you to think carefully about what you are about to embark upon. You may well be confused now but I can tell you for certain that the further you carry on down this path the more confusing things will get.

 

You say that you didn't think about ending things in your marriages prior to your feelings for each other developing, I think you should go back to that thought a little bit more before you step things up with the OM. Once you've done it you can't go back and your marriage becomes less and less salvageable. Maybe take a little distance from the OM before things actually physically start and weigh up how strong your feelings are.

 

In my opinion and experience, it's not wise to start a new relationship before ending the previous. Prioritise what's most important to you and keep that at the forefront of your mind.

[hopeless4u]

kmm, I think you will get a lot of responses here that warn you to think carefully about what you are about to embark upon. You may well be confused now but I can tell you for certain that the further you carry on down this path the more confusing things will get.

 

You say that you didn't think about ending things in your marriages prior to your feelings for each other developing, I think you should go back to that thought a little bit more before you step things up with the OM. Once you've done it you can't go back and your marriage becomes less and less salvageable. Maybe take a little distance from the OM before things actually physically start and weigh up how strong your feelings are.

 

In my opinion and experience, it's not wise to start a new relationship before ending the previous. Prioritise what's most important to you and keep that at the forefront of your mind.

 

 

Yep I second everything that HH has just said.

 

Don't go there until you have ended your M(OM too) and only because you have nothing in your M to save, not for your feelings for OM.

 

My xMM swore he was in love with me, he'd never felt for his W how he felt about me but when DDay came he stayed with his W and she told me he said his feelings for me were not real.

[fooled once]

I've been dealing so well with this, but recently it's taking a toll on me. I'm married and been involved emotionally with a married guy I work with. It's been about 6 months and I admit I have fallen in love with him and he has falled in love with me as well. We both have some problems in our marriages (well obviously, ha, but nothing major in terms of the other person wanting to end things).

 

So far we have managed to prevent anything physical from happening, but there is so much tension and I don't know how much longer we can hold off. He has been talking a lot more seriously about things lately, like how he can see himself leaving his wife and accepting joint custody of his son, if it means that he and I can be together.

 

I am just really confused and overwhelmed I guess. I can't believe I am even feeling this way about someone I am not married to and sometimes I wonder if it's really possible that I've fallen in love with another person. I feel bad for my husband and I don't think it's fair but I don't know what to do. I've been trying to just coast along and take things one day at a time, but my feelings for this guy are getting stronger and more real. It finally hit me on Christmas when I spent the day with my husband and his family, yet I spent the entire time thinking about the other guy. It was a miserable day. This just isn't fair to myself, my husband or his family.

 

I will see this guy tomorrow at work and I want to say something (maybe suggest some sort of plan?) , but I don't know what. I don't even know how I really WANT to proceed with this but I know things will need to change soon. Any advice would be appreciated..there's no one else I can go to.

 

So are you going to confess to your H and ask for a divorce?

 

Or are you just wanting to continue this game/affair?

 

PLEASE do not sleep with this guy UNTIL you have told your H. PLEASE have some respect for HIM and your marriage.

 

Maybe you can luck out and you two will be found out and your spouses will end things since you nor he seem to be able to do that.

 

Or tell the MM you don't want to continue this until both of you are divorced.

 

Nothing good can come out of this; seriously. Once others find out (and they most likely will) you can love your job (or he lose his job - or both of you). Your friends and family will probably not be happy to hear of what you are doing.

 

Do the respectable thing and end the affair, then end your marriage and THEN go back to being with this guy.

[kmm111]

I guess I know that's what I have to do - wait until we have both ended our marriages and then revisit "us" as a couple. I don't know if I will ever have the strength or courage, though.

[fooled once]

What do you mean you won't have the strength or courage to do? End the affair? Of course you do. But you have to WANT to.

 

You survived fine before him; you will survive fine without him.

 

IF both of you are serious about leaving your spouses, then leave them. Don't keep them thinking life is fine. Be HONEST.

 

And you will need time to work on yourself before jumping into another relationship, In MY View. You can't just jump from guy to guy without looking inward first.

[bentnotbroken]

I think that you should tell your H and let him help you make the decision. I mean can't he give you the courage you need to make a plan? If not help you, maybe it will give him the opportunity to explore his options as well. Clearly your marriage isn't satisfying to you and more than likely not to him either. Give him a shot at some happiness too.