xMM's W and I have finally talked....

[hopeless4u]

I have tried to do the right thing toward xMM's W and give him the chance to tell her everything, better for her to hear it from him than me IMO.

So we have exchanged a few txt's (always initiated by her) and I have answered the questions she has asked, no more no less. Its been eating away at me thinking that he hasn't told her everything, how much he loves me, how much I mean to him but I have waited until she asks. Today she did, she txt asking if she could ring me, I said yes......

 

So it would seem he has told her everything, pretty much. He has said...

It was more of an emotional R but was also P( I didn't tell her he had said it was the best sex he'd ever had) he felt at ease talking to me about anything.

He had told me he loved me and I was in love with him but he now realises everything he wanted was right in front of him the whole time and he wishes he had faced up to things and talked to his W and not me. OUCH!

He has felt so trapped over the last 2 yrs and just didn't know which way to turn.

He is sorry for the pain he has caused me and how I have wasted the last 2yrs of my life on him and he hopes I can move on. (Shame he couldn't of told me that himself 2yrs ago! DAMAGE DONE ALREADY!

 

That he feels that they have enough left to turn their M around and that he is willing to do ANYTHING to make this work and that any feelings for me were because of his confusion and not 'real'.

 

I can't remember everything his W said, the whole conversation was a bit of a blur TBH, I tried to listen while fighting back tears and the urge not to say things I knew would hurt her.

I added bits here and there to let her know why I was with him for so long. I told her how he'd told me that he loved her but was not in love with her(I didn't add he told me he didn't think he was ever 'in love' with her) and how I understood because I felt like that about my xH and this is why I believed him for so long, how he didn't want to hurt her. How he'd even told me he'd thought of a way to ask me to marry him but wouldn't tell me in case it eventually happened and that it was him not me who usually broke NC as he had told me he couldn't function without me in his life.

 

She then said 'you don't think he can do this do you?' I just said I don't know, only he knows how he feels. I told her that it had always been the plan to end all contact today (we both finish work for Christmas) and he had promised he would get his head straight and as harsh as it sounded I was glad he was caught because at least she knows everything and I'd been asking him to do this for the last 12 months.

 

So, I'm sure once I hit enter I will realise I've missed loads out but the conversation ended with his W pretty much begging me to stay away from him so he is not tempted to stray and if he tries to break NC can I please tell her straight away, I said the only way I will have any conversation with him is if he is telling me that he tried to make the M work but realised it was me he couldn't live without and was divorcing her.(harsh but true) and even then I would ring her to clarify this.

 

There was a lot I didn't tell her as I don't see the point, the impression I got was that she would forgive him for anything and truly believes she can not live without him.

 

One thing sticks in my throat, he told her that his feelings for me were because he was confused and 'not real' but the day after he told her this he passed a message on to me through a friend saying he wanted me to know that everything he said to me over the last 2yrs was true???

 

He is still lying to someone!!

[Brokenlady]

So are you going to tell her that he already broke NC?

 

Sounds like he wants to be with her and told her what she wanted to hear, but wanted you to know that he really did love you, even though he didn't choose you. Funny, like NOW he's worried about your feelings. So glad you are rid of this guy.

[NoIDidn't]

Wow, this conversation was just proof to her (the W) that you may very well be willing to accommodate him once again. Give her enough time to think about what you said and to filter it through him and her demeanor towards you may likely change the next time you speak.

 

The "he said he loves you, but is not in love with you" is the most CLASSIC affair justification line EVER. I can't believe you even told her that you are basically waiting to hear from him that their marriage isn't working out.

 

You didn't hear a word that she said. In fact, it doesn't seem she heard a word of what you were saying either. You are both only parroting back to each other what HE has said. What a waste of a conversation.

 

Sorry, that's my honest take on what's presented here. I predict more drama until you actually go NC with this guy AND his W. There is nothing in this for you.

 

(I can't believe you basically told her you were waiting to hear from him that his marriage isn't working out. OMG OMG OMG :eek: )

[jwi71]

H4U...why did you lie to her?

 

You lied by omission...to "protect her from hurt". And all you accomplished was deceiving this BW of how deep the rabbit hole goes. I'm sorry but to me, when the BW rings you up to talk...she has already prepared herself for "the worst". And when you wihhold the truth...you continue her betrayal and assist in HIS lies and manipulations.

 

She not only deserved the truth but wanted it badly enough to call the OW. I don't think you comprehend how extraordinarily hard and painful that was for her. And at Christmas to boot.

 

And then to tell her more lies (lies by omission)

 

<<sigh>>

[NoIDidn't]

H4U...why did you lie to her?

 

You lied by omission...to "protect her from hurt". And all you accomplished was deceiving this BW of how deep the rabbit hole goes. I'm sorry but to me, when the BW rings you up to talk...she has already prepared herself for "the worst". And when you wihhold the truth...you continue her betrayal and assist in HIS lies and manipulations.

 

She not only deserved the truth but wanted it badly enough to call the OW. I don't think you comprehend how extraordinarily hard and painful that was for her. And at Christmas to boot.

 

And then to tell her more lies (lies by omission)

 

<<sigh>>

 

But, JWI71, she didn't lie. She told the absolute truth. She is waiting in the wings for him to tell her (whether its true or not) that his marriage is failing and so he can come to her.

 

H4U told his W that she is waiting for him, in so many words. Its no wonder the woman was supposedly begging her to stay away from him. She knows that H4U isn't being completely honest with her. And the things that she did tell her only prove that she isn't ready for this affair to truly be over on an emotional level.

 

This saga is FAR from over. This BW will not stay so naive with H4U making such Freudian slips.

 

The BW calls wanting the truth and that somehow equates into telling her that "he loves you, but he isn't 'IN LOVE' with you" because he's "in love with me".

 

Just, wow.

[jwi71]

But, JWI71, she didn't lie. She told the absolute truth. She is waiting in the wings for him to tell her (whether its true or not) that his marriage is failing and so he can come to her.

 

H4U told his W that she is waiting for him, in so many words. Its no wonder the woman was supposedly begging her to stay away from him. She knows that H4U isn't being completely honest with her. And the things that she did tell her only prove that she isn't ready for this affair to truly be over on an emotional level.

 

This saga is FAR from over. This BW will not stay so naive with H4U making such Freudian slips.

 

The BW calls wanting the truth and that somehow equates into telling her that "he loves you, but he isn't 'IN LOVE' with you" because he's "in love with me".

 

Just, wow.

 

I was keying in on these two lines....

 

"I tried to listen while fighting back tears and the urge not to say things I knew would hurt her."

 

and

 

"There was a lot I didn't tell her as I don't see the point, the impression I got was that she would forgive him for anything and truly believes she can not live without him."

 

Now, true, and I just thought of it tbh, I am NOT sure what info she left out. But my impression/belief is they were and deliberate lies (of omission) to "not hurt the BW". Which is a load of crap.

 

Her motivation is exactly as you posted...she is angling to "win". And she will.

 

I'm tired of calling her out on her lies. She is SO focused on winning she has lost sight of practically all else. I tried to call her out previously on not wanting this soap opera to end.

 

I have some popcorn around here somewhere...

[hopeless4u]

So are you going to tell her that he already broke NC?

 

Sounds like he wants to be with her and told her what she wanted to hear, but wanted you to know that he really did love you, even though he didn't choose you. Funny, like NOW he's worried about your feelings. So glad you are rid of this guy.

 

He had told her that he had passed a message on to me through someone at work to say sorry so I didn't need to tell her.

 

I agree that he has made his decision and I'm ready to start accepting that.

Not sure how I will be but work has finished now so at least I won't have to see him.

[hopeless4u]

Wow, this conversation was just proof to her (the W) that you may very well be willing to accommodate him once again. Give her enough time to think about what you said and to filter it through him and her demeanor towards you may likely change the next time you speak.

 

The "he said he loves you, but is not in love with you" is the most CLASSIC affair justification line EVER. I can't believe you even told her that you are basically waiting to hear from him that their marriage isn't working out.

 

You didn't hear a word that she said. In fact, it doesn't seem she heard a word of what you were saying either. You are both only parroting back to each other what HE has said. What a waste of a conversation.

 

Sorry, that's my honest take on what's presented here. I predict more drama until you actually go NC with this guy AND his W. There is nothing in this for you.

 

(I can't believe you basically told her you were waiting to hear from him that his marriage isn't working out. OMG OMG OMG :eek: )

 

I told her the I love you but am not in love with you because she asked why I was with him even though he had told me he loved her and yes we both said it was a classic.

I certainly didn't give the impression that I was waiting for their M to end, in fact I told her that I hope they can work this out and be even happier than before and she said that she thinks they can.

 

The reason she rang was for the both of us to know what he had said and what he had decided and hopefully we could both move on from the conversation.

[whichwayisup]

I just lost a friend to cancer. She leaves behind a grieving husband and 2 young children. Sorry but I am going to be blunt here.. Move on. For real this time.

 

Get over him as quickly as you can and move on. Life is too short to waste ANYMORE time here. Your A is over, he's chosen his wife and decided to make a go of his marriage. You've spoken to her, and now NC can happen. Do it. Don't delay, don't play games, don't sit and miss him and wonder...Who cares. Grieve, get over him and find someone who can love you fully.

[hopeless4u]

H4U...why did you lie to her?

 

You lied by omission...to "protect her from hurt". And all you accomplished was deceiving this BW of how deep the rabbit hole goes. I'm sorry but to me, when the BW rings you up to talk...she has already prepared herself for "the worst". And when you wihhold the truth...you continue her betrayal and assist in HIS lies and manipulations.

 

She not only deserved the truth but wanted it badly enough to call the OW. I don't think you comprehend how extraordinarily hard and painful that was for her. And at Christmas to boot.

 

And then to tell her more lies (lies by omission)

 

<<sigh>>

 

I don't understand why you think I lied to her, I didn't. She did most of the talking. I didn't tell her certain things because I could see no point in hurting her any more than she is.

I DO comprehend how much she is hurting, I am trying to do the right thing.

 

I know its self inflicted but I am also grieving a 2 yr R and am not finding this easy.

[hopeless4u]

But, JWI71, she didn't lie. She told the absolute truth. She is waiting in the wings for him to tell her (whether its true or not) that his marriage is failing and so he can come to her.

 

H4U told his W that she is waiting for him, in so many words. Its no wonder the woman was supposedly begging her to stay away from him. She knows that H4U isn't being completely honest with her. And the things that she did tell her only prove that she isn't ready for this affair to truly be over on an emotional level.

 

This saga is FAR from over. This BW will not stay so naive with H4U making such Freudian slips.

 

The BW calls wanting the truth and that somehow equates into telling her that "he loves you, but he isn't 'IN LOVE' with you" because he's "in love with me".

 

Just, wow.

 

WTF, I'm sorry but where are you coming from???

 

I told her that the only conversation I would have with him was if he was telling me had left her and nothing less, she was more than ok with that because she believes it will never come to that. She now knows that if he tries to break NC with excuses I will not reply to him.

 

What more could I have done??

[whichwayisup]

His wife IS going to take it that way..That you ARE waiting in the wings for him, so if their marriage doesn't work out, you'll be there. You may not have meant it that way, but I can tell you for 99.9% sure that IS what she is going to think.

 

I mean, can you honestly say that you'd be willing to take him back if he does divorce in 2-5 years? What if you've totally gotten over him, or have met someone else?

 

You didn't want to hurt her, so you spared her details..Exactly what he has done. To protect her.

[hopeless4u]

I was keying in on these two lines....

 

"I tried to listen while fighting back tears and the urge not to say things I knew would hurt her."

 

and

 

"There was a lot I didn't tell her as I don't see the point, the impression I got was that she would forgive him for anything and truly believes she can not live without him."

 

Now, true, and I just thought of it tbh, I am NOT sure what info she left out. But my impression/belief is they were and deliberate lies (of omission) to "not hurt the BW". Which is a load of crap.

 

Her motivation is exactly as you posted...she is angling to "win". And she will.

 

I'm tired of calling her out on her lies. She is SO focused on winning she has lost sight of practically all else. I tried to call her out previously on not wanting this soap opera to end.

 

I have some popcorn around here somewhere...

 

WTF again!

 

I still don't get what I did wrong?

I let her speak, (she wanted to) without intterupting her. I answered her questions and I told her the things he had said that made me stay for as long as I did.

 

I am not looking to 'win' anything. The only winner here is him!!

 

I am not a liar and yes you did try to 'call me out' before but I was to upset and messed up to defend myself.

 

If you think I am a liar and this is just a soap opera then don't bother replying to my threads, I will not defend myself to you again.

[hopeless4u]

I just lost a friend to cancer. She leaves behind a grieving husband and 2 young children. Sorry but I am going to be blunt here.. Move on. For real this time.

 

Get over him as quickly as you can and move on. Life is too short to waste ANYMORE time here. Your A is over, he's chosen his wife and decided to make a go of his marriage. You've spoken to her, and now NC can happen. Do it. Don't delay, don't play games, don't sit and miss him and wonder...Who cares. Grieve, get over him and find someone who can love you fully.

 

I am so sorry WWIU.

 

I know its time to move on.

I wrote this thread as a part of moving on.

I feel better for talking to his W, no matter what other people think I was honest with her and we had a very in depth and emotional conversation.

I am ready to start getting on with my life, I know it will not be easy because, A or not I am grieving a 2 yrs R and that doesn't just heal over night but I know it has to be done.

 

Again I am so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

[whichwayisup]

Thank you.. Sucks as it is Christmas time..

 

Which leads to me to think that right now she just wants to get through the holidays on a happier note.

 

I do hope you ARE able to totally let go and heal. Please, don't wait for him, for his marriage to fail. It's just not worth it. He's not worth it. Find love with someone who can love ONLY you and give you everything, not just bits and pieces on his time frame.

 

Ofcourse it's not easy, and you'll probably hurt for a while..But, maybe not as long as you think. Closure helps and it seems you got that from her, atleast enough to get you on your way.

[hopeless4u]

His wife IS going to take it that way..That you ARE waiting in the wings for him, so if their marriage doesn't work out, you'll be there. You may not have meant it that way, but I can tell you for 99.9% sure that IS what she is going to think.

 

I mean, can you honestly say that you'd be willing to take him back if he does divorce in 2-5 years? What if you've totally gotten over him, or have met someone else?

 

You didn't want to hurt her, so you spared her details..Exactly what he has done. To protect her.

 

I said that the conversation was a blurr and I had missed some things out, things keep popping back into my head when I read replies and remind me of why I had said certain things to her.

She was nothing but respectful to me and said that she didn't hate me and she didn't fully blame me.

She didn't ring me so I could tell her all the details, she rang so we could both move on knowing he had told the truth about how emotional the R was.

She didn't want to know the gory details and as I have said all along I will tell her what SHE wants to know.

 

We also talked about if he did decide that he wanted to be with me that I would not know if I would have him, I told her that yes, I am in love with him but would I want him....I really don't know.

I guess when I write what was said it seems different to what was actually said.

[hopeless4u]

Thank you.. Sucks as it is Christmas time..

 

Which leads to me to think that right now she just wants to get through the holidays on a happier note.

 

I do hope you ARE able to totally let go and heal. Please, don't wait for him, for his marriage to fail. It's just not worth it. He's not worth it. Find love with someone who can love ONLY you and give you everything, not just bits and pieces on his time frame.

 

Ofcourse it's not easy, and you'll probably hurt for a while..But, maybe not as long as you think. Closure helps and it seems you got that from her, atleast enough to get you on your way.

 

I won't wait for him but I am hurting so bad.

Now work is done and I don't have to put on that 'brave face' for a while it will be easier.

 

I do think the conversation has helped both of us with some sort of closure. At least now I know he thinks what we had was a mistake and wishes it hadn't happened, that hurts like hell but yes, its closure and at least his W knows that I never set out to hurt her and that I am willing to let him go so they can work on their M.

[fooled once]

I have tried to do the right thing toward xMM's W and give him the chance to tell her everything, better for her to hear it from him than me IMO.

So we have exchanged a few txt's (always initiated by her) and I have answered the questions she has asked, no more no less. Its been eating away at me thinking that he hasn't told her everything, how much he loves me, how much I mean to him but I have waited until she asks. Today she did, she txt asking if she could ring me, I said yes......

 

So it would seem he has told her everything, pretty much. He has said...

It was more of an emotional R but was also P( I didn't tell her he had said it was the best sex he'd ever had) he felt at ease talking to me about anything.

He had told me he loved me and I was in love with him but he now realises everything he wanted was right in front of him the whole time and he wishes he had faced up to things and talked to his W and not me. OUCH!

He has felt so trapped over the last 2 yrs and just didn't know which way to turn.

He is sorry for the pain he has caused me and how I have wasted the last 2yrs of my life on him and he hopes I can move on. (Shame he couldn't of told me that himself 2yrs ago! DAMAGE DONE ALREADY!

 

That he feels that they have enough left to turn their M around and that he is willing to do ANYTHING to make this work and that any feelings for me were because of his confusion and not 'real'.

 

I can't remember everything his W said, the whole conversation was a bit of a blur TBH, I tried to listen while fighting back tears and the urge not to say things I knew would hurt her.

I added bits here and there to let her know why I was with him for so long. I told her how he'd told me that he loved her but was not in love with her(I didn't add he told me he didn't think he was ever 'in love' with her) and how I understood because I felt like that about my xH and this is why I believed him for so long, how he didn't want to hurt her. How he'd even told me he'd thought of a way to ask me to marry him but wouldn't tell me in case it eventually happened and that it was him not me who usually broke NC as he had told me he couldn't function without me in his life.

 

She then said 'you don't think he can do this do you?' I just said I don't know, only he knows how he feels. I told her that it had always been the plan to end all contact today (we both finish work for Christmas) and he had promised he would get his head straight and as harsh as it sounded I was glad he was caught because at least she knows everything and I'd been asking him to do this for the last 12 months.

 

So, I'm sure once I hit enter I will realise I've missed loads out but the conversation ended with his W pretty much begging me to stay away from him so he is not tempted to stray and if he tries to break NC can I please tell her straight away, I said the only way I will have any conversation with him is if he is telling me that he tried to make the M work but realised it was me he couldn't live without and was divorcing her.(harsh but true) and even then I would ring her to clarify this.

 

There was a lot I didn't tell her as I don't see the point, the impression I got was that she would forgive him for anything and truly believes she can not live without him.

 

One thing sticks in my throat, he told her that his feelings for me were because he was confused and 'not real' but the day after he told her this he passed a message on to me through a friend saying he wanted me to know that everything he said to me over the last 2yrs was true???

 

He is still lying to someone!!

 

First, big hugs to WWIU ((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss.

 

Hopeless, I get from your post that you wanted to say

 

"He loves me more. He is lying to you. He loves me best. I am the best sex he ever had; he told me so".

 

Like two school girls fighting over a boy.

 

I have a feeling you are going to wait for him. I think you really think he loves you best. But remember, he is staying with his wife and it certainly is her right to fight for her marriage. And it seems like he wants his marriage.

 

But I think he will be back, because he knows you are in love with him and want to be with him.

 

He is scum....

[White Flower]

I just lost a friend to cancer. She leaves behind a grieving husband and 2 young children. Sorry but I am going to be blunt here.. Move on. For real this time.

 

Get over him as quickly as you can and move on. Life is too short to waste ANYMORE time here. Your A is over, he's chosen his wife and decided to make a go of his marriage. You've spoken to her, and now NC can happen. Do it. Don't delay, don't play games, don't sit and miss him and wonder...Who cares. Grieve, get over him and find someone who can love you fully.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend WW. My condolences.

[moaningmyrtle]

For what it's worth H4U, it sounds like you did Ok with his wife. I'm a BW and I went to meet with the OW. The things my H said to her about me/us and the things he said to me about her/them were similar to what's happened in your situation.

 

I'm under no illusions that they had a passionate, romantic relationship including great sex and really believed they were in love. I know this for 2 reasons firstly I read the e-mails and secondly it was a condition of staying with my H that he "tell all", as I needed to know exactly what I was forgiving. I made it clear to my H that telling me everything was not merely confined to the facts but to feelings as well.

 

When I talked at length with her it wasn't with the intention that she answer all my questions, however my H was very worried about me and her communicating. He was desperate to stay married and he knew I planned to talk with her at some stage so it really was in his interests to come completely clean. If she had told me something significant that I didn't already know then he knew I would end our marriage. She had already been thrown under the bus in a very callous and abrupt way on d-day. This was just after professing his love to her in an e-mail (this email was so one of the ones I found on d-day). This meant she had every reason to tell me the very unpleasant facts and she did. What he'd told me was so graphic and detailed that I already doubted there could be anything more and there wasn't. In fact she was obviously really hurt to find out from me some of the details of the OOW he'd had during their A.

 

Her own H had just died unexpectedly (and I believe she cared for him too) and if there was ever a time she needed support from my H it was then; but instead she was unceremoniously dumped (this was more than 6 years after the A started). This sounds like utterly appalling behaviour of my H to dump a grieving widow because of d-day, however part of the problem was that she had dumped my H and ended the affair 3 years earlier and was only trying to get back with my H because her H died. An utterly disgraceful situation all round.

 

I had already told my H that I would forgive my H anything so long as he told me about it but if I ever find out anything else then I'll end our marriage. In fact I wouldn't have forgiven some things such as rape and paedophilia; and if he had been homosexual then I would have just accepted that there was little point in going on - but I didn't tell him that.

 

It may sound like I'm a mean and hard person but I'm not. Giving my H this sort of ultimatum and employing what felt to me like emotional blackmail was one of the hardest things I've ever done and it was done at a time when I was just shell-shocked myself. I knew that it was desperate times and it seemed that desperate measure were called for.

[hopeless4u]

First, big hugs to WWIU ((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss.

 

Hopeless, I get from your post that you wanted to say

 

"He loves me more. He is lying to you. He loves me best. I am the best sex he ever had; he told me so".

 

Like two school girls fighting over a boy.

 

I have a feeling you are going to wait for him. I think you really think he loves you best. But remember, he is staying with his wife and it certainly is her right to fight for her marriage. And it seems like he wants his marriage.

 

But I think he will be back, because he knows you are in love with him and want to be with him.

 

He is scum....

 

I think I must of worded the phone call all wrong because I didn't want to try to convince her he loved me more or anything else along those lines.

Yes the things she told me were very hard to swallow and they hurt.

At times through the conversation we were both fighting back tears.

I have no intention of 'waiting' for him, yes, I'm going through hell right now and I know its going to be a long time before he is not the 1st thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep but I will get there.

 

What his W said about him wanting what was in front of him all this time and his feelings for me not being real felt like a dagger in my heart. I know he wants his W and his M now and that is closure for me. If he had ever told me that I would of walked away but he didn't.

I don't think he will be back, I truly do think he is giving his W 100% and that how I will get over all of this by believing he has finally done the right thing for all 3 of us.

[pureinheart]

I have tried to do the right thing toward xMM's W and give him the chance to tell her everything, better for her to hear it from him than me IMO.

So we have exchanged a few txt's (always initiated by her) and I have answered the questions she has asked, no more no less. Its been eating away at me thinking that he hasn't told her everything, how much he loves me, how much I mean to him but I have waited until she asks. Today she did, she txt asking if she could ring me, I said yes......

 

So it would seem he has told her everything, pretty much. He has said...

It was more of an emotional R but was also P( I didn't tell her he had said it was the best sex he'd ever had) he felt at ease talking to me about anything.

He had told me he loved me and I was in love with him but he now realises everything he wanted was right in front of him the whole time and he wishes he had faced up to things and talked to his W and not me. OUCH!

He has felt so trapped over the last 2 yrs and just didn't know which way to turn.

He is sorry for the pain he has caused me and how I have wasted the last 2yrs of my life on him and he hopes I can move on. (Shame he couldn't of told me that himself 2yrs ago! DAMAGE DONE ALREADY!

 

That he feels that they have enough left to turn their M around and that he is willing to do ANYTHING to make this work and that any feelings for me were because of his confusion and not 'real'.

 

I can't remember everything his W said, the whole conversation was a bit of a blur TBH, I tried to listen while fighting back tears and the urge not to say things I knew would hurt her.

I added bits here and there to let her know why I was with him for so long. I told her how he'd told me that he loved her but was not in love with her(I didn't add he told me he didn't think he was ever 'in love' with her) and how I understood because I felt like that about my xH and this is why I believed him for so long, how he didn't want to hurt her. How he'd even told me he'd thought of a way to ask me to marry him but wouldn't tell me in case it eventually happened and that it was him not me who usually broke NC as he had told me he couldn't function without me in his life.

 

She then said 'you don't think he can do this do you?' I just said I don't know, only he knows how he feels. I told her that it had always been the plan to end all contact today (we both finish work for Christmas) and he had promised he would get his head straight and as harsh as it sounded I was glad he was caught because at least she knows everything and I'd been asking him to do this for the last 12 months.

 

So, I'm sure once I hit enter I will realise I've missed loads out but the conversation ended with his W pretty much begging me to stay away from him so he is not tempted to stray and if he tries to break NC can I please tell her straight away, I said the only way I will have any conversation with him is if he is telling me that he tried to make the M work but realised it was me he couldn't live without and was divorcing her.(harsh but true) and even then I would ring her to clarify this.

 

There was a lot I didn't tell her as I don't see the point, the impression I got was that she would forgive him for anything and truly believes she can not live without him.

 

One thing sticks in my throat, he told her that his feelings for me were because he was confused and 'not real' but the day after he told her this he passed a message on to me through a friend saying he wanted me to know that everything he said to me over the last 2yrs was true???

 

He is still lying to someone!!

 

 

Wow....so much hurt and pain on both ends here....absolutely heartbreaking....

 

WWIU...so sorry my friend, my prayers are with you and all families involved....GBU and all...

 

Soooo much pain, and around Christmas time.

 

One thing I know for sure...in the year of 2010, behavior such as this (hurting people for pure selfish reasons...playing on those that "appear" vulnerable) will not be tolerated and will be exposed...I would not want to be the one causeing so much pain.

 

I think that both involved here (W and H4U) should have kicked this individual to the curb for real.

 

In my situation exMM/exBF wanted his cake and he did eat of it....I saw a vision of him being totally alone due to his arrogance, I saw him loose everything...and I really did not wish this upon him, I saw it for his future.

 

This is all about ego here....after pride comes the fall....I was very prideful due to much hurt in my life....pride and arrogance is a defence mechanism to hide the hurt and pain.

 

At the end of 2005, Christmas to be exact, I lost two of my grandchildren...after pride comes the fall and I fell a very long way down...at this point I realised how human I was and so were they...I am and was not in control of anything....God was and is.

 

H4U....WWIU is right, move on as this guy will kill both of you on the iside if you let him...he is a real piece of work.

 

It makes me sad because of the coward he is, just like the one I just walked away from....be alone if you have to....it's better than this....H4U...you did win in this one and his W lost....I'm sure she will police him, especially after her comment to you....

 

You know what g/f....HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

[pureinheart]

You know, after thinking...the W throws in H4U's face that basically it's a phase that he went through and it meant nothing to him....that he has what he has wanted right in front of him....the W was trying to push buttons in some way, get more truth if there was more, something....not cool.

 

Now sure the W is hurt, but if it were me, I would take into consideration her feelings also and realise that this jerk played both of us...

 

I would not have asked H4U to please stay away so the M has a chance?????!!!!! If someone else has that much influence or control over a M, then it never was a M to begin with...that sounds desparate...like she knows the M is over or that he M her for other reasons.....

 

My God, respect yourself and do not let these men be your idols and control you....I say that to all women going through this....these men are not worth it....H4U, respect yourself BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.....GOD DOES NOT MAKE JUNK!!!!!!!!!!!

[bentnotbroken]

You know, after thinking...the W throws in H4U's face that basically it's a phase that he went through and it meant nothing to him....that he has what he has wanted right in front of him....the W was trying to push buttons in some way, get more truth if there was more, something....not cool.

 

Now sure the W is hurt, but if it were me, I would take into consideration her feelings also and realise that this jerk played both of us...

 

I would not have asked H4U to please stay away so the M has a chance?????!!!!! If someone else has that much influence or control over a M, then it never was a M to begin with...that sounds desparate...like she knows the M is over or that he M her for other reasons.....

 

My God, respect yourself and do not let these men be your idols and control you....I say that to all women going through this....these men are not worth it....H4U, respect yourself BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.....GOD DOES NOT MAKE JUNK!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

It sounds like you are reaching for something that isn't there. Just like the posters who saw OP doing something to hurt the wife....all I see is 2 women trying to make head or tails from what is happening. If there is some anger(damn well should be)from the wife, she does have a right to confront and deal with that anger. H4U has stepped up and done what was right by talking to the wife. At some point she will need to end that for the healing of both of them, but until then nothing in her post about the words of the wife, say the wife did anything wrong.

[Fallen Angel]

Based on what I read, neither of these women set out during that phone call to hurt each other, they were just talking through the hurt trying to get a feel for where the other one was, and to get as much info from each other as possible to help them make their decisions about where to go from here.

 

In my opinion, it is likely that both Hopeless and the W were still hopeful about their chances with MM.. and the conversation helped give them each clarity about their chances. It seems that the conversation has made Hopeless decide that it is time to move on, and try to heal, and has led the W to decide to work hard to fix whatever it is that is broken in her M. An outcome which is painful for both women, but ultimately may make for two happy women.

 

Hopeless, hold your head up girl, you did fine. Now it is time to let that go and focus on you. Find what will make your heart sing, and fill your life with it. (For me I find that volunteering to work with people less fortunate than myself helps me to reevaluate myself, and uplifts my spirit.) Spend this holiday season doing things that will surround you with good people and good cheer, you need that now more than ever.

 

And remember whenever you need a friend, we are here, waiting for you to need us, and wishing you happiness and the true and enduring love that you really do deserve.