MMs-Any of you regretted not choosing the OW?

[DramaQueen]

To all the MMs out there who went back to their Ws after a relationship with a OW/MW (assuming you were the one who let go of your OW/MW), do you have any regrets not choosing the OW? Are you happier in your M now or do you constantly think about your OW and wondering what could have been if....? If you still had a chance and supposedly the OW is still available, would you ask for a second chance?

[Fallen Angel]

Wow... apparently not

[smarterthanbefore]

I asked a good friend of mine who had an A if he regretted staying with his wife, his wife do not know about the A. He stated that he do not regret not leaving for OW, what he regrets, is the the A. He now lives in shame and constant fear of the truth coming out. But he stated that his OW only made him feel better about himself, but he could never trust her because she was willing to sleep with him knowing he was married, and that she would not trust him, plus, he realized how much he loves his wife.

[Untouchable_Fire]

To all the MMs out there who went back to their Ws after a relationship with a OW/MW (assuming you were the one who let go of your OW/MW), do you have any regrets not choosing the OW? Are you happier in your M now or do you constantly think about your OW and wondering what could have been if....? If you still had a chance and supposedly the OW is still available, would you ask for a second chance?

 

I left the OW, and then later divorced my W... I think both were good moves. I do regret the A though.

 

I would have ended my marriage sooner and dated her if she had been single at the time, but since she was also married... I just ended it.

[moaningmyrtle]

I asked a good friend of mine who had an A if he regretted staying with his wife, his wife do not know about the A. He stated that he do not regret not leaving for OW, what he regrets, is the the A. He now lives in shame and constant fear of the truth coming out. But he stated that his OW only made him feel better about himself, but he could never trust her because she was willing to sleep with him knowing he was married, and that she would not trust him, plus, he realized how much he loves his wife.

 

I know my WH feels similarly. I wasn't going to post because I thought that coming from me it would not hold a lot of weight.

 

In the immortal words of Mandy Rice-Davies: "Well he would say that wouldn't he?".

[Brokenlady]

I saw this on dearcupid.org:

 

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008):

 

Have an affair with someone you REALLY love – Everyone (councillors, friends, peers etc.) says walk away, it is not real love, time will heal, it is not worth it - but deep in your heart you know this is the one. So what do you do, you listen to all these people, you do the “right thing” for your children, your family, your career – and what happens? Let me tell you….

 

This happened to me - I was married, had a great job, great kids, great house – everything was great – except I was the unhappiest I had ever been, life seemed pointless and I was always striving for the next best thing. Then I met her – she changed my life. Honestly, I have never felt like this for anyone. We were great together, related to one another, we spoke, we laughed, we cried – we did everything together – my soul mate really. She really wanted to be with me and I really wanted to be with her but I thought I would do the responsible thing. I went counselling with my wife and decided to work it through – against all that I felt!!! I listened to everyone else and not to myself. So I lost the lady I love and now a few years down the line after all the promises have faded, I am back to where I was, unhappy & striving for the next best thing. Except now I am a worse person – I am bitter about the one I lost, I have become a worse father and husband. I am distant, withdrawn and just carrying on with life. If my wife doesn’t like it – she can go have an affair – I am indifferent. Time did not heal because I was not honest with myself.

 

What I am trying to say is that everyone thinks they know better, but be true to yourself. Look, in my situation someone was going to get hurt but what is worse – living a lie and giving up a piece of yourself or being true to yourself and trying to be a better person. Honestly – the first option ends up hurting more people.

 

Not saying this is the advice you must take – just my experience.

[bullhunter]

I have and do regret the affair.

 

I've not only never regretted leaving the OW, it was the best decision I ever made.

[John Who]

I regret my EA,when I told my W about it she D me,so rather than stay alone I stayed with OW,being with OW made me see things more clear how much I was in love with my W how she was my BF.

 

I tried to beg for her to come back but it did not work,I know it was wrong to mislead OW and stay in a relationship with her after my D of course we split up.

 

Do I think about OW no not at all,but I do feel bad that I wasted her time and mislead her for my own insecurity for not wanting to be alone.

 

I was bitter for along time,I was angry at myself for being a immature child.

 

I think about my XW alot even though we have both moved on and are in relationships with different ppl.I still love my XW and I think I always will.

[skywriter]

Reading these threads from OM, just help to confirm why A's are so destructive to everyone involved.

[bentnotbroken]

Does the answer to this question really matter in the end? I mean whether one regrets leaving the spouse for the AP or not, won't change the fact that they did choose to stay. For whatever reasons (excuses or justifications) they stay.