wheelwright Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 It's very simple. Live with a cake eater or be thrown under a bus? Which is more painful? Which would you rather? I am not asking for answers that say I'd walk away before the bus happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoiled Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Of course neither.................... Thrown under the bus. Get over the pain and move on with other options. LIVE with a cake eater= constant pain, constant mistrust, and more. Link to post Share on other sites
outofthedark Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 What happens when you are thrown under the bus, then live with the cake eater.. then find out months later that you were thrown under the bus and he has once again become a cake eater? Talk about a double whammy! I would have rather known I was thrown under the bus and dealt with that and seen him for what he was then go through the cakeeating stage too. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I second that Spoiled - thrown under a bus. Hit me with it, get the pain over and done with (if it ever is) and let me move on to better things. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixrising Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I would definitely choose to be thrown under the bus, get through the pain, and move on. I did this part, but then - fool that I was - I put myself in a position that resulted in being thrown under that bus twice by the same man. I will never, ever, ever put myself in this position again. There are tread marks on my heart that will never go away. I'm finally accepting them, but the whole experience certainly took its toll. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 It's very simple. Live with a cake eater or be thrown under a bus? Which is more painful? Which would you rather? I am not asking for answers that say I'd walk away before the bus happened. How would I know I live with a cake eater? I personally wouldn't live with a cake eater. I don't do cheaters. How is being thrown under a bus painful? Is it because the realization that he isn't the best friend, the soul mate, the man of your dreams OR is it because the affair has ended and he is returning to his wife? I guess you would have to be a betrayed spouse AND other woman to really be able to answer this question. Link to post Share on other sites
outofthedark Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) "I guess you would have to be a betrayed spouse AND other woman to really be able to answer this question." Been there, done that... can fairly answer this question as I have. Though not the spouse, was the live in girlfriend after being the ow. "How is being thrown under a bus painful? Is it because the realization that he isn't the best friend, the soul mate, the man of your dreams OR is it because the affair has ended and he is returning to his wife?" It is the realization that the things he told you were lies. That he isn't loyal to you. That his forever is a far cry from real forever. And yes, that the man of your dreams is actually the man that now gives you nightmares. It is the scar of betrayal, and the loss of your dreams.... something a bs and an ow have in common from the same man Edited December 20, 2009 by outofthedark Link to post Share on other sites
DramaQueen Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 It's very simple. Live with a cake eater or be thrown under a bus? Which is more painful? Which would you rather? I am not asking for answers that say I'd walk away before the bus happened. I guess the answer to this would depend on at what stage we are in now. For those who have left, they will definitely opt for being thrown under a bus because they have been there and have gotten over it, all the pain and misery. For those who are still living with a cake eater, although they are in pain no doubt, they have yet to realise that there's more pain to stay on than to choose to leave. Only the stronger ones will see otherwise. For those who have never been in an affair, of course the answer is to be thrown under the bus because they see it is the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
mybrowneyedgirl Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 sadly, my xmm has been both. i would gladly go back to allowing him to be eating his cake. it never hurt under those circumstances. but being thrown under the bus...still cant deal with it. the pain is so raw and real and damaging. at least i was a willing participant in the cake-eating. i had no say in being blindsided by the big bus. as ive said before the rubber from the tires is still burning my a**. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 It's very simple. Live with a cake eater or be thrown under a bus? Which is more painful? Which would you rather? I am not asking for answers that say I'd walk away before the bus happened. I've never been dumped, because I've always been the one to tire of a R long before the other party/ies did, so I've no experience of the "bus" option, and I've never had the "cake eater" option either as when I've been with guys who've had more than one partner, so have I - and it's been that way out of choice. I have no problem with sexual non-exclusivity, provided that it's openly and honestly chosen, so if my H (or any other future lover) wanted someone else on the side, and discussed it with me, I'd be perfectly cool with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wheelwright Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 Seems the majority are for the bus. But I like MBEG's comment - at least the OW has a choice when participating with a cake-eater. You don't get consulted about the bus! Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Definitely hit with a bus. Make it quick .... and make sure it kills me the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
Starring_Emma Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 It's very simple. Live with a cake eater or be thrown under a bus? Which is more painful? Which would you rather? I am not asking for answers that say I'd walk away before the bus happened. What the heck is a cake eater? Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Hi StarringEmma, This comes from the expression "Have your cake and eat it". Pretty appropriate for cheating on someone -then going back home for lunch! Some folk here don't mind telling their husbands/wives that they are doing this. They sometimes get away with it by saying that "they are so confused" Don't try this next time you order cake at the coffee shop! Link to post Share on other sites
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