stampdaddy Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 this is the only word that comes to my mind anymore when I think about a MW or MM... I have been here now for a couple of years, and I have had my own personal nightmare of a story, followed up by another potential nightmare (but saw the light), and I remember when I came on here all broken hearted, but yet hopeful, and yes, believing WE were different, that SHE was different. I have read so many other stories, with new ones appearing every single day. I see the YEARS taken, I see the DAMAGE done to alot of people and it seems to have lead to one particular pattern: MW and MM's are nothing less than CHICKEN SH*T! What, one out of 1000 isn't? I remember I used to think, "it's only been 6 months, how can I expect her to just "up and leave"? Then I was thinking, "ok, it's now a year, surely the "process" will start any day now..." Then I was thinking, "wtf? 2 years and nothing? maybe we'll get caught? yeah, that will change things..." Then I was thinking, "3 years now, we DID get caught! Now things will get rolling.." NOW I am thinking, " 5 years and what a piece of chickensh*t all MW and MM's are, especially MINE" have a nice day Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Well...interesting take. I can't say that I completely disagree. However...if us WS are chicken ***** what does that make you? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 look at it this way: Chickenshxt makes some good fertilizer. i.e., take what you've learned and apply it to your next relationship so that you can make it grow beautifully. and run like hell from those married women. Except me, of course! Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I happen to agree stamp my old friend. And take heart with what quankanne said...live, learn and be a better man going forward! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Well...interesting take. I can't say that I completely disagree. However...if us WS are chicken ***** what does that make you? With no malice intended, I agree. For every MM or MW who strays, there is a partner. And many of those partners are single individuals who think that this will be different...or rather he or she is different. And most find out that this isn't so. Those that cheat in many cases (certainly not all) are seeking an out from a less than satisfying marriage. They seek an affair out of a need. The OM or OW is the one who thinks that this will be love and ends up the most hurt from it all. YET...that OM or OW went in (many times certainly not all) knowing that this wonderful person was already married. Affairs are made up of two people....neither and both are a victim. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 Well...interesting take. I can't say that I completely disagree. However...if us WS are chicken ***** what does that make you? a "stupid sh*t"? this thread isn't meant to start a war or lay 100% blame on MW/MM. As JamesM said, sometimes it is not "meant to happen this way"... All I am saying is that it ALWAYS happens this way... Ends up a pile of crap. Quank is right, I will and have learned from it, hence this post. If I met a woman who was still married but swore from here to the end of the earth that she was in the middle of a divorce and the moving trucks were already at the door (Elin, are you listening?), I still wouldnt believe her... I HATE having this knowledge now, from experience.. I am a very positive guy, but heck, I feel SO jaded now thinking of what people can do to each other... bah humbug Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I unfortunantly have to agree with Stampdaddy. ....and what does it make us? Foolish until we wise up. Learned this first hand...and when the heat is on....oh my!!! I should work on my marriage, give it one more try....blah, blah, blah... ....and where does this leave the foolhearted one? looking like a fool.... to be continued.... Oh yea, Happy Holidays everyone...peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 a "stupid sh*t"? this thread isn't meant to start a war or lay 100% blame on MW/MM. As JamesM said, sometimes it is not "meant to happen this way"... All I am saying is that it ALWAYS happens this way... Ends up a pile of crap. Quank is right, I will and have learned from it, hence this post. If I met a woman who was still married but swore from here to the end of the earth that she was in the middle of a divorce and the moving trucks were already at the door (Elin, are you listening?), I still wouldnt believe her... I HATE having this knowledge now, from experience.. I am a very positive guy, but heck, I feel SO jaded now thinking of what people can do to each other... bah humbug I didn't find it offensive and I'm a WS. I accept the chicken sh*t title and feel pretty stupid sh*t too. I also have some nice qualities , but am definitely not feeling like a very nice person in general due to the affair. That's what an affair does to a soul......... It's definitely not fun figuring out I'm lacking in character and integrity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 I didn't find it offensive and I'm a WS. I accept the chicken sh*t title and feel pretty stupid sh*t too. I also have some nice qualities , but am definitely not feeling like a very nice person in general due to the affair. That's what an affair does to a soul......... It's definitely not fun figuring out I'm lacking in character and integrity. I appreciate your honesty here, hard to find lately... It does amaze me how these affairs happen, and like I said in my first post on this thread, the second "almost" affair was by a person that I believe that if SHE could wind up there, ANYONE could.... It was so blinded by that fact, until it was right there in front of you.. I was able to put that fire out quickly and point her in the right direction... AWAY FROM ME Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I appreciate your honesty here, hard to find lately... It does amaze me how these affairs happen, and like I said in my first post on this thread, the second "almost" affair was by a person that I believe that if SHE could wind up there, ANYONE could.... It was so blinded by that fact, until it was right there in front of you.. I was able to put that fire out quickly and point her in the right direction... AWAY FROM ME Well, it's definitely a choice. Affairs don't just happen. I know it's my fault I allowed it to happen. I'm probably one of those people others think would never have an affair. People tell me I'm really sweet and have a good heart. I'm not feeling that right now at all.... Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Well, it's definitely a choice. Affairs don't just happen. I know it's my fault I allowed it to happen. I'm probably one of those people others think would never have an affair. People tell me I'm really sweet and have a good heart. I'm not feeling that right now at all.... Just by virture of you feeling that way screams loudly and clearly that you DO have a good heart because you CARE that you have hurt someone, even if they don't know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Just by virture of you feeling that way screams loudly and clearly that you DO have a good heart because you CARE that you have hurt someone, even if they don't know it. Thank you donnamaybe. I must be extra hormonal today. Your post made me cry. Perhaps, I better get to gift wrapping.... Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Stampdaddy. With this thread you have verbalized for me something I have been thinking since experiencing my own crisis , personally recovering from it, and hearing about others experiences with infidelity. Its the ultimate act of passive aggressiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Thank you donnamaybe. I must be extra hormonal today. Your post made me cry. Perhaps, I better get to gift wrapping.... And put on some Christmas music. That'll cheer you up! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 apparently so will the posts Stampy and Anne1707 started, featuring YouTube videos ... which, unfortunately I CAN'T ACCESS FROM WORK BECAUSE OF A DAMNED FIREWALL! back on topic: I'm thinking that those people who get sucked into affairs (and I say it because the married/taken person doesn't *quite* portray things honestly) are big-hearted people who deep down understand that the whole thing is wrong/not good, but because they have sincere feelings about their partners, cannot easily extricate themselves from those relationships. meaning, not everyone who gets caught up in an affair is scuzzy, because if all the cards were on the table and they knew *everything* going in, they more than likely would have chosen differently. Link to post Share on other sites
blinded Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 (edited) a "stupid sh*t"? bah humbug Well, I AM the "stupid sh*t" and he is the biggest "chicken sh*t". What a dumb pair! I can't write anything else right now, because I'll just start crying again. bah humbug is right! Edited December 17, 2009 by blinded . Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Look I agree. I think James put it best...deep down I want out of a M, and finding someone before I am out is pretty chicken*****. Now for all you OW/OM...do you really want to latch your hopes and dreams onto someone that cannot make a decision or is afraid to...food for thought. Or can it be...you may be too chicken***** to live without that person, even if you know you shouldn't be with them? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 just wake up one day and say to yourself "today i am not gonna sleep with someone else's spouse" Link to post Share on other sites
OWW Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 YET...that OM or OW went in (many times certainly not all) knowing that this wonderful person was already married. Yep, and I fully agree and believe that if at the end of the day I expect her to be something different, then the blame lies on me for having unrealistic expectations. Not that it isn't easy to dream about it being something different, but you shouldn't enter any relationship with some grand goal of changing who the person is. If you really love them, then you love them as a married person. If not, well, then you have fallen too far into the fantasy. Again, there are many innocents who did not go in with their eyes wide open, but I did know when I first kissed her that she was married. I stopped and asked if she was sure, first, before we proceeded. I certainly had no idea the extent of what would happen next, but I knew who she was and if that fact, at the end of the day, hurts me, I have no-one but myself to blame. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Wow, I've had a comment for every post thats replied to Stampdaddy. Yes, I'm a member of the dumbsh*t club too. No, I'm not a chicken sh*t. I'm the single one in the that got caught up in the fantasy with the chickensh*t. It has been a long three and a half yrs and I ain't getting any younger. Tired of settling and as with any relationship/friendship, you find out who your friends are. When the going gets tough, when you are excited abt something and pick up the phone to share your pay raise, promotion, won the lottery, what the hell ever and they can't talk. Been through it all. Now, a new yr is coming round and enough is enough. The glasses are off. Time to put on the big girl pants and pull off the blinders and get on with it. Stop trying to ask why this and that. Quick kicking the dead horse already. Learn from it and move the hell on. whew..... thanks I needed that, now pass the Patron and the shot glass please...... Link to post Share on other sites
outofthedark Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Weak, Chickenchit, lying, pos, manipulating, disrespectful, selfish, selfish, selfish (lotta that)..... Good grief and we love them... I remember those days.. 6 months, a year, 18 months, tax time, end of year... yep always had a date that came and went. Why Why Why i ask.. and yes I ask my shrink the same thing! Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Stampdaddy. Its the ultimate act of passive aggressiveness. It is the ultimate passive agressive act. Well said. And the toing and froing is like a knife twisting in everyone who loves them. The OP and the BS. Getting involved with a MP may be foolish but many MPs are very adept at making their situations sound plausible and like the A is an acceptable situation. But the A is toxic in 99% of all cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 xMM once told me, "You're a lot braver than I am." He was referring to the fact that I will walk away from a bad relationship. And there was my answer - he didn't have the courage to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Back before I got remarried I was OW a bunch of times, intentionally. You guys know all about that. Now, my MM were ...successful, well off, high end executive type guys ...I mean, you get the point. Looking back , especially after reading here and having my own experiences I am amazed how much they had in common. Each was happily married. Thats right. Happily married like, 90% of the time. Happy with the lovely wife, a proud dad, great neighbor ...all that. For some reason they simply felt that for that 10% that was not always complete bliss...they deserved something more. So, its a selfish thing. Given. Now...I liked these guys a lot. Some of them thought they were in love with me. In fact, ultimately I liked them so much I decided to just find my own. All that for this: I never once considered any of them leaving their marriages for me because as wonderful as they were...I didnt want a cheater. ALSO...if they were that great, that accomplished, that perfect, that successful in every aspect....WHY COULDNT THEY FIX WHATEVER IT WAS THAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT 10% OF THE MARRIAGE or suck up some integrity and leave with it like a grown up?? Passive aggressive. And I hate to say this but ...its almost a feminine trait when you recognize it in a man. Or something. Yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Look I agree. I think James put it best...deep down I want out of a M, and finding someone before I am out is pretty chicken*****. Now for all you OW/OM...do you really want to latch your hopes and dreams onto someone that cannot make a decision or is afraid to...food for thought. Or can it be...you may be too chicken***** to live without that person, even if you know you shouldn't be with them? You are absolutely right, DI. And it sounds like you should end your marriage now before latching on to someone new again. But, then again, I suspect that you already knew that.... There are a whole host of reasons why MM/MW don't leave. I will say, as a MOW, that I wouldn't leave for my AP because, while I loved him, love isn't enough. And I love my kids too much to leave. Affairs just suck. In my opinion, people cheat because they are frickin' damaged. Period. Myself included. And nothing good ever comes from an affair. Only pain, disappointment, and a lot of hurt to the BS. StampDaddy... I hear your pain. Sometimes we just can't help who we love. And because we love them so much, we inherently want to see the good in them -- and that means making excuses for them, and hoping that they will do what's best for US. Sorry for you pain. Link to post Share on other sites
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