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When was the first time OM/OW said "I love you".


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For me, my MW had been together about a year, went NC for a year and had been back together for just about a month. My MW was not the most forthcoming person in the world when it came to "feelings", but it never bothered me.

 

It was right around Valentine's Day and something had happened that had me second-guessing our relationship. I remember that I was sitting on the floor in my office and she was sitting on my lap with her legs wrapped around me. At the time, we were very uncertain of our future and we never discussed it, but I told her that we needed to think about things before continuing because relationships either grow or wither away and it seemed that we were close to a point that we could no longer grow. She asked me if I understood why things we're so complicated. I asked her "why?". She looked me in the eyes and said, "Because I love you".

 

It meant a lot to me because (1) I had loved her for a long time and (2) she just wasn't the kind of person that says I love you. It only recently became common for us to tell each other on a regular basis. There's rarely a day that goes by that we don't tell each other "I love you" at least several times... and it's sincere and heartfelt each time.

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howcouldInotknow

MM said it first we had been dating for just about a year. I didnt say it to him for a month or two after that. They are heavy words in my opinion so it took sometime

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TBH, I don't intend on telling her about the MW. I asked her to leave twice (house is in my name) the end of October, but I think she was trying to force me to a court battle again. I was close to having the papers ready to be served (late Nov) and things calmed down a bit. She's been heavy into exercise for the last 6 months and is built like a brick house at the moment so her confidence is booming. She's made several threats that if I didn't want her that there were other men that did. Oddly enough, she asked me to add some pics of our D to her Facebook profile and one of those "men" had sent her an email telling her how good she's looking lately. She knows that I saw it, but she laughed it off (could be a plant, IDK). I didn't say anything else about it. I was tempted to log on her FB again, but decided against it. Just don't care much about snooping.

 

I intend on approaching her again after the holidays in an attempt to avoid a court date, but I'm tempted to hold back for a while to see if she'll cheat on me again. Not that I care other than if she wants someone else, it will be easier for her to let go.

 

The wild card is my MW. She had been planning to leave her husband at a time when she could take her kids on a week-long trip. She may do it spring break or may wait until the beginning of the summer. She has mentioned twice in the last two weeks that she would just tell him the truth so she and the kids cold move on if she knew it wouldn't hurt me. I told her today that if she felt that was the best way to handle her divorce, then I would accept that. So it is possible that I could end up telling W about it. It would be easier for me to just come clean and I would much rather do it that way except for the fact that me and the MW are coworkers and I know my W and probably my MiL would do there damned best to get us both fired.

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We had been friends for numerous years online, and had been really great friends for about a year. But that is all it really was (though looking back it was very EA stuff without the "I love you's" and 'romance'), as I was still in my marriage, though I was well on the way out. We would talk almost every night on my lunch break at work, and even though I had loving feelings for him, since I was still in my M, I never spoke them aloud.

 

It was the end of my lunch break and I was walking back to the time clock with only a couple of minutes left, when he said something along the lines of.. "I need to tell you something and I do not want you to say anything." I had no clue what was coming.. really, no clue at all. He went on to say "I love you, I know I shouldn't say it, but I love you, and I can not go the rest of my life having NOT told you that. I do not expect you to feel the same, but I had to get it out. And I never want to hear you say it unless you mean it."

 

He knew I was out of time to talk and was going to be late if I didn't go.. I was so flabbergasted by this all I could think of to say was "Thank You".

 

WTF? THANK YOU? LMAO :lmao:

 

The man I had been falling in love with told me he loved me and all i could think of to say was "Thank You", I had to go then and couldn't talk to him again til I was off work four hours later.

 

But it was actually a while longer before I returned the sentiment, even though I felt it, I was afraid to vocalize it, since I had not yet physically left my H.

 

I still get red in the face remembering my loss for words that night. :o:love:

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howcouldInotknow

 

I was so flabbergasted by this all I could think of to say was "Thank You".

 

WTF? THANK YOU? LMAO :lmao:

 

 

I said thank you the first time he said I love you. I didn't know what to say.

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We had been friends for numerous years online, and had been really great friends for about a year. But that is all it really was (though looking back it was very EA stuff without the "I love you's" and 'romance'), as I was still in my marriage, though I was well on the way out. We would talk almost every night on my lunch break at work, and even though I had loving feelings for him, since I was still in my M, I never spoke them aloud.

 

It was the end of my lunch break and I was walking back to the time clock with only a couple of minutes left, when he said something along the lines of.. "I need to tell you something and I do not want you to say anything." I had no clue what was coming.. really, no clue at all. He went on to say "I love you, I know I shouldn't say it, but I love you, and I can not go the rest of my life having NOT told you that. I do not expect you to feel the same, but I had to get it out. And I never want to hear you say it unless you mean it."

 

He knew I was out of time to talk and was going to be late if I didn't go.. I was so flabbergasted by this all I could think of to say was "Thank You".

 

WTF? THANK YOU? LMAO :lmao:

 

The man I had been falling in love with told me he loved me and all i could think of to say was "Thank You", I had to go then and couldn't talk to him again til I was off work four hours later.

 

But it was actually a while longer before I returned the sentiment, even though I felt it, I was afraid to vocalize it, since I had not yet physically left my H.

 

I still get red in the face remembering my loss for words that night. :o:love:

 

I haven't been following LS as much lately. Are you still with your MM?

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This makes me sad & makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing!!! We had been friends for a year before our PA & about 4 months into it he wanted out. He shocked me, I didn't expect it because he made sure I showed up that day & I was sick & asked to cancel. I nursed myself to make our "date" that day & everything was going really well....and then he said, "I can't see you." Understandable, I agreed & it looked like he had tears in his eyes. I knew it was hard for him, and I said "I've fallen in love with you" and he said, "I know." That was it. We didn't talk after that for months, he didn't return my 2 emails I'd sent & finally I sent a 3rd email saying I re-arranged my schedule at work, so he could go into my work on my days off & I was going to my Mom's house to think for a week. He replied, then called, making sure I knew that he didn't love me. We talked the whole week I was at my Mom's.

 

Then months after that I was on another thinking trip, to get him out of my mind, and he called. He kind of let me have it & I couldn't say anything. I asked, "don't you have any feelings for me?" that was all I could spit out. I told him I must have been a conquest because he was totally into me, until I was into him. He said "Do you want to know when everything changed? When you told me you love me."

 

So I'm jealous of you all. I wouldn't have expected this would happen with someone who would never love me??? But here I am, and I just talked to him yesterday. I'll never tell him that again.

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BTW, the PA has been about a year & a half.

I'm sorry that you can't express your loving feelings for a man you love and are sleeping with.

 

I was in love before we slept together and believe he was too but neither of us had spit it out yet. After making love twice (after a year and a half of EA) I decided I had to split because I didn't feel like proceding in a R where I couldn't verbally express myself. Not that he held me back verbally but I guess being prideful I wanted him to say it first. I told him I think I needed to bail, that an A was not for me. Then he pulled the 'I love you' out of his hat and that worked for me. For a while. I think I replied with I love you too in the same conversation.

 

I questioned his love at the time but only to myself. I do not question his love for me at all now.

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Wow. We were close friends for 12 years and knew each other very well prior to our A. Our EA moved quickly into a PA after two months. Our A almost started 12 years ago, prior to our marriages. He told me he loved me during one of our conversations a few days after our first sexual experience. We both said "We're friends, we can give each other excitement without getting too emotionally involved." I believe we were in love prior to seeing each other but neither wanted to express it verbally to the other. "We are friends, not supposed to be in love." My greatest regret is hurting my H. My second regret is ruining my friendships with my xMM and his W.

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The first time was about 2 months into the A. We had recently gotten back from a trip to France...it was fantastic. About halfway through I realized he had no plans of leaving for me, but my feelings had gotten to a point and there was no turning back. We were in the kitchen there and he asked a few questions about us...he actually was on the verge of tears. I told him that everything was so good between us, in my view, because he was the total package for me and I assumed he felt the same about me. We celebrated our birthdays there (2 days in advance) and then back to reality. Several weeks later I was going into a meeting and right before I did I rang him and told him I loved him...I will never in my life forget what he said...he was very quiet and when I was saying goodbye he said 'I think I love you...no...I know I love you'. That was the first time...the last time was when we spoke after he'd been caught. We had a final (well, that was the plan) talk and we were both in tears and he said over and over that he loved me...I said the same to him.

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Originally Posted by Heather1

He replied, then called, making sure I knew that he didn't love me. We talked the whole week I was at my Mom's.

Then months after that I was on another thinking trip, to get him out of my mind, and he called. He kind of let me have it & I couldn't say anything. I asked, "don't you have any feelings for me?" that was all I could spit out. I told him I must have been a conquest because he was totally into me, until I was into him. He said "Do you want to know when everything changed? When you told me you love me."

So I'm jealous of you all. I wouldn't have expected this would happen with someone who would never love me??? But here I am, and I just talked to him yesterday. I'll never tell him that again.

 

So, is this just a PA for him? I’m assuming he’s the one who’s married. Are you seeing him still/again? I think I’d have a hard time talking to someone I was in-love with who would never love me and on occasion made sure I was aware of it. That’ll just sound kinda janky to me. But I guess I can’t fault the guy for being honest.

My MM has never said “I love you” and vice versa. I would end it if MM told me he loved me. I’d say "Do you want to know when everything changed? When you told me you love me.” An infatuated MM I love; an in-love MM I can do without. I’m not worried though. I’m sure he has no desire, intention or capability of falling for me either.

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I was one of those people who didn't do love.

 

I was in the A for hot, passionate, toe-curling sex and nothing more - just like my previous As. And then, one day, we were lying on the beach, squinting up at the sun, when he looked at me funny. I knew something was changing but at that stage I had no clue just how much. After we went back to the cottage from some of the hot, passionate, toe-curling stuff, our eyes locked and held, and we stayed like that for ages. That was about a year in.

 

Some time later - I can't remember exactly when - we finally admitted it to each other. I hadn't wanted to hear it earlier, and I certainly was not about to say it, but by the time we did we could no longer deny it and were ready to face the consequences.

 

Once we said it, we couldn't stop. Even now, boring and M as we are, it just keeps tumbling off our tongues with a will of its own.

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He said "Do you want to know when everything changed? When you told me you love me."

 

Yep, that seriously killed off my previous As too. The minute a guy uttered that, he was dead. I'd get up, shower, leave - and he'd simply never see me again. If you're in an A for just the fun stuff, the getting heavy like that can be such a passion killer. For someone who does not want to be tied down, whose independence and freedom matters to them, "I love you" is a death sentence.

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Impudent Oyster
It would be easier for me to just come clean and I would much rather do it that way except for the fact that me and the MW are coworkers and I know my W and probably my MiL would do there damned best to get us both fired.

 

I think coming clean is always the best bet, she'll probably find out anyway then make it much harder on you.

 

Also, if you earn more money than she does, it would be really stupid of her to get you fired, that would affect how much money SHE gets, especially if you have children.

 

I doubt she'd do that, unless she's the main breadwinner.

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I think coming clean is always the best bet, she'll probably find out anyway then make it much harder on you.

 

The only reason I haven't because of the MW. Before I met MW, I had asked for a divorce. I was trying to avoid the inevitable court fight. One night, I received a text from a male friend using his wife's phone. It was around midnight and it concerned the score of a high school football game. My wife found the text and called the number and his W answered. Well, that was the catalyst for my W to call her husband and accuse his W and I of having and affair. And the best part was that both my W and MiL called my job (friend's W was a coworker) and try to get us both fired. BTW, we weren't having an affair.

 

I do have another job lined up in April if I accept it. It will make things a lot easier if we decide to come clean with your spouses.

 

Also, if you earn more money than she does, it would be really stupid of her to get you fired, that would affect how much money SHE gets, especially if you have children.

 

I doubt she'd do that, unless she's the main breadwinner.

 

Irrationality is my wife's strongest trait.

 

I'm usually pretty good with my instincts and for the last few days I've have a feeling something is going to happen soon. Interestingly enough, my W was completely expressionless when I got home last night. There was no conversation at all between us, pleasant or otherwise, which is very rare. This morning while in the kitchen, she leaned over to pick something up and there was a pick spot on her back just below her waistline. I asked her what it was and she claimed she had no idea. It looked a heck of a lot like a rug burn to me. About 30 minutes later, she called my 9 year old D and told her that she loved her and me and that she just wanted her to know that. D said she was crying. :confused:

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With my MMs.. it is clear from the start.. no 'I Love You's' or it's over..

 

My MM from work told me a few times.. but he knows it can't go beyond words..

 

My 'scout dad' has just started to tell me (3 last times) that he loves me.. Saturday.. he asked me if I would 'take' him :laugh: I said no, the best thing for him was to remain with his wife.. since they are presently building the house of their dreams and they have 3 young boys that he absolutely loves..

 

I very much 'love' them.. but occasionnally.. :laugh:

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Impudent Oyster
The only reason I haven't because of the MW. Before I met MW, I had asked for a divorce. I was trying to avoid the inevitable court fight. One night, I received a text from a male friend using his wife's phone. It was around midnight and it concerned the score of a high school football game. My wife found the text and called the number and his W answered. Well, that was the catalyst for my W to call her husband and accuse his W and I of having and affair. And the best part was that both my W and MiL called my job (friend's W was a coworker) and try to get us both fired. BTW, we weren't having an affair.

 

I do have another job lined up in April if I accept it. It will make things a lot easier if we decide to come clean with your spouses.

 

 

 

Irrationality is my wife's strongest trait.

 

I'm usually pretty good with my instincts and for the last few days I've have a feeling something is going to happen soon. Interestingly enough, my W was completely expressionless when I got home last night. There was no conversation at all between us, pleasant or otherwise, which is very rare. This morning while in the kitchen, she leaned over to pick something up and there was a pick spot on her back just below her waistline. I asked her what it was and she claimed she had no idea. It looked a heck of a lot like a rug burn to me. About 30 minutes later, she called my 9 year old D and told her that she loved her and me and that she just wanted her to know that. D said she was crying. :confused:

 

The longer you deceive her the worse it will be. Honestly. She'll find out, then she'll be angry that you're in love with someone else but that anger will pale in comparison to the anger she'll have at being lied to and deceived for so long.

 

If you REALLY want a divorce and REALLY love the OW, be honest. It will be a thousand times worse if she finds out on her own, and she will.

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The longer you deceive her the worse it will be. Honestly. She'll find out, then she'll be angry that you're in love with someone else but that anger will pale in comparison to the anger she'll have at being lied to and deceived for so long.

 

If you REALLY want a divorce and REALLY love the OW, be honest. It will be a thousand times worse if she finds out on her own, and she will.

 

No wiser words said...

 

Bet you'd never have expected me to agree with you IO?

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Impudent Oyster
No wiser words said...

 

Bet you'd never have expected me to agree with you IO?

 

Meh, I just tell the truth, sometimes people don't like to hear it. ;)

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Meh, I just tell the truth, sometimes people don't like to hear it. ;)

 

I think we all (well most all) tell our own truths...they just differ. Glad we're on the same view of this one.

 

I know I disagree with you strongly on lots, but I love reading your posts and you always make me think. You, frozensprouts, bentnotbroken...so many I disagree with, but always look for their posts and always walk away thinking.

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The longer you deceive her the worse it will be. Honestly. She'll find out, then she'll be angry that you're in love with someone else but that anger will pale in comparison to the anger she'll have at being lied to and deceived for so long.

 

If you REALLY want a divorce and REALLY love the OW, be honest. It will be a thousand times worse if she finds out on her own, and she will.

 

Any admission on my part would require my MW to be ready to do the same. As I said before, personally, I would be better off just admitting to the affair and moving on with or without my MW. But whether I admit things to my W or she finds out on her on, she's going nuclear.

 

My MW has far more to lose than I. If we can wait just 3 more months, I can take a job making more money and there will be no grounds for termination for her at our current employer. She'll also have a week off where she can take her kids out of town while the papers are being served. If the A comes out at that point, it won't make much difference.

 

I've been willing to share equal custody of our D and still pay 10% of my income for child support if my W agreed. She fought me once and lost. And now my D is at the age where her desires will influence a judge. She has made it clear that she want's equal time with both of us.

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I recall that I was the one that said it first, probably 2-3 months into our relationship. It was very intense, even right from the start. He said he felt the same way and within another 3 months or so, it became a regular and frequent interjection into our conversations. I suspect that part of his reluctance was that he felt forced to say it to his ex-wife everytime they got off the phone, etc, and it felt disingenuous. I know that when he says it to me that he really deeply means it.

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XMM had been a friend for 12 years...for about three months prior to us starting the affair he was cool and distant with me as a friend. On a night out I questioned him about this and he shrugged it off, I pushed and pushed him as it hurt me that he could treat me like that.

 

We ended up having an argument later that evening and he said 'I just can't cope being around you as a friend, I love you so much and have since the day I met you, it's killing me, it's killing me'.

 

I had no idea and couldn't breathe from the shock, I was angry, upset and so confused. It wasn't the flattering romantic declaration like in the movies. Two weeks later we kissed and that was the start of it.

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