I'm about half way tempted...

[otherman]

Second post of the day, but I was thinking....

 

I'm about halfway tempted to just drive over to my MW house and have her make the choice right there on the spot? I have driven over plenty of nights just todo it and never stopped because I was afraid she would leave. However, I guess in all honesty if she is not going to be with me, then she isn't going to be with me. As I posted the other day I told her I was going to tell her H about the affair so he would leave. FYI, she has told me in the past if he would leave I wouldn't have to wait so long. I feel like I am playing second best sometimes. I hate that feeling. I love her to death and yes althought I got poked on the forum for saying soulmate, I feel like she is just that my soulmate. She says it will be before June, but that's a long time, that will be a whole year of only seeing her a few hours a week. I just can't take it, I don't know what todo sometimes.

 

Anyways, do you think it's a bad idea to drive over and make her pick right there in front of her H. FYI, he doesn't know about me I have recently been in there home when he was there, he thinks I am just a friend, which in away makes me feel bad, but then again I know now what he put her through is ture.

 

I'm not scared of it getting physical, I am scared of losing the only person I have ever truly loved, my soulmate.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

[Spoiled]

Second post of the day, but I was thinking....

 

I'm about halfway tempted to just drive over to my MW house and have her make the choice right there on the spot? I have driven over plenty of nights just todo it and never stopped because I was afraid she would leave. However, I guess in all honesty if she is not going to be with me, then she isn't going to be with me. As I posted the other day I told her I was going to tell her H about the affair so he would leave. FYI, she has told me in the past if he would leave I wouldn't have to wait so long. I feel like I am playing second best sometimes. I hate that feeling. I love her to death and yes althought I got poked on the forum for saying soulmate, I feel like she is just that my soulmate. She says it will be before June, but that's a long time, that will be a whole year of only seeing her a few hours a week. I just can't take it, I don't know what todo sometimes.

 

Anyways, do you think it's a bad idea to drive over and make her pick right there in front of her H. FYI, he doesn't know about me I have recently been in there home when he was there, he thinks I am just a friend, which in away makes me feel bad, but then again I know now what he put her through is ture.

 

I'm not scared of it getting physical, I am scared of losing the only person I have ever truly loved, my soulmate.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

Obviously you do love her to death. BAD idea, are you trying to get shot? Just thinking of what would have happened if my xMM showed up at the door.

[LakesideDream]

Second post of the day, but I was thinking....

 

I'm about halfway tempted to just drive over to my MW house and have her make the choice right there on the spot? I have driven over plenty of nights just todo it and never stopped because I was afraid she would leave. However, I guess in all honesty if she is not going to be with me, then she isn't going to be with me. As I posted the other day I told her I was going to tell her H about the affair so he would leave. FYI, she has told me in the past if he would leave I wouldn't have to wait so long. I feel like I am playing second best sometimes. I hate that feeling. I love her to death and yes althought I got poked on the forum for saying soulmate, I feel like she is just that my soulmate. She says it will be before June, but that's a long time, that will be a whole year of only seeing her a few hours a week. I just can't take it, I don't know what todo sometimes.

 

Anyways, do you think it's a bad idea to drive over and make her pick right there in front of her H. FYI, he doesn't know about me I have recently been in there home when he was there, he thinks I am just a friend, which in away makes me feel bad, but then again I know now what he put her through is ture.

 

I'm not scared of it getting physical, I am scared of losing the only person I have ever truly loved, my soulmate.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

 

 

OM, you are second best... if she wanted to be with you exclusively she would be. Soulmates are fine... marriages are often final.

 

You are riding on a rocky road. I've been there, done that. I have my share of bruises and heartache. Think carefully and watch your life closely.

 

Is the F**king you're getting worth the F**king you're getting ?

[2sunny]

Second post of the day, but I was thinking....

 

I'm about halfway tempted to just drive over to my MW house and have her make the choice right there on the spot? I have driven over plenty of nights just todo it and never stopped because I was afraid she would leave. However, I guess in all honesty if she is not going to be with me, then she isn't going to be with me. As I posted the other day I told her I was going to tell her H about the affair so he would leave. FYI, she has told me in the past if he would leave I wouldn't have to wait so long. I feel like I am playing second best sometimes. I hate that feeling. I love her to death and yes althought I got poked on the forum for saying soulmate, I feel like she is just that my soulmate. She says it will be before June, but that's a long time, that will be a whole year of only seeing her a few hours a week. I just can't take it, I don't know what todo sometimes.

 

Anyways, do you think it's a bad idea to drive over and make her pick right there in front of her H. FYI, he doesn't know about me I have recently been in there home when he was there, he thinks I am just a friend, which in away makes me feel bad, but then again I know now what he put her through is ture.

 

I'm not scared of it getting physical, I am scared of losing the only person I have ever truly loved, my soulmate.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

i say sure, try it out - let us know how it turns out...

[Woggle]

All this drama over a cheater who just wants to get back at her husband for god knows what reason. Why are you doing this to yourself?

[Spoiled]

i say sure, try it out - let us know how it turns out...

 

Please do not listen to 2sunny:eek:

[Virgo1982]

Because she is his soulmate.

[otherman]

I have always been told I have a death wish(extreme sports and all)

 

I can take physical pain and alot of emotional pain, but I can't take this type of emotional pain any longer.

 

How, can she just expect me to keep waiting. She has always found attractive in me that I am headstrong and someone who tkaes life by the horns, but in this case, in this one area of her leaving him, I let her control it. I am fine letting her lead, but she wants me to wait about 6 more mo, I can't handle it, I would die of a broken heart.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

FYI, he does have a weapon, but that doesnt' scare me, should it?

[LakesideDream]

I have always been told I have a death wish(extreme sports and all)

 

I can take physical pain and alot of emotional pain, but I can't take this type of emotional pain any longer.

 

How, can she just expect me to keep waiting. She has always found attractive in me that I am headstrong and someone who tkaes life by the horns, but in this case, in this one area of her leaving him, I let her control it. I am fine letting her lead, but she wants me to wait about 6 more mo, I can't handle it, I would die of a broken heart.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

 

 

 

FYI, he does have a weapon, but that doesnt' scare me, should it?

 

 

Tough guy who can't wait six months... wow. Die of a broken heart... how romantic, and utterly ridictulous.

 

I've been down your road for 8 years 'ol Son... your heart and your life aren't in danger. Your sanity maybe, but that's up to you.

 

Butch up and quit with all the Melodrama... You agreed to the rules. Either play the game or retire from it.

[fooled once]

I have always been told I have a death wish(extreme sports and all)

 

I can take physical pain and alot of emotional pain, but I can't take this type of emotional pain any longer.

 

How, can she just expect me to keep waiting. She has always found attractive in me that I am headstrong and someone who tkaes life by the horns, but in this case, in this one area of her leaving him, I let her control it. I am fine letting her lead, but she wants me to wait about 6 more mo, I can't handle it, I would die of a broken heart.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

FYI, he does have a weapon, but that doesnt' scare me, should it?

 

She can and does expect you to keep waiting because you have been. Many cheating spouses tell their affair partner all kinds of 'lies' and 'promises' to keep the affair partner hooked. That is exactly what she is doing.

 

Why drive over there? Why not just call her and tell her you want an answer NOW.

 

I think you already know the answer; but just want confirmation.

 

When is the next time you are suppose to see her?

[Woggle]

I have always been told I have a death wish(extreme sports and all)

 

I can take physical pain and alot of emotional pain, but I can't take this type of emotional pain any longer.

 

How, can she just expect me to keep waiting. She has always found attractive in me that I am headstrong and someone who tkaes life by the horns, but in this case, in this one area of her leaving him, I let her control it. I am fine letting her lead, but she wants me to wait about 6 more mo, I can't handle it, I would die of a broken heart.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

FYI, he does have a weapon, but that doesnt' scare me, should it?

 

She just wants to smash her husband's balls and you are the weapon. That is all you are to her. If she betrays one man she will betray you.

[greengoddess]

Just send her husband an annonymous email or text that his wife is cheating on him with no more detals than that and let him figure it out. Then he will know and she can not blame you. He ill throw her out and you are free to live happily ever after. Although, if he throws her out and she goes to you then are you second best?

 

The only way to know if you really are what she wants is to let her leave on her own. Otherwise you will always wonder...

[Meaplus3]

Very bad idea to drive over to her house and make her pick. Look, this woman has a husband. And until she has come to the conclusion that she does not want to be married to him any longer, then you really don't have a leg to stand on here. Why waste your time? Your best bet is to let her sort out her issues with her H.. and if she loves you and not him then she will make the choice to be with you.. case in point!

 

Mea:)

[LakesideDream]

Other Man

 

FYI, he does have a weapon, but that doesnt' scare me, should it?

 

 

Otherman, when you are F**king another mans wife you should alway be worried. I'm sure you wouldn't look twice at me, I'm just an old fat man... who could kill you between lunch and dessert without giving it a second thought.

 

Things and people are seldom what they seem to be at a glance.

[Woggle]

I would tell her husband everything then drop her and move on with your life. She is not worth it.

[LakesideDream]

I would tell her husband everything then drop her and move on with your life. She is not worth it.

 

 

Now why didn't I think of that Wogs.... ! LoL !!

[mybrowneyedgirl]

ive never really understood the wanting to tell the other spouse. in my situation we hadnt talked about leaving for each other...maybe thats why this is confusing to me.

 

but i would have to think that if he "outed" me to my H, even if i was planning to leave that it would be an ultimate form of betrayal. almost a little crazy to do such. shes trusting you with the biggest secret of her life - her affair. by telling him you are breaking that secret and the trust that you have together.

 

if you want to do this then go to her. give her an ultimatum and let her decide. but dont choose for her, it will probably be an emotional mess, a disaster and she'll be forced to instantly make a decision. instead, talk to her. tell her how you feel and let her have time to think about it and decide what to do on her own.

[Fallen Angel]

Well, if you give in to temptation, at least you will know one way or the other. However I would think you should consider your safety. It is all well and fine to say that he has a weapon, but I am unafraid, but false bravado won't stop bullets or blades, my friend. Be careful. (They don't have a 'concerned' face that was as close as i could find)

[bentnotbroken]

Go for it. My guess is you talk a good game, death wish or not. Move on.

[2sunny]

at least if you just go over there and drop the bomb on her husband - there is sure to be some kind of outcome forced now.

 

otherwise you sit and wait, and wait, and wait - for HER to decide when it's a convenient time... and who's to say she'll ever decide one way or another? are you willing to wait forever? some people do.

 

decide for YOURSELF exactly what YOU want... then do it. selfish? maybe... but i would say what she's doing to you AND ultimately her husband is selfish as well. call her out on it.

 

yep, i know i rarely take this stand - but hey, why not? try something new - anything different to change the arena.

[MizFit]

Well...I have to side with everyone else don't do it...for several reasons...

 

1 -- as BNB said, you know the rules and you agreed. If you don't want to play then get out of the game.

 

2 -- take it from me a BS doesn't always just leave. I had so many thoughts about what my xMM BS would do if she found out...I was judging her on what I would have done. Basically I figured if she found out she'd leave him high and dry...well, that didn't work. She found an email confirmation of a train ticket he bought me...then she figured out what his email password was...she spent about 17 hours going through 6 months worth of emails that were sexually graphic, open and honest where 'I love you' flowed easily from the both of us. She learned I'd been to their holiday home in France twice and to their home twice...she saw that he'd invited me to a function she and their daughter were at. She saw where he had come to my house to surprise me with roses one day and came to stay almost a week another time. I kicked out my H when I didn't yet have solid proof he'd cheated...she took him back and that was a month ago.

 

3 -- if he does leave her then you'll have royally ticked her off. You're taking the control out of her hands and that's not what she wants...the only thing you'll guarantee dong is ending your relationship.

 

On top of that the male bravado is boring...if she is your soulmate then you have to make the tough decisions. You need to stay with her as long as you can, but you can not make her decisions for her...there will be a day she will be caught or you've had enough or she decides she wants to be with her.

 

It's not easy...it's not fun...don't lose your head over any of it or what you feel is worthwhile will disappear.

[Agent_99]

Well...I have to side with everyone else don't do it...for several reasons...

 

1 -- as BNB said, you know the rules and you agreed. If you don't want to play then get out of the game.

 

2 -- take it from me a BS doesn't always just leave. I had so many thoughts about what my xMM BS would do if she found out...I was judging her on what I would have done. Basically I figured if she found out she'd leave him high and dry...well, that didn't work. She found an email confirmation of a train ticket he bought me...then she figured out what his email password was...she spent about 17 hours going through 6 months worth of emails that were sexually graphic, open and honest where 'I love you' flowed easily from the both of us. She learned I'd been to their holiday home in France twice and to their home twice...she saw that he'd invited me to a function she and their daughter were at. She saw where he had come to my house to surprise me with roses one day and came to stay almost a week another time. I kicked out my H when I didn't yet have solid proof he'd cheated...she took him back and that was a month ago.

 

3 -- if he does leave her then you'll have royally ticked her off. You're taking the control out of her hands and that's not what she wants...the only thing you'll guarantee dong is ending your relationship.

 

Good advice. Another who's been there, done that. 6 months into my A, I told the BS. BAD BAD IDEA. Her BS didn't leave. Dday just caused a lot of emotional wreckage in everyone's lives.

 

Even if your MW's BS leaves, do you think that she'll be greatful to you for the wreckage. Most likely not.

 

Listen, I know your hurting!! A lot of us do. Take a deep breath. And another.

 

Ask for some space, be honest with her, tell her your not really sure you can wait 6 months. I'm serious, tell her that you feel trapped into makeing a NC or DDAY decision. Then ask her for some time to straighten out your own head. Work on letting go of expectations and wants where she is concerned. Maybe even try to date a couple other women. Sometimes it really helps you feel better about yourself.

Honestly you sound so much like me when I was in the full-on HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN IT HURTS SO BAD I CAN"T STAND IT mode.

 

Guess what ~ You'll get through it one way or another.

 

I also consider my MW my soulmate. But I have also made peace with the fact that she is not going to leave her BS. And maybe we weren't MEANT to be together in this life.

 

~Agent

[Dexter Morgan]

Second post of the day, but I was thinking....

 

I'm about halfway tempted to just drive over to my MW house and have her make the choice right there on the spot?

 

 

DO IT!!!!

 

that way her husband can find out the truth and hopefully he can take steps to remove the cancer that is his wife from his life.

 

then the worthless woman can be all yours and she can be your problem now.

[Jaspe_Loco]

I have always been told I have a death wish(extreme sports and all)

 

I can take physical pain and alot of emotional pain, but I can't take this type of emotional pain any longer.

 

How, can she just expect me to keep waiting. She has always found attractive in me that I am headstrong and someone who tkaes life by the horns, but in this case, in this one area of her leaving him, I let her control it. I am fine letting her lead, but she wants me to wait about 6 more mo, I can't handle it, I would die of a broken heart.

 

Thanks,

Other Man

 

FYI, he does have a weapon, but that doesnt' scare me, should it?

 

I don't intend this to be a personal attack, but this post is just absurd.

 

First in foremost, you claim this woman is your soulmate. What's 6 months in relation to a lifetime with your soulmate? I think the real issue is that your afraid to believe that she'll leave her H thus you want her to do so now. Remember that her situation and her thought processes differ from yours. 6 months is not a long time.

 

Second, if this is really bothering you this badly, you should go NC. Tell her that you can't deal with the situation as it is and that you need time to think about it. DO NOT do this with the intention of forcing a decision as you will end up disappointed. Do it for your own sanity. After some separation, she may decide to leave her H and be with you or you may realize that six months is a drop in the bucket as opposed to a lifetime without her. You may even come to the conclusion that you're better off without her. I think more importantly, you will gain a measure of control that you are currently lacking.

[whichwayisup]

How, can she just expect me to keep waiting. She has always found attractive in me that I am headstrong and someone who tkaes life by the horns, but in this case, in this one area of her leaving him, I let her control it. I am fine letting her lead, but she wants me to wait about 6 more mo, I can't handle it, I would die of a broken heart.

If you tell her husband, she will hate you. She will completely walk away from you forever and BEG her husband for forgiveness and make it seem like you are the crazy one, and she'll throw you under the bus. EVERY SINGLE time you've pushed her to make a choice, she's balked. Given you excuse after excuse as to why she can't or won't leave. To me, it seems like she has NO intention of doing anything except enjoy two men. The OM (you) and her husband.

 

You can and should make a decision for once, for yourself. Yeah she calls the shots, but YOU DO have a choice in whether or not you want to stick around and wait. Honestly, you should tell her goodbye and that you deserve better and more. That you can't stand waiting for her anymore and that you are moving on with your life without her. Then go full on NC.

 

Get some help, go seek counselling because you need it to help you through this. Whatever hold she has on you IS messing you up badly. Fact that you know he has a gun and you aren't afraid he might use it just tells me you're in desparation mode and not thinking clearly.

 

People do crazy things when pushed past their emotional limit and this situation has the potiental to get really really bad.