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Should I fight for him or give up??


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I don't know where his head is and I certainly don't know where his heart is.

Should I just back off and leave him to sort his **** out or should I show him how happy he could be??

 

He know's what I want and he knows what he has to do to get that. I will not compromise, I won't be 2nd best again.

 

My question is should I let him know what I still feel, when I know that will cloud his judgment or be strong and make him choose?? It's so hard!

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I don't know where his head is and I certainly don't know where his heart is.

Should I just back off and leave him to sort his **** out or should I show him how happy he could be??

 

He know's what I want and he knows what he has to do to get that. I will not compromise, I won't be 2nd best again.

 

My question is should I let him know what I still feel, when I know that will cloud his judgment or be strong and make him choose?? It's so hard!

 

Why do you think he doesn't know? I'd bet he does and I think you know it too.

 

Personally, I don't think you should ever have to *fight* for anyone, that's not love.

 

I also don't think you should have to *show* anyone anything. They should able to *see* for themselves. If not....there's the door.

 

Your choice to stay in the cycle of madness, but I suspect you know that too.

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Why do you think he doesn't know? I'd bet he does and I think you know it too.

 

Personally, I don't think you should ever have to *fight* for anyone, that's not love.

 

I also don't think you should have to *show* anyone anything. They should able to *see* for themselves. If not....there's the door.

 

Your choice to stay in the cycle of madness, but I suspect you know that too.

 

Yep, this is what I'm looking for, I was weakening, thats why I posted!

I don't want to go 'back there' and for most of the time I'm sure I won't but every now and then the weakness kicks in!!

 

I'm good again....I think...

:p

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I don't know where his head is and I certainly don't know where his heart is.

Should I just back off and leave him to sort his **** out or should I show him how happy he could be??

 

He know's what I want and he knows what he has to do to get that. I will not compromise, I won't be 2nd best again.

 

My question is should I let him know what I still feel, when I know that will cloud his judgment or be strong and make him choose?? It's so hard!

 

Honestly? back off. If he wants to be with you, he will be. If you really don't want to be the OW anymore, then back off.

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it's not your place or position to be involved... so stay out of it.

 

move forward and find a way to be happy - for yourself. it's a great way to live.

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Honestly? back off. If he wants to be with you, he will be. If you really don't want to be the OW anymore, then back off.

 

Fooled once...xx As always:) I was weakening, I posted and now i'm good.

He came round, did my DIY, and maybe said things that would of made me give in but I didn't:)

I know what I want and he does to, its all good.

Very proud of myself!

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LucreziaBorgia

Always remember: when you fight for someone who isn't fighting just as hard for you, it is an unfair fight that you cannot win.

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is it possible to fight thin air? seriously, if he has stepped away - what's to fight for - nothing? how does a person fight nothing?

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Yep, this is what I'm looking for, I was weakening, thats why I posted!

I don't want to go 'back there' and for most of the time I'm sure I won't but every now and then the weakness kicks in!!

 

I'm good again....I think...

:p

 

Awww, good for you! And you should see yourself as hopeful for a new future not hopeless. You may even want to put those types of affirmations on a mirror or something to help.

 

When you find that love someday you'll see if it's right it won't take hard work and fighting to keep it alive. It'll just take good 'ol loving and nuturing to help it grow and deepen, that's vastly different than hard work.

 

Life is hard at times, but the love between 2 shouldn't cause blood, sweat and tears. It should be you two against the world, not fighting against or even for each other. You shouldn't have to fight to not lose someone, either they "chose" you or not. You can't fight to keep someone, they have their own free will of choice.

 

Win, lose, keep....those are all possession words that don't belong with love.

 

Please take care of you. At this season embrace those that love you and love yourself back. You can do this, you are a wonderful and special person with your own unique gifts and talents in this world. A door may have closed, but a window will open.

 

Best wishes to you. I hope you are blessed with peace and continued clarity.

Edited by SerenityX2
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You really don't have much control here, so the best thing you can do for yourself is, back off and focus on your own life, friends, family and keep as busy as possible.

 

Everytime that weakness hits you, remember that you don't want to be the OW. You deserve better and more! Unfortunately for you, he's unable to give you that, and that's why letting go and you starting to heal has to happen.

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I don't know where his head is and I certainly don't know where his heart is.

 

So why do you want him? If he's not leaving his wife and pursuing you, it should be very clear that he's not worth any effort on your part. If you don't know how he feels and what he thinks about you, then there is nothing to "fight" for.

 

Should I just back off and leave him to sort his **** out or should I show him how happy he could be??
If he hasn't already seen "how happy he could be" with you during your affair, what do you really expect to be able to do now to force him to see that?

 

He know's what I want and he knows what he has to do to get that. I will not compromise, I won't be 2nd best again.
Does what HE has to do include YOU chasing him? Chasing him at this point would be showing him that you will accept 2nd best since he's backed off and is with his wife and focusing his attention there. To call him proclaiming your love and trying to talk him into being with you would be accepting that he hasn't chosen you and you're trying to change his mind.

 

My question is should I let him know what I still feel, when I know that will cloud his judgment or be strong and make him choose?? It's so hard!
I doubt he believes you've stopped loving him in the last week or two. He knows how you feel, has known it all along. And that's not what he's basing his decisions on. He's basing his decisions on himself and what he wants and how he feels. It's all about him, not you. Edited by norajane
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I doubt he believes you've stopped loving him in the last week or two. He knows how you feel, has known it all along. And that's not what he's basing his decisions on. He's basing his decisions on himself and what he wants and how he feels. It's all about him, not you.

Pay attention to the part in bold. NJ is right, he is going to do what suits him best. He isn't going to take your feelings into consider here...Nor his wife's, if he did, he never would have cheated and had an affair to begin with. It is all about him.

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Hey, you sound just like me a few weeks ago, not 100% sure what to do. Then one day after spending time with him, I had clarity. I told him that he needed to do go wash his dirty laudry at home and take care of his business, that I wouldn't stand in this this place anymore. And that if he wanted me, he'd know what to do.

Well, 2 weeks after, I heard nothing from him, so this much is clear.

A man who wants you will do whatever it takes.

If he doesn;t, it means the situation with his wife suits him better than pursuing you.

That cold, that simple.

I wish you continued strength and courage to move forward. I't hard, but it's the only way.

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Hopeless, One other thing...

 

I do agree that a man who loves you will do anything for you.

 

That can be as simple as calling when they say they will to moving those proverbial mountains.

 

2 examples I have. One with my H, he did end up having to relocate from several states away to be with me. I suppose that could be "moving mountains" but since the plan came together with few obstacles, it's what he wanted...it wasn't a huge struggle or pain involved. Tougher still was trying to find employment here was rough for a while, but we faced that together and it was one of those "life was hard" not hard between us.

 

2nd is my bff. Her H had an accident that has left him with a disability. She now has to provide more care than she did before, you can see the love between them. And she's greatful that he didn't die. So even though it gets hard at times, she doesn't see it as this great sacrafice, it's what she wants to do for that love.

 

I didn't want you to think that it was all rainbows and sunshine. Not at all. But if someone loves you they will make you that priority. You should never feel 2nd and I would think that unless you live in a fantasy for the most part, it's inevitable to feel 2nd when that MP lives a split life.

 

They can't possibly make you a *total* priority and they are choosing to live that split life and waffle. I guess that's what some mean with the "he'll move mountains" ....in that way, I'd agree he would do what it takes.

 

Believe you are stronger than to accept part time scraps of affection in the guise of love only when he feels like tossing them out, with none of it being met on your terms of what you may want or need.

 

You can do this!

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Please forgive me for the threadjack. I just want to comment on the previous post by SerenityX2.

 

This post was/is excellent. I for one, got alot out of this post and appreciated it, for what it, had to offer. Very thoughtful.

Edited by skywriter
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I don't know where his head is and I certainly don't know where his heart is.

Should I just back off and leave him to sort his **** out or should I show him how happy he could be??

 

He know's what I want and he knows what he has to do to get that. I will not compromise, I won't be 2nd best again.

 

My question is should I let him know what I still feel, when I know that will cloud his judgment or be strong and make him choose?? It's so hard!

 

I was a OW and listening to this message makes me realize how mixed up in the head people can be when you mess with mm. I did the same thing and it is just not worth it.

 

Look at the FACTS ONLY

Put all the feelings and emotions behind you and look at the facts

 

HE IS MARRIED

HE IS CHEATING

HE IS LYING

YOU ARE HELPING HIM LIE, CHEAT

YOU ARE NOT TREATING YOURSELF RIGHT

 

I suffered in this type of relationship and all i can tell you is leave him alone. let him figure out his own problems and life

 

do yourself a favor and let him go on. You are not special. You are not doing anything no other ...ow..hasnt tried or did.

 

If you really want him in the future to love and respect you...get out of his marriage and let him and her work it out...one way or another.

 

He is not your man no matter what you are sharing.

 

Of course, you will not listen so whatever happens...happens. Youwill be here again crying and in pain soon.

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You can't show him what he doesn't want to see. For now at least he has decided he will be happiest staying with his W. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but it is his decision, and you both will have to live with it. Good for you for making him sleep in the bed he made and not caving.

 

He has to be convinced he has totally lost you to see what he is missing without you in his life. So you're better off holding line for two reason - 1) so you can move on and 2) giving him the space he may need to realize how much you mean to him. I would bet he will keep coming around so as to prolong his cake-eating ways. Stay strong.

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