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Wife wants to go to therapy to break us up...


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I have been seeing a MM for over a year. This is the 1st time I ever dated a MM. Mutual friends have told me that his marriage was over for years, they haven't been intimate in years and of course 3 years ago he had a short lived affair which ended because the W found out. Years of just living together for the kids. Then last year we started dating.He said she keeps threatening me with papers but he can't seem to walk out but one day 6 months into our relationship he found his belongings on the lawn. Months later she found out he was dating me. She was also dating and was internet dating sites. She has stolen money from his accounts, charged his credit cards purposely stolen his car keys, left tape recorders in the car and home, I can go on and on every week she did something--and now she said she would go to therapy only if we break up so naturally we did. It was bittersweet as we both cried and didn't think this day would happen. He has mentioned to her for years about going to therapy and since they spent 1/2 their lives together and have 3 children he always wanted to try. But when he met me he said he has to realize his marriage is over and move on....It's been 3 weeks since we broke up and she cancelled 2 appts and there next one is next week. She has contacted me and found out where I live. I feel as though she is only procrastinating the divorce and hopefully with the holidays coming he might help financially or am I just in denial???? Months prior to her kicking him to the curb, she would wipe out the joint acct on a monthly basis. Now it's been 5 months that the mortgage hasn't been paid so they are close to foreclosure... so not sure if that is why she is willing to work things out. the last 3 weeks she still continues to harrass him and shows no effort to work on their marriage. But he still wants to go to therapy and see what happens so he can clear his head and have closure.. my question is what are the chances of his marriage actually working out or am I an idiot to be waiting. I don't know how to act when he calls and not sure what he means when he texts and says i've been thinking of you... please help no one understands

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bentnotbroken

What is it you want people to understand? With all due respect, have you seen the bank statements, the tape recorders, the mortgage statements or past due notices? If all that is true, how can you be so sure she is the one doing those things? Have you spoken with the person who books the counseling sessions to see if sessions were actually booked and if so who canceled them? How do you know she is on dating sites? Have you seen the confidential personal info to prove it is really her? How do you know she is the one who set up the account? Did you see his things on the lawn and if they were there, did you see her put them there? How do you know what effort she has put into the marriage? Wouldn't that happen behind closed doors? Just saying if, everything you say is true(which follows too closely to the typical MM script)how do you know she hasn't dealt with his cheating for years? You say you aren't his first A.

 

I hope you see that the questions I asked are pretty hard to answer truthfully unless you personally witnessed most if not all of the behavior you describe the wife as having "put" the poor MM through.

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I do know all of those things happend except who cancelled the therpy appts. I just wanted to know does anyone think this marriage could work? AM I crazy to think he will be back. I also got my cards read and she said he will walk and get fed up...i cant' stop crying what we felt for each other felt so right. I thought I was the exception. Does it ever work out for the other woman???

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Gosh, these stories all sound the same. And they almost always end the same: with the MM staying with his wife and dumping the OW. MM do this not because they necessarily like their wives better. They do it just because it is easier. I would bet any amount of money that in the end, you'll be the one getting burned.

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bentnotbroken
I do know all of those things happend except who cancelled the therpy appts. I just wanted to know does anyone think this marriage could work? AM I crazy to think he will be back. I also got my cards read and she said he will walk and get fed up...i cant' stop crying what we felt for each other felt so right. I thought I was the exception. Does it ever work out for the other woman???

 

 

My question is did you witness who actually did what? Did you see her remove the money from the account or did he tell you she did? Do you know for certain that she signed herself up for dating sites or did someone else sign her up? Do you know she missed the mortgage payments or did he neglect to pay them and say she did?

 

It is kind of hard to steal community property. Do you know she took his keys, did you see her or did he say she did? He is liar, and you are willing to believe his words is all I am saying. You are pinning all these things on her without actually have proof of anything. What cards?:confused:

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My view? He is lying to you. He is a serial cheater.

 

There is no way his friends know if they are intimate or not. I don't buy that.

 

And she isn't cleaning out HIS bank account; she is cleaning out THEIR bank account. If it was "his", she wouldn't have access to it.

 

He obviousy isn't ready to give up on his marriage.

 

If you broke up, why are you in contact with him? why do you know what is supposedly going on in their marriage?

 

I would tell him to NOT contact you again until he is divorced -- not separted, but divorced. I have a feeling you won't hear from him again if you told him that.

 

Sorry, but I think you are in denial about a lot of this.

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My view? He is lying to you. He is a serial cheater.

 

There is no way his friends know if they are intimate or not. I don't buy that.

 

And she isn't cleaning out HIS bank account; she is cleaning out THEIR bank account. If it was "his", she wouldn't have access to it.

 

He obviousy isn't ready to give up on his marriage.

 

If you broke up, why are you in contact with him? why do you know what is supposedly going on in their marriage?

 

I would tell him to NOT contact you again until he is divorced -- not separted, but divorced. I have a feeling you won't hear from him again if you told him that.

 

Sorry, but I think you are in denial about a lot of this.

 

 

THIS. THIS. THIS!

 

Very, and I mean VERY few affairs end in happiness. The other women try to believe that their MM is different when infact, he's just the same as 99.9% of them. I'm sorry to tell you but your affair aint special.

 

In a nutshell?

- Doubt any of the stuff he's telling ya is true.

- He is a liar. He cheated on his wife. REMEMBER THAT. He made vows.

- You need to move on. NOW.

- Will it hurt? yes. Will you be on here eventually thanking us? yes.

- Don't/wont move on? Prepare yourself for months, if not years, of suffering. There is only one way out of this and I think if you think with your brain and not your heart/sex drive, you will find that after the heartbreak passes (and it will), you'll be so much happier for it.

 

It doesn't matter what the situation is, affairs start due to a complete lack of honesty, respect and the ability to keep underwear up. He lost this respect for the woman he made MARRIAGE VOWS to, so unfortunately, even if by some miracle you two end up together, there is NOTHING that will stop him cheating again. Like I said previously, VERY FEW affairs end the way the OW would like. Please, just move on with your life, be strong, happy and please, learn from your mistakes.

Good luck.

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jennie-jennie
Gosh, these stories all sound the same. And they almost always end the same: with the MM staying with his wife and dumping the OW. MM do this not because they necessarily like their wives better. They do it just because it is easier. I would bet any amount of money that in the end, you'll be the one getting burned.

 

I would say yes, these stories almost always end the same: with the MM staying with his wife AND with the OW.

 

Working on marriage rarely works while the MM is still in love with the OW. He might stay physically in the marriage, but what kind of marriage can they have when he loves another woman?

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Thank you for all of your replies. I am trying to move on and it is hard..but i joined eharmony and trying to meet SINGLE men, so it's a start... I"m definitely not waiting around. I understand he needs to see where this is headed for himself and she said (supposedly) that she is not sure what she wants out of therapy whether to get back or get a divorce and (supposedly) he said well if we can't work things out then I hope we can be civil during our divorce. I understand this is something they feel they must do but feel like a jerk for even geting involved. I told him during our relationship and now I always wanted to date you when you are single and even though everyone is saying your making a mistake I hope you figure it out sooner than later. I will never put myself in this situation again! He obviously is not emotionally separated from this and I should have known this prior especially now since he is proceeding with therapy. and if she is doing this to pospone the divorce (since it is financially in her favor) to remain married..when he gets berayed again by her --he needs to fall on his own and not have me to cry on when he realizes this is a mistake. how can anyone have another relationship when the first one isn't completely over...its not fair .... even though it was a great relationship and we were serious..I should have known ...

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