Married woman crush on single man

[gemgirl]

I met this very good looking single man this summer and we hit it off right away. We have a lot in common and I found myself totally falling for him. I revealed to him that I was married and am really trying hard not to lead him on. I am not sure if he feels the same feelings of attraction. Sometimes I feel as though he is attracted to me and sometimes I don't. I do feel that there is a weird tension in our friendship despite the fact that we can carry on conversation for a long time. He sometimes stares at me which makes me think that he does but he doesn't do the characteristic "hit on you moves" like touch me, compliment me etc. I think he is respecting the fact that I am married. However, I am confused about my own feelings and it is driving me crazy. Over the years when I have met men I am used to them pursing me and maybe I am just confused why this male isn't.

I am wondering if I should just admit to him that I have a crush on him so I can relax. Would this confession just make things more weird? I feel like I am holding back this big secret. I would really like some advice here. What are the consequences of telling him? Reading this post I feel guilty that I even have these feelings because I know I should only be focusing on my husband. Need advice, just confused.

[Lizzie60]

He's probably holding back because you're married.. hard to say... he might also not be that interested.. hard to say...

 

If you confess your feelings for him.. it could be a 'free pass' for a torrid affair.. or it could be a total fiasco.. and you'll be the one who will be hurt.

 

So you have to decide if you are ready to compromise your current relationship for what looks like a 'fling"...

 

Your decision but be prepared to live the consequences..

[whattodonow12]

Unless you are finished with your marriage, don't start anything. You and your H (and children, if you have any) will be hurt. It is not worth it.

[carhill]

I think he is respecting the fact that I am married. However, I am confused about my own feelings and it is driving me crazy. Over the years when I have met men I am used to them pursing me and maybe I am just confused why this male isn't.

 

My instinct is he is attracted to you but is attempting to do the 'right thing' and respecting your intimate space and marriage. Since he has been respectful, perhaps it would be good to have an honest conversation and share that you appreciate his attention and interest but want to work on strengthening your marriage.

 

A good indicator of his base behavioral style is how he is with other women. If you find his demeanor to be essentially the same when you observe him with other women, then he's just a friendly guy with women.

 

I've walked that path, know the tension, respected the commitment; I also know that most anyone in the room knows there's 'something' going on, and surely your husband would, as my stbx did, even with an open, transparent and supportive friendship of many years. It doesn't matter. If that 'thing' is there, it's there. Work on your marriage. Trust me

[whichwayisup]

Don't tell him. And, do yourself a favour, back off and stop spending time with him. You are attracted to him, have a crush and the more time you are with him, the deeper your feelings will grow. END IT NOW.

 

Whatever is going on inside you, bored with your marriage, your husband not meeting your needs, you not being happy inside, DO NOT use those as an excuse to get closer to this guy. Right now it's the beginning stages of an emotional affair. OFCOURSE this single guy knows you're into him..He isn't stupid, neither are you. Stop looking for the ego stroke..Does it truly matter if he does like you, want to have sex with you? You're a married woman, so honestly, it shouldn't make a difference...Should it? Ask yourself WHY it's so important..

 

Telling him how you feel CROSSES the line. For your sake and his. Why tempt him? So he'll know how you feel..Big deal. Think about it..Then he tells you, I like you too.. Then what? Ego feed? An affair to start? Or do you want to divorce your husband to be with this guy?

 

Really think about what you're doing..You hold all the cards right and it's a choice. If you choose the selfish path you'll be hurting and destroying your marriage, your vows, your husband..Everything that you've worked for creating a life with your husband will go down the toilet.

 

Imagine your husband confessing a crush or feelings for another woman..How would you feel about that? Also, is it fair to the single guy to tell him seeing as you're married?

 

Don't tell him. Infact, maybe tell him that you two need to stop spending so much time together and that you need to be with your husband. I'm sure the Single Guy will understand..

[gemgirl]

You all are so right and have pegged my feelings exactly. Thanks for being so nice about it. I know these feelings are dangerous. I won't tell him how I feel. I am so glad you all replied because I had it all planned out how I would tell him and was going to next time I saw him.

[whichwayisup]

Everyone gets crushes, that's normal. They make you feel good, especially when kept in perspective.. It's when you act upon it, that changes the innocent crush into something more..Something dangerous. It would be totally different if you were single, but you're not.

 

I'm glad to hear that you're not going to talk to him about it.. Some things are just better left unsaid.

 

Enjoy the crush for what it is, but don't let yourself fantasize and desire him. Focus that energy into your husband, your marriage. You have someone at home who deserves that attention!