Hard time trusting my feelings (buses...)

[wheelwright]

Went under a nasty bus with teeth on the wheels last June.

 

Still getting over xMM. After all, I had never loved etc. etc.

 

I am 40 years old, and have experienced romance, good sex, bad sex, amorous feelings, unrequited love, commitment, unconditional love via children, mistrust, trust, and a whole lot more that makes up a full life.

 

But I never felt for another person to the level I felt for xMM.

 

So how do I trust my own feelings now I was thrown under the bus?

 

I only went for the A on the strength of those feelings. I have experienced nothing so generous, trusting, or strong.

 

How can I make decisions in my life now, knowing I can be so wide of the mark?

[whichwayisup]

You can and will trust again. Next time you won't lead with your heart, you'll take your time, let trust build..Think more, use your head and again, not lead by your heart/emotions.

 

Just means right now you're nowhere ready to get seriously involved with anyone..Time does heal all wounds, as cliche as that is, it's true about painful thing everything in life.

[jennie-jennie]

"It is better to listen to the string that burst than to never draw a bow."

[jwi71]

Still getting over xMM. After all, I had never loved etc. etc.

 

Still? I would think this would be the easy part. The hard part being not castrating him with a dull butter knife.

 

Hun, ever word he uttered was a lie. He KNEW it from day one. He KNEW what he was doing, planned it and didn't give a d@mn about you. Don't knee-jerk any "he loved me crap"...he tossed you under the bus without a second thought. See him for what he truly is...a cowardly, lying, scheming manipulative, selfish prick. Be thankful you AREN'T married to him.

 

But I never felt for another person to the level I felt for xMM.

Why? This is your homework assignment. Why/how, after your life and its ups and downs, could you allow this to continue? To choose it?

 

So how do I trust my own feelings now I was thrown under the bus?

I suspect when you understand why you allowed this A you will answer this one as well.

 

I only went for the A on the strength of those feelings. I have experienced nothing so generous, trusting, or strong.

Stop. Your A was nothing of the sort. This is rose-colored glasses. It WASN'T generous, it WASN'T trusting and it WASN'T strong.

 

It was a lie. An illusion painted by your MM who preyed upon you. This R with your xMM had NO future but you didn't know that. Oh he did...and used it to keep you around according to HIS needs.

 

I'm sure you don't want to read this...but what did your MM do when it counted...yup, under the bus you went in the blink of an eye.

 

How can I make decisions in my life now, knowing I can be so wide of the mark?

I feel for you. Been there myself.

I am a BH. I divorced my now xW all of 8 months after she cheated. The D itself was easy (the decision process was hell but once I knew, it was done).

 

I struggled with this too. How could I miss the signs, how could I have been so foolish...etc. I doubted myself and others.

 

My solution was a world class IC. 18 months worth.

Ultimately, though I know I made mistakes (I worked too long, gone too much) her A is NOT a reflection on ME. It's NOT a reflection on my beliefs, my character, my qualities or ANYTHING about me. Nor is it a reflection on women as a gender. Or people in general. It reflects only upon her.

 

All of womanhood is NOT my xW.

 

Once I realized and BELIEVED that, I felt alive again. Even dated.

(met myself a wonderful woman...real potential I think )

 

I would suggest IC. To explore what, inside you, choose this path. How did your brain turn itself off. How you got...fooled.

 

I promise, I've known some dark days...still no sun yet...but I think I can see the suns first kiss of light in the dawn...you'll get there too...