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how long for a mm to come back after n/c


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I have decided to break it off again with my mm of six months because it was just too painfull for me . I believe he loves me . I know he is unhappy in his m . he comes to my house every night after work and goes home late most days . he eats at my house coz his wife dont cook . he refuses to say anything about his m , but i have heard from his brother that he is very unhappy .

 

Question is if a mm truly loves you and wants to be with you , how long will it take for him to leave his m after n/c ... they is no property involved by the way

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I have decided to break it off again with my mm of six months because it was just too painfull for me . I believe he loves me . I know he is unhappy in his m . he comes to my house every night after work and goes home late most days . he eats at my house coz his wife dont cook . he refuses to say anything about his m , but i have heard from his brother that he is very unhappy .

 

Question is if a mm truly loves you and wants to be with you , how long will it take for him to leave his m after n/c ... they is no property involved by the way

 

My xOW broke it off with me. I did love her. That was almost six months ago. We went NC about four months ago. I am not divorcing...I am not contacting her.

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My xOW broke it off with me. I did love her. That was almost six months ago. We went NC about four months ago. I am not divorcing...I am not contacting her.

 

well that shows that you are happy with your wife ...... i am under the assumption that my mm is not happily married , but i could be wrong time will tell ... if he is truly unhappy he will divorce

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Candoit, how long has your MM been married? Do they have children?

 

Yes, if he is truly unhappy, he'll divorce, reguardless if you're there or not. It would be better in the long run if he divorced because his marriage isn't working out, rather than him divorcing FOR you, to be with you.

 

Right now your relationship is based on in affair setting. It isn't and hasn't been tested out in the real world, with other people knowing you two, going public etc..

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Candoit, how long has your MM been married? Do they have children?

 

Yes, if he is truly unhappy, he'll divorce, reguardless if you're there or not. It would be better in the long run if he divorced because his marriage isn't working out, rather than him divorcing FOR you, to be with you.

 

Right now your relationship is based on in affair setting. It isn't and hasn't been tested out in the real world, with other people knowing you two, going public etc..

 

my mm has been married 3years and they have a 2and half year old , he says he married her because she was pregnant , they didn't even date before they got married . his brother tells me they have lots of problems and he is not happy . he however doesn't talk about the marriage but his actions speak volumes , example that he is away from home in the evenings and weekends a lot (he would rather be with me or his friends) and he dosen't bother to answer his phone when she calls him, he says he cannot relax when he is at home .

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Does his brother know you two are having an affair?

 

You need to be prepared that IF this guy does leave his wife, HE has a small child. Are you ready for the responsibility of having to deal with his ex-W forever? Be a step mom to his child?

 

Anyway, he hasn't left and he probably doesn't want to break up his family unit.

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Does his brother know you two are having an affair?

 

You need to be prepared that IF this guy does leave his wife, HE has a small child. Are you ready for the responsibility of having to deal with his ex-W forever? Be a step mom to his child?

 

Anyway, he hasn't left and he probably doesn't want to break up his family unit.

 

yes his older brother is very much aware that we are having an affair , it was the brothers aptment that he took me to and presented as his own when we first met and it is the brother that tells me to hang in there because he is looking for a way out of his marriage and that for the first time in years my mm is very happy

 

and yes i am prepared to be a step mom ... i too have two young children of my own

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well that shows that you are happy with your wife ...... i am under the assumption that my mm is not happily married , but i could be wrong time will tell ... if he is truly unhappy he will divorce

 

Actually my marriage has a lot of issues. I am trying to make it work with her for the sake of my children, but it is far from ideal. Maybe you have not read many of my posts.

 

Look, candoit...NC is done so that you can heal. It is not a strategy to have him come back. Unhappy or not, he has a child, he may never leave. Either way....how long are you willing to wait....be honest with yourself about how much you take...set a limit in your head of how long you will wait...and stick to it.

 

I hope you find serenity.

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it was the brothers aptment that he took me to and presented as his own when we first met and it is the brother that tells me to hang in there because he is looking for a way out of his marriage and that for the first time in years my mm is very happy

 

Have to be honest, that's very disturbing. That his own brother is involved in helping him cheat and betray his wife. And is giving you hope..Telling you to wait, hang in there.

 

and yes i am prepared to be a step mom ... i too have two young children of my own

 

And deal with his ex? Nicely and respectfully? Because she is going to HATE you and probably do all she can to keep you away from her child for as long as possible. I really hope that IF this guy does divorce, the child has time to adjust and isn't forced into a blended family so quickly.

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my mm has been married 3years and they have a 2and half year old , he says he married her because she was pregnant , they didn't even date before they got married . his brother tells me they have lots of problems and he is not happy . he however doesn't talk about the marriage but his actions speak volumes , example that he is away from home in the evenings and weekends a lot (he would rather be with me or his friends) and he dosen't bother to answer his phone when she calls him, he says he cannot relax when he is at home .

 

My H married his first wife because she was pregnant - and the marriage lasted 12 years.

 

Could be a long wait for you ;)

 

How do you know he can't relax at home? Because his wife tells you so?

 

He isn't at home with his child? What kind of father is he? Seems like a lousy one. Great guy you are waiting for

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it was the brothers aptment that he took me to and presented as his own when we first met

 

Did you know he was married upfront or did he pass himself off as a bachelor and this apartment was his own, he lived there alone, etc....

 

Lying is a bad way to begin a R.

 

and it is the brother that tells me to hang in there because he is looking for a way out of his marriage and that for the first time in years my mm is very happy

 

Looking for a way out? He doesn't need one. He's not happy, he files for D and moves on. This makes about zero sense.

 

And what commitment to HER? They didn't date so I guess she was a ONS and got pregnant. There appears to be ZERO foundation between the two so I see little to tie them together. And he has to LOOK for a way out. Smells to me.

 

and yes i am prepared to be a step mom ... i too have two young children of my own

 

Don't get your hopes up. Your source of information is your MM and his brother. IF you go forward, do so VERY carefully. He has already demonstrated a number of character traits which are less than desirable in a H.

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How do you know he can't relax at home? Because his wife tells you so?

I think the MM's brother is too involved in their affair, he's covering for them..so it seems.

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Have to be honest, that's very disturbing. That his own brother is involved in helping him cheat and betray his wife. And is giving you hope..Telling you to wait, hang in there.

 

 

 

And deal with his ex? Nicely and respectfully? Because she is going to HATE you and probably do all she can to keep you away from her child for as long as possible. I really hope that IF this guy does divorce, the child has time to adjust and isn't forced into a blended family so quickly.

 

 

I have to agree - how disturbing that the brother is helping him cheat - providing him a place to have sex with someone. Nice guy.

 

My thoughts - if he loved you like you think, he would have left already.

 

But he doesn't.

 

He goes home to his wife every night.

 

You say he didn't date his wife before marrying her -- so he knocked up a one night stand, married her the day after having sex and they have been together ever since??

 

Have you even met his child? Once the wife finds out about you - be prepared for a lot of anger and hatred directed at you. You are sleeping with someone else's husband.

 

:laugh: And just because you have kids doesn't mean you are ready to be a step mom. It is apples and oranges. Step life is hard - very hard. I have lived it for 12 years. I had a son from my first marriage. Didn't mean I was prepared for step life. I think you are very naive to think just because you have kids means you are ready to be a step mom.

 

And he has made no moves to make you a step mom. He is married. He isn't leaving. You are just hoping he leaves.

 

His wife will always be in his life - married or not. She is the mother of his child. So for at least 12 years, they will have constant contact. Even after the kids are grown, there will always be a relationship between them because they share a child.

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Okay, I read that you have been in the A for 6 months. To expect MM to up and leave his wife and young child, REGUARDLESS of what his brother or your MM have said, is giving yourself false hope.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2497335&postcount=27

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2497391&postcount=30

 

And your thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t205905/

 

From what your other thread has said, you seem to NOT want to be the OW, not want to have a baby with him (I cannot believe he told you he wanted a kid with you when he's STILL is married!!) and that you even changed your number to stay in NC mode.

 

What happened?? Other than having hope, 2 months ago you seemed kind of ready to let go..

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You are angry because you don't like what we are saying. I'm not being rude, calling you names..I'm being respectful and trying to open your eyes. It's obvious that you are inlove with him and are believing everything that you're being told.

 

The thing is, what happened to that ANGER you had towards him a month or so ago?

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Actually my marriage has a lot of issues. I am trying to make it work with her for the sake of my children, but it is far from ideal. Maybe you have not read many of my posts.

 

Look, candoit...NC is done so that you can heal. It is not a strategy to have him come back. Unhappy or not, he has a child, he may never leave. Either way....how long are you willing to wait....be honest with yourself about how much you take...set a limit in your head of how long you will wait...and stick to it.

 

I hope you find serenity.

 

DI thank you for the kind words about finding serenity .

 

about time limit .. I have ended the affair already .... it is now up to him to divorce if he is really unhappy he will file for divorce and come to me as a single man . if he is happy in his marriage then i will know i was being lied to all along , I do not want him to leave his M for me , but rather beacuse he is unhappy in it . I feel like me having an affair with him and giving him free daily sex is helping him stay happy in his marriage and not have to make a decision . I am out now .. its just him and his wife lets see what happens

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whichwayis up and fooled once I am not the ow your husband is cheating with ..

 

 

What makes you think WWIU and FO have H's that are cheating?

 

You asked a question and they answered it with their opinion. I would assume that you wanted answers since you started this thread.

 

Back to the point. He may call you next week, he may never call you again. The only person that knows the answer to your question is the MM. However, even if he does contact you, he may or may never leave his wife. I don't think anyone can give you the answer you are looking for, we can only give you an opinion. But it seems like you don't like any opinion unless it's what you want to hear.

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my mm has been married 3years and they have a 2and half year old , he says he married her because she was pregnant , they didn't even date before they got married . his brother tells me they have lots of problems and he is not happy . he however doesn't talk about the marriage but his actions speak volumes , example that he is away from home in the evenings and weekends a lot (he would rather be with me or his friends) and he dosen't bother to answer his phone when she calls him, he says he cannot relax when he is at home .

 

 

So he can't relax at home.....well I would guess this is true, 2 1/2 year old children are not relaxing...they are loud and active, and need lots of attention. But your MM would prefer to be away from home with you or with his friends in the evenings and on the weekends....

 

So is it fair to say that he is already leaving the bulk of the child care duties and responsibility to his wife? Is he involved in his child's life beyond having his clothes hanging in the same house?

 

If he does divorce and come to you...how are you going to feel when on his mandated visitation weekends he leaves all the children, his and yours, with you while he goes off with his friends so he can relax?

 

Maybe he and his wife don't belong together, sounds to me like he doesn't even try to pretend to respect her.....but I fail to see the point of marrying a woman because she is pregnant and then when the child is born spending the bulk of your weekends and evenings with your GF and your friends and away from your child.

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Okay, I read that you have been in the A for 6 months. To expect MM to up and leave his wife and young child, REGUARDLESS of what his brother or your MM have said, is giving yourself false hope.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2497335&postcount=27

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2497391&postcount=30

 

And your thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t205905/

 

From what your other thread has said, you seem to NOT want to be the OW, not want to have a baby with him (I cannot believe he told you he wanted a kid with you when he's STILL is married!!) and that you even changed your number to stay in NC mode.

 

What happened?? Other than having hope, 2 months ago you seemed kind of ready to let go..

 

yes i was ready to let go and I really tried but i couldn't i had fallen in too deep , so we got back togather . but it is just too painful to think he still married that is why i am going n/c forever ....but i believe if he loves me and is really unhappy he will be back before i get over him

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but i believe if he loves me and is really unhappy he will be back before i get over him

 

Well, if that is what you believe then you have your answer.

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DI thank you for the kind words about finding serenity .

 

about time limit .. I have ended the affair already .... it is now up to him to divorce if he is really unhappy he will file for divorce and come to me as a single man . if he is happy in his marriage then i will know i was being lied to all along , I do not want him to leave his M for me , but rather beacuse he is unhappy in it . I feel like me having an affair with him and giving him free daily sex is helping him stay happy in his marriage and not have to make a decision . I am out now .. its just him and his wife lets see what happens

 

I think this is the right approach. Until he can leave and be single you do not have a relationship that will fulfill you both. I hope it all works out for the best.

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phonexrise i too have two little ones , sometimes i tell him to go home and he just doesn't want . he just hates being around his w

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he just hates being around his w

 

IF this is really true, then he would divorcing NOW. NO excuse. Men who really want out of their marriage, do it and do it fast because they can't wait to move on and get away from the ex.

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phonexrise i too have two little ones , sometimes i tell him to go home and he just doesn't want . he just hates being around his w

 

But he chooses to be around her instead of leaving to be with you. What does that tell you?

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