Anxiety is killing me. MM is back.

[La Fresa]

Hello All-

This is my 2nd time posting here, I am a MW as well. Anyways my XMM was out of country for about 9 months. I was deeply hurt when we ending our relationship due to the day his W found out. . I felt that I loved him , but we both chose to let each other go. . I have learned to go NC with him which has helped me amazingly. The last time I heard from him is when he recently left the country, He sent me an email telling me how much he felt for me but that unfortunately we both have different journeys in our life’s and that he was really sorry for the pain he has caused me and wished thing could have been different. . I have excepted the fact that we were not meant to be together and the reality that we both have a marriage and a family to focus on, but mainly what has helped me to move on is knowing the the fact the he was far away and will never be back.

 

Well, that is not true. I have heard that he has moved back to town. Everyone here at work is talking about it( MM was a past co-worker) I heard about this on Monday. Since then I am having a hard time not thinking about him. I kept telling myself that I am better off with my husband and family but yet I can’t get MM of my mind. I am fearing the moment that maybe one day I will r un into him or he will somehow contact me , and my crazy feeling s that I had for him will come back and I will end up being weak and I end up l fall into temptation again.

 

Also , my H already knows about the affair and it has really has taken a beat into our marriage. I have put all my focus into the marriage so right now thing s are just getting better for us. So my question is, what can I do to get this MM out of my mind even knowing the fact that I am better off with my husband . I thought about mentioning to my husband but my fear is that he would over react and try to go look for MM since his back. . ( Must be a macho thing) . Any advice ??

 

Thanks so much for you time !

Edited November 5, 2009 by La Fresa
Mis-spelling

[HarmonyHope]

Hello All-

This is my 2nd time posting here, I am a MW as well. Anyways my XMM was out of country for about 9 months. I was deeply hurt when we ending our relationship due to the day his W found out. . I felt that I loved him , but we both chose to let each other go. . I have learned to go NC with him which has helped me amazingly. The last time I heard from him is when he recently left the country, He sent me an email telling me how much he felt for me but that unfortunately we both have different journeys in our life’s and that he was really sorry for the pain he has caused me and wished thing could have been different. . I have excepted the fact that we were not meant to be together and the reality that we both have a marriage and a family to focus on, but mainly what has helped me to move on is knowing the the fact the he was far away and will never be back.

 

Well, that is not true. I have heard that he has moved back to town. Everyone here at work is talking about it( MM was a past co-worker) I heard about this on Monday. Since then I am having a hard time not thinking about him. I kept telling myself that I am better off with my husband and family but yet I can’t get MM of my mind. I am fearing the moment that maybe one day I will r un into him or he will somehow contact me , and my crazy feeling s that I had for him will come back and I will end up being weak and I end up l fall into temptation again.

 

Also , my H already knows about the affair and it has really has taken a beat into our marriage. I have put all my focus into the marriage so right now thing s are just getting better for us. So my question is, what can I do to get this MM out of my mind even knowing the fact that I am better off with my husband . I thought about mentioning to my husband but my fear is that he would over react and try to go look for MM since his back. . ( Must be a macho thing) . Any advice ??

 

Thanks so much for you time !

 

LaFresa- you might want to give some thought to telling your H. If he finds out you knew MM was back and didn't tell him, it could be disasterous for your marriage.

[jwi71]

I kept telling myself that I am better off with my husband and family but yet I can’t get MM of my mind.

 

If you have to convince yourself that staying M to your H is the best thing it probably isn't. It should come naturally. Its fight you have lost once already and will likely lose again.

 

I would suggest MC and IC to explore WHY you need convincing to stay. Getting D isn't the end of the world, the end of life or the end of happiness. In fact, it can be a beginning - one in which you can have those everyday.

 

I am fearing the moment that maybe one day I will r un into him or he will somehow contact me , and my crazy feeling s that I had for him will come back and I will end up being weak and I end up l fall into temptation again.

 

Likely because whatever you are missing in your life and M remain unfulfilled.

 

Actually...have you sought out IC and MC with your H?

What work/progress have you made to understanding WHY you were vulnerable in the first place...because its likely those issues remain.

 

Also , my H already knows about the affair and it has really has taken a beat into our marriage. I have put all my focus into the marriage so right now thing s are just getting better for us. So my question is, what can I do to get this MM out of my mind even knowing the fact that I am better off with my husband . I thought about mentioning to my husband but my fear is that he would over react and try to go look for MM since his back. . ( Must be a macho thing) . Any advice ??

 

Oh yes, HH is right. Tell your H now that he is back in town. Lets face it, if YOU know your H will too soon enough. Better he hear it from you.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, tell your husband what you think and feel about exMM being back. Maybe seeing his hurt, worry and pain will make you STOP thinking of exMM.