Does posting here work for you?

[justwantlove]

Its a little long sorry in advance.

I know that the people who are here are hurting and somewhat searching for something. Weather it be comfort, advise, support, venting... plus more. So i think its natural that theres alot of negativity around.

 

I still believe in my mm and theres not many people here who do. Because of the negative experiences that so many here have had i feel like the advise thats giving is always on the negative side of the spectrum. Hasnt it worked out befor? It hurts that so many people are hurting. And it hurts to hear that everyone has been lied too. Can i be an exception and not a rule. Reading here cast so much doubt in my head and even though i believe him, my thought are turning negative do to what i read here. Its hard to stay positive when every one of you has been lied to and betrayed the way you have.

 

Im not saying that you guys havent help me cause you have in the ways im willing to let myself be helped but its also damaging me to i feel.

 

Just to let you know our 2 weeks nc ended when we saw each other at a party last weekend. I refuse to see him but i am keeping the emotional affair going. I believe when he tells me its only a matter of time and he doesnt want nc so we can support each other through this. But i think back to you guys and my doubts and fears start to take me over.

 

So times the bad here just gets me and i cant bring myself to read, it just makes me anxious.

[mybrowneyedgirl]

not always. im here for a specific reason. to make light of my A, understand it and discuss the mourning that i feel for that side of it. i certainly cant tell my H that i still think of this side of things. it wouldnt be fair to him, it would hurt him more.

 

but at times i feel very judged. people pick out a word or two and interpret your feelings for you. its not always the case. im not here asking advice on my H. but people interpret that as me not wanting him or not being in the right place. and maybe im not fully in the right place, but im trying to be.

 

and in my mind i need to work these other issue out to be 100% involved in my m. so i talk here to try to figure out this side of things. i read others posts and it makes me realize how "fake" my affair is. its a lifesaver, and eye-opener. its what keeps me focused on my H - even if its not what i post about.

 

so yes and no. this place makes a great deal better. (especially with wonderful people like FA and nowhereto hide). you just have to weed out the rest of it.

[NowhereToHide]

It works some days... some days I need to stay away.

 

If I need a swift kick in the pants to get my head on straight, this place can be great. It also CAN be good for getting support.... I think there are certain people who have stories that "trigger" anger in others. For some, not telling a spouse about an A or the appearance of someone "enjoying" their A too much can set people off.

 

If you are happily in an A like you say you are, this probably isn't the place for you. Most of us have ended ours or really want or need to.

 

And BEG... (((hugs)))... you are one of those that keep me coming back.

[boldjack]

OP, if you can come to LS with an open mind, and are willing to be open with other people, this place can and does help. If you are attempting to deceive the other posters, or are delusional, then why bother?

[justwantlove]

OP, if you can come to LS with an open mind, and are willing to be open with other people, this place can and does help. If you are attempting to deceive the other posters, or are delusional, then why bother?

 

I will admit that my mind isnt completely open, but i do take in what i see to be usefull, but in some ways that's a good thing. Because if i was completly open then i would come here read everything and give up any hope that i do have. I dont want to be brain washed into thinking that no matter what "everything is going to fail". Im being as honest with my post as i can, recently ive been scared to give detail on current events due to the fact that mm knows i post here and i could be spotted easily if he came on after an event.

Who are you to say that i am delusional? You have to admit that there is a possibility that he is telling me the truth. It is rare on this site i will admit freely, but that doesnt mean im hidding any truths or the possibilites of lies to myself. The possibility that he's lying is what drives me crazy.

[OWoman]

Its hard to stay positive when every one of you has been lied to and betrayed the way you have.

 

JWL, not everyone here has been lied to or betrayed. For some of us, things worked out differently and we're now with our fMMs. There are stories of hope on here - look around and you'll find them.

 

THat said, not every story works out. Whether or not yours does, no one can guess. All they have to go on is what info you provide them. And because no one has the full story, they tend to filter it through their own experience, and give the beset advice they can from that perspective. So some of it may appear negative - if someone was told something that your MM told you, and it was proven to be a lie in their case, they're likely to warn you that it may be a lie in your case too - because they don't want to see you hurt.

 

You do need to consider the possibility that it might not work out. Hope that it does, and work towards that, if that's what you want - but you need to be reality-based too, and consider the options. Many As don't work out. Some do - but they're not easy, either. Someone always hurts, and unless your MM is without feelings, he's going to be affected whichever way it goes. That will affect you too, because you care for him.

 

Look after yourself, above all else.

[learnfrommymistakes]

Hi justwant

When I first came here I was very naive to A's, I was not at all naive to men, life, relationships, but because I had never had an A or never fell hard for anyone (including great boyfriends) I knew that my A and MM were real, it was intense, he loved me, that it was the most unique experience and that THIS WAS NOT like other A's or other MM, mine was different, special, true etc, etc.

 

I am not saying all A's end bad and that the feelings experiences are not true, often they are, I was madly in love and I think my exMM had deep feelings for me, but I also realized when I came here, how NOT unique my story was, when I told friends and myself and he and I told eachother, THIS IS different, not one knows how we feel, how intense, never felt this before etc...well I started seeing a pattern here between other people in Affairs...and man was it eye opening and very hard. My relationship with my MM changed a lot once I got here because I could not look at it in the same light and with the same naivety..not that I trusted him anyway, but I trusted his feelings for me.

 

SO this has helped me a lot and also made me paranoid. I could be all wrong abt my exMM but I now see the untruths or issues that I was not willing to see while deeply in love with a man I should not have been with ....

 

I think you can get a lot out of this forum, and there are helpful people and stories, you just have to look into your heart and mind and separate out the things you think apply to you or not, or things that inspire you to question some things in your own life.

 

Some marriages are horrible and dead and people just end up in affairs do to a million reasons. I do not assume every mm is a jerk or is playing games, but i do assume they are putting their needs before anyone elses...and you will come second, there is no way around it really as far as I can see..I would not want a man that lied to his W all the time and the kids...just to be with me in the long run...

 

good luck

lfmm

[Heather1]

I only read & post when I think OM wants things to end. I struggle on how to do that with some dignity on my part, so I don't look like a fool. I love the OM, I don't think of him as a bad guy at all. I freely admit I had my part in this, and frankly, I don't want it to end at all. I want us both to stay M, and I want us to enjoy each other & be happy for as long as it lasts. He made me really happy, I thought I did the same. He started changing his mind on a dime, and it was making me crazy. So yes, this helps.

What doesn't help is when someone comes on & starts judging me when I could really use some help getting over this and adhering to his wishes. I find myself in a moral battle online, or one time someone told me I had serious mental problems and was a cake eater. That doesn't help me with my struggle to break from this at all. I'm just doing the best I can. No one knows, so I don't have anywhere else to go.

The negative stuff? There does seem to be patterns to A's, and all of it is a struggle. I don't think one negative thought about the OM though, or our relationship(?? don't think that's present tense). The people who are happy in their A's and able to deal with it probably don't post on here.

[Untouchable_Fire]

but at times i feel very judged. people pick out a word or two and interpret your feelings for you. its not always the case. im not here asking advice on my H. but people interpret that as me not wanting him or not being in the right place. and maybe im not fully in the right place, but im trying to be.

and in my mind i need to work these other issue out to be 100% involved in my m. so i talk here to try to figure out this side of things. i read others posts and it makes me realize how "fake" my affair is. its a lifesaver, and eye-opener. its what keeps me focused on my H - even if its not what i post about.

you just have to weed outthe rest of it.

 

Honestly your a tough case, because you seem like a really nice person, who just can't see through the fog.

 

The reason people jump on you about your husband is not because you don't talk about him... it's because of the thoughts and questions you pose regarding the affair.

 

Maybe your an analytical type person and you need to just dissect everything, but it makes other posters feel like you don't get it yet.

 

In addition... I feel at times you are not totally honest with regards to your marriage.

 

 

I am not saying all A's end bad and that the feelings experiences are not true, often they are, I was madly in love and I think my exMM had deep feelings for me, but I also realized when I came here, how NOT unique my story was, when I told friends and myself and he and I told eachother, THIS IS different, not one knows how we feel, how intense, never felt this before etc...well I started seeing a pattern here between other people in Affairs...and man was it eye opening and very hard. My relationship with my MM changed a lot once I got here because I could not look at it in the same light and with the same naivety..not that I trusted him anyway, but I trusted his feelings for me.

 

I think this is the key for a forum like this.

 

If you come here for validation or support... this won't feel very good to you.

[ednadean]

this forum definitley worked for me. It makes you realise that you're not alone -- and that the lines that your MM is giving you -- aren't that unique...

By giving advice to others it also helped put my EA into perspective -- and to realise exactly what it was...and giv me the strength to cut it off.

[Holding-On]

Yup. Very helpful place actually. I have some frustration with some, exceeding rude, posters but they can be ignored.

It is impossible to have this kind of conversation with (mostly) monogamous people, especially so many. I can go to my poly boards but it didn't help as much because they don't think the same way as people here.