disclosure???

[mybrowneyedgirl]

so on DDay i told everything. i mean EVERYTHING. in hindsight i think maybe some things should have been kept to myself. maybe just enough info to come clean but not to cause further damage. i mean if your heart is in the right place does it matter?

 

i thought i needed to because i couldnt go through MC and not tell the truth.

 

so what about everyone else? anyone regret telling all? anyone successfully go through MC and "fix" the marriage by not telling all? anyone wish they'd told more?

[jwi71]

so on DDay i told everything. i mean EVERYTHING. in hindsight i think maybe some things should have been kept to myself. maybe just enough info to come clean but not to cause further damage. i mean if your heart is in the right place does it matter?

 

i thought i needed to because i couldnt go through MC and not tell the truth.

 

so what about everyone else? anyone regret telling all? anyone successfully go through MC and "fix" the marriage by not telling all? anyone wish they'd told more?

 

For me...its the opposite.

 

My xW's continued lies and evasions is the primary reason I divorced her.

 

Over time, because this BS watched her like a hawk (and I think most do at first)...and paid attention to her words, the little lies and omissions began to creep out. You can only lie for so long...then you forget what you said. Over about 6-9 months cracks began to appear in her tale.

 

She, according to her, finally came 100% clean. Which meant admitting to the lies she had been telling from day one after d-day. Except, the damage was done. What tenuous trust remained was gone.

 

Please notice, it was the continues lying that killed my love for her. Not the A. No the number of times or whatever...the LIES.

 

I think you did well by divulging all...even the details you would rather not. Hurts like hell short term...but lays a foundation for long term recovery.

[Untouchable_Fire]

so on DDay i told everything. i mean EVERYTHING. in hindsight i think maybe some things should have been kept to myself. maybe just enough info to come clean but not to cause further damage. i mean if your heart is in the right place does it matter?

i thought i needed to because i couldnt go through MC and not tell the truth.

so what about everyone else? anyone regret telling all? anyone successfully go through MC and "fix" the marriage by not telling all? anyone wish they'd told more?

 

Here read this thread!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t207585/

 

I'm surprised you even posted this. I thought you were starting to get on the right track.

 

Listen, I'm not a guru on marriage... in fact I've been a total failure up to this point, but there are some things even an idiot like me understands.

 

If you think your spouse is someone you should hide things from... your missing it.

If you think telling lies or hiding something from your spouse will help them, cause "ignorance is bliss"... your missing it.

If you think not talking to your spouse about your feelings is going to allow you to move forward in your marriage... your missing it.

 

Bluntly. Because your so focused on yourself... your cutting off any chance of feeling something real for your husband.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Please notice, it was the continues lying that killed my love for her. Not the A. No the number of times or whatever...the LIES.

 

AMEN to that. No matter how bad the hurt, giving the whole truth right up front actually saves feelings in the end. Its the only way for both of you (H &W) to heal whether you work it out or not. The trickle truth destroys more respect, love, trust, than an A ever could. It makes people who love you want to think they are crazy for some time, then hate you for it later. ONLY a WS who is truly repentant and honest about the A and the feelings for the AP and BS is able to EVER TRULY heal a marriage.

 

I will say that as a BS there are answers to questions that I wish I hadn't asked because of the damage done to the way I feel about my H. I wish you luck getting over your POS MM and wish you were able to put more of that obsession into your H. I commend you for letting your H know every time there is contact. I think the continued cotact and drama for MM could serve as a deflection or destraction to your H as to the "real" person he should be angry at, and that will slow his progress and make things more difficult for you as a couple.

Edited October 30, 2009 by IfWishesWereHorses

[seibert253]

It's never the crime, but the cover up that dooms you. Ask Richard Nixon

 

Browneyed, you did the right thing. Healing cannot occur without total and complete honesty. In many marriages, it's dishonesty that kills a marriage after an affair. Read the many, many, threads here about that.

 

After my wife "defogged" I told her, if she is not honest and forthcoming about everything, and honest from now on, our marriage was over. I meant it, still do, and she knows this.

 

In many aspects, marriage after an A is better. My wife and I no longer worry or speculate what the other is doing, we are honest and tell each other EVERYTHING. It's tough, and there's been alot of hurt feelings on both sides, but it's ohh so worth it.

 

You can never be too honest IMO.