Jump to content

No Escape in Sleep - Dreams about the Affair


Recommended Posts

I'm sure I'm not the only one that had lots of bizarre dreams about issues surrounding the affairs. I'd love to read other people's. I'll share one of mine for now to get this started.

 

One I had a long while ago. I was swimming in a very narrow (not much wider than my body) but long swimming pool. It was long enough that I couldn't see the end of it. Immediately next to this long channel was a huge swimming pool, vast and wide, and I couldn't see the ends of it either. At some point, MM appeared next to me and I was trying to swim away from him. I looked longingly at the big pool, but couldn't bring myself to get out of the channel I was in. I think it's sort of metaphorical for the road I chose in being with MM - very limited. The big pool represented possibilities that I couldn't bring myself to go explore. I was afraid I'd drown out there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mybrowneyedgirl

crazy dreams here too. actually sort of like nightmares. and i've never been one to remember dreams before. i wish it would all stop.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to have terrible nightmares about it all. On and off for a long time. In the past few days my time clock is all off and when I sleep (mostly catnaps) I have odd dreams about xMM and his colleagues and what I can only assume is the aftemath of my putting it all out there. They put on a brave face and when they saw me recently acted like I never said a word (thankfully) but its out there. The good news is xMM hasnt contacted me since. They must have read him the riot act and for once he listened.

 

But i dream either that he has left her or that I am negotiating things with them and its all fuzzy when I wake up but I wake up with a real sense of alarm that something bad has happened. And then I realize its just whatever was in the dream.

 

The good news is I had my first real dream about someone else the other night. And it was very explicit. He is not someone who is availble but he is someone who is a good person very committed to his W.

 

I like to think that means that I am now focusing on men with better qualities.

 

A friend of mine said to me this week that i have given my heart recklessly. That I have not taken stock of whether the people to whom I give my heart will cherish it in the way that they should.

 

I couldnt have heard that a year ago or even 6 months ago. But it made sense. There were many qualities that attracted me to xMM but I knew he was not in position to care for my heart - I didnt affirmatively know that, but it wasnt one of the things that went into my calculus in determining whether or not to engage in the A. It was (a great phrase I recently read not mine) "short term hedonism". Not that the relationship was short term hedonism, no that was long term pain.

 

But the impulse to move it forward despite the risks to my heart was motivated by short term hedonism.

 

I need to stop looking at people who would care for my heart as safe and mundane and boring and stagnant. And stop seeing charming witty dashing amusing interesting men who arent in a position to cherish my heart (different than cherish me) i.e value the qualities of a man whose love for me wont be reckless.

 

Misty hang in there.

 

Lots of love

Link to post
Share on other sites

I almost made a post like this last week. I had several dreams with the xOW in them, talk about something the derailed me for days.

 

Strange having dreams where everyone is a blur but her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

For the year and a bit that I was involved in my affair I kept track of my dreams. I used to have really strange ones-- ones where we (my AP and me) were having conversations together and he would say the next day that he was thinking the same thing or dreaming about something similiar. I won't bore you with all of them but my first significant dream about the situation happened like this--

 

I was in New York City on my way to meet AP. He was expecting me and had asked me to come. I knocked on the door of the apartment and instead of AP, his SO answered the door instead. I was really taken aback to see her. She looked at me very coldly, disapprovingly and said hello. I said hello back. She then got her coat and bag and went out, speaking affectionately to AP. She brushed past me and didn't speak to me or acknowledge me again. I heard her heels clicking on the parquet floor. Even though it was Saturday, I knew she was going to work and was not going to return.

 

Another thing that really struck me in the dream was how she was dressed-- very formal business attire with a trenchcoat, a scarf and a briefcase. This was in sharp contrast to AP and myself, who were dressed very much alike, casually, in "weekend" clothes.

 

After she left, I went inside the apartment. It was very very small and I felt sorry for the two of them, having to live practically on top of one another. There were musical instruments everywhere, including a piano and we started playing on things, making music and generally fooling around. We were really happy together. The dream ended with us getting ready to go to the zoo.

 

I had this dream at the beginning of our relationship and to my mind it answered a lot of questions of how his SO was going to react. In other words, she would let us have our "fun" together while she got on with her work, her business. And I was right... that is exactly what happened. In the beginning she wanted to meet me, to go out and have a drink together but as time went on, she became more and more focused on what was so obviously going on between her boyfriend and myself. We never spoke and I never met her. I did that, mainly because I knew how I felt about my AP and I know if I had actually met his SO, she would have become a real person to me and I would have felt terrible so baldly pursuing her boyfriend. I'm sorry to admit this but it's true.

 

There are many more dreams but this was the first one that had an impact on our relationship....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Most of them I probably shouldn't post because of their graphic nature. However...what I always found strange was how I would dream about her the same nights she would dream about me....bizarre.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Have seen her here and there in my dreams, maybe I am thinking about her too often...

 

One dream which I remember most coz I woke up quite confused whether to be happy or upset: I was at a restaurant & bar in the afternoon. It was quite a lively atmosphere, I didn't really knew why I was there and why there was such a happy atmosphere. I saw MW and her H, later on I realised that it was a baby shower for the new born baby.

 

After I realised the purpose of the event I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and I decided to leave. Kinda wanted to escape from that function and the fact that is over. I can't seem to run in my dreams, I was outside the restaurant when MW stopped me and said "What's wrong?" I just told her that is uncomfortable for me to be here to see all this, I am happy for you but not happy enough for me to stay and watch this.

She then hugged me and said "I love you, please don't go...you mean so much to me..."

I woke up after that, my emotions were very confused at that point. I was upset because of the event and the atmosphere but I was also happy due to the words which she said to me.

 

Maybe the dream was telling me that the event will take place whether I like it or not but her feelings for me will not change no matter what happens? I don't know....

Spoke to MW about the dream, she told me not to worry since is only a dream. Even though I told her the same thing when she had a dream when she had to force me to go to the doctor because I was ill. Something happened to me in that dream of hers and she woke up crying in the middle of the night because she thoguht she had lost me forever.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It's interesting to see other people's dreams. I would say that overall, the dreams I had regarding MM and the affair were nightmares and not particularly pleasant. They seemd to tap into some insecurity - like ones where I was in dire need and couldn't reach him, or my oscillations about the relationship - various dreams with metaphors about the relationship being an uphill battle vs starting over with someone else. Overall, not pleasant.

 

MM on the other hand usually said his dreams about me were pleasant. I recall him telling me about one that was not. MM said that he snuck me into their house (when they lived together still) and we were in a downstairs bedroom together when all of a sudden hte police came to seach the house. He hurried to get me out of the house so I would not be discivered by his W. As I went out the back, I tripped and hurt myself and one of the police officers picked me up and comforted me. As I walked back into the woods with this guy, I looked back at MM in disdain as he watched helplessly through the window. It was his impression that I was going to go "sleep" with this new guy in the woods. When he told me of it I took that as a metaphor for his willingness to throw me under the bus and his feelings of helplessness at that time.

 

Anyone else know of the MM/MW's dreams? Were your dreams mostly pleasant or mostly unpleasant?

Link to post
Share on other sites

From his side of it, I don't think his dreams were very happy. he had one where all of his friends found out that he had fallen in love with me and they were shouting angrily at him. Another one took place in a theatre where he and his friends (and his girlfriend) went to see me performing in a song and dance routine (heh heh couldn't make it up!) and he had to sneak away to find me alone in my dressing room, being detained all the time by friends who were trying to talk to him and find him. But in the end, he got to the dressing room and found me.

 

I thought it was very significant that even in dreams that involved me, his girlfriend appeared too. He was very emotionally tied to her and I imagine that he still is....

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 38 and have been married over 16 years (aside from a 6 month separation). My marriage was horrible and I would often dream of this faceless woman that I was in love with. The feelings were so real and the emotional residue of the dreams would last for days.

 

Three years ago, I met the MW I'm having a A with. Since our first kiss, she has become the face of the woman in my dreams and it was even more painful. I know it sound's cliched, but it's true.

 

We've broke up a few times, and the dreams never went away. I would dread going to sleep because i was so afraid that the dreams would return. Since we have finally admitted to each other that we want to be together, it has become a lot easier.

 

If for some reason this doesn't work out, I will never have an A again. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...