Looking for some hugs and encouragement... xMM just contacted.

[I Miss the Kiss]

I am making it through this day one minute at a time. Writing emails to xMM to make myself feel better, to get it all out of my heart... then deleting and not sending! Staying strong one delete at a time!

 

THEN he decides just now to send me a "joke" forward to my work email. Like we are just best buds or something (which we were until he went back to his W).

 

I just DON'T GET HIM!!! The email was just a joke, nothing about us or anything. Just enough to make me feel my heart split open all over again. I know he is thinking about me, and that's enough to send me reeling.

 

Tell me to move on, please. I need encouragment and strength. This hurts.

[NowhereToHide]

I am making it through this day one minute at a time. Writing emails to xMM to make myself feel better, to get it all out of my heart... then deleting and not sending! Staying strong one delete at a time!

 

THEN he decides just now to send me a "joke" forward to my work email. Like we are just best buds or something (which we were until he went back to his W).

 

I just DON'T GET HIM!!! The email was just a joke, nothing about us or anything. Just enough to make me feel my heart split open all over again. I know he is thinking about me, and that's enough to send me reeling.

 

Tell me to move on, please. I need encouragment and strength. This hurts.

 

 

Yep, this too was my AP. When we tried the "friend" thing he would send me youtube videos of something he thought was funny. What he didn't realize was that the mere sight of his name coming up on my email was enough to make me want to throw up.

 

Don't respond. You NEED NC. This is his way of keeping you somewhat close while still saving his own ass. It's not worth the pain you will feel everytime you hear from him.

 

Delete it. Can you block him from your email?

[I Miss the Kiss]

Yes, I have deleted it already. I am not responding. And yes he is trying to save his a** despite his heart. Heartless prick.

[Devil Inside]

These are called pings. People send out pings to keep the attachment alive and kicking. The most frustrating ones are the ones that are casual...like joke forwards.

 

Just tell yourself..this is him playing games...do I want to have anything to do with someone that would play with my emotions.

 

Makes sure to eliminate most vehicles of communication...because the pings become more frequent before they end all together.

[whichwayisup]

Block his email address so you won't see his name, or read his emails anymore. I know it's a BIG step for you to do, but in the long run, it'll be easier for you to begin the healing process.

 

Stay strong!

[I Miss the Kiss]

These are called pings. People send out pings to keep the attachment alive and kicking. The most frustrating ones are the ones that are casual...like joke forwards.

 

Just tell yourself..this is him playing games...do I want to have anything to do with someone that would play with my emotions.

 

Makes sure to eliminate most vehicles of communication...because the pings become more frequent before they end all together.

 

Yes! I believe it was the casual attitude of it that really got to me. Yeah, let's just act like nothing ever happened and let's be friends and joke and laugh like we used to! I wanted to send back a reply asking if he is sending the joke to his W, too! He probably did!

 

On one hand, I feel sorry for him because I know this sucks for him too. But I'm not the one who went back to his W "100%", either. Either go back or don't!!!!!!!

[Devil Inside]

Yes! I believe it was the casual attitude of it that really got to me. Yeah, let's just act like nothing ever happened and let's be friends and joke and laugh like we used to! I wanted to send back a reply asking if he is sending the joke to his W, too! He probably did!

 

On one hand, I feel sorry for him because I know this sucks for him too. But I'm not the one who went back to his W "100%", either. Either go back or don't!!!!!!!

 

 

Kiss...he went back.

 

Time for you to let him see the consequences of his choice. Until you disappear he will keep contacting you. He thinks he can. You need to take the first step here...putting it off is only bringing you more pain.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Kiss...he went back.

 

Time for you to let him see the consequences of his choice. Until you disappear he will keep contacting you. He thinks he can. You need to take the first step here...putting it off is only bringing you more pain.

 

I know he went back Its sinking in now... he's sitting pretty now. The W is happy, the OW is pining for him. He needs to work on his M, and that means I need to go.

 

Thanks for helping me see thing more clearly, DI. I needed that...

[Morelikeher]

Kiss...I'm sorry for your pain. I am in the same situation. My xMM went back to his wife about 10 weeks ago. He chose her. It hurts. I wish I understood the WHY of it all.

 

Fortunate for me, my xMM has stayed NC with me. So, I don't have him pinging me with emails.

 

Delete/block the email account. I know it's hard, but I felt pretty empowered after I did it. You CAN do it. Do it for YOU. YOU deserve better. Be strong.

[pkn06002]

tell him to piss off and to leave you alone. It is something you can do to gain control of the situation, it is empowering. After you tell him to piss off block him.

[jj33]

Miss - this is just unfair. And if you can, change your screen name its not good for you to identify yourself with your feelings towards someone who hurt you.

 

If you want something different - more than an A, then this is insulting.

 

he probably thinks hes being nice but you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and he wants to send you jokes...

 

Its good to get this confirmation from Devil and pkn they know.

 

Just read some of my threads and you will see how unhelpful to your emotional health it is to have him think its ok to be your friend. Its not. Its painful.

 

And more than 2 years on the pings have not ended they get stronger I shut them down, I close down avenues of communication and he finds new and different ways to ping me. He knows my triggers and he pushes them.

 

And then when I call foul he says I am being unprofessional or that I am being hysterical or overly sensitive.

 

Its not fun. Right now you are at the stage where you may misinterpret his attention as a sign that he misses you and my leave. Been there done that starred in teh movie.

 

They can do this for years mine is 2+ years and counting. I can tell you what he does each season and the rhythms of his life and he still lives that life and pings me from the 4 corners of the earth.

 

Someone recently taught me some relaxation exercises so that when I get tense and sad and angry because of his antics I can calm myself down a little bit.

Edited October 9, 2009 by jj33

[phoenixrising]

Miss - as JJ says, this is such a hard time - but we are all here for you, even those of us who don't post much. I thought, also, that these 'pings' were signs that he was saying, "hang on just a little while longer, I miss you"... when it appears to simply have been one tactic to use to keep me on a string. And I fell for it for 4 years. It's been a year now since I asked him to choose... and I feel like such a fool now that I believed that all of his little ways to keep us linked were obviously not sincere. I urge you to stay strong... because it will be very hard for several months. After a year it is much easier to ignore the pings, because now I see them for what they are - an ego boost for him... and salt in the wound for me. The longer you wait to stick with NC, the more it will hurt in the end. I sincerely wish I would have known then what I know now. The idea of going through all that pain again makes my physically ill. Move on quickly, and don't look back unless he's running after you with divorce papers.

[fooled once]

Keep deleting.

 

Unless you want to continue to be the OW, move on. ((hug))

[fooled once]

Kiss...he went back.

 

Time for you to let him see the consequences of his choice. Until you disappear he will keep contacting you. He thinks he can. You need to take the first step here...putting it off is only bringing you more pain.

 

Excellent post DI.

 

Doesn't matter if you believe it or not, but he went back. I highly doubt he is 'hurting' as much as he would have you think he is.

[ali0112]

I'm so glad I don't have to go through these feelings anymore. I could have been any one of you a year ago. I have never posted my full story on here, but I was an OW for 3 1/2 years, until he decided to move 3,000 miles across the country with his family, to be with his daughter who was accepted into a prestigious ballet school there. Didn't even tell me he was going. I was devastated. I grieved for such a long time. How could he have done that?? But it's been a year and a half since then, and I have slowly realized that I dodged a bullet. If he was still here, I'm sure we'd still be in the same stagnant situation. His leaving actually freed me to realize that he was never going to leave anyway.

 

But it breaks my heart to see the many other women who are where I was for so long. The ones who try to rationalize what their MM is doing, or thinking. The ones who think that he will eventually leave, even though he has said he's not going to. Trust me; he's not! Please, please, please, move on! If you let it continue for years, you are just going to be even more heartbroken than you are now.

[fooled once]

I'm so glad I don't have to go through these feelings anymore. I could have been any one of you a year ago. I have never posted my full story on here, but I was an OW for 3 1/2 years, until he decided to move 3,000 miles across the country with his family, to be with his daughter who was accepted into a prestigious ballet school there. Didn't even tell me he was going. I was devastated. I grieved for such a long time. How could he have done that?? But it's been a year and a half since then, and I have slowly realized that I dodged a bullet. If he was still here, I'm sure we'd still be in the same stagnant situation. His leaving actually freed me to realize that he was never going to leave anyway.

 

But it breaks my heart to see the many other women who are where I was for so long. The ones who try to rationalize what their MM is doing, or thinking. The ones who think that he will eventually leave, even though he has said he's not going to. Trust me; he's not! Please, please, please, move on! If you let it continue for years, you are just going to be even more heartbroken than you are now.

 

Great post.

 

And the bolded part - described the end of the Affair I was in almost exactly. The MM I was seeing didn't move with family - just his wife. And like you, I didn't know he was going until he called me from the road.

 

And I agree with your 2nd paragraph -- so many try to rationalize (just like I did) that we were different, he loved me like no other, he can't do xxx or yyy - and all along, he was stringing me along.

[ali0112]

Thanks, Fooled Once. I have been a lurker for the past couple of years, but never felt comfortable sharing my story. Plus, it would take too long. I just know that I have taken loads of wisdom from other people's posts. It breaks my heart to see other women in the same situation that I was in. Loving someone who is unavailable, hoping against hope that the situation will change, when it probably won't. When it MOST LIKELY won't. I was in the same place in the past. Hoping that he would leave for me. It didn't happen. Listen, girls! It won't happen for you, either. Sorry, but it won't.

[sadintexas]

Just enough to make me feel my heart split open all over again. I know he is thinking about me, and that's enough to send me reeling.

 

NO CONTACT!

 

This is exactly why. It prolongs the healing and makes the wounds fresh all over again. It makes him feel better to reach out to you, and it makes you feel worse to hear from him at all. It's all about YOU now honey. Do what's right and good for you, your heart, and your soul.