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I feel horrible :(


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whattodonow12

I don't know whether to say that I feel like I am dying inside.. I dunno. There are times that I am just fine, then there are times that I am not. More than anything, I just feel as if I have lost the best friend that I have ever have. :( In the end, I know that it is not right, but that is still how I feel. There was much more than the romantic aspect of our relationship. I wish the pain would stop.

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whichwayisup

Sorry you're hurting..

 

Fooled is right, the pain will be less and less as time goes on..

 

Keep busy and don't forget to pamper yourself! Sounds like you need a day at the Spa with one of your friends or if you have a sister, go with her.

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Devil Inside

I am so sorry...it does hurt. No matter what the circumstances where, or what will be better in the long run, losing someone that you have given your heart to just plain sucks.

 

Just know that it is supposed to feel like that. It feels unbearable. However, it will get better, little by little, and without you realizing it.

 

If you need support come here...I know all about nursing a broken heart...as do we all...it is a universal experience...but the good thing is...so is getting over it.

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I know it hurts, it hurts to the core. I promise you if you can get through even hour by hour you are doing great. i am so so very sorry you are hurting, I promise you it will get better.

 

i am on almost 2 months NC and I got told my A was over by MM in an email after almost 2 years together and still i stuggle every day not to I M him or call or email.

 

But I think each day that goes by i am getting stronger and trust me you will too and you will get through this I promise, you hang in there and keep posting we are all here for you

((((((hugs)))))

 

Doe

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whattodonow12

Thanks for the kind words. It means so much right now as I am in such a fragile state... I cried in the car all the way home from work today. It has just got to get better :)

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NowhereToHide
I don't know whether to say that I feel like I am dying inside.. I dunno. There are times that I am just fine, then there are times that I am not. More than anything, I just feel as if I have lost the best friend that I have ever have. :( In the end, I know that it is not right, but that is still how I feel. There was much more than the romantic aspect of our relationship. I wish the pain would stop.

 

 

Reading your post I literally felt your pain. I completely fell apart when my A ended... couldn't function, could barely take care of my kids, had to go to therapy, put on medication... I completely had a breakdown. It was by far the darkest point of my entire life. That was about 6 months ago.

 

Now, I can say I am better. I see things more clearly. I have a better perspective on what's important in my life. It's such a cliche, but it does take time.

 

Just because your pain came from the loss of an affair, doesn't make it any less real. You need to grieve the loss of your AP, but know that you will start to feel better. Sometimes it's almost not even noticeable, but you will.

 

Take care of yourself.

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jennie-jennie
Thanks for the kind words. It means so much right now as I am in such a fragile state... I cried in the car all the way home from work today. It has just got to get better :)

 

Whattodo, how are you now? You know our situations are very similar, yet different in that you have had a Dday and I believe you do not fully trust your MM after that. Am I correct?

 

I bet your MM is hurting as much as you are. Mine was. I know in our case it was much better that he broke the NC than if I had done so. It made him realize working on his marriage was not an alternative. My MM says he does not want the affair, he wants the relationship but not the affair, he wants me, but unfortunately this does not, at least not yet, add up to a divorce. Go figure.

 

Since when is 1+1=3?

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whattodonow12

Yes, Jennie, we are in similar situations. He has said that if/when the time comes that we can see each other without all the lying and sneaking, things will be different. I guess we had a DDay.. I don't know what else to call it. But, the "truth" did not come out. He just lied to keep from losing everything he has. It isn't that I don't trust him. (and he has bound to have lied to me at some point since he was lying to his W.. I understand that). But, we were brutally honest about most things, so I don't think he was for the most part. It is just sad. I am going to take it day by day. We briefly spoke through text, and he said that he was just taking things day by day to try and do right by his wife.

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NowhereToHide
Yes, Jennie, we are in similar situations. He has said that if/when the time comes that we can see each other without all the lying and sneaking, things will be different. I guess we had a DDay.. I don't know what else to call it. But, the "truth" did not come out. He just lied to keep from losing everything he has. It isn't that I don't trust him. (and he has bound to have lied to me at some point since he was lying to his W.. I understand that). But, we were brutally honest about most things, so I don't think he was for the most part. It is just sad. I am going to take it day by day. We briefly spoke through text, and he said that he was just taking things day by day to try and do right by his wife.

 

 

How are you doing today, WTDN?

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I'm sorry for your pain. Believe me, I know how it feels. But your pain and hurt WILL lessen over time. It's been a little over a month since my MM broke up with me, and while I still cry sometimes and I'm definitely NOT over him yet, I feel so much better than I did before. You just have to keep busy and remember that you're better off without him. Stay strong and positive and eventually you'll feel better. :)

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whattodonow12

Thanks everyone! And, NTH, it has been a much better day! It is always in the back of my mind, but I wasn't in tears .. so that is an improvement. :)

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Thanks everyone! And, NTH, it has been a much better day! It is always in the back of my mind, but I wasn't in tears .. so that is an improvement. :)

 

 

I'm so glad to hear that. Hopefully you'll be able to string together more good days than bad.

 

Keep posting here if you need support.

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I don't know whether to say that I feel like I am dying inside.. I dunno. There are times that I am just fine, then there are times that I am not. More than anything, I just feel as if I have lost the best friend that I have ever have. :( In the end, I know that it is not right, but that is still how I feel. There was much more than the romantic aspect of our relationship. I wish the pain would stop.

 

Horrible for YOURSELF only?

 

How about guilty and disgust at yourself for cheating on your H, and having sex with someone's husband? How about guilt for damaging and maybe destroying someone's marriage and family?

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whattodonow12

Nope, not horrible for myself only. Not, at all, but just pouring out my feelings of the moment. Luckily, I do realize that I am still a human being... and one that came her for support from others in similar situations. You don't know the circumstances with my H, and I won't go there. But, we are separated and for very good reasons.

 

And, as for guilt over damaging and maybe destoying someone else's family... yes, there is guilt there, as well. But, I was not alone. I was deceived/naive in the beginning after being convinced that he was in a bad marriage and wanted out. If I could change it, I would. Hindsight is 20/20. But, nevertheless, you, obviously consider me the bad guy and that is fine. I haven't lied to my spouse(and I have left my marriage), and I have taken full responsibility for my actions. I can't say the same for MM though. If he is able to lie and continue on in his M, then that will be his doing. I will not do anything further to cause any harm to anyone. But, he readily admits that he actively persued me.... not fully understanding how strong his attraction and love for me would be. I think he was naive also.

 

I wish that I could equate it all into simple terms, but it is just not that way.

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Fallen Angel
Horrible for YOURSELF only?

 

How about guilty and disgust at yourself for cheating on your H, and having sex with someone's husband? How about guilt for damaging and maybe destroying someone's marriage and family?

 

Bluegreen?? If you have nothing to contribute here other than to beat up someone who has been beaten up enough by others and themselves, then maybe you should post elsewhere!!

 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

 

John 8:7

 

 

When people who live in glass houses throw stones at thier neighbor, the end result is two broken homes and a pissed off neighbor with some sharp glass shards! ~~ Fallen Angel

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NowhereToHide
Horrible for YOURSELF only?

 

How about guilty and disgust at yourself for cheating on your H, and having sex with someone's husband? How about guilt for damaging and maybe destroying someone's marriage and family?

 

 

 

Really Bluegreen? This person comes here hurting and in obvious pain and you get some joy in kicking her when she's down?

 

Let me guess... you were cheated on?

 

If that's the case, do everyone a favor and please post on the Infidelity board. Your venom isn't needed here.

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Fallen Angel

sorry everyone, I didn't intend to make that a hyperlink, just copy and pasted it in because I didn't want to misquote the Bible... *sigh* I suppose the link is useful to anyone who wants to do some Bible Study.. Enjoy! :)

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NowhereToHide
sorry everyone, I didn't intend to make that a hyperlink, just copy and pasted it in because I didn't want to misquote the Bible... *sigh* I suppose the link is useful to anyone who wants to do some Bible Study.. Enjoy! :)

 

 

 

No problem! Bluegreen could probably use the link!;)

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I wish that I could equate it all into simple terms, but it is just not that way.

 

Is it so hard to admit that you're wrong for crossing the line, damaging another's marriage and probably wrecked a family, without any BUTs?

 

Don't you see that you had/have weak or no boundaries and that you were merely a mistress?

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Let me guess... you were cheated on?

 

Nope.

 

I am just stating the obvious and basic morals that many of you seem to lack.

 

Oh, don't even try to attack me for stating the truth.

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Fallen Angel
Is it so hard to admit that you're wrong for crossing the line, damaging another's marriage and probably wrecked a family, without any BUTs?

 

Don't you see that you had/have weak or no boundaries and that you were merely a mistress?

 

No one OUTSIDE the marriage can damage the marriage without the consent of someone INSIDE the marriage. It is the MP who should carry the biggest portion of the blame. The MP is the one who broke thier commitment to their marriage partner, the OP made no such vows to the MPs BS.

 

Be careful that while you keep throwing all those stones, one doesn't slip and hit you in the head!!!

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No one OUTSIDE the marriage can damage the marriage without the consent of someone INSIDE the marriage. It is the MP who should carry the biggest portion of the blame. The MP is the one who broke thier commitment to their marriage partner, the OP made no such vows to the MPs BS.

 

Be careful that while you keep throwing all those stones, one doesn't slip and hit you in the head!!!

 

I would bet a lot of $$$$$ that you're someone's mistress.

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jennie-jennie
Yes, Jennie, we are in similar situations. He has said that if/when the time comes that we can see each other without all the lying and sneaking, things will be different. I guess we had a DDay.. I don't know what else to call it. But, the "truth" did not come out. He just lied to keep from losing everything he has. It isn't that I don't trust him. (and he has bound to have lied to me at some point since he was lying to his W.. I understand that). But, we were brutally honest about most things, so I don't think he was for the most part. It is just sad. I am going to take it day by day. We briefly spoke through text, and he said that he was just taking things day by day to try and do right by his wife.

 

Taking it day by day sounds good to me. We haven't seen the end of this story yet. What we have seen is the impact of a partial Dday and the consequences of MM trying to save himself in the process. Sometimes you will probably have to break it down to hour by hour or minute by minute. This kind of emotions are so very powerful and strong. When your love interest is taken away from you, whether it is temporary or for good, whether it is by your own choice or not, it hurts like hell.

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Fallen Angel
I would bet a lot of $$$$$ that you're someone's mistress.

 

Truth is I have been on both sides of this issue. I have been the BS and I have been the OW. I have even been the WS, though I left my M before my EA became physical.

 

I would be willing to bet money however that you troll forums and say mean, hurtful things with an eye to being just that, mean and hurtful.

 

My guess would be that you have low self-esteem issues and that you try to boost your own selfworth by holding yourself up as being morally superior. Being cruel does not make you better than anyone, other peoples pain does not make them "less than". Again, you should examine your reasons for being here, for posting the things you have and remember that while you are busy pointing out other peoples flaws you are missing your own.

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