Jump to content

is it easier for the the mm to get over the ow


Recommended Posts

I have ended it with my mm just after 4 months , I miss him but i have started NC starting today , he did not want to end it but i insisted , is it much easier and faster for him to get over me since he is living with his wife ...any mm who have had affairs ??

Link to post
Share on other sites

That is really hard to say. I think it depends on whether he was in love with the OW or not. Also, if their marriage is really lousy or he feels isolated in the marriage, then I would think it would be harder for him to get over it because his bad marriage would be a daily reminder.

 

xMM and I aren't really 'over' each other, it's just that I couldn't do it anymore. You were smart to end it but you need to be prepared for the fact that he's going to try to get you back. I was always fooled into thinking that it meant something but it didn't in terms of him leaving his marriage. He still wants me to be with him, and I still want to be with him but not on those terms.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Fallen Angel

I don't have the answer either.

 

I suppose it depends on the depth of his feeling towards his OW. If she was someone he loved, or just another piece on the side.

 

I have been slowly disengaging from my MM (knowing that MY heart isn't ready for cold-turkey No Contact yet) , he has noticed and is trying even more to hold on to me.

 

I know that he gets very emotional whenever I discuss ending our relationship, with him. He cries as much as I do. Is it an act? Maybe. Who can ever see into the heart of another? But, I know that if all I was was a piece on the side, he could have that from someone else, with a lot fewer complications than he has had with me. Yet he holds on to me. *shrug*

 

So, I suppose it depends on the people involved. There are OW who can walk away and never look back, there are MM who can do the same, then there are those on both sides who feel like we may never get over it.

 

Anyway, Good Luck. *HUGS*

Link to post
Share on other sites

IME it's far easier for the OW, if she's S, to get over the MM. Society acknowledges and supports people who break up, or go through traumatic ruptures. A SW can grieve and be supported, even if she doesn't confess the full details of who her partner was, or what the nature of the R was that broke.

 

A MM, or a MOW, can't grieve openly. They have a facade to maintain of being committed to their M, and besides they're typically having the A in a parallel life of which the BS knows nothing. Grieving would be anomalous in that, so has to be kept hidden.

 

In addition, an OW can move on to her next R - of whatever kind - when and as she's ready. A MM is still faced, once the A ends, with those same problems (whether personal or relational) that led him to engage in the R in the first place - only, now he as experience of an A not working out, which complicates that potential solution for him, leaving him fewer options to meet his needs.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Owoman, The Gender difference isn't as important as the marital status of the AP.

Link to post
Share on other sites
NowhereToHide
I have ended it with my mm just after 4 months , I miss him but i have started NC starting today , he did not want to end it but i insisted , is it much easier and faster for him to get over me since he is living with his wife ...any mm who have had affairs ??

 

 

I am married and so is my AP. I don't think it's necessarily easier for him to get over what we had than for me. The difference that I see for us was that I went through a big grieving process over him, he just shut down and pushed everything down and hasn't dealt with it.

 

Am I over him? For the most part. Is he over me, no. He has told me that his feelings haven't changed at all, but that he needs to put them somewhere where they don't jeopardize his family. A lot of men do this "compartmentalizing" thing where they just don't ever deal with it. They put it all away somewhere and it end up biting them in the ass in the end.

 

He is still with his wife who he loves, but who he isn't really happy with. My letting go of him is only helping my marriage.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well since it seems that only woman have responded I will respond as a MM.

 

No it is not easier. Nothing about my gender makes this easier.

 

Yes it all depends on if you really cared about the OW. If you don't care you can walk away but if you really did love her it is painful.

 

The ability for men to compartmentalize is a bad thing when it comes to dealing with the ending of a relationship. Something I personally had to deal with to get over my MW.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Well since it seems that only woman have responded I will respond as a MM.

 

No it is not easier. Nothing about my gender makes this easier.

 

Yes it all depends on if you really cared about the OW. If you don't care you can walk away but if you really did love her it is painful.

 

The ability for men to compartmentalize is a bad thing when it comes to dealing with the ending of a relationship. Something I personally had to deal with to get over my MW.

 

 

thanx it makes it a lot easier knowing that we both feeling the pain , especially him becoz he should not have pursued me knowing fully well that he was married , he lied to me about being married and i only found out after i had fallen deep , at that time it was difficult for me to get out . he has text message me already about missing me but i have to be strong and move on

Link to post
Share on other sites
thanx it makes it a lot easier knowing that we both feeling the pain , especially him becoz he should not have pursued me knowing fully well that he was married , he lied to me about being married and i only found out after i had fallen deep , at that time it was difficult for me to get out . he has text message me already about missing me but i have to be strong and move on

 

you need to kill any hope he still has or he will continue to try and contact you.

 

No conversation with him just tell him you are not interested and that you need to move on. That you have no room in your life for him anymore.

 

Don't be mean just firm and do not get dragged into any conversations.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Devil Inside

I am coping with losing my xOW. It was extremely hard. I think it helped that my W and children where not home for a week so after my xOW broke it off...I was a freaking mess.

 

I have no basis as to whether it easier b/c I am married. Haven't had another affair as single man to compare.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...