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Can anyone give clues on cheating


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can anyone give me any clues on cheating? Im wondering about excuses they use to see op and little things said about how they act

towards the person they r cheating on.Just wondering because I feel my husband is cheating on me and im trying to find other clues beside what ive heard and felt.

 

Thank you

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Clues:

 

Goes to the store a lot

Starts to work "longer" hours

Starts to go to work earlier

Has more "guys nights"

Becomes secretive while on the phone

Becomes secretive with email

 

 

What kinds of things is he doing that is making you think he is cheating?

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hopesndreams

Gets stuck in traffic.

Admires reflection and takes pics of self.

Buys you presents, gets you flowers.

Shows lack of interest in what you are saying or doing.

Constantly on cell phone. Beep, beep.

New mouthwashes, cologne, always has gum on hand.

Perfume smell in car.

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NowhereToHide

I was in a long distance EA and I'm a woman, but for me I was constantly either texting or on my computer. I also became nicer to my husband and easier to live with myself. But as things got more complicated I became moody and reclusive.

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Devil Inside

When I cheated I was just away from my W more. I would go to the store or office more so I could call her. I was always encouraging her to go out with her friends. I would go to trainings that lasted two or three days.

 

I was much less sexual with my wife. Even no sex for the last six months or so.

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Some signs..

 

- they often go out (to get cigarettes, drinks, food, etc) for short period of time.. (to call her);

 

- all of a sudden they are planning some renovations (so they have to go to the 'men's store';

 

- they had problems with the car and got stuck.. (no gaz, transmission, etc.);

 

- they are more attentive to you.. seems more happy at home.. more sexual with you.. trying new sexual stuff;

 

- they start a fight just to get an excuse to fly out of the house for the evening;

 

- they are more distant towards you; less sexual; often are day-dreaming;

 

- some of them have jobs that allow them to see the OW during the day.. so it's almost impossible to get caught (on the road a lot, self-employed, etc.. );

 

 

 

The 2 following excuses were actually used by the common-law bf (they lived 13 years together) of a friend of mine ...

 

- he was too tired to drive so he stopped on the side of the road for the night.. he was about 90 minutes from home... :laugh:

 

- he had to work on Christmas DAY... :laugh:

 

She believed him both times.. everyone was seeing it.. except her.. :rolleyes:

 

 

I'm sure there are more.. :o

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With my xMM he used mostly work related excuses. He didn't punch a clock so many times he would come over before, during or after work. She thought he was "in a meeting" during the day and he was really at my house. We met for lunch often. He also told her he was having to put in hours on weekends for projects. The project was me.

 

He used company functions like a co-worker's birthday party he needed to attend when he was really going out with me. Having to go into work at night to check on programs that were running, etc.

 

Then there were things like helping friends...move, work on appliances, whatever. Going to run errands...etc. He even came and picked me up several times when I had too much to drink and would say it was a co worker who either had too much, had car trouble.

 

The most telling things are attitude, phone usage and refusal to share info about phone with you. Either no access to detailed call logs, no access to phone. Strange calls, texts.

 

Trust your gut and investigate.

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can anyone give me any clues on cheating? Im wondering about excuses they use to see op and little things said about how they act

towards the person they r cheating on.Just wondering because I feel my husband is cheating on me and im trying to find other clues beside what ive heard and felt.

Thank you

 

We were both married and living a few hours apart.

1.We would schedule days off without informing our spouses.(call his office phone)

2.During peak season at his job, he would claim having to work on his usual off days.(call his office phone)

3.Extra errands to the store to call each other. Extended time away with our typical schedules(practice, rehearsal, etc.) to call each other.

4.Being attached to our phones, never leaving it around, even in the bathroom for showering.(ask him to use his phone when you know he is going to be occupied, if he drags..........????)

5.I would panic when my H would ask to use my cell, especially if he walked away with it, and request it back if he was taking too long.:eek:

6.I had more sex with my H in attempt to avoid any suspicions. xMOM's W was 90% sure we were physical because "he doesn't touch me anymore" and "he spoke with you for hours a day, and did not even call me once." Could have choked him for that one.:o

7.Encouraged separate activities and spent more private time in our home(text,computer,phone).

8.When he had to travel, he would add an extra day to spend with me.

9.I quickly changed my cell phone bill to paperless, and would not allow my H to pay it with the rest of the bills.

10.We both slacked on housework and did not get much accomplished because all of our extra time was spent focusing on each other.

 

My H never saw any of these signs because he was too busy with work and rarely paid me any attention. For me, it was typical not to hear from him all day, spending the day with xMOM was easy.

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My MM from work used these excuses:

 

golfing (whole day)

after work meetings

overtime

 

as the previous poster.. when they can't leave their cell phone.. something is fishy..

 

when.. all of a sudden.. he's got a new buddy from work who wants to take him golfing, hunting, fishing.. :eek:

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  • Author

SO MANY OF THESE RING A BELL FOR ME:

 

He has not been sleeping with me much.

He gos to the store alot and use to hate it.

Takes phone down stairs to talk.

gos to work early comes home late.

He seems spacy.

Hangs with people at work alot even claimed they r lesbian so I should not worry.

Takes shower before and after work.

Told me he is not in love with me any more and wanted divorice.

Was taking a bag to work saying they had a basket ball team at lunch.

I started packing now wants to work things out.

now comes home earlier.havent heard anything about his team put bag up.

He has not gone to store as much.I feel he has been cheating is he cooling it with her or r they done.He swears he has done nothing but I

feel it I am not sure if I want to stay now.I trusted him so much and I have to have trust its important to me.16 yrs 8 months with him.

What do I do? thank you so much for letting me in on this you guys and

gals u r Great!

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What should you do? Be very clear that you WILL kick him to the curb if you catch him cheating.. and that you know all the tricks now... and you can enumerate the ones you just posted.

 

Tell him that you might ask him randomly to check his cell phone.

 

If my MM's W would check his phone.. OMG.. he even texts me when they're watching TV.. she did at first.. (he used to let her read when he was chatting with some guy friends)... but he's getting smart.. he knows how to delete everything (history, etc.) so even if she checks, she won't find anything.

 

so if you see or doubt he's texting.. ask him to see right away. ;)

 

They're almost impossible to catch.. especially if you totally trust your man..

 

In your case, you KNOW he's cheating. it's only a matter of catching him.. to have irrefutable proofs.

 

You can also hire a PI.

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Does not have cell phone uses house phone he has been main provider It woould take awhile to save money any ideas should I let him know I still feel lke hes cheated or lay low for a while I think its been going on for a while I feel foolish.Thank you

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VictoryisMine

I remember this so so well, with my common law BF of 8 years... years ago.

 

He did this alot....

 

Start a fight out of the blue. Out of anything. And run out, stay out all night(stayed with family member) or for hours. I had no idea at the time, thought there was something wrong with him but... (i was so in love with him).

 

He confessed a couple years later, we stayed in touch because of my daughter he helped raised. He warned me if a guy does this, to know, he is going to meet someone.

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Well.. for us it's hard to say... only you know when is the best time to get him.. you live with him.. now that you know the clues.. maybe you can play it low for a while.. if he thinks you're suspicious .. he will be extremely careful.. and let the dust falls.. whenever he'll think that you forgot about it.. then catch him...

 

if he's using the home phone you can always dial 'last number'.. then you'll know where he's calling..

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You mentioned in your first post that you heard something. Did someone see him out doing something he shouldn't have been?

 

If he's having an A, it's possible they've cooled it a bit. We had cycles sometimes where it would be mainly phone contact and email because we each had so many other obligations. Then there would be times where we'd see each other 4 days a week. Even during the times where it was slow, we were always in contact continuing the emotional aspect of it.

 

If someone has seen something or told you something, that along with the other clues you have, I'd be doing some looking. Don't confront him without evidence unless you want to leave anyway. If you're looking for him to validate your suspicions, it most likely won't happen.

 

There are a couple of things though. The fact that he asked you for a divorce could very well indicate that there was or is someone else. However, his behavior could also just indicate that he is unhappy and is creating a life of his own. Either way, if you want to save this marriage, I'd suggest MC right now. Work on the issues in the M if you can and see if that turns this around.

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I remember this so so well, with my common law BF of 8 years... years ago.

 

He did this alot....

 

Start a fight out of the blue. Out of anything. And run out, stay out all night(stayed with family member) or for hours. I had no idea at the time, thought there was something wrong with him but... (i was so in love with him).

 

He confessed a couple years later, we stayed in touch because of my daughter he helped raised. He warned me if a guy does this, to know, he is going to meet someone.

 

A lot of men do this.. start a fight to have an excuse to leave.. then the woman thinks it's all her fault.. for being nasty and starting the fight.. they usually play the 'guilt trip' after the fight.. accusing her for starting the fight.. typical.. :o

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Another thing. When we went out together at night to a club or something like that, one or two of my girlfriends usually went along. Gave the appearance of a group so I don't necessarily buy that about the lesbian women.

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One more thing.. I missed the part about him asking for a divorce.. I don,t know all her story.. just this thread..

 

but sometimes I wonder IF the H. who is having an affair, who knows that his W is very much in love with him.. and is scared like hell to lose him.. that if he mentions the word 'divorce' (but not wanting one) if he can do this just to make her feel like she needs to be doing more to keep him... to make her insecure about losing him.. etc.. just so that she will leave him alone...

 

just wondering. :o like some kind of manipulation.. control..

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r1_testpilot

This is what I did to find out about my wife.

 

1: I kept track of the time when she was "going to store, walk, whatever" in the evening.

 

2: checked the CELL PHONE bill. Cross matched with the time, got the number. Confronted her, and she was gone!

 

People overlook checking the cell bill for odd numbers, or late evening/early morning calls.

 

If the hide the cell phone bill BIG red flag.

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This is what I did to find out about my wife.

 

1: I kept track of the time when she was "going to store, walk, whatever" in the evening.

 

2: checked the CELL PHONE bill. Cross matched with the time, got the number. Confronted her, and she was gone!

 

People overlook checking the cell bill for odd numbers, or late evening/early morning calls.

 

If the hide the cell phone bill BIG red flag.

 

 

My xMOM's W asked for his cell phone bill and he refused to give it to her. A few days later, she found a way to view it online due to them having a family plan. There were plenty of early morning calls, almost daily. And plenty of lengthy calls during the times when my H had weekly obligations.

 

Proof can be difficult. I would be "shopping" all day and even buy a few things with cash from different stores the previous day. And hide the receipts so it never appeared that I was not "shopping." But, shopping all day was never out of the norm for me, neither was coming home empty handed. Whenever there was a close call, we would lessen contact for a few days. Even after d-day, we continued for almost six months.

 

I will never understand that even after d-day. My H never asked to see my bill.:o Makes me wonder if he was having an A also.

 

A few other suggestions: see what is in that bag. Either you or a friend follow him. Check your bank account statements and demand the cell phone records.

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Fallen Angel

I can tell you a few of the things MY MM has done to get time with me.

 

He has...

 

Made multiple trips to the store in one day, often "forgetting something" the first time and having to go out again later to get it.

 

He has bought several "throw away" cell phones. (He finally quit using those and now they just fight about his outrageous * $300 - $500 a month* phone bills, though I can not figure out why she has never bothered to call me.)

 

He works "on the road" a lot, and one of the towns he comes to most often is the one where I live, so he uses work as his excuse. (He also gets sent other places, and instead of going home at the end of those jobs, he comes to my house, so if she were tracking his "out of town pay" *that extra he gets for staying in a motel, his per diem* she would see that he often doesn't get that pay when he is "working" in my town, and has an extra day away with no pay at the beginning and/or end of each extended trip away from home.)

 

He takes his phone into the bathroom with him and talks to me several times a day when he is at home, on top of all the trips to the store.

 

He sleeps on the couch, so once everyone else goes to bed, we are up all night chatting online or on the phone.

 

He drives his truck to events he attends with the family, he uses that alone time while driving to call me on all the holidays .. Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. instead of riding with the rest of the family. I think he uses the excuse of "in case I get called into work, then everyone won't have to leave" as his excuse.

 

He gets "called in to work" when he knows I am feeling particularly lonely and he comes to stay with me in order to put out that fire. (His boss and most of the "guys" at work know about me, and the boss man knows he wants to be in my town and makes special effort to get him here several times a week when possible, though sometimes it is complete bull and he is not working here at all.)

 

He always makes the "phone call home" on his nights with me EARLY, then shuts off his cell phone. When she doesn't get him, she assumes he is sleeping I guess, but she NEVER calls more than once, and NEVER calls his motel rooms!!! (That would be a BIG clue, if she called the motel and realized he didn't have a room 80 percent of the time! and the other 20 percent he has the room but isn't in it!)

 

He offers to drive his child places, or pick him up. (Then calls me once he has dropped him off or on the way to get him.)

 

He has email she never checks or doesn't know about.

 

He has myspace she doesn't know about.

 

He uses yahoo messenger, but often gets caught closing the page quickly! She doesn't seem to be curious cause she doesn't ask him about it.

 

Anyway, those are some of the things to look for, perhaps you should check his car and/or his bag for a cell phone you may not know he has.. I am convinced the invention of the internet and the cell phone have made affairs much easier to carry on, but with the right amount of checking they are also much easier to prove. Good Luck hun.

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I don't think my MM's wife ever suspected anything, but I think a red flag should have been the fact that they went over their phone bill minutes SEVERAL times because he was talking to me so much. As far as I know, that was never a problem before we got together.

 

And the thing about starting fights is so true. I remember one time he came over because he had just fought with her over taking the kids somewhere without telling him, so he just stormed out of the house angrily. I personally don't think what she did was that bad, but I guess it upset him enough to leave... or, more likely, he was just looking for an excuse to get out.

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Fallen Angel
Fallen angel don't you feel at all guilty about the way you are deceiving this woman?

 

I do feel guilt.

 

I also feel love for my MM.

 

I also feel shame that I am willing to accept only part of him, rather than none of him.

 

I feel a lot of things, many that conflict constantly with each other.

 

But as to saying the way I am deceiving her, my answer is this... I am not the one who does all those things, he is. Am I the REASON he does them, yes, but I do not TELL him to do those things, I do not force him to lie to his wife, and I am not the one who persued this relationship with him.

 

He persued me, I did not know he was married until much later. And quite frankly while I do deserve some of the guilt and shame, I will be damned if I will carry his portion of the guilt and the shame, let HIM carry what he has earned, I have enough to lug around with me as it is!

 

I answered this post trying to help someone who wanted to know the signs of a cheating spouse, I was as honest as I could be to try to help her. Period.

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Montclair0011

Sounds familiar. My husband used to talk on the phone for hours and then burn the phone bill so i would not see it. I got it on line. Also, if he has one of those toll pass things -- see if you can get the bill. That's how I found out my husband was going places other than where he was claiming. There are so many clues. It's usually right in front of you, but you don't want to see it.

 

He would start fights constantly and go away hiking on the weekends with a male friend I never met. He went hiking so much I gave him hiking gear for Christmas and he was like, "What's this for?" He could never keep his lies straight. Then on another occasion we went to a park where you could climb up a 1/2 mile hill or take a bus ride up and he insisted on the bus. I was thinking, "gee with all the hiking he does, you would think he'd want to walk up." Turns out he was spending his weekends in a hotel instead (got credit card bill) and eating out at nice restaurants.

 

Basically, if you think they are cheating and they are doing the stuff listed in this thread, dollars to donuts they are. Gather all the evidence and calmly present it to them. Prepare for more lies and denials. Start figuring out what you want to do. It's a good idea to go to a therapist, because it is very difficult to face infidelity and family is not always the best support.

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