gentle_flame Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Writing about my EA made me wonder if maybe the EA is indeed in love with me?? Why I'm wondering -- - Once during a conversation last year he SHOCKED me -- we were talking about which of my gilfriends I'd choose for him and I named her for him. I asked which of HIS friends he would pick for me -- and he said there wasn't anyone -- only him because his friends are by his description - JERKS and unworthy of me! He stated he woudln't trust any of them to care for me the way he would want me to be cared for!! I was stunned! I have never figured out if he wished there was more between us based on that comment or not! But I do agree his male friends are jerks and I wouldn't have ever dated a single one of them. Funny, he didn't say he'd even pick my current husband for me -- but when I asked him why not, he stated that until I married my husband, he wasn't friends with my husband, and therefore, didn't count him in the question. So when I asked him that, he said NO he wouldn't have picked him for me either, stating that he believes only he is good enough for me?? But then added that he just wants me to be happy!! - OM denies that he is in love with me, but acknowledges that he does love me... but not in "that" way. I believe him. But I wonder!!?? - Sometimes to be honest it feels like OM is trying to tell me that he IS in love with me... and other times it feels like he is trying to get me to say it to HIM via the use of manipulation!! I dont' know why he would feel the need to manipulate me of all people -- we're very honest with one another... but its like he wants to hear me SAY that I'm in LOVE with him... and I don't know why? Almost feels like he'd do / say anything to get me to say it! And I never have -- and never will -- I'm clear on this -- I'm in love with my husband -- not with OM... So whats the deal here? What is OM looking for? Is he in love with me? Manipulating (trying to manipulate)?? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 My xMM once asked me why I continued to see him when he knew that the cheating bothered me. I told him that it was because I loved him. To men, saying "I love you" means much more than sleeping with someone. It suddenly involves expectations and commitment. He told me, "Don't tell me you love me." He was pretty wigged out by my words for a few days but I really didn't think I was saying anything strange. Just weeks before, he wrote to me in an email, "I know how you feel about me - I can see it in your eyes. And I think you know how I feel about you." Isn't that saying you love someone? So, my "I love you" seemed like a perfectly normal thing to say. But, apparently a person can dance around the edges of saying it, but actually saying it is another thing altogether. At least where men are concerned - particularly married men. Years later when I finally ended it with him, I said, "I love you in every way that I can love a person, but I can't do this anymore." His response was, "I think you know that I love you, too." Love, in love, who knows? I think your MM is in love with you but for him to actually say it is the final betrayal to his wife and he can't make himself go there. However, it's killing him to know if you feel the same way and he's trying to squeak it out of you. I can see already that you're making the classic mistake that we all make - just because you think you have an honest relationship with him, there is so much you don't know and there is so much he doesn't tell you. Also, you seem to think that if he's in love with you, there might be a chance. Men do not put the same value on love that women do. He will put his wife and children (if he has any) first, then his reputation, then his money. Somewhere around there is where love gets in line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gentle_flame Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Thanks for the response. Actually though, I should clarify... the guy in question is NOT married!! He has a child from earlier relationship in his teens, but she is almost a teen now herself!! We (she and I) get along famously and always have (probably because I never try to "parent" her)... I am married to a wonderful guy... and will agree that I've had an emotional affair with the other guy for a long time (my husband accepted and pointed this out to me... and is ok with it as long as it maintains a boundary of no sexual relations).... So still wondering... the other guy... in love? or just love me?? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Sorry, I misunderstood the situation. Then if he's saying that he loves you but not 'that' way, believe him. He has nothing to hide or protect. As a sidepoint, I wouldn't ever tell a guy what girl I would pick for him. That kind of thing can backfire on so many levels.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gentle_flame Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 How can it backfire?? Whats to backfire if I don't have romantic feelings for said guy?? we were discussing who we'd pick for one another, I made the first pick for him... and incidentally... he said he LIKED my choice for him and would've dated her if she weren't already engaged when they finally got to know one another!! She would probably have gone for him too -- they flirt back and forth occassionally if she is out with me and him together (she doesn't know I picked her for him by name last year!)... So whats to backfire? What am I missing? how is this a bad conversation to have or risky even?? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts