Cho Chang Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]We met last Sept when I started a new job. We became best of friends, working closely together, sharing trials and victories. It was an emotional bond, not physical. He is the most amazing human being – kind, generous to all, incredibly intelligent.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]He was in a sexless and loveless marriage. Over the years, he felt frustrated, resentful and, finally, indifferent. Love has died. He described his marriage as empty and lonely. Like many, he stayed because she would be devastated by a divorce. They have no children.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]In January, he asked his wife for a divorce. By then, we knew we had developed strong feelings for one another, and would like to explore a relationship together. I knew our emotional bond was very dear to him. He put my interests first, and always thought of my happiness.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]His wife took it badly. Because he spoke so often of me, she named me as the 3rd party. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]He agreed to give her time to accept that love has died – at least for him. In July, he started pressing for a divorce again. During this time, we remained just friends. It was very hard.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]All these came to a head when he discovered she might be planning to harm herself. He found knives in her bedroom. She made a will and a list detailing things like the preferred colour of her coffin.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]It doesn’t matter what she was thinking because he believed she was capable of going through with it. During that time, he experienced very bad setbacks at work. Turning to God, he was convinced God was disciplining him for refusing to work on his marriage. He argued with God for weeks, but gave in. It was not easy – he used words like “trapped”, “resigned” and “I have no option”.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]He asked me for support and understanding. The “deal” is that he will work on his marriage to the best of his ability, and leave the outcome to God. If love is rekindled, it’s God’s will. If the emptiness persists after he has done all he could, then all will know the marriage is not meant to be.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]My head tells me this makes sense. He needs to know he has tried, or he will be carrying major baggage to his next relationship. She needs to know he has tried in order to accept the possibility that love is dead and they are not right for each other. Most importantly, his family will be able to see that I am not the cause of the marriage breakdown, and will find it easier to embrace me (if ever we get together).[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]But my heart misses him every day. We can’t talk now, and it hurts. I can’t imagine life without him. We connect on every level. He is The One.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Does anyone have any comments on how long it takes for love to be rekindled after it has died, if it is possible? Can true chemistry, intimacy and connection be created at will, after love is dead? Will he miss me? Will he forget me? When will we talk again? Will we ever talk again? How do I cope with this?[/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
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