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MW on this board


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Just a few thoughts.

 

There seem to be a lot of MWs on this forum lately. But some aren't identifying as such. Many seem to identify more with OW (single women) instead of with MM, which they are actually closer to in form.

 

And they post more in OW/OM than in Infidelity. Maybe because Infidelity posters can be a bit more "direct" in their opinions? I don't know. Are MW really treated that badly in Infidelity?

 

Just a discussion topic...

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IMO, the Infidelity board is more pro-marriage in tone than this one. MW stand to get yelled at on two fronts - for being a cheater and for being an OW. At least over here, they won't get slapped about being an OW even if they catch hell for being a WS.

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Well I think most of you know I'm a MW who had an A. I have posted in both forums and yes the infidelity forum tends to bash me around more:laugh:

 

I like it here because I feel the way a lot of OW feel in that I really wanted to be with my xOM who had a long term girlfriend and he ended things with me quite abruptly. The pain I read in this forum mirrors a lot of the pain I feel even though most here would consider me a cake eater. Either way an A is an A and I fell in love and got hurt.

 

I come here to learn and for support and to help me maintain NC.

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Its something I've noticed on other forums too.

 

I wonder why MW seem to be so much more villanized than MM?

 

I guess I can understand identifying as OW instead of MW. At least people might take the time to hear you out before throwing a book at you. :)

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I think that all APs get bashed in all forums.

 

Maybe MWs get it worse (not sure about this) because there are more female posters and man you women are meaner to other women that you are to men.

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I think that all APs get bashed in all forums.

 

Maybe MWs get it worse (not sure about this) because there are more female posters and man you women are meaner to other women that you are to men.

 

So, what?! You want somma this?!

 

Bring it!

 

LOL

 

I agree. All APs do get beat up pretty well - especially the ones that come off like they know everything or didn't do anything to earn some of the 2X4s they get. LOL.

 

Oh well.

 

Just a thought I had.

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Societal constructs of the gender roles. Men and women are stereotyped and treated according to those stereotypes. A woman who commits the same acts as men are labeled much more harshly because of the constructed notion of what a woman "lady" is supposed to portray.

 

Men are also stereotyped into these domesticated animals who behave properly until the "wild" comes out. Then it is explained away by some silly nonsense as "boys will be boys", "a man isn't capable of being with one woman" or my favorite "men are weak, if it is offered(the mistress tempts and seduces), they will take it" They aren't held accountable.

 

All actions are explained away and the women he has screwed over are responsible. Either keep him happy and satisfied at home or don't seduce him away from his family. These constructs put all the blame on the women because they are viewed as the "cause" of the man's actions.

 

Not to mention, the supposed "sisterhood" crap that is fed to women from birth.

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Not to mention, the supposed "sisterhood" crap that is fed to women from birth.

 

My mom didn't feed me this. Thank goodness. It was her that told me it was a load of crap to begin with. We are ALL out for numero uno. LOL

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I don't necessarily mean by our mothers. Mine didn't tell me that either. It was shoveled in school, (sisterhood of cheerleaders, sororities), the media (shows about stay at home moms who met for bridge and coffee or the one sided portrayals of the feminist movement. *yes I am old*), religions about women holding down second best to men, therefore we should all "just get along". There has always been a battle of the sexes instigated by who knows and fueled by jackazzes, with this, it is "us" (the sisterhood) against "them".

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I don't necessarily mean by our mothers. Mine didn't tell me that either. It was shoveled in school, (sisterhood of cheerleaders, sororities), the media (shows about stay at home moms who met for bridge and coffee or the one sided portrayals of the feminist movement. *yes I am old*), religions about women holding down second best to men, therefore we should all "just get along". There has always been a battle of the sexes instigated by who knows and fueled by jackazzes, with this, it is "us" (the sisterhood) against "them".

 

I thought some more about my previous post about my mom. My family is just anti-sisterhood in general.

 

I was told that other women just would not like me because I wouldn't fit into their stereotypes, as a girl and teen. I didn't understand it then, but I can see what they meant now.

 

I think the gender stereotyping against women is horrible. I think that its pure evil to tell a woman that because she chose to cheat she is acting like the worse in a man. Why should male cheating ever be tolerated?

 

Women have feelings and needs and desires too!

 

I didn't mean for this thread to become some sort of feminist manifesto, lol, but it seems like that's a portion of my thoughts.

 

I don't think anyone should be given a pass for poor decision making - men or women. But it seems really unfair for women to get the brunt of societies disdain for that poor decision making.

 

On the one hand, I can understand the stereotypes. We are mothers. We are nurturers. And it is hard to see a woman act the opposite of that nurturing stereotype.

 

On the other hand, I disagree with the stereotypes as not all women are mothers or having nurturing instincts. That's not the worst thing ever. It just is.

 

Hugs to MW. Recipients of double-whammies.

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So, what?! You want somma this?!

 

Bring it!

 

LOL

 

I agree. All APs do get beat up pretty well - especially the ones that come off like they know everything or didn't do anything to earn some of the 2X4s they get. LOL.

 

Oh well.

 

Just a thought I had.

 

 

:p:p:p:p

 

No mam...I no better then to mess with girls...you are a mean bunch...lol

 

I agree that some get it worse than others...the ones that disagree. :laugh:

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I don't necessarily mean by our mothers. Mine didn't tell me that either. It was shoveled in school, (sisterhood of cheerleaders, sororities), the media (shows about stay at home moms who met for bridge and coffee or the one sided portrayals of the feminist movement. *yes I am old*), religions about women holding down second best to men, therefore we should all "just get along". There has always been a battle of the sexes instigated by who knows and fueled by jackazzes, with this, it is "us" (the sisterhood) against "them".

 

Well what do you know Bent....we agree on something.

 

I definitely believe that gender roles are pushed onto us by society. A man that sleeps around is a player...a woman that does the same is a slut.

 

Just twisted.

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Are they "bashed" (because I thought that was against TOS) or are they just not handed advice/thoughts with sunshine and a cookie? BIG different, IMHO.

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Are they "bashed" (because I thought that was against TOS) or are they just not handed advice/thoughts with sunshine and a cookie? BIG different, IMHO.

 

A little of both. You can give good, sound advice in a bashing way...ya know?

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I guess I have been categorized "basher" so much(not just on here)that it no longer bothers me. I say what I say, the way I say it. No one has to like or listen to it. I yam, what I yam...whatever that is:p.

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Another board that I used to be a member of when I was in my EMA had a hissy fit if someone really talked about the issues of being a MW. So most MW just talked about the affair issue stuff - not how their marriage factored into it. Maybe it's just a knee-jerk reaction to being flamed on other boards?

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Another board that I used to be a member of when I was in my EMA had a hissy fit if someone really talked about the issues of being a MW. So most MW just talked about the affair issue stuff - not how their marriage factored into it. Maybe it's just a knee-jerk reaction to being flamed on other boards?

 

I have seen this on other boards too. Its hilarious seeing the single OW seemingly be jealous that the MW has two men.

 

To be honest, I don't think any board really wants to hear how the marriage factors into the A, though. Most will claim that the two are separate relationships with their own merits, completely ignoring the Triangle in the living room.

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That is exactly my point.

 

As long as the site rules aren't broken..... you (general you) cannot dictate HOW people write and what they are to say.

 

Some are direct.

 

Some sugar coat it.

 

Some only want to hear "I agree, poor you, blah blah blah". Some only want people to agree with them.

 

Some want to start infighting .... just because they can.

 

Some state their views --- and the words they use can be considered harsh. BUT, that is just their style, their personality.

 

Every single thread nowadays within the first 2-4 posts after the Original Post, state something along the lines of the OP going to be bashed, that they better look out for the flamers, that they will get flamed, that they won't get support, etc.

 

It is getting ridiculous :(

 

Remember -- take what you need and leave the rest. Just because ONE person has THEIR OWN VIEW doesn't mean that answer is the only right answer.

 

There are no rights and wrongs. There are just opinions.... and everyone has one. You (general you) may not like it; but that doesn't mean their view is wrong, it is a bashing view, etc.

 

Why do people have to include in their response "you are going to get bashed" or "you aren't going to get a lot of support here".

 

If you (the ones who write this) feel that way, why are you here? Obviously you stay because you want to help someone or share an experience. Is it only okay to stay and advise people if you blow sunshine up their rear with your advice?

 

Sorry to thread jack, but this was the 3rd or 4th post TODAY I have read that had those sort of comments in them.

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I've seen more MM get bashed than MW. Some OW vent their anger at the MM who is posting and the guy isn't their MM. But, I guess it's the same when a BS vents their anger at an OW who is posting.. I do find MW's and OM's get bashed less than MM and OW.

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That is exactly my point.

 

As long as the site rules aren't broken..... you (general you) cannot dictate HOW people write and what they are to say.

 

Some are direct.

 

Some sugar coat it.

 

Some only want to hear "I agree, poor you, blah blah blah". Some only want people to agree with them.

 

Some want to start infighting .... just because they can.

 

Some state their views --- and the words they use can be considered harsh. BUT, that is just their style, their personality.

 

Every single thread nowadays within the first 2-4 posts after the Original Post, state something along the lines of the OP going to be bashed, that they better look out for the flamers, that they will get flamed, that they won't get support, etc.

 

It is getting ridiculous :(

 

Remember -- take what you need and leave the rest. Just because ONE person has THEIR OWN VIEW doesn't mean that answer is the only right answer.

 

There are no rights and wrongs. There are just opinions.... and everyone has one. You (general you) may not like it; but that doesn't mean their view is wrong, it is a bashing view, etc.

 

Why do people have to include in their response "you are going to get bashed" or "you aren't going to get a lot of support here".

 

If you (the ones who write this) feel that way, why are you here? Obviously you stay because you want to help someone or share an experience. Is it only okay to stay and advise people if you blow sunshine up their rear with your advice?

 

Sorry to thread jack, but this was the 3rd or 4th post TODAY I have read that had those sort of comments in them.

 

So if someone has the opinion that others are bashing or not helpful shouldn't what you wrote above apply?

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I have seen this on other boards too. Its hilarious seeing the single OW seemingly be jealous that the MW has two men.

 

 

I don't think it's jealousy. Honestly, you have a ton of people, often BS's, asserting that OW's are morally destitute. But a single OW isn't ALSO betraying a spouse the way a MW is. So maybe it's a way to feel less crappy about being an OW. I dunno. At worst, a single OW is betraying themselves, and also- in a way someone they don't know (the BS), but they have no commitment to someone else they are betraying as well.

 

Besides, what good is having 2 men when you don't want the one you're with and the one you want won't be with you?

 

I started out as a MOW, but I couldn't stomach the idea of being a cheater, so I divorced. As a result, I have some difficulty understanding why others don't do the same. But, the other result of my experience is I don't believe people should stay in a M for the sake of the M alone, nor "for the kids". It's more in line with OW thinking than MM thinking, and nowhere near typical BS thinking that one sees in Infidelity. So, I can see why it's easier for MW's to be over here.

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So if someone has the opinion that others are bashing or not helpful shouldn't what you wrote above apply?

 

*sigh*

 

You missed the whole point ..............

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I've seen more MM get bashed than MW. Some OW vent their anger at the MM who is posting and the guy isn't their MM. But, I guess it's the same when a BS vents their anger at an OW who is posting.. I do find MW's and OM's get bashed less than MM and OW.

 

In fairness, MM's generally come off completely different than MW's. There seems to be an arrogance, a sense of entitlement, a cowardliness that comes through in MM moreso than MW. JMO.

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here's what is quite perplexing to me: Those people who say, "well, I do not care if you like my response/advice/my bashing, etc or if you get something out of it( or not), I am just being who I am. etc,.etc...." If one does not care if he/she actually was able to help or at least make the OP think about her situation, why then post? That is like tantamount to just wanting to "hear one's self speak"....posting for the sake of posting...it does not make sense to me.

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here's what is quite perplexing to me: Those people who say, "well, I do not care if you like my response/advice/my bashing, etc or if you get something out of it( or not), I am just being who I am. etc,.etc...." If one does not care if he/she actually was able to help or at least make the OP think about her situation, why then post? That is like tantamount to just wanting to "hear one's self speak"....posting for the sake of posting...it does not make sense to me.

 

And who is doing that?

 

I think anyone that provides input into the original question provides something to the thread.

 

And we don't know the motives of people who post.

 

Some post in a more direct way, but that doesn't mean, at least to me, that their thoughts/words/advice are any less valuable.

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