Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 WHY, WHY, WHY do MW treat us, the OM with all of the love and kindness, filling us with hopes and dreams and then BAIL when the heat gets turned up in the kitchen, like we didnt ever matter. Is there no bigger picture, no "forward thinking" from these MW? so confused Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 i need to add that I have been reading alot of stories here, and it seems that there arent that many OM here.. Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 i need to add that I have been reading alot of stories here, and it seems that there arent that many OM here.. Why is that? Perhaps because of the attacks they see being made on anyone admitting to being the "O"anything! As to your Original Post, I have no answer. I wish I could help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Perhaps because of the attacks they see being made on anyone admitting to being the "O"anything! As to your Original Post, I have no answer. I wish I could help. Thanks... I mean, it just feels like you were cruising all along and just when you start to think "what if or this could be", SLAM! The door slaps you in the beak and there you sit, all alone, with no reason, and NOTHING that you can say, fight for, argue about, nothing!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 WHY, WHY, WHY do MW treat us, the OM with all of the love and kindness, filling us with hopes and dreams and then BAIL when the heat gets turned up in the kitchen, like we didnt ever matter. Is there no bigger picture, no "forward thinking" from these MW? so confused MW cheating with an OM are likely following a 'script' -- they are playing a role which we all know how it goes: Be very sexy, kind, loving, attentive, playful, in need of you, affectionate, romantic, view you as very unique and Special... oh... right up until Consequences kick in (in the form of Being Found Out, or having to make new Commitments to OM other than the role-play they signed up for to explore their sexuality and attractiveness to you), then BAIL. So -- tell us, what is your story? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 WHY, WHY, WHY do MW treat us, the OM with all of the love and kindness, filling us with hopes and dreams and then BAIL when the heat gets turned up in the kitchen, like we didnt ever matter. Is there no bigger picture, no "forward thinking" from these MW? so confused Was there no forward thinking on your part? What is your responsibility to you? Why put your life choices in the hand of someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 WHY, WHY, WHY do MW treat us, the OM with all of the love and kindness, filling us with hopes and dreams and then BAIL when the heat gets turned up in the kitchen, like we didnt ever matter. Is there no bigger picture, no "forward thinking" from these MW? so confused Well, Rusty, (cute username BTW), not all MWs are like that. Some of us actually get divorced only to find their MMs are not going to do the same and even worse turn out to be serial cheaters. Good luck and go polish that trombone! Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 dude, what does it matter? get the heck outta dodge. spend the rest of the day mourning if you have too, but listen to me, LISTEN TO ME, move forward, leave this behind before it becomes a trainwreck of proportions you can't even imagine.... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Well, Rusty, (cute username BTW), not all MWs are like that. Some of us actually get divorced only to find their MMs are not going to do the same and even worse turn out to be serial cheaters. Good luck and go polish that trombone! :laugh::laugh::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Rusty... because they can my man, because they can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 MW cheating with an OM are likely following a 'script' -- they are playing a role which we all know how it goes: Be very sexy, kind, loving, attentive, playful, in need of you, affectionate, romantic, view you as very unique and Special... oh... right up until Consequences kick in (in the form of Being Found Out, or having to make new Commitments to OM other than the role-play they signed up for to explore their sexuality and attractiveness to you), then BAIL. So -- tell us, what is your story? WOW.... you make it sound so "disposable". guess that's what i am. My story, well, met MW, became friends, REAL close friends, shared every little detail. I guess I filled all of her "voids" and she definately made me feel whole. 6 months of the "affair" I guess, couple of years of the friendship. Now, there is basically NC, she has gone to church for "confession" to ask for forgiveness for ME. now, who knows what at home... how convenient, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Rusty... because they can my man, because they can. Listen to Lakey here, and then think about that.... how fair is that to you? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Listen to Lakey here, and then think about that.... how fair is that to you? We all think it won't be us when it's happening Stamp.. We are gonna be different. Nothing in life dies harder than Love and Hope. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Rusty Trombone I really can feel your pain and it does cut deep. I KNOW. I am a MW who had an affair with xOM and he ended things with me to continue on with his SO (significant other). Fair enough he made his choice. I personally am not sure I would have left my marriage for him, but was definitely planning on leaving it for myself at the time. I am still married to say the least and still not happy and I am sure your xMW is not happy either. This pain really is indescribable and it is probably because we suffer ALONE in our minds and in life and our memories of that other person carry on. It does start to get easier. I have found that NC has helped me the most. I ended up initiating NC one year after our A ended, because my xOM and I still kept in contact throughout that year. His emails to me were often quite inappropriate and he's the one that initiated the "let's be friends" line LOL. Please heal yourself. You will find another woman, one that is single and one that you may love even harder. The person you need to love right now is yourself. I suggest keeping NC even if she contacts you, otherwise it will prolong your healing process. I am only starting to heal and have been NC for 2 weeks now and it has been over a year since my A ended. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 WOW.... you make it sound so "disposable". guess that's what i am. Well, she liked how you made her feel.... right up to the point where she started feeling Guilty... so she cut you out. It's all about her. How she feels. What's in it for her. Sorry she wasn't in it 'for real'. You simply have to acknowledge she was being selfish, both in her Marriage, and her Affair. What, if anything, did she promise you? A future with her? Or was that only your Hope? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 WHY, WHY, WHY do MW treat us, the OM with all of the love and kindness, filling us with hopes and dreams and then BAIL when the heat gets turned up in the kitchen, like we didnt ever matter. Is there no bigger picture, no "forward thinking" from these MW? so confused I get the feeling you are speaking in the pleural. Has there been more than one MW? Is that why you seem to lump them all into the same category? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 I get the feeling you are speaking in the pleural. Has there been more than one MW? Is that why you seem to lump them all into the same category? well, I dont want to go there, I am just blown away at my current situation.. This woman, of all people, I just never expected her to do this. And now Icant figure out WHY she started a relationship of this nature to begin with.. And NOW the whole Catholic guilt thing. Where was it when she was loving me??? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I get the feeling you are speaking in the pleural. Has there been more than one MW? Is that why you seem to lump them all into the same category? Agreed. That looks like more than one. And his response, WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE":confused: seems to confirm that observation. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 well, I dont want to go there, I am just blown away at my current situation.. This woman, of all people, I just never expected her to do this. And now Icant figure out WHY she started a relationship of this nature to begin with.. And NOW the whole Catholic guilt thing. Where was it when she was loving me??? Are you competitive by nature? If WhiteFlower is on the right track (about your plural A's??) then why do you think you feel the need to go after women who are already with someone else? Is it because you want to Win them over? Or that you are not ready to Give Yourself up to be Emotionally Present for anyone at all? Question: Did She start this Affair or did You start it? If you pursued her and she allowed it to happen, then perhaps that's why her guilt only kicked in a bit later... details of how, when, where... and why, please. To give us a clearer picture of what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 See, the thing is, Rusty, that you can only play the Game for so long before YOU get caught by it! My own H, who prided himself, I guess, on the fact that OW were 'stupid' to think he (or any other MM) would leave their wife for her, and never fell in love with any of his OW, suddenly found himself caught in his own web -- when he fell in love with one of his OW... So -- did you get caught in your own game? Did you think you had the upper hand with this Affair and are caught off-guard at her pulling the carpet out from under you? You can't always Manipulate what is going to happen, and how people are going to react... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Stop the bus.. I didnt say there was more than one... Heck, we all meet people, have friendships, get "too close", flirt, get hit on etc... I have been hit on by MANY MW.... Don't understand it, but here I am in THIS situation and I am trying to figure it out... Shouldnt matter what other relationships I have been in. anyway, she one day told me that she was in love with me. It floored me.. took weeks of "thinking about it" before I realized that I too had very strong feelings for her.. she acted on them, fast and furiously, and then BAM! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 See, the thing is, Rusty, that you can only play the Game for so long before YOU get caught by it! My own H, who prided himself, I guess, on the fact that OW were 'stupid' to think he (or any other MM) would leave their wife for her, and never fell in love with any of his OW, suddenly found himself caught in his own web -- when he fell in love with one of his OW... So -- did you get caught in your own game? Did you think you had the upper hand with this Affair and are caught off-guard at her pulling the carpet out from under you? You can't always Manipulate what is going to happen, and how people are going to react... Have you started a thread on this? I would like to know how all this was dealt with. Can you post a link? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 well, I dont want to go there, I am just blown away at my current situation.. This woman, of all people, I just never expected her to do this. And now Icant figure out WHY she started a relationship of this nature to begin with.. And NOW the whole Catholic guilt thing. Where was it when she was loving me??? Don't ever fall for the Catholic Guilt excuse. She wasn't feeling guilty when she was boffing you! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Stop the bus.. I didnt say there was more than one... Heck, we all meet people, have friendships, get "too close", flirt, get hit on etc... I have been hit on by MANY MW.... Don't understand it, but here I am in THIS situation and I am trying to figure it out... Shouldnt matter what other relationships I have been in. anyway, she one day told me that she was in love with me. It floored me.. took weeks of "thinking about it" before I realized that I too had very strong feelings for her.. she acted on them, fast and furiously, and then BAM! Sorry, :oyour wording in your first post and the evasive answer leads to assumptions I jumped to. Again, my apologies. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I have been hit on by MANY MW.... Don't understand it, Don't put out those 'nice' vibes to MW anymore... just put out the 'am not interested vibes' from now on... Agh... if you are trying to understand Affairs, then Welcome to the Club! It's not a clear cut case -- all affairs are messy, and then some! Don't for a minute think your MW has it all figured out! She hasn't -- unless she has done this cheating many times before!!! A Serial Cheater is a different kind of animal to the person who is cheating for the first time... a serial cheater Knows what to do, when, etc... is following their own personal 'formula'... as for your MW, I highly doubt she holds any Knowledge about what you two did, than you can expect her to... she played along, liked the feelings, then stopped herself... come on... what are you trying to understand? That she wasn't 100% enamored with You? Is your ego hurt more than your heart?! I am not saying this in a mean way, I am trying to prod you into looking at this in a lighter perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
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