What does NC mean to OM?? Really??

[Heather1]

Just curious...

 

Are they glad they're now off the hook?? Does it matter who it's initiated by??

 

It seems so drastic, but friendship purgatory is SO much worse!!

 

I'd love to hear what OM think of this

[MizzBlue72]

I'm not OM, but I have attempted NC - and failed MISERABLY each time.

[Fallen Angel]

I wish people were answering your question as I am contemplating going NC with my MM as a way of ending A. We have had no physical contact for several weeks, but he calls several times a day, instant messages, emails etc. The loss of physical contact is hard, but it has never been all about the PA for me anyway. The EA part is what I need the most, and so I am having a much harder time letting that go and think NC may be the only way to do it. *sigh* sorry, just trying to work it all out in my head, and talking outloud.

[Devil Inside]

I am not an OM.

 

I was the MM in my A. My xOW ended it...but still was keeping in touch. I asked for NC because it was so painful for me to talk to her...and I assume it was hard for her too.

 

What it meant for me was many things. One it was a way for me to accept that this was over.

 

Two, it was a way for me to give myself the space I needed to start healing and grieving the relationship. It was hard...but I needed to cut the emotional strings or else I would be unable to function.

 

Three, it was a vital step I had to take to try to make my marriage work.

 

Four, it was the way that I allowed my head to make a decision that my heart never would have made...and in a sense the only rational decision I had ever made about the A.

 

Just so you know...it killed me to stop contacting her. She has not tried to contact me and that makes it easier. I miss her...and there are days where I think..what can an email hurt...but I have come this far (almost 7 weeks) why sabotage it all now...besides I know how it ends...in more pain.

 

As for what it will mean for your OM...I am not sure...it just depends. I think some people do it because they need to heal. I know some do it as a technique to draw you back in. Some do it as a punitive measure.

 

Either way, when NC is involved, regardless of the reason...the relationship is over.

[Rusty Trombone]

I AM an OM... and when NC was initiated by MW, it hurt worse than hurt. It made me feel like she was the biggest Chicken Sh*t on the planet. Go, run back to your marriage and do NOTHING! Leave me hanging on your false empty promises, like a damn fool.

 

how's that?

[Heather1]

I'm sorry Rusty...

 

Nothing about this is natural or easy. FA, we've had many breaks before & have gone round & round w/ this. After every physical encounter, he wants to go back to friends & my heart breaks. A few weeks ago, I actually had a personal crisis & because of our arrangement, couldn't contact him for 4 days after it happened. I asked him to call me, the first time ever, and he didn't. It was awful! I sent a short email saying I need to be done. If he wanted to be friends, he wasn't a friend that day or week by not getting in touch with me. I just needed off the roller coaster.

DI, I guess this is the best case of any other outcome. The only one who seems really hurt by this is me, and that's a private hurt since I'd isolated myself. I read that book "Not Just Friends" and it really helped. I'm trying to re-build my marriage too. I miss MOM, but I can't handle the ups & downs anymore of the whole thing.

FA- I'll help you....don't do anything unless you have a full schedule so you'll stay busy. Limit caffeine, drinking...make sure you excercise & eat right so it's a little less intense. It still royally sucks!! I'm doing OK though. The ups & downs I feel now are nowhere nears as intense as contact with him. I'm also not a friggin slave to my cell phone! I was like a walking zombie!

xxoo