stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Originally Posted by Tomcat33 On a side note, and forgive me for saying this and I don't mean any disrespect for anyone, but how in the world do these long term affairs go on? I just don't get it? I don't get a how a person in the cheater's shoes can lead a double life for years like that? I don't get how a marriage can be lived for years with another relationship on the side and I just don't get how a person in the OP shoes can have a relationship with someone for that long of a time not knowing what's what. It really baffles me, and I am not being a hypocrite or anything because I was there at one point but it was just too much too handle just a year I can't imagine years of that for all involved. It really makes me wonder what is happening at home vs what is happening in the new relationship. Seriously if we honestly take a hard look at that it can't be so cut and dry as well the cheater loves them both, you can't be loving two people at the same time if your spouse is oblivious to another life outside of them for so long? Can you? TC - You took the words out of my mouth! If things didn't turn out the way it did for both of us, I don't think I could go on for another year or two. I have always wanted to know how some did it for 3 - 10 years! As for myself, I can't see myself cheating on my partner because I know how a partner feels if he were to find out. Plus I don't think I can ever take a chance on wrecking something good that is going on. If things were not good between us, there is always an option to either end things or get into counseling. It isn't as easy as doing it... but I believe everyone should at least try... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 Originally Posted by [COLOR=#ff0000]lyssa[/COLOR] Good job and for you, Stampylicious! [[[stamp]]] Stampylicious, huh.. at times, I guess.. right now I am more like Stampynauseaus Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 Stampylicious or Stampynauseous - whichever you're feeling today - I can assure you that getting over someone is NOT easy. You loved this woman with all you had and how did she love you in return? By lying to you... so really, think about that. Think about all the lies and what she did to hurt your feelings - you'll end up being angry at her and slowly, you'll get over her. __________________ Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Stampylicious, I like it. Keep it coming. I can't look at her profile but it's nice reading what she posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 That this sweet girl was instrumental to MY healing.... GOD, please bless her...... Thank you Lyssa Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 hi Stamp, How are you doing? Could not pull Tomcats post up for some reason. But i guess your asking how someone can be in a A for years, without the bs knowing? In my situation, the bs knew 3 out of the 5 years. She really didnt care, never check on him, never questioned, never nothing.... Never did I think I would be in that long, Dont know where the time went... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 When I first came here, I was flamed and later on when I had the ability to receive PM, I received a number of nasty PM telling me to forget MM and all that jazz. It got to me but like I said, I had a few of xOW/OW/OM who were there for me and helped me through it. They supported me either way - to get out of it or not. Also, I gave MM a hard time from all the things I read here but it dawned on me that he wasn't bad - at all. He actually took actions and did a lot of things that I thought he couldn't and wouldn't - without my asking him to (way before he got D). Most people also do not take the time to ask the back story, they'd rather flame but it has changed - well.. sort of . Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 [COLOR=#ff0000]Lyssa[/COLOR], White Flowers: Thank you honeys, you gals are total sweethearts. Yeah my story is not all that uncommon really, many women/men have gone through this kind of crap. It was completely devestating at the time, but mind you before that I had already suffered so many hard blows in particular when his W found out about us on her own we'd been doing great for months going out all the time living life to the fullest we were on a great high, we had gone away for the weekend at one point and spent it up north by the fire drinking wine, cooking together, watching movies, playing scrabble making love at all hours and talking about what we would name our children and monday after that we parted for work making plans for that evening we would be doing dinner at his place he dropped me off at work told me he loved me, I reciprocated, we made out of a bit and off I went into my office building. Later that morning I didn't get his typical morning email at work telling me he was crazy about me and when I finally did hear from him later that afternoon he told me his ex had come by to see him at work and she knew we had been dating (at all this she had been trying to win him back to move back home of course he was not interested). He didn't want to talk about it was still in shock at her reaction could not believe her devestation (DUHHHHHH! what did he expect?) . He disappeared for two days after that and he moved back home dumping me like a hot potato via email telling me he was devestated to have to do this to have to end things with me but that he had acted terribly that he had to do what was right he owed it to his W, they were to start marriage councelling. THAT was devestating, we spoke on the phone I was in shock it felt like someone had put a dagger in my chest I could not even breath, I have never EVER experienced pain like that. It was the most excrutiating pain you can feel after coming off the high we were on and the amazing weekend of nothing but love and excitement, THAT was death. Clearly he felt it too because he was back on my doorstep a month later telling me he was moved out for good and forever now since what was done was done, and he could not change his actions he felt bad about his W but could not live without me or pass up his chance at happiness out of guilt for his W. So we had a rel for a good 4-5 months byond that and the rest I already spoke of earlier. I can tell you now when I speak to my ex and we are not involved anymore I understand better. He is not a bad guy, he acted terribly YES he made some seriously BAD choices YES, but his bad choices put him under extreme pressue and it's not uncommon for people to break under pressure. I have been there for him off and on because (I am trying to get on with my life I met a man recently I am excited about) though I refuse to see him (the ex), and he is very adamant on winning me back explaining he NEVER stopped loving me that he had to do things like this that he has much regret for dragging me into his mess he had no right to drag me into his marital problems, to which I say "look it took two I am not a child so I allowed myself to get involved with you and you are not responsible for that" but he refuses to let me accept that, he feels he did me a lot of harm due to HIS mess and that all I did was love him (which is true on both counts) and he wanted to love me as he felt and tried but didn't realise just how much harm he was doing to me being so caught up in trying to fix the fine mess he had made and terminating his marriage, when all he wanted was to put me first. He did in almost every respect he really did, but not when the chips were down. And I can't get over that. I dunnow....it's hard to see the positive now but I did forgive him a long time ago so I am trying to be more open to his admisssions, for my own sake I don't want to carry any unresolved feelings about this experience since I want my new rel to have as little baggage possible carried in from this past experience. Anyway sorry S-Diddy for hijacking here with my own crap, don't wish to start a thread on this since I don't care to analise this to death with everyone, just wanted to share with my "closer" LS pals in this thread since we were on the topic of our stories an all... How you doing today S-D? I see in your situation a lot of what I see in mine, I see a woman that has made some terrible choices that is afraid to stand by her feelings and true desires and that needed a shakeup to get her gears in action. Either way and regardless of the outcome I just don't see how confronting the insanity was a bad thing, one way or another decisions needed to be made wherever that love should be directed that is what will prevail. And having you in the picture making it all easier to carry forth a doublt life was not the way it was going to happen. In this case she may be comfortable at home but her life will be nothing but misery if she cannot get you out of her head, not to mention you simply cannot ressurect a relationhsip that is completely dead. At least that is what my ex explains and it can drag on on for a very long time like that. If she does manage to snap out of it and can revive her rel because it wasn't completely dead to her H then still it was the right thing to do, because it means in the end she would have left you to go back to her H anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 StampDiddyLicious, that's good to know that you're drowning in this. You were but you're all better now and it does look like you're moving on so good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 Guess my point is here, is PAY ATTENTION to who your FRIENDS are here at LS, FRIENDS you did'nt even know you had.............................:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Stamp, what's happened? Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I think hes pulling out old posts from Lyssas past.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 My guess is he's handling his grief over Lyssa's death in his own way. Life experience in the last decade has taught me that our world and those in it we love can change in an instant, a blink of an eye. Value those whom give one's life added meaning. Let them know. Thanks, Stamp, for letting us know, now and before. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Somebody died who is a LS member? not THAT Lyssa? no? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Sadly, yes. She was in a bad accident, and didn't make it.. There's a thread in the watercooler section. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Here's the thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=201017 Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Thank you....I didn't know her, but read some of her posts....also read the post about her mother passing on....I keep looking at her picture, seems unreal that anyone so young, so beautiful, so loved is gone... Life is so fleeting.......:( Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Stampy, Many of us long timers will forever mourn Lyssa's passing. I do, my LS friends do Hopefully there is a "better" place, and she's arrived, bag in hand, ready to set up residence, turning heads as always. I want to believe it's true. We know, you know, I know, the heart wants what it wants. The brain may have other imperitives, but the heart is what we feel. Without feeling, what do we have? Without feeling, what is there? I join you in wishing the best. more than the best to the foxiest lady amoung us at LS, may she be happy forever. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 We know, you know, I know, the heart wants what it wants. The brain may have other imperitives, but the heart is what we feel. Without feeling, what do we have? Without feeling, what is there? Yes, if I had to choose between a heart and a brain, I'd choose a heart. I'd rather feel than think any day. Another thing I loved about Lyssa is that she was never judgemental. She was wiser than her years. Only fools and the very young are judgemental. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 OMG, I wasn't going to sign in tonight but saw that we lost Lyssa. She was something special. May she rest in peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-Searcher Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Stampdaddy, you are the sweetest person ever. Thank you for keeping Lyssa's memories alive. It's hard for me to read her posts, but it makes me smile too, because it makes it feel like she is still with us. I'm glad she helped you in your healing. xxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Stampylicious, I like it. Keep it coming. I can't look at her profile but it's nice reading what she posted. Stampylicious. That was so Lyssa. That this sweet girl was instrumental to MY healing.... GOD, please bless her...... Thank you Lyssa You're kind, Stampdaddy, for thinking of her. God bless you. Thanks for this thread, Stampdaddy. Link to post Share on other sites
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