Does MM always come back?

[Morelikeher]

Just curious - does the MM always come back? Or once they opt to go back to the wife, is that the final decision?

 

My xMM went back to his wife about a month ago, but I am receiving text messages from an unknown number and they seem to be from him. I am struggling to close the door on this, but seems impossible.

 

I am praying for the strength to tell him to go away.

 

Please help.

[Owl]

I'd be very cautious about those text messages from an unknown number...they could well be from his wife, 'posing' as him and trying to fish for information.

 

From what I've seen, odds are about 50/50 that either the affair is over completely, or he'll attempt to resume the affair AND maintain his marriage.

 

Personally, I'd suggest that you end the affair and focus on taking care of yourself. You're more likely to recover and be happier if you're not putting your life on hold (potentially for years) pending action by him.

[Morelikeher]

Luckily, I did think that it might be her - all I sent back was "is this some sort of sick joke?" I changed my cell phone number after he broke it off - so I have no idea how either of them would have obtained my new number.

 

Regardless, I was starting to heal (somewhat) until those texts were sent last week... the text told me "I've never needed you more and you've never been so distant. I love you."

 

Ugh. So, nothing I can do other than stay busy and NC.....anything else I can do to make expedite the healing process?

[Devil Inside]

 

Ugh. So, nothing I can do other than stay busy and NC.....anything else I can do to make expedite the healing process?

 

NC is definitely the cornerstone to healing. Other than that, just like any other breakup...keep busy. Focus on you. Exercise. Eat right. Get sleep when you can. Start up a new hobby. Make some new, platonic friends. Connect with people you neglected due to the A. Pour yourself into work.

 

One day you will look up and realize life does go on.

[NoIDidn't]

You could also get angry that he is being so disrespectful of your wishes by getting your number behind your back and then sending somewhat cowardly anonymous messages to you.

 

The anger would help you stay busy and focused on the goal of healing.

 

But, OWL is correct, it might not be him at all. It could be her, or one of her friends. Or anyone else that knew of the A and wants to have a laugh at your expense. I mean this compassionately, because I have seen people do it. And it was a sick joke.

 

Take care of you.

 

I'm curious, too. If it turns out that it is him and that he wants to come back to you, do you want him back?

[Morelikeher]

At this point, I have to admit that I want him back. It's a really big fight between my heart and my head. I realize that I can't go back to the roller coaster ride and yet, I really, really miss him.

 

I think his intent is to stay with his wife - so, the option is not even there right now (which is probably a good thing considering how in limbo I am). I refuse to stick around to see how this plays out, but at the same time, I wonder if he'll come back - so I guess I am waiting.... Just me being honest. I want to get to a place that I can be strong again and do what is best for ME.

 

Some days I feel like I'm finally healing - the next day, not so much. I guess in some ways, I'm still riding that roller coaster, huh?

 

I guess all I have is time.

[Owl]

Luckily, I did think that it might be her - all I sent back was "is this some sort of sick joke?" I changed my cell phone number after he broke it off - so I have no idea how either of them would have obtained my new number.

 

Regardless, I was starting to heal (somewhat) until those texts were sent last week... the text told me "I've never needed you more and you've never been so distant. I love you."

 

Ugh. So, nothing I can do other than stay busy and NC.....anything else I can do to make expedite the healing process?

 

1. Block the number, so you don't get anymore texts. Regardless of who they're from, they're not doing you any good.

 

2. Stay busy in a way that helps deal with stress. Start working out, maybe take up martial arts, something like that.

 

3. If you have a "support system" of friends and family who can be there with you while you're working through all of this, it helps tremendously.

 

4. Let yourself grieve. If the affair is over...then BELIEVE it is over. Treat it like it's over. Don't let yourself fall into the trap that it's "temporarily over" or "on hold til he makes up his mind". View it as in the past...let yourself grieve over the loss/end of the relationship...it'll help you 'get over it' faster.

 

Just some thoughts.

[NoIDidn't]

I know I am asking a lot of questions, and will understand completely if you aren't comfortable in answering them.

 

Thanks for answering the question about wanting him back. The answer is really more for you than the others on this forum. But I have another question, just to understand what you meant by "went back to his W".

 

Did he leave the marital home for a period? Or are you just referring to the end of the A as "went back to his W"?

 

You have a lot more than time. You have the time and space to create a life that is fuller without him than with him.

[Morelikeher]

Did he leave the marital home for a period? Or are you just referring to the end of the A as "went back to his W"?

 

You have a lot more than time. You have the time and space to create a life that is fuller without him than with him.

 

 

Thanks for that. I do have to get back to myself. I want to be able to "grieve" this fully, so that I can start getting back to more important things.

 

He left his wife - moved out and was separated, but not legally. I'm sure some of you will not see this as an A, because it was only for a short term of 2 months.

 

Regardless, it was very intense and I really did love him. I think now I see that I was just starved for attention - I am a single mom that doesn't have a lot of time for myself - other than my kid/job. I have been very shocked at myself - I have always thought myself as strong & independent....obviously I have a lot of insecurities that need to be addressed...