input wanted

[Egocentrichacha]

I'm new to the forum and stumbled upon it while seeking advice via Google.

I'm in the longest lasting relationship thus far in my life. Next month will be 4 years together. I love my girlfriend deeply and I fully intend on spending the rest of my life with her or until she severs the relationship. I am completely convinced she is the one for me.

We've had ups and downs but never have been unfaithful to each other. I can only speak for myself but trust her to be truthful even if it would hurt us. We are very open and honest with each other even in those situations.

We live together and have been for more than two years but our schedules conflict. I work 9 to 5 and attend evening classes. She works long hospital shifts and arrives home usually in time for me to kiss her goodnight. This has placed the most stress on our relationship and we end up living our own lives and only getting to be with each other when it's convenient. But it works for us and absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

She has a friend that she met at the hospital where she works. They both worked the same hours and would end up hanging out afterwords and ended up having a lot of the same interests in common.

I'm glad my girl has this friend cuz she can be there for her when I am unable to. My girlfriend is overly sensitive and compassionate and high maintenance in the support department. It eases me that someone can be there for her.

We moved to another part of town last year and my girlfriend switched hospitals to work at the one nearest to us. Since then her and her friend have been hanging out more often. I have no objections. I too have been seeing a lot more of her friend because of this. she's just around more. I never really have had much interaction with her til recently. But the more I am around her the more I begin to desire her. It's by no means intentional. I think it becomes more apparent and have noticed her friend beginning to respond to me in ways that influence this lust for her. Nothing blat ten or out of line on either of our parts.

Prolonged eye contact and subtle gazes from both of us and she is paying more attention to me when we are all three together. It's still all very innocent but the more I am with her the stronger certain urges become harder to dismiss. I want very much to tell my girlfriend the way I feel but I don't want it to become an issue for her and her friend. i just want to be honest and mostly to get her out of my head before I make myself nuts.

 

I need advice on what to do or how to approach this situation. Mostly cuz we've started a True Blood night. and get together to watch it once a week. I don't want to be alone with her. I can already see it happening.

I'm also concerned that when i tell my girlfriend about this infactation that she will encourage it. We had a spat a about a year and a half back and after making up she had mentioned that she is turned on by the idea of seeing me with another woman. I told her that is not what I wanted and thought it would be damaging to our relationship especially at that time. Her friend doesn't change my mind but I don't know what to do if I did a green light from my girlfreind after confiding in her. Should I even be concerned with these feelings? Would they just go away if I do nothing about it? I am still very much in love with my girlfriend and have no plans on not being with her. Is it even worth mentioning?

[whichwayisup]

Keep your mouth shut and distance yourself from her. Let your gf hangout with her, and whatever you do, DO NOT intiate or admit to ANY feelings to her friend.

 

And, don't bring it up with gf.. If you love her, let this go and don't even entertain the thought of having a 3-some, or letting your gf watch..That would be the beginning of the end for you two..It's one thing to think/fantasize about, it's another to actually go do it.

 

Another reason, you mentioned it too, it'll interfer in their friendship, so there's the reasoning to not say a word. Keep busy, focus on other things and don't spend ANY alone time with your gf's friend. Make yourself get over it and what you feel for her, it's pointless, isn't it?

[norajane]

Prolonged eye contact and subtle gazes

 

It's still all very innocent

Stop this behavior. You KNOW it is not innocent since you have developed a crush on her. So don't do it. You can control your own behavior, can't you?

 

And don't think that your gf will be ok with you banging her friend just because she mentioned once a year and a half ago that she had some fantasy of seeing you with another girl. In your gf's fantasy, it's some girl that you aren't interested in and just a fantasy.

 

Why don't you invite one of your single guy friends, or a group of them, over on True Blood night and introduce them to this woman? Maybe they'll hit it off and she'll stop making googly eyes with you if she has a bf of her own.

 

Either way - hands off, and back off.

[Egocentrichacha]

Keep your mouth shut and distance yourself from her. Let your gf hangout with her, and whatever you do, DO NOT intiate or admit to ANY feelings to her friend.

 

And, don't bring it up with gf.. If you love her, let this go and don't even entertain the thought of having a 3-some, or letting your gf watch..That would be the beginning of the end for you two..It's one thing to think/fantasize about, it's another to actually go do it.

 

Another reason, you mentioned it too, it'll interfer in their friendship, so there's the reasoning to not say a word. Keep busy, focus on other things and don't spend ANY alone time with your gf's friend. Make yourself get over it and what you feel for her, it's pointless, isn't it?

 

Thanks for your input. It really helps solidify it to have someone impartial say it when good judgment is telling you the same. You are absolutely right.Thank you again.

[Egocentrichacha]

Stop this behavior. You KNOW it is not innocent since you have developed a crush on her. So don't do it. You can control your own behavior, can't you?

 

And don't think that your gf will be ok with you banging her friend just because she mentioned once a year and a half ago that she had some fantasy of seeing you with another girl. In your gf's fantasy, it's some girl that you aren't interested in and just a fantasy.

 

Why don't you invite one of your single guy friends, or a group of them, over on True Blood night and introduce them to this woman? Maybe they'll hit it off and she'll stop making googly eyes with you if she has a bf of her own.

 

Either way - hands off, and back off.

 

Yeah. You're right about the fantasy vs reality. Plus there's more complication on the friend's end then I have mentioned. She is in the midst of a nasty divorce where her ex had been caught in an affair so there are a few ulterior motives on her end that only gives more reason to keep distance. on top of that, none of us are guys which is more of the allure on her part since she has a past of being mistreated by men. But you have a point about inviting some single friends over. I think I will try that and you may have solved my delima.