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Do I send a 'closure' e-mail?


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Old 9th August 2009, 7:18 PM   #1
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Do I send a 'closure' e-mail?

Been putting my feelings down in an e-mail for the MM that dropped me last week. Quite civil and not expecting a reply from him but I want him to truly know how I have felt. Maybe he doesn't deserve it. I haven't sent it but I just want peoples thoughts. Sometimes I find it helps with closure but then again should I just leave it? Anyway here it is:

Well it's been a week now. I've had time to think, I've had time to hurt. I wanted to send you this as I think you have a right to know how I have felt. Yes we knew each other for only 3 weeks. Yes it was very intense but I really felt like I had never met anyone like you before. You were kind, considerate, generous, loving, tactile, affectionate, intelligent, caring, interesting, funny.....Maybe I gave myself away too quickly, possibly a fault on my part. But I seemed to get the vibe back from you, all the nice things you said to me, how I made you feel, how I didn't judge, how I made you laugh.
I will, however, never know the truth, I only had what you told me. You have gone back to your marriage, you want to make things work. I understand you miss the family dynamic, you have to much to lose otherwise. You may not have gone back, you may be dating someone else. Like I said I will never know and I don't care to. All I want to say is that you caused me grief and upset that I didn't need in my life. I didn't deserve it. You slept with me the afternoon of the day you decided to return to your marriage. And yes it was the Sunday that you made that decision. I may have freaked you out with my anxiety and I can understand that but I in hindsight my body was telling me something didn't sit right. Something that you tried to convince me otherwise.
But every cloud has a silver lining, I know I have made a lucky escape. So yes you are right I do deserve better. I am a decent, loving and caring person who didn't deserve to have her feelings manipulated. You told me you had never lied to me but that is my point, you weren't honest to yourself about your true feelings for your wife all along. And I suppose I still stand by what I said, I was an escape from what you missed. Nothing more.
So I wish you every happiness in whatever you chose, just be careful of how you treat people who actually care about you as they might not always be so understanding.
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Old 9th August 2009, 7:21 PM   #2
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no don't send it! They should be called an Un-Closure email... even if you tell yourself that you won't wait for a reply... you will be waiting for that reply and it will make this all worse... dont send it
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Old 9th August 2009, 7:24 PM   #3
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You have closure. He ended the affair. I'm not sure I understand what else you need. It sounds like you want something else from him.
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Old 9th August 2009, 7:24 PM   #4
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No. He does not deserve anything from you.
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Old 9th August 2009, 7:35 PM   #5
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I don't really know what I am after, I just wish we had never met :-(
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Old 9th August 2009, 7:41 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyRN View Post
I don't really know what I am after, I just wish we had never met :-(
Then it's a good thing he is now out of your life. IMO, you should keep it that way. NC all the way.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:03 PM   #7
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Its very difficult when you break up with someone. If you had angry feelings to get out that would be one thing - I rightly or wrongly beleive you have a right to vent those.

But it was only 3 weeks. Alls fair in 3 weeks. He had the sense to end it. You dodged a big big buller.

Your email was as everyone has already said not about closure. It is lovelorn, musing, wishing things were different.

Those are thoughts you need to post here (which you have good thinking!) or discuss with your friends, gee i hope this is a sign that his single faithful clone will walk into my life today!

The problem in ANY relationship is that when it ends and its not your choice to end it, you miss that person who you hoped to make a future with.

But if he was a single guy you wouldnt send an email saying I cant believe you didnt think we would work together, I was so bowled over by you.

DONT DONT DONT DONT.

Every time you want to contact him post. There is a really good board in the coping section where you can post all the thoughts you want to express the kind sweet romantic ones and noone tells you that you shouldnt feel that way.

or post here and you can be sure everyone will respond in a way that will keep you grounded.

Hang in there. Its disappointing but you will get past this.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:07 PM   #8
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But if he was a single guy you wouldnt send an email saying I cant believe you didnt think we would work together, I was so bowled over by you.

Hang in there. Its disappointing but you will get past this.
Actually, I did send one like that to a single guy after dating for 3 weeks. It took me about 6 weeks to get over him

I agree, don't send the email. Please listen to the advice of some people in here. Too often I didn't, and then realized I should have.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:15 PM   #9
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I would not send it...He caused you grief cause you allowed it and he slept w you cause you allowed it...there's a lot of risks when one gets involved w a MM just be thankful it ended soon rather than string you along for months or even years for nothing
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:15 PM   #10
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The problem I see is that ladyRN has closure, it's just not the closure she wants. IMO, he gave her all the reasons why and she needs some time to accept reality. It will take time, but the closure is already there. Any contact at this point could be detrimental to all involved. Even if for whatever reason he contacts her, she should do her best to ignore him.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:21 PM   #11
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Thanks everyone. I suppose, like someone already mentioned, already knew the answer to this one. It is just a draft and in some way has helped me just to write down how I feel.
It may have only been 3 weeks but I couldn't help how I felt for this man, I truly felt I hadn't met anyone like him before. Yes I was besotted but this didn't feel like it was just a one way street, I thought he felt the same. He mentioned fate, destiny.......BS. I wish I had never got so involved I really do but unfortunately I cannot turn back time.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:23 PM   #12
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I totally agree Herenow. I didnt mean to suggest she should send angry thoughts. In 3 weeks she has NO right to be angry. Disappointed yes angry no.

No contact is the only answer. And really you DONT want to chase a married man (sorry but that email was chasing) that is just plain self humiliation.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:25 PM   #13
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ladyRN - he may have felt that way - but hes married. He is married and he values his family. He was weak in the face of his attraction for you but he caught himself before he got any more involved.

You have to let this one go. If you push this, it will be at your peril. I can promise you that you will regret it.

You really really need to NEVER contact this man again.

And you are missing the fact that no you cant turn back time in terms of having met him and developed feelings but (in case this wasnt what you meant) you can do the right thing and let it go.

It will take time to heal if he was that special to you, but not as long as you think. And look at the bright side, if he was out there, there will be someone single who is available to have a relationship with his good qualities.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:34 PM   #14
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Like I said previously this man was separated, I met him on a dating site. He told me he no longer wanted to be in his marriage, that something had clicked and he wanted to move on with his life. He lived in a different house from his wife and had been for a while.Therefore I feel that I do have a right to feel like I do, even if it was only 3 weeks. He convinced me his marriage was over yet was lying to himself all along, leading me to believe we were in a relationship.
But I will not be contacting him. I have maintained NC thus so far and I intend to continue. It was useful to write how I felt but I will never send that e-mail, I owe that to myself to maintain dignity.
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Old 9th August 2009, 8:47 PM   #15
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lady RN how do you know that he was truthful about his marriage situation? that's the thing w MM or MW they lie and lie and lie to get their way...some will sweep you off your feet they get what they want thn bye bye...I know...I was the MW at one point( I am however the 1% that actually left the marriage and I'm now happily in a LTR with the man who once was the OM)
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