How to heal?

[Tsuki no Michi]

Just wondering about how even after several years you can be (and in my case still am) very much in love with someone you cannot be with? Even after so long of no contact I find it is difficult to move on with life. I still love her more than I have ever loved anyone. Even though I know it will never be I cannot seem to find interest in anything. I've tried immersing myself in work, but that just highlights how little else I have in my life. I have tried hobbies, but they seem empty and meaningless all the time. I won't go back to the church after the hypocrisy I experienced from my former church family over my decision to divorce my now ex-wife. My family is for lack of a better description, so absorbed in their own problems that they are unwilling to spend even a moment on anyone but themselves (this last is not new, it has been this way my whole life).

 

All in all, it really does feel like a death inside of me. Some part of me is now irrevokably destroyed and I honestly don't know what to do to heal it, if it even can be. Time does not seem to have helped. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I have no desire to find anyone else. Every time I have considered it I am always reminded of how good we were together and I am no longer interested.

 

Maybe I just need more time, I don't know. But having known people whose loved one actually did die and forever after were uninterested in anyone else I wonder if that's not the kind of personality I am as well. I don't know. All I do know is that it still hurts as much as it did the last time I saw her. A part of me says that it's all right to want to be alone rather than be with someone else. The problem is I don't actually want to be alone. I want to be with her. Without her I cannot seem to find meaning in my life. How silly is that?

 

Anyway, I don't really expect any answers since I've pretty much tried all the standard methods of getting over someone. Maybe I just needed to tell someone, I don't know.

 

TNM

[tami-chan]

I don't think it is silly to love somebody like that....there is even somebody here on LS who loves just like that..and he is content just to love her from afar....it seems sad...but it is about making peace with it. It is a fact in your life.So come to terms with it BUT do not stop living. If the future looks too sad and bleak because she is not by your side....then live life to the fullest one day at a time...make each day matter-like it is the last day of your life. This is a conscious effort--make yourself do it...until it becomes natural to you----

[Mino]

hi, the best way I can think of is just to look forward, and keep moving. Push any thoughts out of your mind when you think of her. Distraction !! You maybe need to start going out as well to meet people, not with the intent of finding a replacement, but just to meet people. Its a mind set.. You need to find the strength from within to move forward. We are charged to keep moving and not be stagnant. There are many unanswered questions in your mind, thinking she was the ONE. But that is in your mind. People fall in love several times in their lifetime. I believe you can and will find a new love, but you must allow yourself to be open. Maybe you need to try ic, because it really sounds to be like you are self punishing, and not allowing yourself to find happiness. We only have one life... I am sure she has moved on with hers, do the same, you DESERVE IT. One day at a time... good luck.

[fooled once]

I don't think you have finished mourning the relationship. You aren't ready to move on yet.

 

You can always find another church -- no law saying you have to go back to the one you originally had.

 

Look into singles groups -- even just for friendship.

 

Time does soften the wounds we experience in our life. May never make them go away. But in time, you will start LIVING life again. I am pretty sure she isn't mourning life and is living it. Don't waste the life you were given -- find something (volunteering maybe) to help you start to live again.