oz2000 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I left my son's father nearly 6 years ago - I have been extremely picky as to who I have been associated with over the last 6 years..... only fallen in love once and that did not end as I would have liked. I do not flirt although am an attractive 40 y/o woman. If I am not attracted to someone I will not even go down the path of talking - which goes against most advice but thats the fact. Anyway..... I have had friends whose partners have had affairs and always been in full flight against the partner and OW.......... so here's my story!!! About 2 months ago I found myself talking to a man when out with GFs at a local bar.... there was instant chemistry (again something that is historically rare for me) between us... we talked about wanting to take each other home on the spot then decided to swap numbers instead.... one passionate kiss goodbye that had me nearly on my knees and off we went in separate directions home. We ended up texting each other until 5.30am the next morning. Within in a week he told me that he was on the way out of his marriage and I told him that I would do nothing physical with him until that moment that he was single came. So over the last two months we have texted each other reasonably regularly (he is a shift worker so able to justify odd hours of messages) and had coffee once. Still nothing more than a kiss...... he is now overseas with his family for 5 weeks back to his homeland he messaged me as he got onto the plane and within 20 minutes of arriving in his home country, 22 hrs later. Saying he couldn't wait to catch up again. I am assuming that they are selling their property "back home" tho' don't know for sure. He has said that he and his wife have discussed that she will stay here with the kids regardless of what happens with their relationship. So what do I do?..... this is an Emotional Affair I would say - there is a link that we have both tried to shake off twice in the last 2 months but neither seem to be able to.... any suggestions???? Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Yep... you could be going down some rough waters here. Well... you can try to be his friend for now. No kissing or anything. I think it might... IT MIGHT... be ok for you to be friends with him but the only thing with that is that you guys like each other so it would be hard to maintain a friendship with the chemistry. Look... in my experiences (cause I've been there) and with just reading some of the post on LS, this is how most of these situations start... innocently friends... then emotional affair.... then full blown affair. Be careful here! It is dark road to follow. The BEST advice... Little or no contact until he's divorced. Fact of the matter is... whether he says he's getting a divorce or not, he's STILL married. Just cause he says he's getting a divorce doesn't make it ok. Maybe tell him to look you up once he's divorced but until then... move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Also, I'd like to add... many married men like to make the other woman believe that they are leaving but never do. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 If you can't shut it down NOW, think how much harder it will be a year from now when you're deep into your affair. He's not on his way out of the marriage. On his way out means they've separated or filed for divorce. Have they done that? Your assumption they are selling their home property comes from where? You said that an affair is not something you would expect yourself to get involved with and you've been picky about the men you've dated the last 6 years. So why LOWER your standards for him? Why are you suddenly expecting far less from him than from any other man? Would you date a single guy who can't even take you out on a date or see you on the weekends? For all the reasons you said you would never do this, DON'T DO THIS. Don't lower your standards and expectations. Don't base your potential future happiness on the marital decisions of another couple. Don't wait for someone else's marriage to implode before you can be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Take this as a sign that you are ready to fall in love again and find someone who can love you the way you want and need. And, someone who you can love without limitations. Sometimes these opportunities pop up when we're ready... Hope you find the love you are looking for & that you are happy! Link to post Share on other sites
NOTSURE7 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 he might want to beleive he is on his way out of the marriage but in reality he issint, unless he actually says to his W that he is leaving and actually does it , he is no better off than a MM living happily with his W and kids. beleive me i am a mm in an emotional and physical A and myself and the Mw tell eachother i love you and talk about a possible futre etc etc but guess what at the end of the day she is with her H and i am with my W, talk is nothing without action. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 He has said that he and his wife have discussed that she will stay here with the kids regardless of what happens with their relationship. He is setting you up. They are not getting divorced. Period. Dow whatever works for you, but please dont lie to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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