Jump to content

newbie and scared


Recommended Posts

mercedesgirl

Hi Guys

 

I have recently started seeing a married man, but I am struggling with the loneliness and the waiting for the phone to ring to say he can come over. We do meet after work during the week, but only for about half hour. At the wknds its difficult and I find myself waiting for him and so my life is on hold. I have no one to talk to about it because they will all say its wrong and to not see him. I love the attention he gives me and love it because I have things to look forward to in my otherwise quite sad and lonely life.

 

Not sure why Im writing really, but needed to let it out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're already starting out expecting more, it's going to be a rocky road (it's a rocky road regardless). This is not for the impatient.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why are you in the relationship? What exactly are you expecting?

 

If you are already unhappy then get out now. It doesnt get any better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mercedesgirl

I 'm in the relationship because I dont like being alone. I reliased that it wouldnt be an easy relationship because he is married, but hadnt realised just how emotional I would feel.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mercedesgirl
He has only half an hour to spend with you? Isn't that more like free prostitution? (I am not judging, just asking to see what you view is).

 

we meet and have a drink and a hug, thats all, its nice to see him even for a short time

Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately, waiting around for MM to be available is part of the package. You won't ever get the kind of attention you want from a MM because he has a whole other life with his wife and family that takes precedence. If it's making you feel lonely, it's up to you to end it.

 

If you're life is sad and lonely, I'd recommend volunteering at an animal shelter, getting involved with your church, or other volunteer activity. Doing good things for people has a way of making you feel good about yourself and brings other good people into your life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
WinterLand
we meet and have a drink and a hug, thats all, its nice to see him even for a short time

 

You never kissed or slept with him?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mercedesgirl
You never kissed or slept with him?

 

during the week, we meet for a drink and yes a kiss and cuddle. When he is able to come to the house for a few hours, thats when we are physcial

Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden

mercedesgirl, you will always be second best, in reserve and hidden away.

 

The question is not so much what is happening with you, but what is happening with him.

He is in an unstable relationship with his wife. He is discontented.

She may be oblivious to this.

 

Do not believe anything he tells you about his wife.

That is, take nothing at face value, because you only have his version of things, and if he is seeing you, he is going to naturally put himself into a more favourable light. Isn't he?

So already, in 2 ways, he is a liar.

 

bear all this in mind, then re-read my first comment again.

And think about what you are doing, and what you would like to do.

 

_/l\_

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mercedesgirl

I hadnt realised that I would be slagged off so much, thought I could find some support on here

Link to post
Share on other sites
JeezLouise

The best piece of advice I can give you is this.

 

If your life is sad and lonely and you are looking for a MM to make it less so, then you are just going to be sadder and lonelier in the end.

 

Make your life happy and fulfilled without him (or any man, for that matter), and you will attract many more people to you in all aspects.

 

You haven't even been through family vacations and holidays yet; just wait for THAT particular brand of loneliness!

Link to post
Share on other sites
JeezLouise
I hadnt realised that I would be slagged off so much, thought I could find some support on here

 

Sadly, you ARE getting support. Just hit the ignore button on any particular person who really bothers you (like winterland), and read the rest of the posts carefully. We have all BTDT, and we aren't BSing you just to get you to change your evil ways, you know....

Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden

mercedesgirl:

if you would like to view this differently just consider that posters here are "telling you like it is".

I have discovered while here that people do not pull any punches.

This is an enormous forum, full of many people.This sub-forum is for the Other man/ Woman, but it is open to all. And you will get responses from people like yourself, who are in situations with someone who is cheating and lying, and others who are being - or have been - cheated and lied to.

But very rude people get spoken to and their posts get erased, and they get warnings.

there is nothing in any of the posts here that is not "telling it to you like it is".

There are no posts here liable to get taken out or deleted....

Everyone has been 'shoot-from-the-hip" frank and honest with you.

 

You may wish to dress this affair up as something whistful, romantic and loving, but the basic fact is that he is lying and cheating on his wife, you are the other woman endorsing this, and it is not a pretty or favourable situation to be in.

If you want to continue in this relationship, nobody can stop you but you.

But you have to face reality, and know it is not going to get better.

He needs an outlet - and that outlet is you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I hadnt realised that I would be slagged off so much, thought I could find some support on here

 

What kind of support are you looking for? What would feel like support to you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Mercedes you have fallen into a familiar trap. You are lonely its piercing your soul. This man pays attention to you, cares for you on some level and you enjoy spending time with him. It feels like the one good thing in your life.

 

So of course you develop an emotional attachment to him. And you want to spend more time with him.

 

Its a trap for the unwary as they say. Being involved with a married man can be one of the lonliest relationships in the world. Other than the tiny chunks of time you spend together, you are alone. And you are wanting someone who is with someone else.

 

Instead of simply being lonely, you are now pining for someone, he is the sun in your life while you are one of many stars in the galaxy. You are 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th after wife, children, extended family, work and social committments.

 

And that is even worse than being lonely.

 

Spending time with a married man is not a cure for lonliness. It only shines a brighter light on the problem.

 

You need to get out NOW it will only get worse.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mercedesgirl

 

Spending time with a married man is not a cure for lonliness. It only shines a brighter light on the problem.

 

You need to get out NOW it will only get worse.

 

I can see that jj33 :(

 

I have had a problem with staying in bad relationships before, I was in a violent marriage for years, even though it was negative attention, someone was still giving me attention. Other relationshps have also been wrong from the start, but I still continued with them, could this be something in my past that is causing me to stay in unhealthy relationships?

Link to post
Share on other sites
JeezLouise

I don't know if it's something from your past - I am not a therapist and I don't know anything about you.

 

But I do believe that a history of choosing to be in and to stay in unhealthy one-sided relationships is something that should be explored in therapy, and it is something you can change.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden

....No.

it is something in you, present, that is causing you to stay in unhealthy relationships.

 

_/l\_

Link to post
Share on other sites
I can see that jj33 :(

 

I have had a problem with staying in bad relationships before, I was in a violent marriage for years, even though it was negative attention, someone was still giving me attention. Other relationshps have also been wrong from the start, but I still continued with them, could this be something in my past that is causing me to stay in unhealthy relationships?

 

Definitely. And self awareness is a good start. You can see that you're making an unhealthy choice, you can watch yourself crumble into pieces, or for once in your life you can intervene on your own behalf.

 

I have never been where you are, but every one who has's story SCREAMS that there's only one result from this. You are going to feel heaps more pain than you are feeling right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
....No.

it is something in you, present, that is causing you to stay in unhealthy relationships.

 

_/l\_

 

Agreed. You are operating under the premise of "a bad relationship is better than no relationship". If your liked your life better, you would see that isn't the case and you'd say no to the relationships that aren't going anywhere and that will only make you feel worse about yourself and your life, and you'd hold out for a relationship that will be healthy and fun.

 

Work on enjoying your life, feeling good about who you are. That will give you the desire to hold out for what you deserve, rather than accepting what's offered. If you've never had a good relationship, you may not realize that it's worth waiting for. You should feel insulted by anyone who offers you less than that - especially MM.

Link to post
Share on other sites
fooled once

what kind of support do you want?

 

*rah* you are interested in a married man

 

*rah* he spends 30 minutes a week or so with you.

 

*rah* HE IS MARRIED

 

*rah* He has a WIFE

 

*rah* You are going to end up hurt and alone

 

*rah* You will only get crumbs and nothing more

 

*rah* You will continue to sit alone waiting for him while life passes you by.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can see where you're coming from, you're lonely. There is nothing wrong with that and it is difficult. My advice is to find a hobby, and I know it's easier said than done, but I find that going to the gym is something to keep you busy and makes you feel good too. But there are loads of things you could do to keep yourself busy.

I would try finding other things to keep you occupied rather than getting emotionally involved as it is never going to end well.

 

Hope this helps.

Link to post
Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady
what kind of support do you want?

 

*rah* you are interested in a married man

 

*rah* he spends 30 minutes a week or so with you.

 

*rah* HE IS MARRIED

 

*rah* He has a WIFE

 

*rah* You are going to end up hurt and alone

 

*rah* You will only get crumbs and nothing more

 

*rah* You will continue to sit alone waiting for him while life passes you by.

 

Rah rah yourself...If you don't like what you read here go post in infidelity...I'm sure you'll find that they have similar views to you...

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady
there is nothing in any of the posts here that is not "telling it to you like it is".

There are no posts here liable to get taken out or deleted....

Oh really? I'm glad you're not a moderator...

 

Perhaps you should revisit guidelines...

 

Posts only get deleted when they're reported...Not everyone reports...

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...