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I'm 21 years old. I have been with a MM for six years. I met this guy when I was 16, he was 22 at the time. I didn't find out he was married for a year into the relationship (he got married at 21 before he met me), then he told me he was forced into a marriage (which is true- she confirmed it) and that he is just with her for the sake of his mother!

 

The wife found out before I did, and she has known about us ever since. She's not bothered about us, she knows when he's with me, knows that we spend birthdays and valentines and new years together etc. I'm down in his phone as Mrs D and shes fully aware of our relationship, as is his family and his friends. We have been on the phone whilst his wife and family have been in the room, she has openely admitted she knows that he loves me... he has never once hidden me or attempted to hide me. He spends nights at my house as well.

 

Thing is, as I've grown older, I've realised how stupid I am. He has one kid with her (3 years old) and shares a bedroom with her. He tells me he doesn't sleep with her and that he sleeps in his son's bed, but I know that he has a high sex drive. I just can't see him saying no! Funny thing is, I know that he sleeps with her even though he denies it to me every day!!! I'll swallow his bull**** even though my intuition won't let me sleep!

 

I managed to ''break away'' from this a month ago- we ended things as ''boyfriend and girlfriend'' but have slept together three times since and he will text me and call me everyday. The breakup happened as a result of 6 years of my paranoia that he will sleep with his wife or fallin love with her or go out with her... and because I realised he was never ever going to leave her. I feel like I'm half way there. I know that he loves me, I know that his love for me is sincere I know that he has sacrificed a lot to be with me.

 

He has said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, as we are now, sleeping together meeting up going out and txting and calling every day.

 

I feel dirty but will still sleep with him knowing he may have just had sex with his wife, even though he wouldn't dream of admitting it. How do I break away from this man completely? It's hard knowing he loves me and that he has never attempted to hide me from anybody. Any tips please would be grateful, as I'm just finishing university and want to enjoy these last 2 months!!!

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bentnotbroken

My God, you are younger than my children. Listen very carefully. I know on the surface this looks like the classic ow/mm scenario. It SO IS NOT. You have been abused, by a grown man. You were underage dealing with someone who was an adult. And the fact that his W may know and continues to let this happen without informing the proper authorities is also wrong. You need to seek counseling ASAP. Find a mature(in age and wisdom), clergy, police, social worker, crisis help line....someone.

 

Do you have concerned parents, siblings, any other relatives? It is time you speak up, because he is more than capable of doing this to another you child. Do something now.

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sugarmomma

Bent,

 

You have given her some priceless feedback. I was her age when I met my son's father and he was 23. I had no idea that what he was doing was considered statutory rape but he knew. I spent 7 years with him of pure hell. There wasn't another woman but there was manipulation, mental and emotional abuse.

 

No one in my family told me to get help but I am glad she is here and can get some sound advice from people who can be objective.

 

Get out and seek professional help. This is not LOVE. Please. You are so young and can take your life back from this man who is taking advantage of your naivete.

 

Stop having sex with him. Stop texting. Stop all communication with him and get into counseling.

 

He is scum to be doing this to you knowing he has a wife. HE IS SLEEPING W THE BOTH OF YOU.

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Tiara do you want children someday? Will you have his baby while he is married to her, and then rage while he's playing house with them instead of you?

 

What kind of man lives out that twisted life your MM has, voluntarily "trapped", uh huh, and what does that tell you about his priorities? He's willing to compromise himself - he is SOOO willing to compromise you.

 

You are too close to the situation to see it clearly, but please don't waste what can be some of the best years of your life.

 

Please don't accept so little for yourself.

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White Flower

It is the love that is bothering you. But let me tell you, he loves himself more than he loves anyone else.

 

You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. You need to go out and meet someone new just to show yourself how life really is. Your youth was consumed by spending time with a man who would ruin your chances of a future. Actually, his W's chances are ruined but yours are not. You don't have any babies and you are not bound by this advantagious man by a marriage contract.

 

Go out and date. Heck, don't even tell him. Give yourself a chance to see what the other side is like.

 

BEST,

WF.

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fooled once

He was 'forced' to marry his wife? LOL

 

And of course he is sleeping with her - they have a child together!

 

What kind of life are you living? Seriously.

 

if he were to drop dead today, his wife would be the one deciding his funeral and collecting any life insurance.

 

He is a rapist and an abuser.

 

Why can't you see this?

 

And you are in puppy love. No real love starts at 16 especially to a married man. HE IS MARRIED. HE IS MARRIED.

 

If he really loved you, he would be divorced.

 

But HE IS MARRIED.

 

<slaps head> oh that's right, he was forced :rolleyes:

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SierraRose

This is not love....this sounds like he and his wife have an agreement to an "open" marriage.

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I'm with Bent. This man has done nothing but groom you to meet his needs since you were a child.

 

Get professional help to get out of this. Please.

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Its a simple but hard solution. You have to make a clean break. and get away from him permanently. You will have to deal with the hurt on your own, but you have to have the willpower. Change your phone number, and erase every trace of him. Pictures, emails, such and such. You alowed him to use you for too long.

 

You have to walk away and never look back. And dont get involved with anyone else until he is totally out of your mind. 6 years is a long time to forget, but if you start now, you will be healed enough in time to have another healthy relationship in your mid 20's. And for gods sake, no more married men, and dont be so gullible!

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bentnotbroken
Its a simple but hard solution. You have to make a clean break. and get away from him permanently. You will have to deal with the hurt on your own, but you have to have the willpower. Change your phone number, and erase every trace of him. Pictures, emails, such and such. You alowed him to use you for too long.

 

You have to walk away and never look back. And dont get involved with anyone else until he is totally out of your mind. 6 years is a long time to forget, but if you start now, you will be healed enough in time to have another healthy relationship in your mid 20's. And for gods sake, no more married men, and dont be so gullible!

 

I know you mean well, please don't take this a bashing, but I have seen this more than once before in the real world. This isn't about being gullible. This about being lead down a path before you are old enough or mature enough to recognize a predator. This man needs to be in jail. He is feeding on young girls. I wonder how at what point did he start to groom his wife and if there are others. This really isn't a typical MM/OW situation. This is illegal.

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He was 'forced' to marry his wife? LOL

I had the same reaction. Forced at gunpoint? Maybe this was a real "shotgun" wedding. Although if his child is only three, the math does not equal her being pregnant at the time. Regardless Tiara, if he really wanted to be with you in an actual grown-up relationship, what has stopped him from leaving her?

 

Mr. Lucky

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fooled once
He has one kid with her (3 years old) and shares a bedroom with her. He tells me he doesn't sleep with her and that he sleeps in his son's bed,

 

He has been abusing/having a relationship with the OP for 5+ years and he has a 3 year old with his wife of 7+ years.

 

The breakup happened as a result of 6 years of my paranoia that he will sleep with his wife or fallin love with her or go out with her..

 

It is obvious he is sleeping with his wife -- he has a child with her.

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