SierraRose Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 So it has been 8 months on NC. Yup, still love him. His marriage? Not so great. ExMM birthday is this week. I sooo bad wanna send him something---a card, a note, something. I don't want to rock the boat on his end. I know I should prolly do nothing. I want him to know I still care; purely selfish, I know... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SierraRose Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I know, I know....I feel like a balloon that is about to burst. I miss him, I want him. I don't want to do anything to disrupt his life...I come to you guys instead of acting on my selfish needs.... Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Wow 8 months NC? You are doing so well. I am barely at 30 days and still struggling just a bit. You cannot call him!!! Write an email but don't send it. Just leave it in your drafts or delte it. He is a married man and they rarely have true respect for a woman that is willing to be the OW. I was the OW and it was the most degrading thing that I had ever done especially since I fell really hard for him. I had to end it to hold on to my dignity and the little bit of self respect that I had left. I know its hard but we have to love ourselves more than we think we love them. MM who have affairs are very selfish and cowardly. A real man who claims to be unhappy will have the courage to end one relationship before getting another person involved in their crap. But we as women have to hold ourselves accountable and use better judgment when choosing partners. It was like my SM was saying "how dare you make a stand for yourself and not let me hurt you anymore, I should be able to inflict pain on you" However, I said to myself "if he really cared anything for me he wouldn't want to see me in pain". Well, he was just a sadistic azzhole. You will wake up one day and be glad its over. You should really be proud of yourself. Wow 8 months! Just know that you will be back at day one if you contact him. What if he rejects you? OMG!! Please don't do it!! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I know, I know....I feel like a balloon that is about to burst. I miss him, I want him. I don't want to do anything to disrupt his life...I come to you guys instead of acting on my selfish needs.... Disrupt his life? If your affair didn't disrupt his life at all, then I doubt an email from you would. And that's why you should NOT send it. Because YOU will be the one whose life will be disrupted...waiting for his reply with baited breath, wondering if he felt anything when he read it, wondering if he cared at all or got angry that you sent it, and ultimately disappointed with whatever he says in his reply, if he replies at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 During this past 8 months...what have you done to help yourself heal? To help "move on"? What changes have you made in your life to help you get past him, and to heal from the affair? Link to post Share on other sites
JeezLouise Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 He has a wife to wish him Happy Birthday, and family, and friends who can send him good wishes openly. Leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Just here to offer support in posting here and not to send that ecard. 8 months is a long time. Show him who is stronger. Hugs, WF. Link to post Share on other sites
lovekillsslowly Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Wow! 8 months of NC! I'm PROUD of you! It's been 8 days for me and it feels so nice to be back in control of MY LIFE again rather than having my mood and my emotions controlled by the MM I was involved with. I know now when I wake up in the morning I am going to end my day in the same stable mood I woke up in and I don't have to wonder every morning if I'm going to end my day on a high note or be emotionally unstable due to a day of dealing with emotional phone calls and mixed messages. I'm SURE you can relate and don't want to do anything to take you back to the emotional roller coaster that you finally got off of. If you absolutely feel like you have to do anything for his birthday just send him a friendly text telling him Happy Birthday and you hope he has a good day. Then shut your phone off and don't expect to hear anything from him and continue on with your life as a woman in control of her own happiness! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Disrupt his life? If your affair didn't disrupt his life at all, then I doubt an email from you would. And that's why you should NOT send it. Because YOU will be the one whose life will be disrupted...waiting for his reply with baited breath, wondering if he felt anything when he read it, wondering if he cared at all or got angry that you sent it, and ultimately disappointed with whatever he says in his reply, if he replies at all. I agree with NJ, but want to add this. If you send the card and he reacts in any way, especially by telling his W about it, you will then be actually "disrupting" his life. And thusly giving them both someone to unite against and blame. You don't want to do that. If you are getting on well without him now, don't do it. What you are feeling is normal. And you will likely think of him on his birthday for years to come. Practice just thinking about it and not acting on it. Its not worth all the potential problems just to wish him a happy. Link to post Share on other sites
JetCityWoman Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Why not sent him a line. Has he been in touch? Do you really love him that much? Damn wife in the way! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Me detects a troll in the room... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Me detects a troll in the room... I thought trolls lived under bridges. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
JetCityWoman Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 get over it she sounds like she really needs to talk to him so why not do so on his birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I thought trolls lived under bridges. LOL Or in caves:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 get over it she sounds like she really needs to talk to him so why not do so on his birthday. Because she's worked hard on recovering and letting go. She's having a weak moment and to break contact to wish him a happy bday is selfish on her behelf! And it'll just mess HER up. It's been 8 months, that's ALOT of progress, so please, don't encourage her to break NC all because you think she really needs to talk to him. She doesn't! He has his life, he made his choice (wife and kids) so she has to respect that and focus on herself now, not him. Link to post Share on other sites
me003 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I am so proud of your 8 month NC. Keep it up. I know how hard that can be. He doesn't need to know that you still care or think of him. If you contact him he will either want to get you in to a A or he may turn you down and make you feel like crap. Either way neither of those two options are not appealing. Even if he sounds thankful, you will be down because he is not sharing it with you, so why bother. Remember you are #1. Link to post Share on other sites
JetCityWoman Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 It is her choice so what do you really want to do SR? For yourself of course. You can do what you want to right? Be true to u. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 So Jet, what is your story? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Dont do it Sierra. He is still married. He hasnt come to you and said I miss you I love you I am leaving I have seen a lawyer. Yes his marriage is not so great, and he is still there, like he was when you were together... not a news flash. He may be there in another 30 years. He knows where you are. If he wants to be in touch and has "news" to share that changes his situation, he will be. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 he is a man in a situation where he does NOT need to know you care. It will make no difference to him. Wait till he contacts you. And for goodness sake, stop thinking about him, its been 8 months. Have you done nothing to help yourself move on? maybe to someone new? You gotta work on this, 8 months is TOO long to hang on to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 It will make no difference to him Except feed his ego and make him go on a power trip that he is still on her mind. Don't contact him. I really hope you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Except feed his ego and make him go on a power trip that he is still on her mind. Don't contact him. I really hope you don't. Exactly! I meant to say that Link to post Share on other sites
Stepone Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Here's my take on the situation: Did he send you a message on your birthday? Christmas? Easter? Valentine's day? I'll take that as a no. Should make it easier for you to resist. It would me. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Here's my take on the situation: Did he send you a message on your birthday? Christmas? Easter? Valentine's day? I'll take that as a no. Should make it easier for you to resist. It would me. Good point, I wonder who's birthday came first after the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
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