Vodka Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 and how did he instigate it? Or, were you the instigator? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 In a lounge, on a dance floor. He instigated. I won't mention which country. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 and how did he instigate it? Or, were you the instigator? I've met MMs in a variety of contexts. I've always checked them out very thoroughly first though, before deciding to open negotiations. And I always instigate - I would not consider for a second any guy who hit on me. I'm not goods on a shelf waiting to be chosen. If I like something, I'll go for it. If I don't, I won't - so any guy hitting on me ought to know by virtue of the fact that I haven't made a move on him, that I'm not interested. Nor am I interested in the kind of MM that would hit on an OW. All of the MMs I've had As with have always been first timers, loyal and faithful and true. I'm not interested in playas and I've always been completely upfront about what I want, and the conditions under which I've been prepared to engage. If they're agreeable to the terms, after carefully considering all of the implications, we could move forward. Otherwise, I'd file them in the reject bin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 Interesting. How did you let him know you were interested? If he wasnt the typical cheating type, was it hard to get something started? and was he surprised someone else was interested in him? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Interesting. How did you let him know you were interested? My H? I told him. Having checked him out in advance over time, I'd arranged for a friend to invite him over in a work capacity. Over drinks in the pub I told him I was interested, and that I'd like to discuss it with him later. We went for a walk and I put my proposal to him and after discussing it he agreed. If he wasnt the typical cheating type, was it hard to get something started? Harder than most. Many of my fOMs had agreed with barely a moment's consideration, and had to be forced to think through all the implications, consequences etc that they were taking on. My H paused and pondered. He had a great many concerns and doubts and fears, and felt really bad after that first night. But we spoke it through, and after that - there was no stopping him! He fell hard! and was he surprised someone else was interested in him? He'd been hit on a great many times during his M but his radar was completely broken and he was completely unaware. He was very surprised, yes! Link to post Share on other sites
DNU1 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Wow, OWoman, how do you sleep at night? Checking out MMs, arranging meetings, manipulating them... How incredibly selfish and deceptive...and just plain rotten of you. To unintentionally *fall* for someone because of weak boundaries is one thing. To actively pursue is something completely different in my book. At least you are honest...with people in this forum. My sens is the karma bus is headed your way. I'd normally say watch out, but in your case I'll say, "smile and take it like a woman...you deserve this." Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 DNU1 - why was it rotten? Hes a big boy. he didnt have to say yes and in the end it worked out really well. After being in a bad marriage he is now married to OWoman and very happy. There are SO few situations in which affairs turn into marriages. This was obviously meant to be. I think karma has already hit - OWoman finding him was a reward for the good karma he had built up over the years. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Wow, OWoman, how do you sleep at night? Checking out MMs, arranging meetings, manipulating them... There was no manipulation whatsoever. I put it all on the table upfront, and talked through the implications and potential consequences in great detail. He - and the others before him - were free to accept or not. But I made sure that they were making an informed decision either way - I wanted them to accept the responsibility for and consequences of any actions they may take or not take. I don't consider that manipulative in the slightest! Nor do I see where the "deception" comes in - with everything spelled out very clearly, there was absolutely no misleading or deceiving. With me, WYSIWYG. And I demand the same level of honesty in return. Selfish I won't deny. But why should I enter a R for "unselfish" reasons? I'm not a social worker, I'm not performing a service to the community by shagging someone. I'm doing it to get my rocks off, and I'm being open and upfront about that. You might not like that, but oddly enough each of those guys appreciated my honesty and lack of games-playing and manipulation, because they knew exactly where they stood and what was expected of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Vodka, as I mentioned in your earlier post, please re-think trying to seduce one of your clients. Always a bad idea in a corporate environment. Link to post Share on other sites
DNU1 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 OW: I do not have a problem with your method of being open, up front and honest with these MMs. I have a major problem in that they are MARRIED MEN you are going after. Deception? Well, you and the MMs are deceiving the MM wives. Secrecy, lies, second lives. Given the right circumstances and lack of boundaries, I believe ALL people are prone to having an affair. And after reading on another forum about key emotional needs, boundaries, how affairs start, marriage, relationships, etc.,...armed with that knowledge I could very well turn in to a male version of OWoman and get any woman I want. I don't because I have principles that I live by. It's called manipulation and you have mastered it. Call it what you want, but you are seemingly very successful at getting YOUR needs met. Selfish, yes. Remember, a marriage created out of an affair is called an "affairage." Caution: Karma bus coming... Link to post Share on other sites
DNU1 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 DNU1 - why was it rotten? Hes a big boy. he didnt have to say yes and in the end it worked out really well. After being in a bad marriage he is now married to OWoman and very happy. There are SO few situations in which affairs turn into marriages. This was obviously meant to be. I think karma has already hit - OWoman finding him was a reward for the good karma he had built up over the years. Yea, he's a big boy. But the lion doesn't prey on the strong...they look for the weak members of the herd. The vulnerable... Yep, they are called "affairages." And "meant to be" is only a rationalization to justify an end to a means. Careful...karma bus coming... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 OW: I do not have a problem with your method of being open, up front and honest with these MMs. I have a major problem in that they are MARRIED MEN you are going after. Deception? Well, you and the MMs are deceiving the MM wives. Secrecy, lies, second lives. Given the right circumstances and lack of boundaries, I believe ALL people are prone to having an affair. And after reading on another forum about key emotional needs, boundaries, how affairs start, marriage, relationships, etc.,...armed with that knowledge I could very well turn in to a male version of OWoman and get any woman I want. I don't because I have principles that I live by. It's called manipulation and you have mastered it. Call it what you want, but you are seemingly very successful at getting YOUR needs met. Selfish, yes. Remember, a marriage created out of an affair is called an "affairage." Caution: Karma bus coming... you can call them "affairages" and I can call them "caboonzels" - anyone can invent a word and pretend it means whatever they want it to mean, and try to scare small children with it - but it doesn't change the lived reality for those people living it. Enjoy your word games. I'm too busy enjoying my life to play further. Link to post Share on other sites
southbeach Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I met my MM in class. We had been talking a lot over the previous weeks on the phone and in class. He is a very friendly person -- grew up with a lot of sisters. But I wanted to take it a step further, even though I am married and I knew he was. I put my hand on his leg during class one night. We are no longer together. This was his first A and he loves his wife dearly. He ended it b/c he didn't love me and considers me the biggest mistake of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Where: My MM from work.. at work.. He instigate it.. Link to post Share on other sites
girlwithglasses Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 We met at a work related social function. He instigated but it took about a year for him to convince me to even have lunch with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 My other MMs.. from the Internet dating sites, phone chat lines, sometimes I instigate (bus driver), ONS on vacation, I instigate... from work, there are so many.. I forgot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 My other MMs.. from the Internet dating sites, phone chat lines, sometimes I instigate (bus driver), ONS on vacation, I instigate... from work, there are so many.. I forgot. You must be one brave girl! I would like to try to start something up with a client who comes into my work, but I dont even know HOW to do it. The time we are alone is very minimal, and it is professionally based, so any flirting is non-existant, and it would have to be very discreet. Also, I would have to deal with the possibility of him saying no, and potentially telling his wife, who would probably tell my bosses. How do you know they will say yes? And, how do you know if they say no, that they wont freak out afterwards and get angry you asked them? Would a letter be the best way slipped to them as they leave? I have no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 You must be one brave girl! I would like to try to start something up with a client who comes into my work, but I dont even know HOW to do it. The time we are alone is very minimal, and it is professionally based, so any flirting is non-existant, and it would have to be very discreet. Also, I would have to deal with the possibility of him saying no, and potentially telling his wife, who would probably tell my bosses. How do you know they will say yes? And, how do you know if they say no, that they wont freak out afterwards and get angry you asked them? Would a letter be the best way slipped to them as they leave? I have no idea. Rather than focus your concern on what might happen if his wife tells your boss...instead...focus on how is wife is likely to feel if you convince him to cheat on her with you. Put yourself in her shoes for a bit...see how they fit. THEN consider your plan again. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 You must be one brave girl! I would like to try to start something up with a client who comes into my work, but I dont even know HOW to do it. The time we are alone is very minimal, and it is professionally based, so any flirting is non-existant, and it would have to be very discreet. Also, I would have to deal with the possibility of him saying no, and potentially telling his wife, who would probably tell my bosses. How do you know they will say yes? And, how do you know if they say no, that they wont freak out afterwards and get angry you asked them? Would a letter be the best way slipped to them as they leave? I have no idea. I think I should have put '...' after 'work'... then 'there are so many'.. I didn't mean 'there are so many from work'... From work.. there was only a few.. and I never ever instigated it at work.. not yet anyway.. Come on.. you can tell whether the guy is willing or not.. you get the 'vibe'... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Honestly, I cannot pick up vibes from anyone who has been interested in me before. They have always been the ones to have to tell me what they want from me. Either I do not see it, or I do not think they could be interested in me, so I kind of put it off as them being friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I'll ask it again...what vibes do you think you'd get if you saw this through his wife's eyes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Why is it MY job to think about the wifes feelings? Shouldn't it be HIS job to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Honestly, I cannot pick up vibes from anyone who has been interested in me before. They have always been the ones to have to tell me what they want from me. Either I do not see it, or I do not think they could be interested in me, so I kind of put it off as them being friendly. Humm.. not sure what to tell you.. I never had any problems with the 'vibes' .. Even the guy on vacation, he told me a few times, that he would never ever cheats on his 2nd wife (they've been married 6 or 8 yrs).. and he ended up in my room ... If you don't get the 'vibes' then maybe they are just being 'friendly' Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Why is it MY job to think about the wifes feelings? Shouldn't it be HIS job to do that? Why is it NOT your job? It would be a result of your actions and choices as much as his that would potentially devestate her life, right? If you didn't offer, he might not ever cheat...and therefore their marriage might well continue on unscathed. But if you offer, and he accepts...whatever damage is done is a direct result of your offer. Why SHOULDN'T you think that way? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I met my H at my work. He didn't hit on me or anything but left a note on how to contact him if I needed more information in my box. I just thought we were dating, so I guess you'd say he was the pursuer. Link to post Share on other sites
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