Jump to content

Friend only?


Recommended Posts

lostinthefog

I am a new poster, I have been reading a lot of here in the past week, have learned a lot stuff here.

 

I could use some of your wise advice/

 

In short, I am devoiced 2 months ago after a A with a single guy from work, I could not save my M because I fall deeply for the the other person. The A ended 6 months ago, My A guy and I still talk on the phone once a while. He has a GF now, I have not totally over him yet, We never talk about his GF, only about work and sometime breifly about our past. We both agree that it was good experience and ended the best way.

 

We talked today again. He said that he was never angry. The friendship was never gone. What does he mean? Is it possible to be just friends?

Link to post
Share on other sites
bentnotbroken
I am a new poster, I have been reading a lot of here in the past week, have learned a lot stuff here.

 

I could use some of your wise advice/

 

In short, I am devoiced 2 months ago after a A with a single guy from work, I could not save my M because I fall deeply for the the other person. The A ended 6 months ago, My A guy and I still talk on the phone once a while. He has a GF now, I have not totally over him yet, We never talk about his GF, only about work and sometime breifly about our past. We both agree that it was good experience and ended the best way.

 

We talked today again. He said that he was never angry. The friendship was never gone. What does he mean? Is it possible to be just friends?

 

 

Why should he be angry. He screwed someone else's wife until he found someone more to his liking. IMO you can't go back to being friends after having sex and you falling for him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Why should he be angry.

Lostinthefog, the real question is why aren't you angry? Your marriage is over, your A partner has moved on to someone else and yet he feels free to continue to play mind games with you. Is this the outcome you had in mind?

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites

"We both agree that it was good experience and ended the best way."

 

Seriously? I just don't know what to say. I guess it is a good thing that you have divorced your husband.

Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup

The OM has moved on and so should you.

 

No friendship can happen because of the A. All that will do is prevent you from healing and finding someone else.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Lost,

 

I understand that there are still feelings there and it is hard to break with your xOM, especially now that you are no longer married.

 

I dont know your xOM and I am not going to assume I know the motivations behind his actions; he could be genuinely trying to move on after the A and if so, if you really love him, you should let him go.

 

If you love your xOM - Don't you want to see him have a chance at happienss?

 

Also - Why are you not with your xOM, now?

 

He also could be trying to hurt you because now you know how he has felt all these years, being the OM. "See how it feels?" He might be saying with his actions.

 

I don't know enough about how your relationship evolved to really say.

 

I believe the loving thing is to let him go, not stay "friends"... I don't think friendship is possible after a romantic relationship has gone awry; at least, not right away.

 

Staying "friends" with someone with whom you have had a romantic link is just a way of keeping him/her on the hook, IMO. It's another way of using someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
lostinthefog

Thanks to everyone, I also found it difficult to be friend, all this feelings are something that I have never experienced, I felt heartache when I think about him, I love him and I set him free, He asked me to be with him but I refused because I do not think it will work with my kids from my previous M.

 

So how long will it take to forget someone?

Link to post
Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl

I don't want to sound hurtful...but he is keeping you on the back burner "just in case".

 

If his new gf leaves him and he needs/wants to hook up...he knows you'll be there.

 

He KNOWS this.

 

Cut him off. Right away. Don't be mean or dramatic or anything else. Just stop answering any calls, texts or e-mails. If he then contacts you in a tizzy about why you haven't answered him, casually answer that you've been busy in an "I feel sorry for you, still hanging on like this" condescending voice.

 

Get your power back. And don't EVER hang on as somebody's second. Ever. You don't need to. You don't deserve to. Nobody does. You're not anybody's second best; let him deal with the choices HE also made without you in the background as his security blanket.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Regardless of the A, it sounds like the xOM wanted to be with the OP post-divorce and the OP refused. I'm not getting that the xOM is keeping her on the back burner. She made the negative choice. It's on her now to cut clean so it's not perceived that she's keeping him on the back burner.

 

As per normal, the person who cares the least has the most control. Hard to tell here, IMO. It appears the xOM has the control, but I don't think so. I think he still loves the OP and the new GF is just salve on his wounds. Perhaps I'm projecting a bit but that's what I'm seeing. He would rather be with the OP but she doesn't think it will work out with her kids.

 

OP, friends won't work here. You both need a lot of healing. My sympathies...

Link to post
Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl
Regardless of the A, it sounds like the xOM wanted to be with the OP post-divorce and the OP refused.

 

Where did you get that? Or is this from previous posts?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually, I got it from the last post of the OP in this thread....

 

He asked me to be with him but I refused because I do not think it will work with my kids from my previous M.
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...