samprez Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 So I decided yesterday that I'm tired. I'm in week 4 of NC. Which is fine, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm tired. Tired of dealing with this situation. Tired from the effort it took to keep the A alive. Tired from the stress. Tired of thinking about her. Tired of thinking about "it." Tired of all of the therapy (more on that). Tired of seeing my wife upset and riding the emotional rollercoaster from that. Tired of feeling like a schmuck. Tired of bending my best friends ear. Tired and worn out. I'm not upset with my wife. She has every right to be up and down. But I'm worn out. I've been at this since June of last year (I know some of you have longer r's out there). I've allowed this A to permeate every fiber of my being. I'm tired of having it on my mind. Tired of being mad at myself. At her. At the affair. Tired of being on this site trying to find ways to cope. Tired of all of this crap. I didn't realize the toll this takes. Didn't see the energy spent on the A. Didn't get it at the time. Get it now. What a waste of good energy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Yep...it's darn sure not an easy thing to deal with...that's for sure. And honestly...you're probably just starting into this. Recovery is a marathon race...not a sprint. You'll find that most counselors agree that it will take 2-5 years for a marriage to recover...mine took about two years, with the stars aligning and everything going as perfectly as it could for that to happen. Find ways to recharge your batteries. Start working out (great for dealing with stress and fatigue). Start a new hobby, or resume an old one. Just find ways to keep it "safe", so that it doesn't hinder your efforts to reconcile either. Also...try to schedule your conversations about your marriage and your affair with your wife. Spend a set amount of time at night talking through it...and then table it at the end of that time. Don't fall into keep going...learn to let it go at the end of the time, so that the two of you can try to spend some GOOD time together that isn't stressful. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 You sound as if you are at your whits end. I'm sorry - it truly is a painful process....... But realize this - it takes time to stop beating yourself up over what happened. Time for YOU to heal. (& her too) I understand it all too well - Mine's been over for 18 months & I still feel pains of guilt from time to time - Still find my mind wondering back If you are moving towards a goal (to keep your marriage together) then look towards that. - It is an exhausting process....one you probably thought you'd never have to deal with - but keep focused & positive. (as hard as that may seem right now) Good Luck to you! Part of what keeps me going.......New Attitude......which is.......... NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN! it is WAY too painful! for everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samprez Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Actually not at whits end...just tired. I can't articulate it properly. I'm just worn out. I want to jettison the thought of MW and just move on from her. I feel like I haven't said everything I want to say. I'm so angry at everything, me, her the affair. So I'm tired. Tired of being angry too. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Sometimes we have life's struggles thrown upon us with no warning and other times we are the makers of our own misery. Either way, from the sound of it I'd say you are in a healthy frame of mind to continue coping with it...which can only be a good thing. At least from a bystanders point of view. Being tired of everything is the best thing you can be at this point. It's far better than apathetic, and a light year away from hopeless. If you begin to feel either of these things, I think thats when it transforms from suffering (natural human experience) to pessimism. People who don't turn their lemons into lemonade are ultimately only hurting themselves because there IS indeed some happiness to be had once you come out of your dark tunnell. And for what its worth, I really enjoyed the advice you gave the woman on the "How do you break the addiction to a person" post. Nice insight. See, sometimes out of our greatest suffering can be the greatest tools. You may just have some fresh ideas to help others who recently find themselves in the OW/OM shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, me me me me me, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, me me me me, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, me me me me Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDi Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Your not alone.....and I know what you mean about just wanting the other person out of your head. Its not easy, is it. I just want one good day...... Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 It does sound exhausting. Same with the other side of this coin. Just a ton of pain and exhaustion. I wish we all could see things clearly before we do the crappy things we do. Hang in there. Masters in about a month. US Open qualifying in June or late May. I'll let you carry my bag if I make it. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I do not think being "tired" or expressing "tiredness" is about being selfish---or just about "ME"... the whole ordeal drains out the energy of anyone. And it is an ORDEAL and what the OP is sharing really is, for those contemplating it....boy, perhaps, it is not worth it at all....as many have expressed the same thing here. Maybe you should tell your counselor that...perhaps you and your wife can spend one day not talking or referring to the affair, the OW, the counseling--maybe dinner (nothing fancy, nothing overtly romantic), just talk about how the kids have grown, or something....or talk about other people-LOL!!!! Hey, Reg! How exciting for you! OP should go golfing...the walking and striking the ball and finding it and striking it again (ahmm..what's the point of golf, again?...lol...teasing) I think would be good for him! Samprez, are you playing still playing golf? Link to post Share on other sites
Author samprez Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 It does sound exhausting. Same with the other side of this coin. Just a ton of pain and exhaustion. I wish we all could see things clearly before we do the crappy things we do. Hang in there. Masters in about a month. US Open qualifying in June or late May. I'll let you carry my bag if I make it. Totally agree. My W is exhausted too. We've actually taken timeouts from the topic, but it is wearing on both sides. Reggie, go get em!!! Haven't played too much yet, my climate isn't quite ripe for golfing so far this spring. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Heading for Atlanta in 2 weeks to play. Samp, you cannot use "golf" as a verb. No more "golfing". It's playing golf-K? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Heading for Atlanta in 2 weeks to play. Samp, you cannot use "golf" as a verb. No more "golfing". It's playing golf-K? LOL...oooppppsss! , mr. purist! "playing golf" it is! "MY BAD":p Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I was baseballing and basketballing as a kid. Then, I started playing "the golf". (Of course, there is "Bowling"). Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I was baseballing and basketballing as a kid. Then, I started playing "the golf". (Of course, there is "Bowling"). OK Ok OK! jesus....got the point! :p:p!!!! too funny!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 TC, my bad, It is a gerund phrase(still wrong, but not a verb, I guess). Sister Mary Amabolus would have the ruler out.:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Adele. Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I was baseballing and basketballing as a kid. Then, I started playing "the golf". (Of course, there is "Bowling"). :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 sorry, Samprez for the T/J, but I have to share this with the board; Hi Reg! QUESTION: Can golf or golfing be used as a verb? Basically, do you "go golfing" or do "you play golf"? GRAMMAR'S RESPONSE[/COLOR]I would think you could do either. You can also, simply, golf. When you play golf, golf's a noun (just as "skiddles" is a noun in "I play skiddles."); when you golf, it's a verb. I am golfing is a verb; I go golfing—well, that's a bit more complicated, and I don't know if the copula "go" is connecting to a noun form (a gerund), as in "The county will go Democrat." or if it's connecting to an adjective form (a participle), as in "She will go mad." It doesn't really matter, I suppose.Take that, Sister Mary Elizabeth, you wicked witch!:mad: ( I was so sure the big cross she wore on her neck was really a dagger :eek:). LOL!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 This grammar dude probably couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a shovel, as my dad would say(Now, Sister Maria James, she could lay you out with a right cross). I question his credentials on this subject. No good , serious player ever says " I went golfing" Or " we golfed ". I have heard some good players say "he really golfed his ball", today, though. But, it is mockery, IMO, of the use of golf as a verb or gerund. By the way, I went to a Japanese restaraunt and went "sushiing" today.:bunny: Gonna do some jujitsuing later. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Are we entertaining you , Samprez? i hope so...:bunny::bunny:!!! LOL, Reg! Link to post Share on other sites
Author samprez Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 It's cool afterall I found this blog on "the google" so whatever you guys need to do on my thread is fine with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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