sugarmomma Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Long story short. I met the man of my dreams almost 2 mos ago. He moved back in in 2006 w x wife after divorcing in 2000. So I'm thinking "he's not married" and I get involved and totally fall for him in 2 months. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. This is the first time I have been the ow and it started to hurt really bad that he couldn't spend the night w me and I couldn't call and talk to him whenever I needed to. They have 2 children 11 and 14 and he says that he is in a horrible situation and should have never went back. I broke up w him on Saturday and let him know that I am not good at being someone other woman. I feel that if he is that miserable he will take a leap of faith and move forward and try to be happy w someone else. I don't deal very well w emotional pain and I think that I love him and Iknow he has strong feelings for me. It hurts me that he is hurting but I have to protect myself. I am still asking myself how did I get involved inthis mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 That's immaterial. The great thing is that you got yourself oput of it. I applaud you. Now - stay out. if he's going to man up, he'll do the only thing possible, and end it with his wife, then maybe step up to the plate with you. But if he stays, then you'll have to get over it and move on, because chances are he will probably find another "OW". See.......It's easier than facing up to one's issues..... Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 It hurts me that he is hurting but I have to protect myself. Ya think?.... It's not too late - I'm sure you've been observing your thoughts and have noticed you're going in the wrong direction in your life...you can however make a U-turn. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 While I too applaud you for getting out, I would hope that the real "most amazing man of your dreams" would be a stand-up guy that wouldn't be lying to his wife and sneaking around to see you. Doesn't the cheating and deception put a dent in one's "amazing" status? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 My magical thinking says "maybe I should have given it at least another month" He doesn't know if he wants to be with me. But my head says "he does know if he wants to stay with her in what he calls a "horrible situation". It can't be that damn horrible or he wouldn't be there. He can afford to move around the corner. He has a stable career and makes good money. I don't wanna hear any excuses. He's either a glutton for her punishment or scared to take control of his own life and destiny. Oh well, regardless of how I feel for him I am responsible for my own pain. Like Tina says "whats love got to do with it?" Now I can see when this applies... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 While I too applaud you for getting out, I would hope that the real "most amazing man of your dreams" would be a stand-up guy that wouldn't be lying to his wife and sneaking around to see you. Doesn't the cheating and deception put a dent in one's "amazing" status? Mr. Lucky You are so right. I keep thinking if he has the integrity he appears to he would be honest with her and tell her that he may have found happiness with someone else. the longer he goes without telling her tells me that he is not as amazing as I think. Link to post Share on other sites
fairyflower Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 While I too applaud you for getting out, I would hope that the real "most amazing man of your dreams" would be a stand-up guy that wouldn't be lying to his wife and sneaking around to see you. Doesn't the cheating and deception put a dent in one's "amazing" status? Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky you sure are snarky... A man can make a mistake and still be a great guy... We're not all good or all bad. I hope she finds the strength to stay away - She'll find someone new one day. fairyflower Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 He text tonight that he is cryin on the inside and i said that i am hurting to but I cant stay with someone who is unavailable and there is no real possibilty of what we have turning into a real relationship. He said how do i know for sure I said becuz of your situation and the fact that that is ur reality and I will need to accept it or move on He said that response was a tug on his heart and take care I said I dont want to put myself in a position to have my heart crushed months or years from now becuz that would be all my fault. I know you dont have any answers and I understand that but I have to do whats best for me. I don't want to stay and I don't want to go. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Momma, I know it hurts, but you have shown a lot of posters here, what a woman of heart and mind really is. I'm proud of you for your integrity and good sense. You deserve someone who is REALLY amazing and who will think you're amazing too.:D:D Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Mr. Lucky you sure are snarky... A man can make a mistake and still be a great guy... We're not all good or all bad. I hope she finds the strength to stay away - She'll find someone new one day. fairyflower Cheating isn't a mistake. It is a choice. And that doesn't = great guy. His character flaw of dishonesty, deceit and lying don't = great either. We aren't all good or bad, but there are some of us incapable of thinking of the consequences of our actions on others. It is all about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 BJ this is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do and i am saying these things but if he shows up at my door i dont know what the hell i would do. i have been in my mind all night trying to come up with a way to see him for just a few more months then dump him but i dont want to fool myself. i dont have a habit of getting involved with opp (other peoples property) He is so sweet and he also deserves to be happy. I am hurt because i know that he cares about me but after 2 months w me he is not willing to leave her even though they are divorced. This is so hard and I just wanna be strong. I dont contact him and when he contacts me i think it is just rude to leave him hanging. i try to listen to what he says and what he doesn't say. I just make sure i dont go anywhere near him. He works about 2 miles from my house. You guys continue to pray for me. I am so human and so weak and want to be with him so bad. But I have gotten a preview of the coming attraction... Not good. I am so glad i found this site but I need to be doing my homework right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Cheating isn't a mistake. It is a choice. And that doesn't = great guy. His character flaw of dishonesty, deceit and lying don't = great either. We aren't all good or bad, but there are some of us incapable of thinking of the consequences of our actions on others. It is all about them. I have to remember this because he should be honest with her and take a chance on losing all the way around, he wants his family and me too. if things dont work out with me he has his family and i get my mind blown with all his good loving and my heart ripped out. Screw that!!!! I have to be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 I do not like the idea of putting myself in this position and once this situation is completely over I hope and pray to God to never find myself inthis forum again. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Sugar, take care of yourself and stay away from him until he shows you by his actions what his true intentions are. I think you should stick to your guns about not seeing him, in fact you should go no contact to help you heal faster, and warn him that the longer he sits on the fence, the more likely you will move on without him. Yes, it is easy to see the, as you so aptly put it, "the coming preview" as all affairs run their course... there are no winners as long as the affair is allowed to continue. So -- take care of your own interests -- you must realize that if it is this painful to part from him now, it can only feel worse in the future if you get further enmeshed with him. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 He moved back in in 2006 w x wife after divorcing in 2000. So I'm thinking "he's not married" and I get involved and totally fall for him in 2 months. Did he ever show you final D papers? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Did he ever show you final D papers? My thought exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 He wants a sure thing? Nothing is ever certain except death and taxes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Yea it is on file public knowledge. I went to the courthouse shortly after we met. ***********************News Flash********** He called today and says that he has come up with a transition plan to leave her and get his own place in 6 months. I just listened and said that I am looking to find someone who can love me exclusively and if I am available in 6 months I may consider dating him again. He seemed sincere but I have never been in this situation so I dont know. I know I have to keep my distance and protect my heart since actions speak louder than words Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Yea it is on file public knowledge. I went to the courthouse shortly after we met. ***********************News Flash********** He called today and says that he has come up with a transition plan to leave her and get his own place in 6 months. I just listened and said that I am looking to find someone who can love me exclusively and if I am available in 6 months I may consider dating him again. He seemed sincere but I have never been in this situation so I dont know. I know I have to keep my distance and protect my heart since actions speak louder than words NC, don't listen to him. It keeps a door open and a hook in your back. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Mr. Lucky you sure are snarky... A man can make a mistake and still be a great guy... We're not all good or all bad. As Bent already pointed out, turning the wrong way when exiting a parking lot is a mistake. Forgetting to set your clock ahead is a mistake. Washing a white sock with a load of red sweatshirts is a mistake. An affair is a carefully planned series of lies, betrayals, deceptions and insults. Only someone who has mastered the art of self-serving rationalization - in other words, someone engaged in an affair - would label it as a mistake. Oh, and I agree, we're not all good or all bad. But we cetainly have the ability to make good or bad choices... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 What do you mean "spend the night". Are you two married? Are folks having sex outside marriage these days? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 since actions speak louder than words Don't forget sugar, it's not only HIS actions that speak louder than words, it's also YOURS... Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Good thinking, WF. I was going to say the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 I agree that I dont;t want to send the wrong message with my behavior also. One day he says that he is making a transition plan and the next day he tells me that he doesn't want to leave his kids. I said "so I should scratch everything you said about making a transition?" He said some mumbo jumbo and I said "I think you should work things out with her" and he was like "why are you pushing me away" I said I think you owe it to her since you don't wnat to leave your kids to work things out with her. He was totally stunned. My whole outlook on this thing has changed. Each day Ihave less and less respect for him because he does not have any integrity. He wants his cake, pie, ice cream, donuts, and jujubees and he wants to eat them too. I must admit that the sex had my thinking a bit cloudy before but my head just popped out of my ass and I can see clearly now what he is doing. He has lost me but he doesn't believe it yet. So now you guys its time to show and tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarmomma Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 You guys have helped me tremendously. Reading these other posts that have been painful for others lets me know that i do not have to go down that road. A selfish person doesn't care who gets hurt. Now I have to look at why I was willing to settle for so litlle since I consider myself to have a somewhat healthy sense of self. I'm glad to have found you guys!!! Thanks a million. Link to post Share on other sites
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