simple_city_girl Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 hello everyone, I am not sure if you all remember my few posts. I was involved with a MM who was 15 years older to me and my superior as work. i was depressed so much because of the unfair treatment i was getting from him for past 1 year now, i posted to LS a few times to get advice. I want to share a good news, i have finally found somebody special. he's a really amazing guy and we are now together since 8 months. he's young (my age 27), good looking and cute- everything. but above all he loves me and respects me - which totally shows in his everyday actions. this is really strange - but i keep observing that his behavior is so good and completely opposite to MM. he treats me with dignity, i am the only woman in his life, he loves me and cares for every little thing. i feel very lucky to be with him. at this point - i have been thinking a lot - that what a waste of energy and emotions it was to be with MM. i was always after him - but he never treated me so well - and even then i could never detach myself completely from him, i was basically trapped. i now feel that we never shared the kindof intimacy even when we were in bed which two people in a relationship share - kissing, hugging, sweet words to each other. it feels so mechanical to me now. and it was selfish too - like we had to equally satisfy each other. VERY UNLIKE with my guy now - he's very giving and it feels so emotionally secure with him all the time. all this makes me realise many things. and it feels so good that we are sharing our lives - and its not one-sided. so now my problem is that i have been wondering why did i get involved with MM in the first place? i should have patiently waited for my special someone to come. i wasted 3 years - from 24 to 27 years peak time of my youth - on MM, getting crumbs and few stolen moments here and there. it feels horrible when i think about it and i think i could have simply waited - and then i would have been much pure. i know i am happy with my guy now - but the past memories come back often and make me feel bad and guilty, it feels like i havent fully recovered from that involvement with MM which i feel now that i could have avoided. i have broken up with MM long back now before starting relationship with my guy- but still the whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth and is not allowing me to 100% enjoy my current relationship. i realise now that it was a mistake and i just wish i had not done it. then i would have been more happy right now to have found the right person - and those older thoughts when MM treated me like trash (i didnt even understand then) would not come to my mind again and again and ruin my current moments. anyone else felt the same? how did you deal with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 You cannot change the past and you need to forgive yourself. You have learned from your mistake. Live honestly and with kindness. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Give yourself time. Like most bad memories, this one will fade. As your new life gets better and better, the old one will feel like a bad dream, nothing more. Good luck and god bless. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 What Reggie said. And I would hardly call 24-27 the peak of your youth. The best is yet to come. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 You owe your MM a big "thank you". Without him, you would have never truly understood or appreciated the man you have now. Link to post Share on other sites
blueintheface Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 You owe your MM a big "thank you". Without him, you would have never truly understood or appreciated the man you have now. no. please do not thank him. that's like saying we should be thankful for war or we would not appreciate peace. xD thank yourself for maturing. thank yourself for appreciiating this new guy. you have really blossomed and yeah, you really need to forgive yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 anyone else felt the same? how did you deal with it? Hi SCG, One thing they always taught us in church was that if something so bad eventually led you to Christ, then it was a good thing! You now have experience and you now can compare that which is dismal and wonderful. It is really a blessing if you think about it. I was like you at that age, although I did not have the MM experience at that time. I just wanted to be the purest and most innocent young woman for my now exH. But you can't change the past and you should really respect who you are now and what you have made of yourself. No regrets, only experience which brings insight. Enjoy your new love. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts