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What am I doing and why can't I stop?


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I have known a married friend for a little over a year. I am 27 and she is 25. We don't get a chance to see each other often, maybe once a week, but we get along great. We both had crushes on each other from almost the moment we met. We have been able to keep our feelings at bay until the other night. I started as just a kiss last week and escaladed further last night. We both know it is wrong but can't seem to stop ourselves. We enjoy each others company and would like to be close friends. Unforunately I don't think we can do that without getting carried away. I know I should probably break off contact with her to avoid anything further. I wish things were different and she wasn't married because I know we would do well together. Anyway, I am more of just ranting at this point but could use some encouragment to avoid causing her to cheat and still be close in a limited manner.

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Sorry to cause some confusion, I am confused as well. Hopefully this explaination will help. We enjoy each others company and have started to take things beyond friendship. Even though we know it is wrong to continue what we are doing, neither of us necessarily want to stop.

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bentnotbroken

So since you don't want to stop, that means you want to end up in bed. You want to end up lying. You want to end up the 3rd person in her marriage. You want to disrespect her husband and the marriage that he entered with her.

 

And just for the record, you and she are already in a full blown affair. It went from emotional to physical when you kissed. Next......

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Sorry to cause some confusion, I am confused as well. Hopefully this explaination will help. We enjoy each others company and have started to take things beyond friendship. Even though we know it is wrong to continue what we are doing, neither of us necessarily want to stop.

 

It's pretty cut and dry wing. This started as a friendship,turned into an emotional affair and now a kiss So, that means your just a step away from making this a PA. Now is the time to stop!! Taking things further will only confuse you more. Your both married and need to figure out what is missing from your marriages.. because something has to be missing or else you would have not fallen into each others arms.

 

Mea:)

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Thanks, that is what I was looking to hear. Just hard to remember that when your mind and emotions are focused on one thing.

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Sorry to cause some confusion, I am confused as well. Hopefully this explaination will help. We enjoy each others company and have started to take things beyond friendship. Even though we know it is wrong to continue what we are doing, neither of us necessarily want to stop.

 

Ok dude...here's the deal. Not a do gooder, I'm at the bad end of where you are now. STOP. Nothing good comes of this. Those good feelings you have will soon be replaced by mood swings when she doesn't return a text fast enough, or can't meet you because of an obligation or she speaks well of her H. I've been there, and the butterflies you're experiencing in your stomach now will turn to parasites. I was you not long ago, and now I'm in a personal hell dealing with things. Frankly, I'm not going to tell you this all about guilt and conscience, but it's about your well being.

 

I'm also not going to tell you it's fantasy; because I believe the feelings are real. But life is real too and the likelihood of any of this morphing into anything positive is just not going to happen. Just STOP. I too felt like this was overwhelming me and I continued down the path. It's an addiction. It consumes you. You will lose your focus at work or school. You will become distant from your friends. You are hurting everyone involved.

 

Now I get to come to this site to vent because I'm trying to work though this crap. Not how I want to spend my time. Run like the devil because NOTHING good comes of this stuff.

 

Got it?

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Go no contact and tell your spouse about this. Thye say it is the best way to heal and it gives your wife some options and notice of your proclivities. She needs to be part of the decison making process, don't you think?

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I'm actually single, she is the only one that is married.

Whew, that is good.Then you can just bail and learn from it. Husband is in for a helluva marriage, though.

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Dude, let me say this. I am about to slam myself, but you'll get the point. I lied to my wife to be with OW. I took all of this on myself and then as I've allowed the fog to lift I've realized a few things about OW. My OW arranged babysitters to see me. She a few times had her son with her when she met me for a quick hello (he can't talk) and she was dishonest with others to see me. She told me she loved me and him too. In short, like me she lied to do this. A lot. You woman is too. Do you want that?

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These are the exact things I needed to hear. Sometimes hearing it from others helps get a better idea of your own thoughtsl. The consequences of allowing things to happen will far outway any short term benefits.

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I wish things were different and she wasn't married because I know we would do well together.

I bet her husband is laboring under the misconception that they would do well together also :eek: .

 

Wing, you're getting good advice here. Hopefully you'll follow it...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I'm actually single, she is the only one that is married.

 

So does that make it better? No! Then she need's to figure out what is missing in her marriage.. and you need to find yourself someone who is single like you. I was close to a PA once as a MW with a MM and nothing good came from it. Just a whole lot of hurt and heartbreak for me. But, I stopped it.. told my H, tried MC.. made the decsion to end my marriage.. not becuase of the ea.. but because the marriage was not healthy. I just thank the good lord above that I did not wreck xmm's marriage. Because that I could not live with. This is serious stuff Wing. End contact now it's for the best.

 

Mea:)

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Be a man and tell her H before the poor SOB spends the rest of his life with this chick. What happens if she ends up giving him a STD. Do not just think about yourself.

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Chrome Barracuda

Are you gay??? your a female right? that's the bigger question you should ask yourself also how would you feel if you came home and caught your husband getting head from another dude?

 

Dont cheat, it's not right.

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I completely understand all of the advice I have been given in this short period of time and it has helped me understand what I want and how much it could hurt those around me. I plan on cutting off any future contact and try to focus on my own well being. While she may be taken I know there are planty of people out there for me that are not. Hopefully I can develop a healthy relationship with some one that is not in a commited relationship and move on from there. I would hate to leave someone in a situation that I may have left her husband but I am not going to be the one who breaks up there marriage. I need to have more self confidence and find someone where both our needs are met without causing harm to others.

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I completely understand all of the advice I have been given in this short period of time and it has helped me understand what I want and how much it could hurt those around me. I plan on cutting off any future contact and try to focus on my own well being. While she may be taken I know there are planty of people out there for me that are not. Hopefully I can develop a healthy relationship with some one that is not in a commited relationship and move on from there. I would hate to leave someone in a situation that I may have left her husband but I am not going to be the one who breaks up there marriage. I need to have more self confidence and find someone where both our needs are met without causing harm to others.

 

 

Good for you.:) Keep thinking this way and you will be able to move forward rather quick. You can and will find someone who is available to you. There are plenty of single fish in the sea. You just might have to look a little. Seek and you shall find. Good luck.

 

Mea:)

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LiveandLearn

You're doing the right thing by going NC. Let her sort out whatever issues she is having w/ her husband. You go about your merry little way and maybe you'll find someone else that you connect with that is emotionally available/not in a committed relationship. If it is something they can't resolve, they can mutually decide to end the marriage, then she will be free to get emotionally involved with you (or anyone else) without the lies, deceit, and guilt.

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It's pretty cut and dry wing. This started as a friendship,turned into an emotional affair and now a kiss So, that means your just a step away from making this a PA.

Actually, he said that last week they kissed, and then last night it escalated even further. So, although he didn't say exactly how, it's already gone to some level beyond the kiss...

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Actually, he said that last week they kissed, and then last night it escalated even further. So, although he didn't say exactly how, it's already gone to some level beyond the kiss...

 

I must have missed that.:confused:

 

Mea:)

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It has proceeded beyond a kiss but not to a "complete" physical affair. Regardless it is something that needs to stop before it gets to that point and ruins both of our lives. She is a very nice person and I don't need to put her in a position that requires her to lie to her spouse.

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It has proceeded beyond a kiss but not to a "complete" physical affair. Regardless it is something that needs to stop before it gets to that point and ruins both of our lives. She is a very nice person and I don't need to put her in a position that requires her to lie to her spouse.

 

Then the next step is NC. Do not contact her and end this thing before it leads to a full blown PA. It's the best way.

 

Mea:)

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