youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 :sick::love: Hello i am a female 23 year old / senior in college. I recently met a very wealthy and powerful Attorney/ business owner. He and I met through a mutual friend. I met him back in early November and he and I hit it off. In the same week that he was out in the states (he is a international businessman) he told me that he was married with three small children. I should also include the fact that he is from a in the world which polygamy is very common and very accepted. In his own family both of his uncles and all of his brothers are involved in extra marital affairs. At first when he presented this idea of being "the second wife" to me, i rejected it and even shut off my feelings for him. Ive fallen in love with this man. he is offering me two things security, being able to work from home on the things that i really love writing , music and poetry, and his love and support. He speaks highly of his wife and expresses his gratitude for her to me, all the time. But the way he expresses his love for her, seems more like the love one would describe of a sibling or a loyal friend. I also became very nosey and looked through his phone/email which he left open after using my computer, and i realized that- via text they are very emotionless, and he is very cold. I also listened in on a phone call and realizeed she sounded very content (not very happy) just okay. Maybe I'm being foolish but, now he wants me to graduate early and move to where he lives very very far away. I can not give a way the identity of this man but he is very powerful and established. I think of myself as being very intelligent and independent. I have been taking care of myself since i turned 18, and he recognizes that quality about me. I dont know... its nice that some one of his stature noticed a beautiful smart girl was worth a prince's riches. Am i Just being foolish???? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Just know that you will not be the last and you will soon be just like the current wife. It seems you are looking at the money more than anything else. You described him as wealthy, yet cold and you find that attractive? Is it the money or the cold part that turns you on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Its not his money, i am no gold digger but he is always trying to school me on quicck ways to make cash, I always stress that to him that i am looking for teacher not just a provider. This is all more than just his money I lovehim because he is charming and every bit that we have gotten closer we have both spoke on faith in God and loving ones self. A attribute i believe he himself wants to obtain. what he si offerring me is security for my family as well. I come from a place in africa where my entire family is starving and depends on me to send them money everymonth. I do not need him for his money, but you must agree that a man who is willing to invest in you and invest money for you can be a great use as well.... Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Polygamy is one thing and an extramarital affair completely another. In poly, the wives are aware and know each other. Both wives and their children are legally provided for , if not legally recognized. An affair is a secret. No one knows. He will have no responsibility or obligation to you. When he is done with you, even if you have his children, even if you are past the age you would normally marry...you will have nothing. But if this works for you, why not? You say your family is starving, yet you are well educated and independent? I have to say you really dont sound that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 The marriage would be recognized in his country not the US he does not live here and he has already married in the US. He wants me to live in My country with my family with him funding a housing project for us to live in. His wife would only know after the marriage is really on. She is aware that he supports polygamy and should not be surprised if someone like me pops into the picture. He also made it clear to me that he would buy a house/car in New York for me where he does most of his US work, all this in my name. Its very cut and dry, i am only hesitating because my family would not accept it and i do not know how it will affect our unborn children....... Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Please, please reconsider this situation. I know he looks like the answer to a lot of problems right now, but you really don't want to put yourself at his mercy when you're so close to fending for yourself. Has he introduced you -- in person -- to Wife #1? Do you know for sure that she knows what's going on? If she doesn't, and it's so accepted where he comes from, ask him why! Otherwise, he's pretty much buying you for the price of your family's security. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Its not his money, i am no gold digger but he is always trying to school me on quicck ways to make cash, I always stress that to him that i am looking for teacher not just a provider. This is all more than just his money I lovehim because he is charming and every bit that we have gotten closer we have both spoke on faith in God and loving ones self. A attribute i believe he himself wants to obtain. what he si offerring me is security for my family as well. I come from a place in africa where my entire family is starving and depends on me to send them money everymonth. I do not need him for his money, but you must agree that a man who is willing to invest in you and invest money for you can be a great use as well.... What does God have to do with multiple A's? That confuses me. Great use sounds a lot more like someone I can use instead of the love you profess. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 It is not only not recognized inn the US , it is illegal. If he were to marry and his wife found out he would be criminally charged. Legally and to protect himself , he cannot and I'm sure will not put ANYTHING in writing protecting you or your children. If he should die, divorce, go bankrupt, or simply lose interest you will be left with nothing. If nothing else, you would have to demand cash up front. Thats cut & dry. The rest is smoke and mirrors and done all the time by men who travel internationally. Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 This sounds incredibly sketchy to me. If all you want is a sugar daddy then be my guest, just be careful about having sex with him. But to me it sounds like you aren't capable of seperating your emotions from a "mutally beneficial" situation, as they like to call them You are in seperate countries. I highly suspect his wife has no idea and would not be happy with you. I think all he wants is a reliable booty call at his beck and call whenever he's in town on business. Alot of these international businessmen woo these young girls they find, make them feel loved and cared for , throw money at them, and basically all you are in the end is a sugarbaby. Some people don't mind that situation, but you'd be insane to consider having children with this man. He'll have no legal obligation to you in this country, and you'll have a hell of a time (read: impossible time) getting him to have any legal responsibility for any potential children you have. It's hard enough to get child support from a man IN the same country as you if he's a deadbeat dad, how on earth do you expect to get any when he flies off back to his home country and you're left peniless with children to care for? If you want to get some money out of him upfront, have fun, whatever, but don't even think about having a family or anything serious with this guy. Frankly, Im pretty sure he is full of crap and is lying to you about supporting you. I would be highly suspicious of all his claims, I think he is just trying to lure you in. He's going to use you as long as he feels like it and then dump you and dissapear into the wind. I've seen it happen to many desolate, desperate girls in my line of work, and in the end they feel like little more than prostitutes. I hope you don't end up putting yoursel in that position. I understand the money concerns and having a family to support, but the fact that you even consider having a child with this man is almost sickening. Please, for the love of God, reconsider. You're only 23. Find a normal, kind man who will treat you like an equal. I live in NY. There's plenty of nice, educated, guys with great jobs here who dont have wives and children scattered around the globe. Good luck.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 i am no gold digger but he is always trying to school me on quicck ways to make cash Sounds like you've hit upon your own quick way to make cash - sell your companionship and sexual services for money. I think there's a term for that... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 aw:(:( Thank you all for your criticism harsh as it sounds it is the truth. i am only going to hurt myself and probably walk out of this with nothing. At this point it is clear to me i need to just disapear out of his life, and his familes. i may need to think about relocating to nyc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 funny there is a section on the tow website on the mm dictionary and all that sorry **** he was saying to me was posted it blew my mind....check it out if you have time. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Its good that you are rethinking this. Have you ever even been out of the US let alone to his country? This isnt a Disney movie. You know very little about this man. Other than the fact that he is cold to his wife. Cold to his wife and someday soon, cold to you when you are in another country, all alone, perhaps not speaking the native language. Sure everyone speaks English in theory but... If you are going to Hong Kong or China, the whole second wife thing is not what it was. Its pracitcally a form of prostitution for girls with no other way of making a way for themselves. What would your future be after he was finished with you? And if you are going to the Middle East or other countries in the Asian subcontinent such as Pakistan, think twice and think again. I dont know which country you are talking about but have you read about the abuse that goes on in some families as between first and second wives? Are you familiar with the idea of "honor killings" and other simlar things that go on in some cultures? And then there are the women who are brought over for love only to find out that they are being brought into some sort of prostitution. Yes these are extreme examples and unlikely to happen to you, but I am betting that you have NO idea what you might or might not be getting into. Sounds like you want to go to NYC, hook up with a nice banker who still has some money left after the crash and live the dream. Much safer to do it in NYC than to export yourself to a foreign country. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 And without being harsh I must add you need to really think about how you are viewing things. You ARE a beautiful smart girl. You are worth "a prince's riches". But the fact that someone has a title or money doesnt make their attention any better than anyone else's. And you have to get over this whole idea of being "flattered" by the attention. Beautiful (and even not so beautiful) girls who are flattered by mens attentions no matter how smart and independent they are, get into trouble and get taken for a ride. Why? Because if you really believed deep down that you were all these things, you wouldnt be surprised that ANYONE no matter how wealthy, no matter how powerful no matter how whatever, noticed those qualities in you. You would thank him for the compliment but you wouldnt do back flips and gush that you now have the validation that you are all these things. Because you would know that you were these things. If I had a dollar for all those sorts of people that came on to me and I turned down (well maybe not a dollar but a hundred dollars) I could buy Dom Perignon for everyone on loveshack. The thing is these men KNOW that women, particularly women outside their circle who have worked for everything that they have and are looking for a break, are likely to be more impressed by their attentions. Its hard to be on your own and trying to make it and taking care of yourself all the time. Its the Cinderella complex. When will someone come and take care of me. But you need to be choosy. You need to look deep inside yourself and really believe that you are all those things. Only then will you stand a chance against the predators that will come your way over the years. Most men arent predators but many of the men like this "international businessman" are indeed predators. And what does their lifestyle say about how they regard women? Not a lot that is good if you are raised in a culture where you believe in monagamy and have decided that is what you want for yourself. You dont want to end up as the next Monica Lewinsky. A fine example of a girl who was too flattered. Hers is not an isolated story. And I am not talking about Clinton just about how lots of powerful men will casually assume that they can have any beautiful young woman that crosses their path. Again its about a sense of entitlement. So stop being so flattered. Once you believe that you really are as fantastic as you are, then you will see that this is the wrong kind of attention. Its fun to laugh about with your girlfriends. Fun to fantasise over a few drinks with your friends, gee what if I really did move to whereever with him and become his second wife slathered in diamonds... flying to Paris and Milan for the couture shows. But its not "good" attention. Unless you have a mercenary mindset or as KG put it are interested in a "mutually beneficial" relationship, it doesnt lead to anything good. I must confess I fell into that trap with MM to a degree. I was fascinated by "his world" or what I thought his world was. As it turns out, the old adage is true. Everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time. Its just a matter of scale (in terms of material wealth) and access to power, information, influence. They are just men, some are good. Some are not so good. Dont give these people power to put you in a position that could compromise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Your comments are interesting to me....but we met through a mutual friend (i did include that in my first statement). She knows him well but she has not seen him in 3 years time he moved from the states back to his country and opened up a few companies. In those three years he has become a multimillionaire we were both shocked when he explained everything to us later. I researched about him (you all should know that he is also a very high political figure, and he will be running for pres (in a "African") country very soon.) I can’t give too much detail, which sucks. But before he can exploit me, you must also remember that he still run's his business in the states too. If he were to exploit me, i would still be able to reach him. He will not harm me physically there is no such thing as abuse in his home he is a very distinguished individual, he just believes in this polygamy thing that is used in [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Africa[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]" all the time. You know how corrupt it can be there. That is my homeland but these age old traditions like second and third wives are still being practiced. ....im not going to justify his behavior, but i will say this he thinks and acts like the majority of africa which still uses this system. [/FONT][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Understood on the traditions and polygamy (not as familiar with Africa hadnt thought of that). But honey honey honey as you say you know how corrupt things can be. You are playing a very very dangerous game. Its not one I would play but that is up to you. There is corruption there are lots of other things. I dont want to sound ridiculous but people disappear etc etc. Its far fetched and I am sure this man is a nice man but when second wives come into the picture first wives and their families are generally not too happy. Yes its tradition but that doesnt mean the women are happy about it. It just means they are resigned to it or as in the US, its not illegal. Being the second wife to the leader of a country could be exciting it could be lucrative but you would need to have lots of safeguards. Be careful. You could end up being the darling of the international media with a life beyond all compare or you could end up very very sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 "He will not harm me physically there is no such thing as abuse in his home" It's sort of sweet in a naive and scary sort of way that there are women in the world who would believe this! You ARE young, aren't you? Bottom line - do you want to make a living laying on your back or being on your knees? Because that is what you are talking about here. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 You say this is your country of origin. Have you spoken to any of your female relatives? They could give you great insight and would very possibly throttle you for even thinking about it. Do you think this is what your parents always dreamed of for you? that you would go back there as someone's "second wife"? I could be wrong they could say fabulous our circumstances werent great there but if you are the second wife to a powerful man we would be proud. I dont know the culture well enough to comment, but if you are posting on LS rather than celebrating with your family, I think you know the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Something about this "story" is not adding up. Maybe the OP is trying to protect her anonymity? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 No its not. No at all. It reminds me of those 411 emails... (dear kind Sir I am the lost princess of xxxxyyyy and I desparately need your help to secure funds that the bank will not release to me that were the property of my father the king of ABC ...) is this a 411 thread? If the OP is sincere I fear that she may be taken for a ride. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Unless I was equally "powerful", I would steer away from powerful attorneys anyway. They can make life very uncomfortable for one in ways that the average Joe Schmoe just can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 No I am not celebrating and neither is my family i have not told them yet. I am very indifferent about him. He may really love me, or he may just be looking for a young woman to make his sexual toy. I have thought a lot of this over, since I first posted. AND just so you all know I have not been making myself available to him and i have been trying to foccus on other things like school and my work. and to all of you who are tying to make me feel bad about considering it, Its not like i am glorifying ! I am just trying to get some insight about how people feel about my situation. im hurt but i am not going to let him distract me from whats really importantin my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Thats just it he would but i wont take anything yet. i do not want to walkaway from this feeling used for money. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 If you havent told your family yet you may want to ask yourself why. This is a very serious step you are considering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandinlove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 I havent told them because they are trying to get me married to some one they know back home. They believe in arranged marriage...i know this is like oh wow to all of those of you who do not come from countries that practice these types of marriages, but in my country of orgin they do. I am so unhappy i just feel like running away. But i am grown now 23 years old i can not keep shutting up the way that i do. I love this man but i will not marry him. I am really not thinking clearly right now. He is so comfortable he thinks we are doing well because everytime i speak to him it is very positive but inside im hurt. I know i will loose his love but maybe i will reatain his respect for making such a decision. Most women i talk to face to face give me two answer either they tell me how much of a ass hole he is and how much of a whore i am, or some woman tell me to shut up and take whats coming. I want everything that comes with being married to a wealthy man but its so early and im already hurting somuch...... Link to post Share on other sites
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