I'm new to this and this may get long

[crazyme]

I've been reading this for awhile. Trying to anyway, sometimes it's too hard. I just need somewhere to go that I don't feel so alone in all of this. I am in an impossible situation with a MM. We have known each other for a few years. He is married to a friend of mine. We actually all hang out. I'm engaged and they talk also. It's all very strange.

 

I have been with my bf for almost 13 years, since I was 21. He finally bought me a ring 3 yrs. ago. I really have no expectations or desire to marry him anymore at this point. We don't even live together. Every time we made an offer on a house he changed his mind. Kind of a dead end there. I do love him, it's just not the same anymore. I have been looking for another job recently. I think my not being here would do us in. I hardly see him outside of work now. We spend the weekend together and that's only at night.

 

Now the other man. He is about 15 yrs older then me and married 7 yers. This all started out as innocent flirting. His wife knew about it. She would even joke that I was his other girlfriend. We were at their house for a Christmas party and out together on NYE. The 4 of us. It's all so strange. One night he asked if I wanted to go out and get a drink. She works at night. I figured why not. This became a weekly thing. Neither of our them know about it. Eventually it became more than that. We see each other almost every weeknight now. We also have spent a few Saturdays together. We will go and hang out with his friends that live a bit away. It's all gotten so crazy. We even have separate cell phones just so we can text and talk without it being noticed by anyone.

 

We've talked about what will happen if anyone finds out. We've also talked about him leaving. I realize that this is the least likely thing. I'm trying to realistic anyway. He is always telling me that he loves me. Neither of us expected this. We just wanted to go out and have some fun. Now we are in a situation we didn't expect.

 

I hate seeing his W, and I do at least 3 times a week. He feels the same with my bf. I obviously don't hate it enough though. I just have no idea what I'm doing. I didn't want to fall in love with him, but I am so there. I am constantly consumed with thoughts of what this could do to the other people in our lives. Not just if we would go through with being together. With everything. I don't want to hurt her or my bf. I know people will say that I should just walk away. I am horrible, I know that. I just can't imagine my life without him in it. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just needed to get this all out. Thanks for reading and I'll take whatever anyone wants to say.

[whichwayisup]

First thing you have to do is end things with your boyfriend/fiance. What you're doing to him is just so wrong. You've admitted you don't love him and don't want to marry him, so WHY are you still with him?

 

Yes, you're not the wife's friend at all. And he certainly is no prize of a husband to sneak off behind her back, having an affair with you..

 

This situation is a time bomb just waiting to go off and explode. Sooner or later his wife and your boyfriend WILL figure out something is going on between you two, it's only a matter of time. Be prepared for the nasty fallout - OR - End it with BOTH men and walk away, get counselling and fix yourself before finding someone else.

[2sure]

There is no sense in my pointing out to you how wrong this is, and how horrible you are for participating in this nightmare because you point out you already know this.

 

So, OK. You state several times that you didnt expect this, as if it were an accident. Stop saying that - you made decisions, you are over 30.

 

Since you at this point do not feel you want to end the affair - and yet have angst for the people you are hurting...

 

Why not at least do some damage control so that not every single person in within your reach is not affected to the level they currently would be?

 

Break up with your BF. Obviously.

Stop seeing the MM's wife as "friends". The whole you and her are friends thing will bring her to her knees when this comes out. Necessary? No!

 

If you cant do the right thing please at least do these small things.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

God help you when your SO's find out. Its going to be armegedon.

[Mino]

I've been reading this for awhile. Trying to anyway, sometimes it's too hard. I just need somewhere to go that I don't feel so alone in all of this. I am in an impossible situation with a MM. We have known each other for a few years. He is married to a friend of mine. We actually all hang out. I'm engaged and they talk also. It's all very strange.

 

I have been with my bf for almost 13 years, since I was 21. He finally bought me a ring 3 yrs. ago. I really have no expectations or desire to marry him anymore at this point. We don't even live together. Every time we made an offer on a house he changed his mind. Kind of a dead end there. I do love him, it's just not the same anymore. I have been looking for another job recently. I think my not being here would do us in. I hardly see him outside of work now. We spend the weekend together and that's only at night.

 

Now the other man. He is about 15 yrs older then me and married 7 yers. This all started out as innocent flirting. His wife knew about it. She would even joke that I was his other girlfriend. We were at their house for a Christmas party and out together on NYE. The 4 of us. It's all so strange. One night he asked if I wanted to go out and get a drink. She works at night. I figured why not. This became a weekly thing. Neither of our them know about it. Eventually it became more than that. We see each other almost every weeknight now. We also have spent a few Saturdays together. We will go and hang out with his friends that live a bit away. It's all gotten so crazy. We even have separate cell phones just so we can text and talk without it being noticed by anyone.

 

We've talked about what will happen if anyone finds out. We've also talked about him leaving. I realize that this is the least likely thing. I'm trying to realistic anyway. He is always telling me that he loves me. Neither of us expected this. We just wanted to go out and have some fun. Now we are in a situation we didn't expect.

 

I hate seeing his W, and I do at least 3 times a week. He feels the same with my bf. I obviously don't hate it enough though. I just have no idea what I'm doing. I didn't want to fall in love with him, but I am so there. I am constantly consumed with thoughts of what this could do to the other people in our lives. Not just if we would go through with being together. With everything. I don't want to hurt her or my bf. I know people will say that I should just walk away. I am horrible, I know that. I just can't imagine my life without him in it. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just needed to get this all out. Thanks for reading and I'll take whatever anyone wants to say.

she is your friend? He is your H friend? Ouch, what a mess.... I would move if I were you......

[bentnotbroken]

With friends like this who.........you know.

[whichwayisup]

Interesting how:

 

He is married to a friend of mine.

 

I'm engaged and they talk also

 

Turns into:

 

I hate seeing his W, and I do at least 3 times a week. He feels the same with my bf.

 

We've talked about what will happen if anyone finds out. We've also talked about him leaving.

 

Have you talked about you leaving your boyfriend/fiance? Or does this all depend on whether or not HE ends his marriage. If he isn't going to leave his marriage, you're not going to end things with your future husband, are you?

[crazyme]

Interesting how:

 

 

 

 

 

Turns into:

 

 

 

 

 

Have you talked about you leaving your boyfriend/fiance? Or does this all depend on whether or not HE ends his marriage. If he isn't going to leave his marriage, you're not going to end things with your future husband, are you?

 

 

We have talked about both of us leaving. I don't live with my boyfriend. I don't even see him as my future husband. I haven't for a few years now because he keeps putting me off. I'm pretty sure my engagement ring was just to shut everyone up. I'm not so sure he even sees me as his future wife. He just takes for granted that I'll be there whenever he might be ready. He continually puts everything else ahead of our relationship. It's just that my whole life is wrapped up in his. If it wasn't for work I would hardly see him. I do love him, just not the same way I used to. The thought of him being hurt tears me up though. I don't know what I will do. I realize it's selfish of me to not leave him unless he leaves his wife. This all just came about pretty quick and I need to sort it out. I don't seem to do anything but think about what will happen to everyone involved. I know it would be easier just to forget about him and recommit myself to my bf, or to me. I just can't seem to put this man out of my head or my heart. I don't even know that I want to.

[Meaplus3]

He finally bought me a ring 3 yrs. ago. I really have no expectations or desire to marry him anymore at this point

.

 

Then first and foremost you need to break up with your BF. If you have NO intentions of marrying him or having a LTR.. then that's simply not fair to him. Give him the chance to find someone who desires him.

 

 

We've talked about what will happen if anyone finds out. We've also talked about him leaving. I realize that this is the least likely thing. I'm trying to realistic anyway. He is always telling me that he loves me. Neither of us expected this. We just wanted to go out and have some fun. Now we are in a situation we didn't expect.

 

 

Just go out and have some fun? Come on now.. this man is married. He should be going out and having some fun with his wife. You really are going to set yourself up for a ton of hurt if you continue things with him. Let him figure out his marriage it's only the right thing to do. I am not trying to be harsh, but I was involved with a mm once and it was just about an inch shy from a train wreck. Move on.

 

Mea:)