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That's it. I'm a weak idiot. It's never going to end.


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Well, not until I get married or something.

 

And the idiocy continues.

 

Guess who came by my place to drop off my letters of recc he wrote me.

 

Guess who insisted that he come in for a cup of coffee and a chat since I hadn't seen him in a couple months.

 

Guess who couldn't help herself and hugged him really hard when he was about to leave.

 

Guess who coudln't resist sliding his hands down to my butt while I was hugging him.

 

Guess who couldn't resist giving him a soft little kiss on the neck.

 

Guess which two idiots ended up sleeping together again. Twice.

 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've not got much to say for myself anymore.

 

And what's worse, Im not sure Im even that upset about it. I possibly will be once this post-sex-seeing-MM-again euphoria wears off I suppose....but at the moment Im not even that upset about it.

 

Argh.

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.....And the idiocy continues.

 

...Guess who insisted that he come in for a cup of coffee and a chat since I hadn't seen him in a couple months.

And guess who could have said, "No, thanks, but that's not a good idea. Thanks for this stuff. Bye".....

 

Guess who couldn't help herself and hugged him really hard when he was about to leave.
Liar..... :rolleyes:

 

Guess who coudln't resist sliding his hands down to my butt while I was hugging him.

 

And guess who could have said..."What are you thinking?? ARE YOU INSANE - ??" But obviously didn't want to....?

 

Guess who couldn't resist giving him a soft little kiss on the neck.

Yes you could. There's that thing called 'choice' again....

 

Guess which two idiots ended up sleeping together again. Twice.
No comment. Need I comment? No, I thought not. No comment.

 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've not got much to say for myself anymore.

 

And what's worse, Im not sure Im even that upset about it. I possibly will be once this post-sex-seeing-MM-again euphoria wears off I suppose....but at the moment Im not even that upset about it.

 

Argh.

 

So.

 

Why post then?

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I understand why she has posted it. She needs to say it....and from reading many of the posts here as a "lurker" mostly, that's why many post it seems. I truly believe by writing it, saying it, whatever....a person can eventually find the right answers to do the right thing, which is to end things. It doesn't happen overnight sometimes. I think if a person has found this sub-forum somehow, they are hurting pretty badly and looking for a way to release their thoughts. It seems like you have to be ready to take quite a beating on this sub-forum if you do decide to post about your situation though.

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I understand why she has posted it. She needs to say it....and from reading many of the posts here as a "lurker" mostly, that's why many post it seems. I truly believe by writing it, saying it, whatever....a person can eventually find the right answers to do the right thing, which is to end things.

 

Actually it seems to me that she's posting it for validation and an excuse for her actions. She got it in the second reply.

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Hi KG, dont beat yourself up to bad, you got caught up in the moment.:eek:

 

I seem to be getting caught up in moments all the time.

 

He never actually expresses his feelings about anything, but today told me he's missed me quite a bit. Doesn't sound like much on paper, but for anyone that knows him, its alot for him to say something remotely expresing of emotion.

 

Remember when I said it felt like this was never going to end until I either a) move away B) his wife found out and threatened to leave him and take his kids or c) get married myself (in which case i would never actually cheat on someone myself)

 

It seems like that's all true. As long as he works down the street from me, is in my vicinity, is ever within five feet of me, forget it.

 

Well, who knows. I might be living in London soon. Don't suppose he can be flying over there to see me on a whim from NY.

 

I was being somewhat sarcastic when I say "well we couldnt help ourselves". Obviously every thing you do is a choice of some sort.

 

But I have a sneaky suspicion unless A, B or C above come true, there's going to be much more of this "relapsing" with him. I love him. Sad but true. I'm addicted to him. And he, apparently.....to me.

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DealingWDrama

Ah, Kismet...there's a saying - A woman wants one may to satisfy her every need, but a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Good luck!

 

By the way, I'm not male bashing, so I apologize in advance if that hurts the feelings of a man reading this.

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Actually it seems to me that she's posting it for validation and an excuse for her actions. She got it in the second reply.

 

 

I actually read it as a person who knows what she has to do, but hasn't really been able to take that leap and admit that this affair is not going to end up well for her. I know the feeling and am not trying to validate her actions because I'm not a saint and am myself a recent xOM. I screwed up big time by deciding to participate in the A and I am suffering the consequences for it.

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IfWishesWereHorses

c) get married myself (in which case i would never actually cheat on someone myself)

If you can truly say this then why is it that you are letting your life and your future be controlled by someone who would? How can you respect him to the point that you would risk your studies and your future for a romp in the hay every once in a while.

 

I'm addicted to him. And he, apparently.....to me.

 

You are addicted to him... he is addicted to a little recreation (what ever that emcompasses) every now and then.

 

Kismet, in short time you'll be hurting again, YOUR life will be suffering, and you'll be wondering why HE would do this and what HE is thinking.

 

Ruining your dreams, making life more difficult, and tossing your self-esteem over the cliff, for a little bit of the high you are on right now is and addiction, you're absolutely spot on with that. Its also self-destructive behavior. Why are you choosing to punish yourself with things that are poison for you?

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Kismet, I knew he'd be back when his ball-bag needed emptying.

 

His wife's probably on her period - don't read too much into it.

 

You've been devastated, nearly going mad so I don't blame you for going for it but him? Well, like I said, his balls were probably going blue.

 

I'm sure he'll be round in approx a month's time. Just try and be a bit real about it ok?

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He never actually expresses his feelings about anything, but today told me he's missed me quite a bit. Doesn't sound like much on paper, but for anyone that knows him, its alot for him to say something remotely expresing of emotion.

 

He misses how you made him feel - THE AFFAIR DRAMA rollercoaster ride and the addictive feelings that go along with it. THAT is what he missed. And you allowed this crap back into your life because? IN the heat of the moment..

 

So, what happens now? The A is back on? Do you really want it to end?

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From my perspective, you face the same choice you've always faced.

 

Do you want to continue to be his OW (and ONLY his OW)?

 

Or do you want to force a change in the situation?

 

If you're comfortable with him stopping by like he did and that being the extent of your relationship...then you're right where you want to be. No changes required.

 

If you're NOT comfortable with that...then you need to get a PLAN, and STICK TO IT.

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And guess who could have said, "No, thanks, but that's not a good idea. Thanks for this stuff. Bye".....

 

Liar..... :rolleyes:

 

 

 

And guess who could have said..."What are you thinking?? ARE YOU INSANE - ??" But obviously didn't want to....?

 

 

Yes you could. There's that thing called 'choice' again....

 

No comment. Need I comment? No, I thought not. No comment.

 

 

 

So.

 

Why post then?

 

I am becoming more and more intrigued by some of the more disciplined and accountable females onboard LS :)

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Remember when I said it felt like this was never going to end until I either a) move away B) his wife found out and threatened to leave him and take his kids or c) get married myself (in which case i would never actually cheat on someone myself)

 

You will NEVER find someone else and marry them as long as you're addicted to this MM. Your mind, heart and body won't let you because you STILL want him.

 

Get counselling to help you get stronger. Yes, you are weak right now and he knows exactly how to push your buttons and manipulate things to get you back to being the OW. YOU are letting it happen. I'm not beating up on you, I'm just repeating what you've already said about yourself. You are right.

 

How do you stop being addicted? Get help. But, you have to WANT that help to move on with your life. If you don't, this holding pattern you're in will last a very long and painful time.

 

It's up to you if you want to ruin your life for some guy who isn't leaving his wife and kids.. It's a waste because you have alot of good things going on, a possible great career but the path you're on now WILL ruin your future. DO something for yourself so you life won't suck.

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I hate to say it but you WILL cheat on a new man that comes into your life because you're weak and can't say NO around the MM. You think you wouldn't cheat but you will..Because you're addicted to him..

 

This IS stuff you need to hear so you can fix yourself Kis.

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I hate to say it but you WILL cheat on a new man that comes into your life because you're weak and can't say NO around the MM. You think you wouldn't cheat but you will..Because you're addicted to him..

 

Hmm, I'm not so sure. I've been totally addicted to a relationship in the past, and the only thing that stopped me from going back to him for the umpteenth time after finishing it was meeting another man. I was able to and did say 'no', many times after that. Sometimes it happens that way.

 

However, I was genuinely wanting to break the addiction.

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However, I was genuinely wanting to break the addiction.

 

And there's the difference. She doesn't want it to end. She's not at her ENOUGH is ENOUGH stage..Yet. She needs to suffer more pain and confusion and heartache to get to that point.

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IfWishesWereHorses

I've been totally addicted to a relationship in the past, and the only thing that stopped me from going back to him for the umpteenth time after finishing it was meeting another man.

 

So the need to have someone in y our life to complete you was strong enough to keep you in the R, until you could replace him. While that could certainly work I guess, the "real problem" still exists.

 

If one is willing to be miserable in exchange for scraps of hope that they are loved by the person they so desire then THAT is the problem that needs to be addressed.

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Hi KG, dont beat yourself up to bad, you got caught up in the moment.:eek:

Like who hasn't be there before...I know I have. Man the sex was good to I BET!!!!

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And what's worse, Im not sure Im even that upset about it. I possibly will be once this post-sex-seeing-MM-again euphoria wears off I suppose....but at the moment Im not even that upset about it.

 

KG, It's pointless anyone - including and especially yourself - beating you up about this. Until you're over him, until you finally decide that the costs are greater than the benefits and until you wake up one day and think, "what was I thinking?!?", you are going to have slip-ups. You are going to have sex with him. You are going to want him to have sex with you.

 

You're not at that point yet. The sex is still too good, the longing too strong, the attraction too great and the hope too vibrant. However bad the pain and suffering, the loneliness and disappointment, the self-doubt and insecurity - it's still not strong enough to counter the "good stuff". Only once that balance changes FOR YOU will you be able to move on.

 

You can wait it out. You can get help (counselling of some sort). Or you can do your damndest in other ways like moving to London. But until you actually reach that point, you're vulnerable to your weakness for him.

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Remember when I said it felt like this was never going to end until I....c) get married myself (in which case i would never actually cheat on someone myself)

That is an interesting statement to make. Why do you say that :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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That is an interesting statement to make. Why do you say that :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Why is that so interesting? Just because one becomes and OW, doesnt mean they would become an MW. When I truly have feelings for someone I have no desire to really go with anyone else, even if I find other people attractive, the only guy I want is the one I love. Hell, MM and me obviously never "dated" as I don't believe its called dating when the other person is married, obviously, but most of the time we had our thing I wasn't that interested in anyone else anyway. I guess I just didn't meet too many guys that I liked as much as him. I met one or two, but they happened to live far , far away and it didnt work out.

 

Incidentally, Im sitting here wondering if I should get on a plane in 8 hours and fly to London for four days and can't quite decide. If it wasn't for being so broke I'd be running to the airport right now. Decisions, decisions....

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