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Talked to BS 1st time


liesandbetrayal

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liesandbetrayal

I have been the OW for a long time, children are involved. Christmas time is the hardest time for me. I feel that he is lying to me, and still his wife. I just cant take it anymore. I am pregnant and very emotional. I cant live this life of lies anymore. I just cant.

 

I don't want to go to court and things be public. I am still in love with him, but he lies to me all the time. So, I called his wife tonight. She answered the phone...I explained to her my name and she was very calm and not hateful.

 

She said she did not know who I was, or what I was talking about. I told her, I guess he lied to me again...he told me he told her about us.

 

Anyway, I told her I was sorry, I was unaware of her until after my 1st pregnancy. He lied to me and told me he was single.

 

I would have never gone out with him if I had known the truth. I didnt want anything from her, but the truth. I cant live this way anymore with the lies. And if he is lying to me I figured he was lying to her as well.

 

She was still very calm and asked for my phone number. I gave it to her. She also asked how I got her number and I told her it is one of the many numbers I have that he has called me from.

 

She said she was in the middle of a dinner party and had to go. So I told her I was sorry for crying. At this point I am very hormonal and pregnant, about to give birth any day now with our other child. Please forgive me. I just want this to stop and the truth come out. I cant live a life of lies anymore and he isnt being honest with me, nor I fear honest with her.

 

She said she had to get back to her dinner party but remained very calm and composed.

 

I believe he is out of town working right now, as when I called his office earlier today his sec. said he is traveling and can not be reached right now.

 

So, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO EXPECT NEXT?????

 

I DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM HIS WIFE...EXCEPT FOR THE LIES HER AND I HAVE BOTH BEEN LIVING TO END.

 

WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT WHEN SHE CALLS (IF YOU THINK SHE WILL SINCE SHE ASKED FOR MY PHONE NUMBER) AND WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO RESPOND.

 

PLEASE HELP ME ASAP...I DONT KNOW IF SHE WILL CALL AFTR HER DINNER PARTY OR NOT.

 

I JUST CANT KEEP LIVING THE LIES. I KNOW SO CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS IS A HORRIBLE TIME TO APPROACH THIS, BUT I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT CRY OVER THIS THE LAST TWO WEEKS AND BEEN TO THE HOSPITAL TWICE IN EARLY LABOR THEY MANAGED TO STOP OVER THE STRESS.

 

AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING???

 

PLease help me????

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liesandbetrayal

I always promised him I would never contact her, besides I saw no reason since he said he told her about us (me and the children).

 

What can I expect from him when he finds out his wife and I are possibly talking, if she calls me back?

 

Or what can i expect if she doesn't call me back but calls him instead?

 

Why would she ask for my phone number if she didnt want to talk to me after her dinner party in private?

 

Help, who do MM react when the truth between OW and BS come out in direct contact????

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This is horrible, for everyone involved. It is every BS worst nightmare.

You mention you have been the OW for a long time, and that this is your second pregnancy. Since this is the second, this must have been a planned pregnancy. Between this time and the last, he has been betraying you both and now, has willingly created a child that he is betraying as well.

 

I understand he has lied...but since he is with his wife and has been..how is possible you believed him? Have you told him he will be taking responsibility? His wife has been lied to obviously, and will probably end up taking responsibility with him so its good you called her, timing is bad, but not your fault.

 

He is not out of town, this close to XMas he is home with his family having a dinner party. The secretary merely deflected the call.

 

You know he has been lying to you, since the first pregnancy...

 

What is it you want? What has he told you he can give you?

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He has a second family with you? Other children with you?

Someone has to take responsibility here and be a grown up - and clearly it isnt going to be him. You must protect your children...not him. You have to understand that.

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liesandbetrayal

I know it will be a familiar response, but I have loved him since the first time I saw him.

 

I wanted to believe him. He knows he will take responsibility. He has all this time for our 1st child...although sometimes its like pulling teeth. I think its more of a power issue, he needs to feel in control and wants me to need him...have to ask him for every little thing.

 

Number one I want the lies to STOP for both and his wife. I want him to acknowledge he has two children...and to just be honest with me. Either love me or let me go. I cant go on living this way.

 

He has promised me so many things I cant even list them all. But not just to me but our children as well. In the beginning, when I discover he was married he use to tell me he cant leave his wife...now he tells me he doesn't know what the future holds.

 

I cant take it anymore...the heartache is too painful...the lies and lonliness are too much....

 

If he cant be honest then I figure if his wife and I are honest with each other then he has to be honest himself. At this point, yes, I am still very much in love with him, no matter how much he hurts me. I guess by calling his wife it is my way of forcing him to make the decision, love me or leave me.

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liesandbetrayal

2sure

 

yes, we have a 2nd family. i want security for our sons in case something happens to him. But, I dont want to hurt his wife or other children or anything to come out publicly that might humiliate his wife and family.

 

I just want honesty. If he doesnt love me then leave me. Support your children and l will be nothing more than the mother to your chlldren.

 

i am not out for revenge on anyone, but the lies have to stop. Her (BS) and I both deserve truth.

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OK. This is what it feels like to do the right thing.

 

You are doing the right thing.

 

His response? Anger, sure. He will probably lie to his wife - now about you. He will tell her you are crazy, you coerced him. Be prepared.

 

His wife will at first like you, want to believe him. She will deny you along with him.

 

But then..you , the children , and the truth will be there. It is possible his wife will reconcile to the fact of his other family and either: comunicate with you and make sure he takes responsibility OR make him cast you aside. She may not throw him out.

 

If you ask for things, small things, this is crazy. He needs to be legally and financially responsible to his kids...which means he sends you checks. Period. Weekly. Without being asked. ASKING for a man to support his children, having to ask..NO. No and NO!

 

You have to step up, and you are, and you can.

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liesandbetrayal

Why is it so hard? Why am I so afraid of losing him? My heart is breaking...he has told me if I ever contacted his family (which I would never ever concern his other children (all grown) with such a matter...but his wife...then it would be me causing him to not have anything to do with our children.

 

That it would be my fault he no longer saw his son (and baby on the way)... I have not spoke to him or seen him since friday. I text him that I was in hospital in labor and they were trying to stop it. He doesnt know if his child was born or not. He never called me or responded.

 

That morning I gave him his christmas card and a list of things I wanted him to do to provide private security for our children in case something happended to him. I figure that is what he is mad about. If he signs anything on paper...then I dont have to ask him to support his children anymore...he loses control and he just has to do it.

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liesandbetrayal

IS this what BS want? Is this what they deserve? Isn't the truth always suppose to be the right thing to do?

 

If it is so right, why am I uncontrollably crying and wondering if I will ever hear from him again?

 

Why do I even still love him?

 

Making that call was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I pray I said the right things and was as respectful as I could be.

 

I've never been an OW, so I dont know how this is suppose to work???

 

Are there any other OW who have been through this? How did it work for you?

 

Are there any BS who have gotten this call? What was your response? How did things end up?

 

Please, I am tired of making mistakes...I want to do things right...no more supporting his lies...

 

I guess since I have called her, regardless if she calls me back or not the cat is out of the bag so to speak...

 

Will she call me back?

 

I dont want to call her again...I just dont feel that would be right...??? I dont know????

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liesandbetrayal

BS never called me. Perhaps her dinner party ran late and she thought I wouldn't be up? Or perhaps she is fighting with MM? Or perhaps she is not going to call me back????

 

I do not know? Any thoughts from those out there?

 

I texted MM since he isn't answering his cell phones or returning my messages left at work since I went into pre-term labor on the 19th. He doesn't know if our baby was born or not. I just told him they were trying to stop the labor they wanted me to stay pregnant at least a few weeks more, but they believed I definitely would not make it to my due date.

 

Anyway, I texted MM and told him I contacted BS, and what we briefly spoke about. And that I gave her my phone number and IF she calls me back that I will answer any and all of her questions with complete honesty.

 

Also, that if I did not hear from him by Sunday, Dec. 28th, that Monday morning I would be taking legal and public actions. So either way he will support his children on a regular basis.

 

I told him since he obviously has no idea what honesty is I took it upon myself to offer it to BS and myself. And now he has no choice but to either love me or let me go.

 

His options, by Sunday, Dec. 28th, if I hear from him are as follows:

 

A. He wants to keep things private, no court, no public humiliation of his family, name, legacy and he and I stay together.

 

B. We go to court, everything gets public, and his BS, grown children, stock holders, etc. get to know all his closet skeletons for the last several years. WIth the added bonus he loses me forever.

 

So, I will keep you posted as to what happens...

 

Has any other OW drawn such a line? How did it work out?

 

MOST IMPORTANTLY, HAVE I DONE THE RIGHT THING? I DONT KNOW?????

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LucreziaBorgia

His options, by Sunday, Dec. 28th, if I hear from him are as follows:

 

A. He wants to keep things private, no court, no public humiliation of his family, name, legacy and he and I stay together.

 

B. We go to court, everything gets public, and his BS, grown children, stock holders, etc. get to know all his closet skeletons for the last several years. WIth the added bonus he loses me forever.

 

 

I'm not sure why on earth you would include option A, or even consider it. He has made it perfectly clear where you and your children stand. I can understand if you still want to be with him and are willing to put yourself dead last in every way, but why would you damn your children to that fate?

 

You are making your children part of an affair, when the need to be part of a family - if not physically then legally. They are every bit entitled to his legacy as his other children.

 

They need to be legitimized, and taken care of legally and financially until they are of an age where they can take care of themselves. If you do it legally, you may lose your MM but you will be showing your children that they matter, and that if no one else will fight for them, you will.

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liesandbetrayal

I have not heard from MM or BS. So there is a deadline of Sun. Dec. 28th. If I dont hear from him then I go attorney and public, either way he will support his children.

 

I doubt that I will hear anything, do you????

 

So, my money is banking on atty and public?

 

He is going on the birth certificate of our new baby and I am having or other sons certificate amended.

 

So, if he thinks I am playing I think the cal to his wife made it clear I am not.

 

Do you think I will hear from either of them or should try to contact either of them again?

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L&B,

First you need to separate your role as his OW from his role as a father. He has a financial obligation to his sons to support them. Have your attorney file a suit for child support. I am not sure what country/state you live, but generally (in the US) a paternity suit is not a public spectacle.

 

You have already talked to the BS. You did what you felt needed to be done. But don't expect her to be your ally. She is going through a whirlwind of emotions.

 

He is not on a work trip, he's taking Christmas off with his family.

 

Going completely public, as in exposing him for what he is to his business partners, just isn't cool. You don't need to do that, you are hurting your boys.

 

And now as your role as the OW. I am sorry you are going through all of this, it must be very difficult. But you need to cut your ties from this man, don't you think? He has been maintaining a secret family for how many years now?

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liesandbetrayal

It mean I left him off our sons 1st birth certificate except for his place and date of birth. - thats why i want it amended so he has his fathers last name.

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liesandbetrayal

I am in US, but it will end up getting public. He will make this as nasty as possible he has already told me if I take him to court. So, based on that I am sure it will not stay quiet for long.

 

The law states when a parent is a high earner that he/she must provide up to the means of their living standard for their children. So, he will have to pay a substantial amount of support.

 

What does it mean that I have not heard back from BS? Why did she ask for my phone number?

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liesandbetrayal
L&B,

First you need to separate your role as his OW from his role as a father. He has a financial obligation to his sons to support them. Have your attorney file a suit for child support. I am not sure what country/state you live, but generally (in the US) a paternity suit is not a public spectacle.

 

You have already talked to the BS. You did what you felt needed to be done. But don't expect her to be your ally. She is going through a whirlwind of emotions.

 

He is not on a work trip, he's taking Christmas off with his family.

 

Going completely public, as in exposing him for what he is to his business partners, just isn't cool. You don't need to do that, you are hurting your boys.

 

And now as your role as the OW. I am sorry you are going through all of this, it must be very difficult. But you need to cut your ties from this man, don't you think? He has been maintaining a secret family for how many years now?

 

 

 

"First you need to separate your role as his OW from his role as a father. "

 

I am sure by calling his wife I have killed our relationship. As he always threatened such an act of betrayal on my part would end our relationship and his relationship with our children. And it would be my fault and I would have to explain why they do not have their father in their life. Basically, he always made me feel like its all my fault if he didnt see his children...and i should be ashamed for such an act.

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liesandbetrayal

Spoke to BS, now she says she knows who I am am supposably what I am after and not to contact her again to contact their attorney.

 

So, I will be getting attorney asap. Since it, I, refuse to be a secret anymore...

 

my now xMM of 3 years pursued me on a singles dating web site where he told me he was single, 41, not married, no children and his name was Adam.

 

I found out after I was pregnant in October 2006 what his real name was, real age, etc. He lied to me all that time, but by then I was in love with him and pregnant and couldn't leave.

 

He has threatened me off and on over the years about going to a lawyer and outing our relationship. But, I have had it with our second son! His wife knows now and obviously she doesn't care that we go to court and things are known.

 

The last time I was with him physically was Dec. 6th and the last time I saw him or spoke to him was Dec. 19th.

 

He was so wrong during my first pregnancy he forced me to go onto welfare because he refused to pay for his sons medical bills.

 

He has the means, he has everything, but his children have no security.

 

I guess that's what an attorney is for in the state of California.

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LakesideDream

One of the 400 richest men in the USA, Well, I'll bet you that's a first on LS. Surely explains how he could keep up his financial contributions.

 

Equal living standards? Hmmmmm is there a mansion in Beverly Hills in the OP's future? All of a sudden I don't really care.

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liesandbetrayal

Its not my living standard that is entitled to be increased but that of our sons. So, we will see. I just got off phone with attorney. He is contacting their attorney.

 

So, I guess it will be a fight in court!

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Sorry but this whole thing is just so disgusting and sordid. Those poor kids. Why did you have a child with him the second time...after you already knew what a liar he is?

 

Sure the money is for your sons but by increasing their standard of living won't yours be increased by default as well? Did you get pregnant twice for the money?

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liesandbetrayal

No, it was not intentional pregnancy...medications I was on made birth control ineffective. But I can not abort a child.

 

He demanded I do so with our first son and I told him no...well, actually, he talked me into going as far as the clinic and I couldnt go through with it.

 

He was livid when I told him, no, i couldnt do it.

 

None of it matters now...we will go to court, have paternity tests, and support ordered and that will be that. The boys will have their father's last name and if he chooses not to see them then that is on him.

 

I can not force him to see his children.

 

Dont believe everything you read about him...he is not the charitable wonderful man and father he makes himself out to be...and just because you dontate $65 million to a museum doesnt make you a good person!

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