Need a female point of view!

[papabear]

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago after 6 ½ years in the relationship (2yrs local, 3 ½yrs long distance, 1yr living together). She is now seeing a new guy at work after several weeks of online chatting at work, happy-hours, spontaneous text and emails since late September. Although there wasn’t anything physical(who knows!), she cheated on me by letting her self develop something new on the side at work. All these developments happened when we were still together. I did suspect something when she returned home at 230am one night from happy hour, but I didn’t have any proof to validate my suspicion. To make a long story short, she dumped me as soon as she realized that this guy likes her too. To add injury to insult, this guy is currently committed in a 4 year relationship and has bought a house together with his gf.

 

I need some feedback from a female point of view because I am clueless as to why she would do something like this. She tells me that I am the perfect boyfriend, caring, loving and everything else. And yet she returned my love and trust for her with disloyalty and betrayal. Everyone including her friends and family are expecting us to get married in 2009—and she knows that I am a great catch(looks, education, $$, great career). Why the change of heart?? I am her first, could this be it?

 

She said that she doesn’t love me as much as she used-to and the passion is gone. And the mere fact that she is attracted to someone else means there is a hole in our relationship! Wait, this is circular reasoning because she let herself develops something with other “committed” guys. Well, if I flirt and go out with some female co-worker all the time, I might feel the same way too—but I don’t because I am committed.

 

I also recently found out that she fell in love with a married co-worker back in 2006 despite their lack of involvement since she quit that job before 2007. And she also developed some feelings for another married man before the current guy she is seeing.

 

I am troubled by the patterns here as to why she would try to destroy people’s lives by getting involved with married or committed man.

[Owl]

You can't make sense out of the insensible.

 

WHY do you need to try to understand her?

 

Do you think that you'll be able to reconcile if you do so?

 

What's your goal/plan for the relationship?

[jwi71]

You won't like this...

 

Move on.

 

Stop thinking about her. Its OVER. Let it go. Let her go.

 

Honestly, based on the post, you should be thankful the lying, cheating, disrespectful wench is out of your life and some other sucker has to deal with her.

 

Move on.

 

And why does she pursue married men? She has no respect for marriage. Its that simple.

[Tarantula]

ok,a female replying you here .

 

 

 

Look,

listening to you one can think that in spite of everything being so great , she dumped you for someone ,and that someone plus to all troubles is committed and has 4 years` relationship ,and she is breaking his relationship now ..

 

The first reaction from all

you are expecting is *thumbs down* to your gf , scolding her and making you so high ...

 

 

But where is your gf ?

We need her explanations for all this now .

 

 

 

First - you need to consider a great chemistry between your gf and him , the other .

Second - if it was so easy to control one`s feelings , then there would have never been any break ups in any`s lives .

Third - did your gf consciously fall in love with a committed guy ? Is she insane ? If she is so insane, then why you were intending to marry her at all ? You had to notice her insanity long before .

 

I guess, she fell in love unconsciously ,without intentions ...

But her fault is to break two relationships - two people`s lives - to make herself happy .. she had to be Very much sure together with that guy to do that step of breaking these relationships ...

 

Anyway thank her that she broke with you now and not afterwards .

 

____________________________________

"I know what is Feeling to be a s*cker . Cos I felt it . I do not want you to feel same . But it would help you understand me once you felt same "

 

 

.......................Unknown

[papabear]

Look,

listening to you one can think that in spite of everything being so great , she dumped you for someone ,and that someone plus to all troubles is committed and has 4 years` relationship ,and she is breaking his relationship now ..

 

Third - did your gf consciously fall in love with a committed guy ? Is she insane ? If she is so insane, then why you were intending to marry her at all ? You had to notice her insanity long before .

 

Thanks for your feedback.

 

The guys she is currently seeing has no plans to break up with his gf. She said he is not happy with his gf, but she doesn't care about the outcome--so I guess my ex just want to be with him regardless if the guy leaves his gf.

 

No, I recently found out about her past infidelities. I moved coast-to-coast and started a new job close to where she is. I wouldn't have moved if I knew she had feeling for an married man, not to mention marrying this girl.

 

This is how I see it--regardless of her diminished loved for me or otherwise, she still cheated when we were very much in love(2006). What is so hurtful is that I did everything in this relationship and have given everything she ever wanted(we vacation a lot), so how can she say that she felt less for me while she never contributed in the partnership. She lives like a princess and saw all her wishes come true and yet she claims love is fading--f***ing brilliant!

[Fierce Grace]

U asked about the pattern and that it is truly a pattern ....my answer would be it just shows her inability or disinterest in commitment. she's looking for love but not the ties of commitment.. if ur involved with someone who is married or in a relationship u may not be looking to truly break them up especially in this sort of repeated pattern it's an easy way to get the love and affection u seek without having to deal with the pressure and pain of what may come from real relationships... ... u obviously care alot about her and despite what she's done still do even if u don't want her back ..... cus u don't just not love someone the next day but realize what's she's going through has nothing to do with u.. moving on is easier said than done so look for those things u've learned about yourself and about relationships and people for that matter to take with u in finding your next love interest.. maybe she lead u across the country to find the one u'll really be grow old with... so thank her for getting out the way so u can get on with the rest of your life..

[love-tard]

It sounds like she has really low self esteem and is looking for validation. Sometimes women go for "unattainable" men such as a married man, a boss or professor, etc. She already knows she's got all of your attention, but that obviously isn't enough. Either way, she is definatly immature and doesn't need to be getting married. You should probably move on.