yours truly Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Had been having an EA for the past 2 years. MM always wanted it to be physical but I did not want to do that because I am married as well. Recently he asked again for relationship to be physical but again I told him I couldn't. He has stopped all contact with me without the courtesy of saying that this is the reason. He even stopped showing up at a studio where we were partnerns in a particular sport. Long story short, after 4 weeks of NC which I have gone through the emotions and getting to a place where I am beginning to accept, he came to the studio. He came over kissed me on the cheek and said Hi stranger how are you and the family doing. I smiled and answered we are all doing ok. He mentioned that my daughters b/day is coming up soon. I continued doing what I was doing and he did his thing. It was time for me to leave so I noticed he positioned himself close to the exit where I had no choice to say something. I smiled and I said take care. Was I too nice to him or should I have been more distant Should I have said something to him about being a coward? Though it still hurts and I am working on getting over him I did not want to give him the impression that what he did was bothering me. Did I do the right thing? Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherD Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Hey YT This is cause for concern Should I have said something to him about being a coward? You been in an EA for two years. You have put the brakes on this realationship i.e. no sex. I'll assume you are not leaving your marriage anytime soon. Yet it sounds like if the option were there you would continue the relationship... On your terms of course Who exactly is the coward here? You have clearly stated your terms. He has now let you know his terms by getting out of the picture. You know why he's AWOL. You dont need an explanation. If you like him and want to be with him. Make a decision. If not, respect his decision to move on. I hope Im not being harsh but Im on the other end of a situation like yours and its MADDENING when the feelings are there, the desire is there, the intimacy is there yet one partner refuses to budge. The only thing to do for the partner who is not getting what they want is to opt out... Your post was interesting because even though you say you dont want it to move forward, you are obviously "spun" over this and are thinking about him alot. If you didnt care you would have chalked this meeting up as a big fat "Oh Well..." and not posted it here... There is a saying "who ever cares less is in control.." Maybe you arent in control anymore and that bugs you. For all OP's out there take note, NC is the best way to neutralize the control issues that we all face when they wont make a decision... Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 How was he being a coward? He was meeting your needs and you failed to meet his. So he dumped you. How is he being a coward? This all about meeting the needs of others. And you haven't. Meet them or move on. And maybe that requires you to tell him "it's over" and switch gyms. Alternatively you can begin meeting his needs. But before you go any further in betraying your H, divorce him. He isn't meeting your needs so its ok to divorce and move on to this guy (or another). Link to post Share on other sites
LavendarGirl Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 YT, What is it exactly that you want from MM? You called it quits on the A, he had the right to go NC on you. But it sounds like you feel jilted for something when you were the one to put on the brakes. I agree with jwi71, you might want to re-evaluate your M and divorce him if you discover your marriage isn't salvagable. --LG Link to post Share on other sites
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