Jump to content

Unbelievable - I Am So Shocked!


xxxheartbrokenxxx

Recommended Posts

xxxheartbrokenxxx

I have heard from a very reliable source that the MM that I was involved with over the summer has now moved to a city thousands of miles away, the other side of the world with his wife and family after moving them to this area for just 5 months!

 

Had I not recently got it on with another guy I would have been much more upset by the latest news than I already am.

 

If you look at my thread from a few weeks back you will see that he called me for the first time in 4 months trying to sugar coat the fact he wanted to meet me for a hook up, saying he just called to see how I was. That was the first contact since July and the last I heard from him.

That may have been his way of saying goodbye to me without actually saying it or telling me he was moving!

 

Im very shocked and finding it hard to come to terms with the fact I will never see him again - despite the pain he caused me he was still someone I loved deeply and was a big part of my life not so long ago.

Also very offended that he didnt even have the decency to tell me he was going (I mean this must have been on the cards for years) and not say goodbye.

 

Oh and the city he has moved to is one of the most glamerous places in the world so he really is living the dream.

Urgh.

Link to post
Share on other sites

... But doesn't this just make it easier to completely let go?

 

he's gone.

Waaaaaaaaay gone.

Out of your life.

he obviously took it to NC and decided when all was said and done, to live his life and (literally) move on.

 

Do the same.

you have a new guy.

Be 100% with him, not partially distant.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
... But doesn't this just make it easier to completely let go?

 

he's gone.

Waaaaaaaaay gone.

Out of your life.

he obviously took it to NC and decided when all was said and done, to live his life and (literally) move on.

 

Do the same.

you have a new guy.

Be 100% with him, not partially distant.

 

Hi Geisha

 

Unfortunately I don't have a new guy, I slept with a friend a few weeks ago and hoped for more but the guy doesnt want to take things any further with me due to his own personal issues. If he was now my boyfriend then this latest discovery wouldn't have hurt me. However it would have caused me alot more pain than it already has had I not had this other guy as a distraction for the last few weeks.

 

I know everyone is probably thinking it's great that the MM is now out of my life for good but the thing is - I never did have closure from him. He cut me out of his life suddenly with no explanation after a brief liason on 25th July and no contact was made by either of us until he called me randomly on a witheld number on 24th November.

 

So its the fact that I wasn't given any closure at all ever and didn't even get the chance to say goodbye that I'm hurting. I mean why didn't he tell me they were moving to the other side of the world when he called me? If I hadnt found out via the reliable source I would never have even known, ever.

 

I didnt see this coming - especially after he moved his wife and 4 kids to this area in June (we were roommates which is how we met, he worked and lived here Mon-Fri then commuted home to W&K at weekends), what was the point in uprooting them for 5 months only to move again, this time thousands of miles away?!

 

I just cannot take it in.

Link to post
Share on other sites
... But doesn't this just make it easier to completely let go?

 

he's gone.

Waaaaaaaaay gone.

Out of your life.

he obviously took it to NC and decided when all was said and done, to live his life and (literally) move on.

 

Do the same.

you have a new guy.

Be 100% with him, not partially distant.

agreed 100%! Seems to me him moving like that just shows he's moved on.

 

You've been given a gift here. Stop worrying about how great his life is and make your own life great. You're the only one that can do that.

 

and closure is just an excuse. The MW I was seeing stopped contact just like that. No closure, nothing. Read my threads if you don't believe me. You got a phone call from him later on. Just like I did. That was your closure. You just have to accept it and move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
agreed 100%! Seems to me him moving like that just shows he's moved on.

 

You've been given a gift here. Stop worrying about how great his life is and make your own life great. You're the only one that can do that.

 

You're right about making my own life great, I know only I can do that. However I really dont think he moved to escape memories of me - that's too extreme! He has had connections with this foreign city since his teens and used to go there on holiday frequently so he may have dreamed of living there for a long time. I think he's probably made enough money to retire and has done - in a glamorous location!

 

It makes me sick though, he must have known about this move for years, therefore even whilst having an affair with me during the summer. Yet he was saying he didn't love his wife anymore, didnt know what to do about it, whether to walk out on her etc and now this! I mean things couldn't have been that bad because now he really is stuck with her!

Link to post
Share on other sites
You're right about making my own life great, I know only I can do that. However I really dont think he moved to escape memories of me - that's too extreme! He has had connections with this foreign city since his teens and used to go there on holiday frequently so he may have dreamed of living there for a long time. I think he's probably made enough money to retire and has done - in a glamorous location!

 

It makes me sick though, he must have known about this move for years, therefore even whilst having an affair with me during the summer. Yet he was saying he didn't love his wife anymore, didnt know what to do about it, whether to walk out on her etc and now this! I mean things couldn't have been that bad because now he really is stuck with her!

I understand your pain. I've been there. The MW I was seeing was supposed to be leaving her husband in 8 days when she just stopped communicating with me. Period. I knew NOTHING for EIGHT months. She tried getting in contact at the 8 month NC mark, but I wouldn't let her. I took that as my closure.

 

Like you said, he called you probably knowing he was leaving and it was his way of saying goodbye. He obviously cares about you at some level, even now. You just have to try sucking it up and taking it for what it is.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but I'm happy he left nonetheless. You'll be able to now heal even if you don't see it. Again, I know you don't see it NOW, but you're a success story waiting to happen, girl.:)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that he is the type of man to do exactly what he did with you. He wooed you and got into your bed during the week because he was bored and you were available while he was apart from his family.

 

He didn't tell you about their moving because he didn't want you to know. I am not sure if he was afraid you would boil his children's bunnies, or if he just wasn't interested in sharing his personal marital business with you, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. He didn't tell you, and that's that.

 

The end of a long painful chapter for you, and hopefully you have learned a lot about yourself from it and have used it to grow.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
I understand your pain. I've been there. The MW I was seeing was supposed to be leaving her husband in 8 days when she just stopped communicating with me. Period. I knew NOTHING for EIGHT months. She tried getting in contact at the 8 month NC mark, but I wouldn't let her. I took that as my closure.

 

Like you said, he called you probably knowing he was leaving and it was his way of saying goodbye. He obviously cares about you at some level, even now. You just have to try sucking it up and taking it for what it is.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but I'm happy he left nonetheless. You'll be able to now heal even if you don't see it. Again, I know you don't see it NOW, but you're a success story waiting to happen, girl.:)

 

DH - There's just no pain like it is there???

 

But I just dont get why he would call me yet not actually tell me he was going or say goodbye. If you look at the thread from about 2 weeks ago you will see that I mentioned he made a couple of innuendos during the call yet didnt suggest a meeting and people on here thought he was waiting for me to suggest a hook up. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should have asked him to come over, not for a liason but just a chat then perhaps he would have told me the news. Now he has gone. For good. I missed the one chance he gave me to suggest meeting up. I will never have answers now.

 

But thank you for the kind words, I hope life will get better for me asap!

Link to post
Share on other sites
DH - I missed the one chance he gave me to suggest meeting up. I will never have answers now.

Stop looking at it that way!

 

It's very likely that any answers he gave would STILL leave you with questions. When you've finally made it through this, remember: you will NOT CARE what the answers were, or are. You simply won't care anymore.

 

And I wouldn't be surprised if when he called he intended to tell you but then just couldn't do it. Being a man, I know our nature and he probably pussed out when push came to shove.

 

And yes the pain does SUCK. But I promise you will be stronger for it. You'll be PROUD of yourself for having made it through. None of the other crap will matter. I promise.:) Just give it some time and try and stop the thoughts of regret in the meantime.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
I think that he is the type of man to do exactly what he did with you. He wooed you and got into your bed during the week because he was bored and you were available while he was apart from his family.

 

He didn't tell you about their moving because he didn't want you to know. I am not sure if he was afraid you would boil his children's bunnies, or if he just wasn't interested in sharing his personal marital business with you, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. He didn't tell you, and that's that.

 

The end of a long painful chapter for you, and hopefully you have learned a lot about yourself from it and have used it to grow.

 

He was always a very dark horse - very cryptic whenever I asked him anything about himself, despite the fact I had an emotional affair with him for over a year then it turned physical during his last month of being my roommate before he moved the fam here, I actually know very little about him.

 

I dont know anything about his latest move other than the fact that he went within the last 2 weeks and the location, but I dont have a clue why he moved or if he plans to live there for good.

 

Short of him coming back here to live one day then yes this really is over for good now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should have asked him to come over, not for a liason but just a chat then perhaps he would have told me the news. Now he has gone. For good. I missed the one chance he gave me to suggest meeting up. I will never have answers now.

 

But thank you for the kind words, I hope life will get better for me asap!

 

Answers to what? And what makes you think he would have answered anything, or been honest about what he said?

 

It never fails to amaze me when OW KNOW that he lies to and deceives his wife, yet believe that MM would be honest with them. He's a practiced liar! He's good at it! He lies to serve his own purposes! And he'd lie to you and deceive you as easily as he does to his wife!

 

Don't feel like you missed out on anything - just more lies.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
Stop looking at it that way!

 

It's very likely that any answers he gave would STILL leave you with questions. When you've finally made it through this, remember: you will NOT CARE what the answers were, or are. You simply won't care anymore.

 

And I wouldn't be surprised if when he called he intended to tell you but then just couldn't do it. Being a man, I know our nature and he probably pussed out when push came to shove.

 

And yes the pain does SUCK. But I promise you will be stronger for it. You'll be PROUD of yourself for having made it through. None of the other crap will matter. I promise.:) Just give it some time and try and stop the thoughts of regret in the meantime.

 

You are probably right about the question thing - whenever we have talked about serious stuff before he has always been so cryptic - leaving me with more questions!!!

 

And yes perhaps he was worried how I would react to this after I had a breakdown when he moved out of here to move the fam to this area in June so maybe chose not to tell me, not that he cares about my feelings though. Perhaps worried I may try to upset his applecart or something.

 

Maybe it was for the best that we didn't meet face to face as I would have been tempted to go to bed with him as well, if I had done that then discovered this it could have been alot worse for me emotionally.

 

Again thank you for the positivity! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
You are probably right about the question thing - whenever we have talked about serious stuff before he has always been so cryptic - leaving me with more questions!!!

 

This is why you need to make your own closure. No matter what he could have said, still wouldn't have been enough to give you complete closure.

 

Stay strong, live your life and don't look backwards...Don't go looking for information about him from mutual friends, online or elsewhere. HE is out of your life and not worth thinking about it..He didn't think of letting you know he was moving far away, so don't waste anymore energy on him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
Answers to what? And what makes you think he would have answered anything, or been honest about what he said?

 

It never fails to amaze me when OW KNOW that he lies to and deceives his wife, yet believe that MM would be honest with them. He's a practiced liar! He's good at it! He lies to serve his own purposes! And he'd lie to you and deceive you as easily as he does to his wife!

 

Don't feel like you missed out on anything - just more lies.

 

I know he is a total liar and put me through hell over the summer but he was still a big part of my life and someone I loved deeply not so long ago.

 

I just wish I could have had the chance to say goodbye.:(

Link to post
Share on other sites
I just wish I could have had the chance to say goodbye.

 

After 5 months of NC it could be possible he decided it would be best and easier on both of you NOT to say goodbye, seeing as you were in NC mode anyway..Just another way of looking at it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
This is why you need to make your own closure. No matter what he could have said, still wouldn't have been enough to give you complete closure.

 

Stay strong, live your life and don't look backwards...Don't go looking for information about him from mutual friends, online or elsewhere. HE is out of your life and not worth thinking about it..He didn't think of letting you know he was moving far away, so don't waste anymore energy on him.

 

WWIU - You are absolutely right. I think I was actually doing OK with moving on but then I had the sudden call from him at the end of November, now I hear this!!!

 

Just stirred up the old feelings a little - but hopefully only temporarily.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
After 5 months of NC it could be possible he decided it would be best and easier on both of you NOT to say goodbye, seeing as you were in NC mode anyway..Just another way of looking at it.

 

But what I dont get is why he called me that time yet didnt tell me anything about his latest news. I'm just trying to work out what he achieved by calling me. At the time everyone on here thought he was hoping I would suggest a hook up but now I'm not so sure. He is the most secretive man I have ever met. I will never know why he called.

Link to post
Share on other sites
But I just dont get why he would call me yet not actually tell me he was going or say goodbye. If you look at the thread from about 2 weeks ago you will see that I mentioned he made a couple of innuendos during the call yet didnt suggest a meeting and people on here thought he was waiting for me to suggest a hook up. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should have asked him to come over, not for a liason but just a chat then perhaps he would have told me the news. Now he has gone. For good. I missed the one chance he gave me to suggest meeting up. I will never have answers now.

 

(((hb)))

Honey, I think you're interpretting this all wrong. I really do.

 

He wasn't calling you to say goodbye. He was calling your for a final hookup. And I don't for one second think he would have told you he was moving, even if you had slept with him! He was going for one final shot at conquesting you, that's all.

 

Fortunately, dear girl, you smarted up since he'd abandoned you the first round and didn't hook up with him. Imagine how much WORSE you'd be feeling now if you had. :eek:

 

That script running in your head is all wrong. He wasn't giving you a final good bye. You didn't blow your chance at hearing his final words of love. His life isn't glamorous. It's the same sh*t, different city.

 

You dodged a bullet, sister! Thank your lucky stars he moved away. Now, when you find yourself wondering when he'll call or run into you next, you can put it to rest. This may hurt now as the final bits of hope are ripped away from grasping fingers, but it's going to help you heal SO much faster. Please consider that the story might really be that God was doing for you what you could not do for yourself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
(((hb)))

Honey, I think you're interpretting this all wrong. I really do.

 

He wasn't calling you to say goodbye. He was calling your for a final hookup. And I don't for one second think he would have told you he was moving, even if you had slept with him! He was going for one final shot at conquesting you, that's all.

 

Fortunately, dear girl, you smarted up since he'd abandoned you the first round and didn't hook up with him. Imagine how much WORSE you'd be feeling now if you had. :eek:

 

That script running in your head is all wrong. He wasn't giving you a final good bye. You didn't blow your chance at hearing his final words of love. His life isn't glamorous. It's the same sh*t, different city.

 

You dodged a bullet, sister! Thank your lucky stars he moved away. Now, when you find yourself wondering when he'll call or run into you next, you can put it to rest. This may hurt now as the final bits of hope are ripped away from grasping fingers, but it's going to help you heal SO much faster. Please consider that the story might really be that God was doing for you what you could not do for yourself.

 

Yeah I think that is true - he was hoping for a liason not a chat, however I'm kinda regretting not asking him to come round anyway just to see what happened - you know when you think what might have been? Now I'm just powerless to do anything about it.

 

But you're right - I would have been alot more upset than this if we had have met. To think he would have just happily had sex with me then left me out in the cold, this time for good. Oh and not even told me he was moving thousands of miles away but left me wondering where he is. Words fail me.

 

Im also grateful that I did get it on with another guy recently as that has helped me move forward even though nothing further happened with him. I was hurt over that for a bit cos I really liked him alot which took my mind off the MM. But then the MM stirred up my old feelings, first by the sudden call, then by hearing this news. I would have been in alot more pain than this though if I hadn't had the distraction of trying to get the new guy interested in me.

 

Thank you for the advice WS! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, I am not sure what kind of closure you could expect from a guy like this.

 

He slept with you during the week and went home to play dutiful husband and father on the weekends. He was never going to leave his wife- it was a sexual experience for him. He betrayed her, and he used you. Not a noble human being right?

 

You said so yourself that he was secretive and cryptic... But that shouldn't come as a surprise as he was betraying his wife!

 

I am not sure what answers you'd expect to have from him.

 

Whatever explanations he has for moving have to do with him and his family- nothing to do with you.... so what answer are you looking for?

 

I think it's best he's gone. Here is your closure: HE'S AN ASS!!

There are no words or answers that will change anything at all. That is why you should work on reconciling that he's a jerkoff and do your best to move forward from the whole experience.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
Honestly, I am not sure what kind of closure you could expect from a guy like this.

 

He slept with you during the week and went home to play dutiful husband and father on the weekends. He was never going to leave his wife- it was a sexual experience for him. He betrayed her, and he used you. Not a noble human being right?

 

You said so yourself that he was secretive and cryptic... But that shouldn't come as a surprise as he was betraying his wife!

 

I am not sure what answers you'd expect to have from him.

 

Whatever explanations he has for moving have to do with him and his family- nothing to do with you.... so what answer are you looking for?

 

I think it's best he's gone. Here is your closure: HE'S AN ASS!!

There are no words or answers that will change anything at all. That is why you should work on reconciling that he's a jerkoff and do your best to move forward from the whole experience.

 

 

What answers did I expect?

 

I guess, knowing what I know now - that hes moved far far away - I would have liked him to have at least told me he was going and to say goodbye. Thats all. Im just in pieces that he couldn't even find it in his heart to just let me know.

 

Of course in the long run this is for the best, its just that right now Im still in shock after finding out.

 

Hes a nasty bit of work. :mad:

Link to post
Share on other sites

He is a nasty bit of work and if he had wanted to share his leaving with you he would have told you over the phone. Its easy I just wanted to see how you are. I am moving to x in a few weeks.

 

His actions are cruel. Cruel to call you after so long KNOWING he was leaving and not saying a word to you about it.

 

All seeing him would have done is bring you more heartache. If he didnt give you answers in all your time together you werent going to get them now.

 

But changing your focus is crucial. HE is not the prize and never was. He is the one who missed out on a life with you. You didnt miss anything by not seeing that nasty piece of work one more time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
xxxheartbrokenxxx
He is a nasty bit of work and if he had wanted to share his leaving with you he would have told you over the phone. Its easy I just wanted to see how you are. I am moving to x in a few weeks.

 

His actions are cruel. Cruel to call you after so long KNOWING he was leaving and not saying a word to you about it.

 

All seeing him would have done is bring you more heartache. If he didnt give you answers in all your time together you werent going to get them now.

 

But changing your focus is crucial. HE is not the prize and never was. He is the one who missed out on a life with you. You didnt miss anything by not seeing that nasty piece of work one more time.

 

Cruel to call you after so long KNOWING he was leaving and not saying a word to you about it.

I just dont get why he did this!!!

 

But changing your focus is crucial. HE is not the prize and never was. He is the one who missed out on a life with you. You didnt miss anything by not seeing that nasty piece of work one more time

I'm sure I will realize this in time although I have improved - had this happened a few months back I dont know how I would have coped.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Its always harder to decipher the actions of people who are totally narcissistic and/or otherwise emotionally challenged. They simply dont behave the way you expect normal people to behave.

 

But the good news is he is gone now. If he calls you in 6 months "just to say hi" (e.g. because he is back in town for one reason or another) you can block the call or hang up. Curiousity killed the cat just like it is killing your spirit.

 

As WS said, you dodged a bullet on this one. And you have done so well and gotten so much stronger over the past few months. You should be very proud of yourself.

 

In a few weeks it will be a new year. Fresh start and all of this will be last years news...

Link to post
Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher

Come on Broken Hearted, think like this man and all the answers fall in place. If you can't do so then let me fill you in on what was about to happen ...

 

The word NO was not going to be an issue on his 3rd and final chance for he was coming prepared. If you would have invited him around to your place he would have immediately taken you out for drinks. During the course of the evening he would have slipped you his special "cocktail" to render you incapacitated. This time around you would have been defenseless to his advances and all that's wicked this way comes would be coming at you ALL NIGHT LONG!

 

Yep, you dodged a bullet of gigantic proportions just by listening to your sixth sense this time so give yourself a big "WHEW", rub your hands in glee, and get on your knees to thank god you didn't have to experience this circle of hell for it would be years before you recovered even with intensive therapy!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...